


Monochromatic Hearts

by greensooshi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Romance, Slow Burn, no but seriously if u can't take slow burn pls don't read
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-03-20 08:42:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 118,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13714095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greensooshi/pseuds/greensooshi
Summary: Knocking up a non-celebrity is definitely not included in the list of records Jongin wants to break.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Monochromatic Hearts](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14013840) by [Joonist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joonist/pseuds/Joonist)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also crossposted on aff under the same username!
> 
> Twitter : @tinysooshi

 

Sweat beads roll down the side of his face and neck, his bangs plastered to his forehead. Still, he’s putting the most dazzling smile with all his straight teeth, even when his whole body is profusely sweating underneath his skintight leather pants and sheer blouse showcasing his well sculpted muscles. 

 

The arena is deafening with the fan screams, bouncing off the walls and if it wasn’t for the high technology sound system, the music would’ve totally been buried. Thousands of stars illuminated the place courtesy of the fanlights.

 

A capitalized KIM KAI in electric blue is displayed on the LED screen, and Jongin bows to every side of the arena, waving and mouthing a thank you to all his fans that are present there. He still waves to them on his way to backstage, listening to the fans cry of already having missed him.

 

Five years into his idol career, Kim Jongin, or well known as his stage name Kim Kai, has completed his fourth world tour with this last stop. Award winning young man and record breaking here and there, he slowly becomes the adored talented idol and is often flaunted for it. The nation’s jewel in the entertainment industry, or so to say.

 

Internally, Jongin is very much elated to be away from all this loudness. It was starting to make his ears ring.

 

-

 

“Kim Kai, successfully completes his fourth tour ‘Rise’ at SM Arena last night”

[Photo]

Source : Daily Entertainment via Naber

 

1\. [+2,355, -376] Well done on another successful tour!! You can rest and eat lots of good food now~

2\. [+1,843, -220] Wow, that photo looks so unreal… Our Jongin is literally shining on that stage

3\. [+1042, -102] I heard he juggled between his tour and his drama filming at the same time. He’s a hard worker indeed

4\. [+750, -87] The whole arena really lights up. It’s like a whole new world in that arena. His fans are amazing

5\. [+423, -40] Even after five years, he looks so sincere on stage. To another successful year together, Kim Kai!!

 

 

“South Korea’s top idol Kim Kai wraps up his fourth tour at SM Arena”

[Photo]

Source : Music News via Nade

 

1\. [+639, -271] Congratulations, Kim Kai! God-tier visuals as always~

2\. [+411, -140] Wow, his makeup is really thick in that photo…. And look at all that sweat…. A bit gross

3\. [+204, -168] I saw someone on Twitter said the seats weren’t even completely filled out

4\. [+157, -153] Crazy fangirls, he was half-assing most of his performances. I watched some fancams and it was really cringe-worthy

5\. [+102, -73] Flop-dol

 

 

-

 

Jongin scrolls through the news site, his free hand holding his protein shake, as he tsks at some of these hate comments.

 

“Did you expect me to be all dry skinned after all that jumping and yelling? Damn, antis gotta chill.” Jongin grumbles, sipping onto his shake. 

 

“Hey Jongin, I placed your earphones on the coffee table. Don’t lose them.” Junmyeon informs him, walking to and fro in the room with one hand reading something from his phone and another bringing their luggages to the other side of the room so as not to block paths.

 

“Sure.” He answers. His long term manager, Kim Junmyeon is also his childhood friend, whom he’s known since his predebut days. The company almost casted him to train under them, but Junmyeon was fairly adamant about not wanting to be under all that spotlight. Even when coerced, Junmyeon only responded with ‘If Jongin debuts, let me be his manager.’ Not that their friendship was deep before, but they’re pretty much comfortable with each other that Jongin doesn’t mind being nagged at by him.

 

He closes the news site and lurks on Twitter next, going to his fansites’ accounts to see if there are any good photos of him. He saves those which he thinks might make for a good wallpaper for his tablet and phone. When the exhaustion finally registers in his muscles, he goes over to the bathroom to wash up, but not before putting on his favourite playlist. The music blares through his bluetooth speakers he received as a birthday gift from one of his fansites.

 

“Not so loud, Jongin! I’m on the phone!” Junmyeon shouts from the kitchen. Jongin turns the volume down a bit, humming while brushing his teeth. “And don’t leave the toothpaste in the sink!”

 

“Mrmh!” Jongin answers. Once finished with all his facial skincare routines, he goes back for his phone and turns off the speakers, considering snapping a bare-faced photo to upload on his Instagram until he decides not to because he has a huge pimple on his chin.

 

Just as he slips in his bed, Junmyeon appears with an outstretched hand gripping on his phone. Jongin raises an eyebrow.

 

Junmyeon urges for him to take the phone. “It’s Jongdae. Said he wants to talk to you.”

 

“Jongdae? What for?” Confused, he puts the ringer against his ear, watching as Junmyeon folds his arms and observes Jongin like a hawk. “Hello?”

 

“Jongin?”

 

“Yeah it’s me. What’s wrong?” It’s weird. Jongdae is Sehun’s manager, who is also Jongin’s best friend and is under the same company, but debuted a year later than him. He’s never had the need to talk to Jongdae before. They are as good as colleagues who go about their own business.

 

“Okay, listen up kid- no, let me talk to him!” Jongin hears a voice shouting from the other side of the line. “You know Kyungsoo, right? Do Kyungsoo? Hey, stop it—”

 

There’s a rustling sound until a pant is heard from the other side, huffing. “Hey pal, it’s me, your man Sehun.” He chuckles a bit awkwardly.

 

“Oh hey dude. What’s the fuss? I thought you were filming?”

 

“Yeah, no, it was over about an hour ago.” Sehun says, then takes a long while to say whatever he wants to say. “Uhhh, your manager says you’re free tomorrow and the day after that. Do you think you can make it to the SM building once you touchdown tomorrow afternoon?”

 

“That urgent? Dude, what happened? Tell me.”

 

There’s another sound of people bickering in the background until Sehun comes on the line again. “See you, Jongin!” And just like that, he hangs up.

 

He looks up at Junmyeon then, all sorts of confusion painting his face as he hands the phone back to him. Junmyeon purses his lips, his eyebrows knotted together. Jongin knows that expression, it is pure stress. He hasn’t seen that expression since the last time when Jongin almost lost his passport 20 minutes prior to boarding a flight to Hong Kong, and it was the last flight that night and Jongin had a concert scheduled the next evening.

 

“Jongdae told you something, right?” Jongin begins, his voice small. “That bad?”

 

Junmyeon only raises both his eyebrows, as if to say ‘we’ll see’.

 

-

 

Jongin releases a particularly huge yawn, covering it with his phone as he walks down the passage along the arrivals section. Shutters upon shutters are heard, snapping his photos as he touches down their home country. Still somewhat sleepy from the brief nap in the flight, Jongin manages a small wave to the sea of fangirls. He knows some of them are his fansites.

 

Junmyeon places a protective hand around his shoulders when the crowd begins to thicken, narrowing their path even after being surrounded by the group of bodyguards. Even when phones and cameras are shoved in his face, Jongin maintains his smile, not wanting the same article about his cold behaviour towards his fans to be up on the news site like a year ago.

 

When they finally reach his car, Jongin gives one small wave before getting in and releasing a huge sigh. He waits for Junmyeon to get on the other side of the car before asking for a bottle of water.

 

“You cool?” Junmyeon asks after telling the driver to go to the company building instead of Jongin’s apartment.

 

Jongin nods, leaning back in his seat and shutting his eyes close. “Gonna catch a quick nap.”

 

“I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”

 

-

 

When Jongin steps out of the car, he isn’t surprised to see a group of girls waiting outside the building with their phones out. They do look surprised to see Jongin there, though, since they thought he would be resting at his place before resuming recording and practicing for his new album. Shortly after, the whole group directs their phones to get even a second of footage of Jongin entering the building and closely followed by his manager behind him.

 

“Are they here already?” Jongin asks, eyes trained on his phone distractedly. The flip flops are loud against the tiled floor, and Jongin knows he isn’t very presentable for any sort of official meeting, in which he hopes isn’t the case.

 

“Yeah, said to be there at Vocal Room 3.” Junmyeon says.

 

“No one’s using the room?”

 

“Not for today, no.”

 

Jongin frowns. “Why not just meet up at the lounge or something? Mr. Sooman didn’t invest in all those lounges for nothing.”

 

“I think they don’t want to catch any passerby’s attention. Rumors spread fast among the trainees and staffs here. They might think you and Sehun are collaborating or something.”

 

Jongin frowns. “What’s wrong with that?”

 

“Nothing. Just- walk, Jongin.”

 

-

 

Peeking into the glass window on the door, he can see four figures in there. Sehun is standing near the upright piano against the wall, and his manager Jongdae is crossing his arms, standing near the couch. Seated on the couch, though, are two different people Jongin least expects to be there.

 

Junmyeon goes ahead and knocks on the door, prompting Jongin to pull away from peeking and stay behind Junmyeon as they make their way inside.

 

“Jongin! Did you have a nice flight?” Sehun says, his voice strangely chirpy than usual, and Jongin’s a bit uncomfortable.

 

“Sehun, dude what’s up? You don’t have recording today?”

 

“Nope.” Sehun says, eyeing the two people seated on the couch. Jongin follows the gaze and bows slightly in greeting, and is returned in a similar manner.

 

Jongdae then decides to speak up. “Hey, Junmyeon, thanks for making it.” Junmyeon gestures with a no problem before giving him a questioning look, mirroring Jongin’s one. Jongdae seems less agitated compared to the call last night. 

 

Sehun motions to the two other people. “You already know my stylist and make up artist, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo.”

 

“Sure…” Jongin says, puzzled as to why they are even there with them. Truth be told, he didn’t even remember their names and probably wouldn’t if it weren’t for Sehun.

 

“Yeah, well, um,” Sehun starts, looking between the two people and then back at Jongin anxiously.

 

“Sehun, you’re scaring me. Spill it.” Jongin says, uneasy. Even Junmyeon looks uncomfortable there. The air is tense in Vocal Room 3.

 

Just as Sehun is about to speak, Jongdae intervenes. “We all went to the workshop in Hawaii, 3 weeks ago. We were all there, right?”

 

“…Yes?” Jongin answers, not knowing where this is heading. 

 

“Did you attend the after party?”

 

Jongin would’ve been crazy not to. “I… did.”

 

“Were you smashed?”

 

“Jongdae, can’t we—” Sehun cuts in.

 

“No, let me.” Jongdae says firmly. He knows Sehun is the more soft-hearted one, so he probably couldn’t do the talk properly without feeling guilty. “Were you drunk, Jongin?”

 

Jongin looks over his shoulder, as if asking Junmyeon for help, but the guy’s only giving him a ‘answer him’ look. Unhelpful little shit. “I think so.”

 

“Do you remember hooking up with someone?”

 

At that, the entire room lapses into a tense silence. Jongin flushes, but continues to answer in a steady voice. “I might have. I don’t know. It was 3 weeks ago, and I was most probably smashed. Why?”

 

“Try to remember, Jongin.” Sehun steps in, his voice much less accusing than Jongdae’s, but still, Jongin can feel he’s being cornered. “It would be more helpful that way, for now at least.”

 

Staring at Sehun helplessly, Jongin really tries to dig into his memories for anything. Anything. It’s hard because he has schedules left and right and the scenes have been quite vague, almost nonexistent. If he remembers waking up with a hangover in a hotel room, it might be at Hawaii, or it might be at Tokyo, or even Manila. Nothing stands out in particular, at least none of which involves waking up with someone else on his bed. He does remember waking up because Junmyeon threw his towel at him, frustrated since Jongin’s not an easy waker, but otherwise, nothing much.

 

Jongin knows he’s a lightweight, so if anything happens when he’s drinking, fat chances are that he wouldn’t be able to remember it the morning after, not when he has to get ready for another schedule.

 

“I really don’t recall anything.” Jongin shakes his head, earning a series of sighs in the room. “What happened in Hawaii? Is there a murder or something?”

 

He notices the worried glances thrown his way by the two people on the couch, but Jongin’s attention is on both Jongdae and Sehun, that is until they both look over at the couch.

 

“Would you like to tell him?” Sehun asks. Jongin’s unsure who it’s directed to.

 

Then, he sees it, a nod from one of them. It’s from the smaller of the two, Sehun’s makeup artist. He stands up, his bangs obscuring his eyebrows and Jongin can barely tell how large his eyes are. He doesn’t give a lavish aura despite his job as a makeup artist, but Jongin thinks his outfit is okay.

 

He bows first, obviously flustered since they hardly know each other except for their jobs. They all watch him, and Jongin can tell he looks uncomfortable with all the attention. 

 

“We, um,” This Kyungsoo guy gestures to both of them, before clasping his hands together in a fidgeting manner. 

 

“I’m… I’m pregnant.”

 

Jongin is so, so confused, but he can’t will his heartbeat to slow down. “Okay?”

 

“With your child. I think.”

 

Jongin stares at him, long and hard, before letting out a snort. “You almost got me there. I saw that.” He then turns to Junmyeon. “Hey Junmyeon, where’s the hidden camera?”

 

“This isn’t a prank, Jongin.” It’s Jongdae who says this, and all blood drains from Jongin’s face.

 

He turns to see this Kyungsoo guy who’s fiddling with the edges of his sleeves, eyes downcast. Unconsciously, Jongin’s gaze lowers down to his clothed stomach, before looking away. He clears his throat amidst the hanging silence. “In Hawaii?”

 

“In Hawaii.” Kyungsoo nods a little.

 

“How do you know it’s me? Did you remember?” Jongin’s surprised that his voice is still steady, but the pale of his face and the erratic heartbeats in his chest say otherwise. _This can’t be happening._

 

“I didn’t remember how we ended up having…” He trails off, but everyone understands what he’s trying to say. “But I, uh, I do remember waking up with the… pain.”

 

“The CCTVs showed you two entering the men’s room at the same time, but after an hour or so, only you came out of it. Kyungsoo didn’t come out until Baekhyun came in to find him.” Jongdae explains, already taking out his phone to show him, but Jongin holds out a hand to say no.

 

“No, wait, I refuse to see it until you can confirm that is really my child.” Jongin says firmly, pointing an accusing finger at Kyungsoo’s belly. “For all I know, he could be lying. It was 3 weeks ago, why bother telling me now?”

 

“It was 3 weeks ago and that is the problem! We of course can’t confirm it’s your child until we take the test, but Kyungsoo has started to show symptoms in between Sehun’s schedules.” Jongdae says.

 

Jongin rests a hand on his waist, biting on his lower lip as he thinks hard. This really can’t be happening. Jongin is in the peak of his career, to have knocked up a non-celebrity is going to be way too scandalous and may even ruin his image forever. No more fortune, no more fame, no more records. Just gossip, and most importantly, backlash.

 

“Can you…Can you let me sleep on this? I’m tired. I literally got back from the airport.” Jongin enquires, not looking at neither of them, even Kyungsoo.

 

Sehun hesitates before thinking it’s probably best to sit down and settle this issue with a well rested mind. “Okay, Jongin. I’ll make sure to get in contact with you, or Junmyeon.”

 

“Thanks.” Jongin leaves the room without a word, Junmyeon on his tail. The journey to their car is silent, and Jongin dreads having his face recorded by the fans’ cameras who are still flocking outside. _They can’t know about this,_ Jongin thinks, _they must not know._ He can’t let them know, he can’t let anybody know.

 

No one can know about this.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Flicking on the channels lazily, Jongin munches on a bowl of almonds. The housekeeper came in the morning and cleaned the apartment, so it’s as good as new by the time Jongin woke up. He looks at the clock and notes that it’s 15 minutes to 2 in the afternoon, and he’s still in his sleeping boxers, not bothering to wear even a wifebeater since he’s alone and he already woke up that way.

 

He grabs for his phone on the other side of the sofa, noting that he has a few notifications from his Instagram as well as his chat with Junmyeon. He opens up Junmyeon’s notification first, the latter letting him know that he’s coming over with chicken for lunch, and asking him to wash up because he has recording in the evening. Jongin replies with a thumbs up emoji before opening up his Instagram, clearly not heeding to Junmyeon’s words.

 

The notifications show the usual tagging of photos from his fans, some of them good-looking but a good amount of them are also memes. He goes to his following part and sees that his dance trainer has tagged him in a couple of photos from their last concert. He likes every single one and even those uploaded from the official company account. Soon after, he scrolls down his timeline. 

 

A few of his celebrity friends and acquaintances are seen uploading pictures of their daily busy lives, with the usual cheesy captions for their fans. Jongin doesn’t make an effort of liking everything, but if the person’s close to him and has nothing in the photo that could stir some talks if Jongin shows attention to it, he taps on the heart.

 

A particular photo uploaded by @ooh__sehun makes him pause amidst his scrolling. It’s only after he has tapped on the heart that he really studies it. It’s just another ordinary photo that celebrities upload when they’re having an eat-out together. Sehun is smiling widely and is pointing at another idol beside him, Mino who’s from a different agency. It looks like they’re celebrating Mino’s birthday together, and it’s with his close friends. Even Sehun’s team is there. Jongin assumes he was making a birthday surprise to him.

 

He has nothing against Mino, but what really grabs his attention is the guy smiling at the far back, holding up a confetti or some sort. That’s definitely Kyungsoo, the guy who claimed Jongin as the baby daddy. He seems different than when Jongin saw him in the vocal room the other day. Kyungsoo in the vocal room didn’t even smile, but here in the photo his eyes crinkle and he’s smiling with his teeth, looking just as joyful as the rest of the people in it. Jongin scrolls down to see when this was uploaded. It was from four days ago.

 

By that time he wonders if Kyungsoo already knew he was pregnant, or if he knew and kept it a secret from Sehun and Jongdae as well as that Baekhyun guy although Jongin has no idea why Baekhyun’s there. He wonders when the symptoms showed up and what prompted this Kyungsoo guy to even think he had sex with Jongin, and now pregnant with his child. He wonders how he broke the news to Sehun and his manager. He wonders if Kyungsoo realised how screwed Jongin is going to be if the media caught wind of this. In the end, he wonders if Kyungsoo even thought he was pregnant with someone else’s child and it was all just a mistake.

 

Without much thought, he taps on the comments and reads them, some in Korean some in foreign languages, but finds nothing interesting in particular. Still in his stalking mood, he goes over to Sehun’s account and checks his following list, scrolling down the many other celebrity accounts with the occasional clothing brands. He then finds a @d_kyngsu, and Jongin prays that it’s the one he’s looking for when he taps on it, because the profile picture is only of a black cat wearing the most ridiculous fashion glasses. He guesses Kyungsoo is _that_ kind of guy. When the account opens, the bio reads ‘Makeup. Hair stylist. 25.’. _A year older than me?_ Jongin thinks he’s got the correct one. He’s glad it’s not made private, easier for Jongin to stalk.

 

As a non-celebrity, Jongin is surprised Kyungsoo has a little over 30k followers, but that’s probably partly attributed to the fact that he has a couple photos of Sehun’s stage, as well as a few of him and Sehun in selfies, so that garners attention from some fans. He also has some photos of himself with makeup on, and several tutorial videos. So Kyungsoo’s probably a bit well-known for his makeup skills.

 

The latest photo is of some of the company staffs playing games, and Jongin recognizes it as the hall room they used in a hotel in Hawaii. They’re holding some hula hoops, obviously in the middle of some game Jongin doesn’t remember taking part of. The photo is dated 3 weeks ago, on the second day of the 3-day workshop. It seems that Kyungsoo hasn’t updated ever since, but that’s understandable because he’s most probably caught up with Sehun’s schedule and other personal stuffs.

 

He contemplates tapping on a video with the thumbnail of Kyungsoo’s face looking down on his hand holding a makeup brush, when the door to his house is suddenly opened.

 

It’s Junmyeon, one hand balancing a couple of boxes of what Jongin presumes their takeout and the other pushing the door close and locking it. As his manager, Junmyeon has a copy of keys to Jongin’s apartment.

 

Junmyeon’s presence prompts Jongin to close his Instagram app and resumes watching whatever show he’s on, only to realize it’s of a romantic comedy drama that Jongin has no interest of. He changes to a sports channel.

 

“Have you eaten?” Junmyeon asks, placing the boxes on the dining table. Spotting Jongin on the couch, he frowns. “Did you even wash up yet?”

 

“It takes me 5 minutes to wash up.”

 

“You have to go to the building later. You read my message, right?”

 

Jongin responds with an OK hand sign, checking his phone for the time.

 

“Come and eat.”

 

-

 

Jongin is on his fourth chicken leg when Junmyeon stops eating. His manager is not a big eater such as Jongin, and he has a really slim stature. Jongin has no complaints if it means more chicken for him.

 

“Your recording ends at around 9 p.m.” Junmyeon says, checking Jongin’s schedule on his phone. Jongin makes a non-committal noise as he chews on the chicken thigh, effectively forgetting whatever crisis he’s having. “Do you have any plans after that?”

 

“Probably practicing,” Jongin says. “By myself.”

 

“Okay,” Junmyeon takes a sip of his cola. “So did you think about it?”

 

Jongin frowns. “About what?”

 

“Your unborn child.” He says with a hint of sarcasm, and Jongin suddenly doesn’t feel like finishing the last 2 pieces of chicken on his plate. “Have you thought of what you’re gonna do?”

 

Lowering the chicken bone, Jongin looks down at his plate, staring hard at the last few chicken pieces as if it could give answers to him. “Do you believe in that Kyungsoo guy?”

 

“What, you think he’s lying?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“If he was, then Jongdae and Sehun wouldn’t have looked so concerned about him. Why would you think he’s lying?”

 

“I don’t know! Maybe he’s trying to suck some cash out of me, or trying to bring my name down. I don’t know, Junmyeon. I just think this is all crazy.” It doesn’t fully register yet in his brain, probably because Jongin still wants to believe there is a possibility that it’s all just one big mistake. Junmyeon only hums in response, licking his lips, thinking.

 

“We still haven’t watched the CCTV footages. Do you want me to arrange a meeting with them so he could show you?”

 

Jongin doesn’t know what he wants at this point. Instead of answering Junmyeon’s question, Jongin asks, “How long has that guy been Sehun’s makeup artist?”

 

Junmyeon shrugs. “No idea. But I’ve seen him around for a while now. A bit low-key.”

 

“I can tell,” Jongin retorts, leaning back in his chair lazily. He grabs the bottle of mineral water, gulping it down. Since he’s on a diet, he tries his best to resist the urge to drink cola like Junmyeon does. “Does he do makeup for other artists?”

 

“I asked the same thing to Jongdae, and he confirmed it with Kyungsoo that he only ever works for Sehun, for now.” Junmyeon clarifies. “So it’s easy for you to know his schedule if you already know what Sehun’s doing. He’s free whenever Sehun’s free, or when Sehun does recordings and practice in the building.”

 

Jongin thinks about this information.

 

“You want to meet him?” Junmyeon asks.

 

He shakes his head. “I don’t think I wanna meet him alone.”

 

“That’s fine. I can ask for Sehun and Jongdae to be there too. I can be there too if you want, although I’m not sure why you seem kinda scared of meeting him alone.”

 

“I’m- I’m not scared of him. I just don’t know how to- how to talk to him.”

 

“He doesn’t seem approachable?” Junmyeon asks, more of a statement than a question. “He seems like a nice guy whenever Sehun’s around.”

 

“I just don’t wanna meet him alone.” Jongin whines, and Junmyeon snorts, taking out his phone.

 

“Sure, just let me check with Jongdae for a bit. Finish your food and get ready for recording.”

 

-

 

Sehun’s free time comes sooner than Jongin expected, and he low key panics because he doesn’t think he’s ready to face them again so soon. It’s three days after that their free time clashes, and Sehun invites Jongin and Junmyeon over to his place to for the so called meeting, saying that his manager Jongdae and Kyungsoo will be there too.

 

Jongin checks his shirt for any creases, then belatedly wonders why he even bothers in the first place. They’re just going to have a short lunch together, not going to be walking in public. Still, he checks for his hair with his phone as a sad excuse for a mirror.

 

“We’re just eating, Jongin.” Junmyeon snickers. “Who are you tryna look good for?”

 

“Can’t I look good for myself?” Jongin huffs indignantly, walking ahead of Junmyeon. He knows the route to Sehun’s place by hand, having gone there for hangouts once in a while. But theses days, with the both of them busy catching up with work, he hardly goes there anymore. He has no problems going over to Sehun’s place, and even if the paparazzi or fans manage to snap some photos of him right now, they would just assume he’s hanging out there like old bros. Junmyeon has their car parked at the valet downstairs, not wanting to go up the elevated parking.

 

He hums to his own song as he waits for the intercom to connect to Sehun. Once connected and Sehun smiles through the small screen, the door opens and Sehun lets him in, always smiley. He hugs Jongin and Junmyeon before telling them, “Did you have a hard time coming here?”

 

“Nah, the usual. Fans and stuff.” Jongin says as he makes his way to the living room, only to be stopped short at the sight of Jongdae on the couch, busy talking to someone on the phone. Ah right, he forgot he would be here too. The boy in question however is not seen around.

 

“Kyungsoo’s in the kitchen. I’m gonna help him out a bit and we can eat together,” Sehun says, going over to the kitchen. Jongin can smell something fragrant and savoury in the air, already stimulating his large appetite. So this Kyungsoo guy cooks. He doesn’t know what to do with this information anyway, stashing it at the back of his mind.

 

“Don’t back out,” Junmyeon whispers playfully behind him and it almost startles Jongin. He shoots a glare Junmyeon’s way only to be returned with a cheeky smile as he pads his way to Jongdae who is still on the phone. They both give a slight wave and Jongdae is back to his phone call.

 

Jongin, feeling out of place even at his best friend’s place, begrudgingly takes it upon himself to the living room as well, peeking over at the kitchen to see Kyungsoo stirring something in the pot while Sehun takes out some bowls from the kitchen cabinet. Kyungsoo is donning a baby blue sweater and dark blue jeans, an apron overlaid. The image doesn’t sit well with Jongin, but then again, knowing that he himself might be the father to the child underneath that baby blue sweater makes him feel slightly repulsive towards Kyungsoo.

 

After a couple of minutes, Sehun calls them over for lunch. Jongin quietly takes his seat and watches Kyungsoo scoop rice for Jongdae, Junmyeon and then him. He politely and a bit awkwardly takes the bowl handed to him, muttering a muted thank you. Sehun returns to the table with a jug of juice, and soon they dig in.

 

The silence is mostly filled with Sehun conversing with Junmyeon and the rest, never wanting anyone to be left out. His best friend is like that, he always makes everyone feel welcomed. He cracks some jokes here and there, and some of them returned with Jongin’s own. Some of the tension of the situation dissipates for a bit, even Jongdae laughs out loud.

 

Jongin however doesn’t fail to notice the makeup artist, sitting beside Jongdae who is opposite of Junmyeon while Jongin opposite of Sehun. He bashfully smiles once in a while whenever the talk revolves around him, which is not often because he thinks Sehun understands the shorter male doesn’t want much attention on him. And while everyone else is having seconds and thirds, Kyungsoo’s the only one who’s still on his first bowl. He eats very slowly, too.

 

Jongin also notices the way Sehun and Jongdae occasionally put some meat and veggies into Kyungsoo’s bowl, although he’s not sure why. Is it for the baby in his belly?

 

Once they’re full, Junmyeon offers to do the dishes and urges Jongin to do the same. The idol only accepts to do it half-heartedly, being chided by his manager once in a while for half-assing the chore.

 

They later find themselves on the same dining table, with the surface having cleared and wiped clean. The awkwardness is really getting to Jongin, making him touching his ear in a nervous tick. Kyungsoo across of him has his shoulders hunched, looking down at his lap. Jongin has never noticed how small the guy is.

 

“So,” Sehun begins, and Jongin can tell he’s feeling a bit awkward too. “The footages are in Jongdae’s phone. A bit blurry but you can make out some faces.” He waits for Jongdae to scroll through his media before sliding his phone towards Jongin and Junmyeon. “You can stop anytime you want, if you feel uncomfortable.”

 

Junmyeon is the one who drags the phone closer to them. There are the time and date on the top of the video. From the footage, they can see a bit of the platform on the stage, and there are many people flooding the center of the hall, dancing and whatnot. It obviously took place during the after party. 

 

The camera view ended with a long wall at the side and a passage, presumably leading to the washroom. For the first 20 seconds, nothing interesting in particular is caught by the camera. It’s only of people dancing and some were even making out against the wall. It’s no surprise everyone was getting carried away by alcohol that night. If they saw some unlikely celebrities making out there, they chose not to point it out.

 

Then, they see him. It’s Kyungsoo, holding a glass of presumably alcohol, while walking towards the wall and leaning against it. His gait was obviously drunken. After a few moments, he placed the glass on one of the many tables before heading towards the passageway. There’s no Jongin, though. The video ends.

 

“Swipe left. You’re in the second footage. We took the one before because in this one, Kyungsoo’s face wasn’t visible because of the lights, but the outfit and figure belongs to Kyungsoo himself.” Sehun explains. Junmyeon swipes left and taps play without waiting for Jongin, not like the latter would have done it himself. He’s anxious enough as it is.

 

This time, the camera shows what the passageway looked like. It’s more of a hallway with some doors left and right. There were two overhead symbols at the top of two doors, indicating the washrooms. There’s a figure leaning against the wall beside the men’s room, and they immediately recognize it as Jongin. _What the hell am I doing there?_

 

He’s just leaning there, not exactly doing anything. He must’ve been drunk because a sober Jongin would’ve occupied himself with his cellphone. A few seconds after, a different figure slowly approached the men’s room, the face not caught by the CCTV but they can tell it’s Kyungsoo. Nothing out of the ordinary so far - oh, Jongin’s grabbing Kyungsoo’s left arm now. They seem to be talking or something, but there was no hint of struggle on Kyungsoo’s part and coercion on Jongin’s. 

 

It’s when Jongin cornered him against the wall that Jongin blushes in embarrassment. “The fuck did I do that for?”

 

Junmyeon elbows him at the side and Jongin yelps, returning his attention to the video. Oh, they’re kissing now, for no good reason other than the influence of the alcohol. 

 

“I can’t do this.” Jongin squeaks, leaning back in his seat and closing his eyes before he dies in shame.

 

“Oh, shut it,” Junmyeon pulls him back to watch the rest of it.

 

 _God_ , they were having a full on make-out session and Jongin really wants to die. How the hell did he even think Kyungsoo’s fuckable enough for him to want to have sex with him? This is absurd. That person in the footage must have been a Jongin lookalike, a terribly similar one.

 

After a while, they dragged themselves into the men’s room, and the video stops there.

 

“There’s a third video,” Sehun announces, and Jongin can really use some chokehold on him right now. Junmyeon unhesitatingly swipes left.

 

It’s of the same place, but the time is now around 50 minutes after the second video ended. The door to the men’s room burst open and a still drunken Jongin walked out of it, his hair a mess and outfit even messier. That is a totally post-sex look and he would have felt flattered if it was for some photoshoot rather than whatever this madness is.

 

But there’s no Kyungsoo.

 

“Fourth. Sorry, we didn’t have the time to combine the cuts into one video.”

 

The footage shows that guy Jongin saw from the vocal room when they all met together. Was it Baekyoon? Baekyung something. He rushed into the men’s room and later brought out a weak-limbed Kyungsoo. This Baekyung guy must have had no alcohol that night, or he just had high tolerance. Jongin guesses this is probably the reason why Baekhyun was there when he was asked to see them a few days ago.

 

The video ends, and Junmyeon returns the phone to Jongdae. Jongin wants to shrivel up and die.

 

“Thanks for showing it to us,” Junmyeon says solemnly before looking at Jongin beside him expectantly.

 

Jongin stares at him for a while, shaking his head a little in a way to say ‘no, I don’t wanna talk’.

 

“Do you have anything to say, Jongin?” Sehun asks this time. It makes Jongin glance at Kyungsoo for a bit before looking away. 

 

“I…”

 

“Need to sleep on this first?” Sehun teases, but soon drops his playful manner when his best friend sends him a glare. 

 

“Did you take any post-coital pill afterwards, Kyungsoo?” It’s Junmyeon who talks to him first.

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “I didn’t think I needed it. I was not suspecting pregnancy.” He says, then later decides to add. “I guess that’s my mistake.”

 

“No, it’s not your fault,” Jongdae says to him sternly. “This isn’t your fault.”

 

“Isn’t mine too.” Jongin mumbles.

 

“You both were under influence, so it’s not exactly any of you guys’ fault. Rather, this is an accident.” Junmyeon reasons and that is exactly why Jongin needed him here with him. If it were up to him alone, he would have fled first thing in the middle of watching the second footage.

 

“Did you…” Jongin finds the courage to ask, almost intimidated when all eyes are on him. “Did you have sex with someone else? After the workshop in Hawaii.”

 

There’s a faint blush on Kyungsoo’s cheeks. Jongin isn’t sure why but it probably has to do with the revolving subject; sex, as to put it. A pretty strange topic to be discussing after lunch. “No. I haven’t slept with anyone else in these 3 weeks.”

 

Jongin manages an awkward nod.

 

“So, what now?” Sehun asks the very question Jongin’s in dilemma about.

 

Junmyeon glances over at him for a second before facing them all again. “I don’t think this is something that can be settled in a day. I think you should give Jongin some time to think about it. Kyungsoo, you can also think up of something to do, and later we can arrange another meeting to lay down our plans together. How does that sound?”

 

They all watch Kyungsoo nod his head slightly. 

 

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure Jongin takes responsibility for it, in a way. We won’t let you be alone in this.” Junmyeon says reassuringly to Kyungsoo as if Jongin isn’t there. 

 

So it’s apparently decided that Jongin is taking responsibility for it. Wonderful.

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Jongin sighs as he grabs the towel handed to him by a staff, wiping down his body from all that water. The waterproof makeup still sits taut on his face, and he can’t wait to remove all of it. The commercial product he’s endorsing isn’t exactly his favourite. 

 

He bows and thanks the staffs and the filming crew before being ushered by his manager into his car. Their domestic flight is in 3 hours.

 

Rummaging through his backpack, he finally found his makeup remover and dabs the facial squares with it. Screw capitalism, he thinks to himself as he reapplies the moisturiser from his favourite brand.

 

“You have a couple of hours of rest before the fan sign starts. I think we can grab lunch in the meantime.” Junmyeons announces. 

 

“Thank God. I’m starving.”

 

It’s quiet in the car and Jongin thinks of snatching a few minutes of nap until Junmyeon speaks. “He passed out.”

 

Jongin frowns. “Who?”

 

“You know who.” Junmyeon sighs through his nose, staring at his phone screen for a second before typing. He’s probably contacting Sehun or his manager. “He didn’t get to eat breakfast before taking flight to Sehun’s show recording in Jeju. Probably overworked himself.”

 

It’s been four days since their last meeting. Jongin hasn’t been thinking much of his situation, either too caught up with his schedule or too tired to remember. He guesses he should be reminded of it once in a while, because apparently it is his child as well. 

 

Just the thought of having a child makes his head spin. 

 

“Baekhyun’s there to help him.”

 

“Look, why are you telling me all this?” Jongin grumbles in annoyance.

 

His manager turns to face him, giving a brief glance to their driver in front. The radio is blaring loud music and it seems their driver is singing along to it and has not been showing any sign of hearing in on them. “Jongin, an accident is an accident, but you have to deal with the repercussions and be responsible about it, especially since it involves someone else as well. It’s not just about you anymore.”

 

“But you don’t have to be updating me everything he does.” Jongin hisses.

 

“I’m going to keep doing it, and you have a choice of whether to care about it or not. I’m just letting you know how your child he’s bearing has been doing so far.”

 

They lapse into a tense silence afterwards, and it successfully sours Jongin’s mood. He distracts himself with some dance videos on Youtube, but the words ‘his child’ keeps on repeating on loop in his mind like a broken record. _This unborn baby is cursing me from the womb, I swear._

 

-

 

“Hi! What’s your name?”

 

Smiling widely, Jongin writes down the fan’s name on the album cover before dropping his signature below it. It becomes a bit tiring after the 20th fan if he’s being honest. 

 

The line is long, with 100 lucky fans to greet him up close and hundreds more within the vicinity just to have some shots of him. It takes an army of security guards to maintain order.

 

“Hello, Jongin!” 

 

Beaming up at her, Jongin takes the album handed to him. But before he could ask for her name, she beats him to it, reading something from her palm. 

 

“If you were to have a child, which feature of yours would you want him or her to have?” She asks, her voice shaky from nervousness and excitement at the same time of being in front of her idol.

 

Jongin stares at her quite dumbfoundedly. A part of him has a momentary panic because _fuck, does she know?_ Another part of him has to remind himself that no, fans will ask these stuffs just because they’re curious. No big deal. Get a grip.

 

He purses his lips in thought, pondering over the enquiry. He thinks every part of him is good-looking, from his forehead down to his big toe. He’s very confident in his looks. Maybe his almond eyes can be passed down to the child; they’re attractive. But Kyungsoo has a really nice pair of large eyes too—

 

“My skin colour?” Jongin looks up at her, his smile intact. “Because I’m really proud of it.” It’s not a lie.

 

When the organiser puts the event on hold for him to have a short toilet break, he all but runs down the stage in relief. Some parts of his fingers are starting to grow calloused from holding the marker pen for too long. 

 

After going to the bathroom, Minseok rushes to him with a brush in his hand. “Hold up, pretty boy.”

 

Snorting, Jongin stays still for the shorter male to fix his makeup and hair. 

 

“Doing good?” Minseok asks, his concentrated gaze trained on the top of his hair and inspects it.

 

“Cheeks hurt from smiling for too long.” He lowers himself a bit for Minseok to reach. Once he’s done with that, he pats him on the shoulder.

 

“No charm, no fan,” Minseok smiles, reassuring him that he can go up the stage now.

 

Sighing, he goes up the stairs, hearing the screams grow louder as he takes his seat again. The next fan waiting in line jumps giddily, covering her mouth with the album. Jongin shoots her a smile and the girl squeals and turns to her friend behind her to spazz together.

 

No charm, no fan. Minseok’s right.

 

He motions to the security behind him that he’s ready. Another hour of cheeks hurting, it would seem.

 

“What do you look for in a partner? Has it changed in the past year?” A different fan asks.

 

“Changed?” Jongin looks up at her, his pen halted.

 

“You mentioned sometime last year that you want them to be able to cook well because you can’t, and that you don’t mind the physical qualities. Is it different now?”

 

An image of Kyungsoo in a baby blue sweater cooking in the kitchen flashes through his mind, and Jongin is almost positive he’s traumatised. 

 

“No, it’s still the same.” Go for the safe answer. They don’t know a thing.

 

By the time the event ends, he is ushered down by one of the guards, and said guard shoots him a strange look when Jongin mutters under his breath: “I think I’m going paranoid.”

 

-

 

That night, Junmyeon books them both a hotel to stay the night since their flight back is in the next morning.

 

Dinner between the two is relatively silent, both occupied with each other’s phones. It’s only after Jongin finishes his meal that he feels the itch to ask. 

 

“If the media knew, I’d be screwed, right?” He knows it’s hypothetical.

 

“Definitely,” Junmyeon says without a hitch, bringing the carrot chunk into his mouth casually.

 

Well that sure didn’t make him feel any better. “What if the agency knows about it first?”

 

“You mean if the word doesn’t spread among the workers there?”

 

“Sorta?”

 

Junmyeon hums, swallowing his food. “The agency might arrange you with a dating news with another well-known celeb. A lot of possibility can go there. It usually works to divert the attention.”

 

Jongin scratches at his chin, deep in thought. It doesn’t sound very appealing, but he guesses a dating scandal _is_ better than a baby scandal. “How long does it usually last?”

 

“Depends. You might have to endure the scandal for the entirety of Kyungsoo’s pregnancy, or even more just to avoid the public suspicions of other… ‘bigger’ issue.” His manager says calmly.

 

“Okay… But what if Kyungsoo just keeps silent about it?”

 

Junmyeon narrows his eyes at him. “We can’t just rely on Kyungsoo to keep the baby a secret. He’s close with many of the staffs there that works under Sehun. If it got to the wrong person, he or she might tell it to the wrong person, or community. Social media plays a huge role in rumour spread, and it’s the easiest and fastest way until it reaches a paparazzi. You will have eyes everywhere, including the people you’re close with. In this case, it’s Sehun.”

 

“Sehun won’t do anything stupid…”

 

“Of course he won’t. But his team might. Everything’s possible at this point, Jongin.”

 

 _Wow, I’m really fucked._ There are so many booby traps everywhere no matter which path he plans to take. This is a lot more serious and cumbersome to deal with than when he was faced with the rumours of him having a violent past with one of the trainees a couple of years ago. If he thought that was a lot of a hassle, this is just _worse_.

 

“Shit, why did he have to be pregnant…” He mutters under his breath, palm meeting his forehead in frustration. 

 

“Because drunk people make the stupidest decisions,” Junmyeon says matter-of-factly. “Well, since it already happened, we just have to man up about it and face it head on.”

 

Jongin curses his drunken self from a month ago, curses his stupid dick, curses the after party, curses the workshop, and curses Hawaii just because he can.

 

Contrary to Junmyeon’s words, Jongin has a different plan, and it involves _not_ manning up about it and _not_ facing it head on. He knows his idea will only get shot down if he is to ever talk about it with his manager. 

 

He feels like going out for a smoke.

 

-

 

Wednesday finds Jongin back at his apartment.

 

It’s been exactly 2 minutes since he stares at the number in his contacts. Junmyeon sent Kyungsoo’s number last night and even told him to ‘personally ask him so he knows you care’. Well, he doesn’t.

 

His dance practice with his choreographer is over for the day, so that leaves him schedule-free for the rest of the day. Junmyeon doesn’t pester him the past few days about Kyungsoo, aside from telling him those updates from time to time. 

 

A week after their lunch back at Sehun’s house, Jongin hasn’t once contacted Sehun nor even bothered to ask about Kyungsoo. 

 

 _A week?_ That makes Kyungsoo one month into pregnancy. Jongin finds himself wondering when in the period of pregnancy do people start to show. Kyungsoo looked perfectly slim back at Sehun’s house.

 

He’s not sure how he ends up stalking Kyungsoo’s Instagram account again, but he makes sure he’s using his other account which is made private, so as to avoid… accidents. Kyungsoo’s account is left untouched ever since the Hawaii workshop photo. Jongin scrolls down and taps on one of the many make up tutorial videos - at least that’s what he thinks they are. 

 

The video starts off with Sehun’s photo, presumably in the middle of a performance. Jongin’s not sure what it’s for. Five seconds into it, Kyungsoo finally appears - and he has the tiniest hint of a shy smile. Jongin narrows his eyes. _Is he camera shy?_

 

The elder male clips his bangs up, showing his smooth forehead to the viewers. Kyungsoo starts to show his shadow palette and liquid liner to the camera. _Oh_ , he’s showing how to do Sehun’s makeup on himself. He cuts a lot in his video and only shows the necessary steps, and before Jongin knows it, the makeup is done. 

 

Jongin has to gulp because this Kyungsoo guy isn’t a makeup artist for nothing. While he doesn’t resemble Sehun at all, the makeup positively has Sehun’s feel to it, just with Kyungsoo’s touch. The makeup artist leans closer to the camera to show the work he’s done on his eyes, blinking a couple times and Jongin doesn’t realize he’s been pulling the phone away from himself in embarrassment. Kyungsoo soon leans back, tilts his head and smiles then before giving a small wave, and the video ends.

 

Tossing his phone to the side, Jongin throws his head back against the couch, shutting his eyes close.

 

Kyungsoo’s a lot prettier than Jongin gave him credit for.

 

-

 

Dinner finds him having microwave heated chicken in front of his laptop, watching dance videos online. He just came back from the gym after two hours of workout, having bailed out the last two days and feeling guilty for it. Junmyeon hasn’t dropped by that night but he did told him via chat that Jongin has a recording session tomorrow morning.

 

In the middle of eating, an unknown courage prompts him to send Kyungsoo a chat.

 

_“hello. it’s jongin.”_

 

He quickly flips his phone upside down, whatever form of courage flew out the window and he turns up the volume of his speakers to somewhat alleviate his nerves. It’s not really doing a good job. Five minutes into waiting for a reply, it hasn’t come. Five turns into fifteen, and fifteen to thirty. Jongin gets lost in watching a movie this time.

 

In the middle of his Thor Ragnarok movie, his phone pings. Thinking it’s Junmyeon, he grabs the phone mindlessly and almost drops it when he sees The Name on the sender. 

 

_“Hello Jongin.”_

 

How do you take back your message from forty minutes ago?

 

Jongin finds himself pacing in front of his ongoing movie playing on his laptop, biting his lip anxiously. He’s been staring at the text for a good 2 minutes. He remembers Junmyeon’s words then.

 

“ _how r u doing?”_

 

_“I’m OK.”_

 

This is… a lot more difficult than Jongin thought it would be. It’s plain obvious Kyungsoo wants nothing to do with him with how concise his texts are, _and_ with perfect grammar too. In this moment, he chastises himself for even having that sliver of courage in the first place.

 

He’s been thinking a lot about meeting him and discussing on… not going through with it. 

 

_“can we meet someday? Personally.”_

 

The response doesn’t come immediately, and it leaves Jongin wondering if the elder male is not willing to have a one to one conversation with him. Truthfully, Jongin also thinks it’s the least brilliant idea considering how the air between them is nothing short of uncomfortable, still. Maybe he should just take it back—

 

_“Sure.”_

 

…Maybe not.

 

_“text me your address”_

 

-

 

“Take 10!”

 

His entire shirt is soaked with sweat. He trudges over to the corner of the room and grabs his tumbler, replenishing the water in his system after all that perspiration. Pulling out a face towel from his bag, he wipes his sweaty neck and face before rubbing it on his damp hair. 

 

The rest of his backup dancers are huddled together to socialise, but Jongin is too far gone in his mind that talking with his colleagues become less appealing. 

 

It’s been a good 2 weeks since his text with Kyungsoo, and he hasn’t gotten any word from him ever since. He once asked Junmyeon about Sehun’s schedule, and his manager said that the younger idol has been busy with his third tour and photoshoots, and he should be wrapping it up around this weekend. 

 

Jongin stares at himself in the mirror, takes the time studying the idol in him, the one loved and praised by many people, the one who loves dancing so much he doesn’t mind dying on stage, the one who loves to deliver a top notch performance and blow people away with it. He imagines being in the center of the stage, the heart of the crowd, the burning in his chest as he hears the screams for his name. It’s his world out there, and in his world, everyone loves him. Hell, even antis spend their free time actually going through his content and making the effort to go to his articles to leave some unpleasant comments, just for his sake.

 

It’s indeed Kim Kai’s world.

 

And in Kim Kai’s world, everything’s perfect. 

 

He goes over to the speakers and replays the song, not caring that their break isn’t over yet and the dancers are still trying to get back their energy. Jongin needs to remove the jitter in his muscles and sitting still is not going to do it for him.

 

As his music reaches the part where he’s supposed to do a solo dance, he gives the fiercest of look in the mirror, before breaking into his routines. There’s more force in his dance this time compared to when being supervised by his choreographer, because right now, instead of trying to remember what steps he should take next, he’s just letting it loose. He’s just letting himself go.

 

The room is booming with the audio and the squeaks of Jongin’s shoe soles against the vinyl flooring. The rest of the dancers merely watch him and break into whispers amongst themselves, knowing how much of a dancing beast Jongin can become once he’s absolutely immersed in it.

 

He’s turning, making crocheted moves with his hands, until a certain male pops up in his mind. 

 

And from then on, he can no longer move, halting himself as he frowns at his reflection in the mirror. The music is still playing, but his muscle memory is failing him. Intrusive thoughts start to creep into his mind.

 

He keeps seeing himself in bad articles, keeps feeling things being thrown at him in animosity, having so many malicious comments attacking him in every article that pops up about him, having all his castings in shows cancelled on him. 

 

He keeps seeing the name ‘Kim Kai’ associated with ‘expecting a child’ and ‘non-celebrity’.

 

It’s no longer his world. It’s just one big catastrophe, one big tragedy.

 

And Jongin’s certain he doesn’t want that.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo’s latest text arrives on a Monday.

 

_“I’ll be home tonight and tomorrow night.”_

 

Jongin confirms with Junmyeon about his schedules first before replying to it.

 

_“tomorrow night sounds good.”_

 

-

 

The next day, Junmyeon willingly offers to drive him there. The idol is convinced that his manager thinks he’s going there to check up on Kyungsoo, but he doesn’t want to burst his bubble.

 

Jongin fixes his shades and makes sure his mouth mask is completely covering the lower half of his face. Pulling down the hoodie, he steps out of the car and subtly glances around before entering the complex. _3-B-05, 3-B-05,_ he chants in his head, taking up the stairs to the third floor. His manager waits in the car.

 

The apartments are located in the more secluded part of the town, with narrow routes leading up to it. They use Junmyeon’s personal car to get there, for a lot of reasons. Junmyeon didn’t pry on him on what he should do, and he guesses it’s for the best. Jongin’s sure his manager would flip knowing his true intentions coming here.

 

3-B-05. There’s no doorbell. He raps his knuckles on the door and knocks thrice. 

 

When the door opens he’s met with a bespectacled Kyungsoo, an oversized shirt draping his figure. “Ah, Jongin.” He sticks his head out and glances around.

 

“No one knows I’m here.”

 

“Oh. Um,” Kyungsoo opens the door wider. “Come in.”

 

Jongin doesn’t have any expectations coming here, but this place is a huge damper compared to his luxurious living. He guesses it’s a really different world outside of show business. He removes his shades and lowers his mouth mask. 

 

“Can I make you a drink?”

 

Jongin turns to the elder male with surprise. He guesses he should’ve expected the hospitality, but the way Kyungsoo looks unsure of himself is making him feel a tad bit uncomfortable. “I guess.”

 

He watches Kyungsoo rush to the kitchen and pour some water from the kettle into a teapot. The smaller male might have already boiled the water prior to Jongin’s arrival. Jongin occupies himself with studying the interior of the one-room apartment. The paints are chipping off, and he can’t tell if the couch used to be cream-coloured or if it has always been that brownish. There is not even a dining table, just a small Japanese table situated in front of the television. He has a theory that that is both the dining table as well as the coffee table.

 

Soon, Kyungsoo brings over a tray and sets it down the floor. He fixes a saucer and a cup on the small table before looking at Jongin confusedly. Oh right, he should sit. On the floor.

 

There’s only one cup set on the table, and Jongin gives a questioning glance Kyungsoo’s way. “You’re not drinking?”

 

“Huh? Oh, I’ve been told to avoid some teas.”

 

“Oh,” Jongin offers. _Because of the baby?_ He wants to ask, but doesn’t. Instead he silently sips on his tea, careful not to burn his tongue. Placing his cup back on its saucer, he clears his throat. “I thought you make more than this.” He gestures at the entire place.

 

The comment seems to have struck a chord, because Kyungsoo frowns and looks down at his lap. “A lot of my earnings go to buying more makeup and skincare products.”

 

Jongin regards him in silence, not knowing what else to say. He thinks of apologising but that would’ve made things more awkward than it already is. He’s faintly reminded of Kyungsoo’s tutorial videos, just because he mentions makeup. It’s evident that right now Kyungsoo’s not wearing any makeup, or if he is, it’s really light. With those round glasses on, no one would’ve thought this man works in the beauty industry. 

 

Shaking his monologue off, maybe Jongin should just get straight on with the very reason he comes here. He’s about to open his mouth when he suddenly hears the tiniest clinking of a bell. He turns to see the source of said noise.

 

A familiar black furred cat struts its way to them. 

 

“Uhm, that’s Winter. Sorry, I can lock her up if you’re not fond of—”

 

“It’s fine.” He stares at the cat some. Jongin knows that’s the same cat in Kyungsoo’s profile picture on his Instagram. He extends a hand out to it, and the feline sniffs at it curiously before rubbing its head on it, introducing itself to Jongin. 

 

“She likes you.”

 

Jongin looks up at the remark. Kyungsoo isn’t smiling but he does look less fidgety than when Jongin first arrived here. Retracting his hand from the creature, he finishes his tea and declines when Kyungsoo offers to pour some more. The cat approaches Kyungsoo and makes itself comfortable on his lap, the owner petting it gingerly. A constricting silence gradually falls upon them. 

 

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin decides to begin. “Do you really want to keep it?”

 

Obviously the question makes the male in question tense up. “I don’t understand why you’re asking that.”

 

“I know what we’ve discussed back at Sehun’s place. I’m here to convince you to change your mind.”

 

“I- I don’t get it.” Kyungsoo stammers, baffled. “I thought you’re in this with me.”

 

“I’m not. I’ve never been.” Jongin denies calmly. “I don’t know what made you think I’m willing to take responsibility for it.”

 

“I’m… not going to tell anyone about it, Jongin.”

 

“My career doesn’t solely depend on you keeping your word, Kyungsoo.”

 

Kyungsoo looks up at him, his pupils shaky. “Are you telling me to…”

 

Pursing his lips, the idol nods his head solemnly, watching Kyungsoo’s face fall. It’s what he’s decided, and he’s sure he wants to do this. There is no safer way. “I’ll pay you. As much as you want and need- no, I’ll double it for you if it would make you feel better.

 

“As long as you go and get rid of it.”

 

Jongin notes how the smaller male is trembling, his eyes looking everywhere but Jongin. He hates to break it to him this way, and he knows how controversial the issue is to some of the public, but his career is on the line and he’s not about to give that up. He doesn’t care that Junmyeon has already set him in line to figure something out, but if he doesn’t try to convince Kyungsoo himself, he knows nobody will. “It’s for our own good, and you know it.”

 

“I’m not doing it.” The smaller male declares. “I’m not getting rid of it.”

 

Jongin blinks at the retaliation, having expected that the other male would cower under his celebrity status and heed to him easily. He feels himself growing heated, his fists clenched and unclenched on his lap. Of course he knows there’s a possibility his effort would fail, but he hasn’t thought about what he would do afterwards. 

 

Is this it for him? To have come all the way here?

 

“Please, think about it.” He tries again, tries planting the idea into Kyungsoo’s head. When he doesn’t get any response, he licks his lips and looks away.

 

“I should take my leave now.” Resolved, he gets up from his seat, followed by Kyungsoo. “Thanks for the tea.”

 

Kyungsoo shows him to the door, still hospitable as ever. Jongin thinks that if it were any other person, they would’ve flipped and yelled at him to leave. _Why are you so passive?_

 

 _“_ Promise me to think about it.” Jongin says after putting on his shoes. He watches Kyungsoo stare at the floor, his long straight bangs obscuring his eyes.

 

 “I don’t know what’s there to think about,” The smaller male says, his voice small. Jongin doesn’t miss the way he places a hand on his abdomen. “I’m not murdering my own child.”

 

At the word ‘murder’, the idol stills. He doesn’t like that term. 

 

“I prefer the word _saving_ ourselves.”

 

And with that he turns to leave, but Kyungsoo’s last words are hard to miss.

 

“You just want to save yourself, Jongin.”

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Four walls. Barely enough space. Too much warmth.

 

There’s someone else, and he’s panting? Jongin isn’t so sure. His vision is blurry, mind befuddled, dick too hard. Why is he begging him to slow down? Jongin can hardly feel anything. It’s all just clouds to him. Clouds and more clouds, and maybe a bit of skin. But the warmth -  the warmth is undeniably insane. It’s messing too much with his head. It’s an out of the world kind of feeling; a euphoric sensation.

 

_“…Slow down, p-please…!”_

 

Why must he do that? Who is this guy to tell him what to do? What are they doing together anyway?

 

_“…Jongin!”_

 

He shoots his eyes open to the white of his ceiling, blinking slowly into consciousness. It’s been a while since he wakes up sweaty in the morning, and he doesn’t know how to feel about it.

 

Because that wasn’t a dream.

 

Jongin lifts up his sheets, and isn’t surprised to see his little friend there.

 

-

 

He engages in a staring contest with his own reflection in the mirror as he brushes his teeth, feeling stupid for it but he doesn’t know where else` to channel this unpleasant sensation crawling on his skin. Jongin brushes too harshly he can taste a bit of blood in between all that foam in his mouth. 

 

Spitting it out and rinsing his mouth afterwards, he lets the tap water run as he shuts his eyes in irritation. 

 

It wasn’t a dream. It was a memory, part of it. And Jongin hates the fact that it serves as a reminder for him, a slap in the face, an affront to him that he just fucked someone into pregnancy.

 

Of all fucking things.

 

He splashes some water to his face, images of a bespectacled man looking so diffident with himself flooding his head, and he splashes harder before gripping the faucet tightly. It’s been in every crevice of his mind. If it isn’t the baby, it’s Kyungsoo, and these two things have always just persisted in his thoughts like a stubborn crease. 

 

Kyungsoo wants the child. Jongin doesn’t. Where are they supposed to go with this?

 

-

 

At thirty thousand feet in the air, cottony clouds and nothingness become their scenery, with a little hint of peeking sun rays. 

 

Junmyeon has been throwing him worried glances now and then, but Jongin doesn’t have it in himself to recount what he did back at Kyungsoo’s place to him. He guesses he should be grateful his manager isn’t probing him for answers and explanations.

 

The burden of keeping it to himself, however, is starting to make him feel sick.

 

-

 

“Can we change rooms, please?”

 

“Sorry but we can’t do that. Even the rookie groups don’t get their own room. Please understand.”

 

The concert manager explains to Jongin, a bit impatiently too, before he goes off to check the other rooms and says something to his walkie talkie. Jongin sighs, messing his unstyled hair exasperatedly. He goes back to where his waiting room is, scowling at the paper stuck on the door as if it offends him immensely. 

 

KIM KAI

OH SEHUN

 

Once he pushes it open, he stomps his way to his seat, making a point not to talk to anyone unless they’re his team members. Minseok immediately fusses with his makeup, scolding him for having ran off just now leaving him hanging with his brush. Not in the mood to retaliate, Jongin silently broods and glares at his own reflection in the mirror before fooling with his phone. 

 

A laughter breaks out in the room then, and he looks up to see Sehun’s team has gathered together. Jongin isn’t curious of course, but the jovial mood never ceases between them and it is a huge contrast compared to the gloominess clouding Jongin’s air. Minseok asks him to stay still to put on the liner. 

 

His concept for SMTOWN today is modern fighter for his comeback song that year. Luhan has readied his sleeveless top with a low V neck cut, small stones creating an intricate pattern around the shoulder area and fades out toward his chest. A waist obi-like belt made of leather hugs his waist snugly, allowing a teasing exposure of his chest if the top is to ever part. The beautiful top is coupled with wide black flowy pants. 

 

To complement the outfit, Minseok decides to place some silver coloured rhinestones under the corner of his left eye and some on his left cheekbone, fixing them with lash glue. It’s a bit itchy, but Jongin thinks he looks desirable. Once he finally wears his blue contacts, he’s sure his fans would go delirious.

 

Minseok trims his undercut and sweeps his black hair to the side to flaunt the stones on his face. After an hour or so, he is deemed done. 

 

“I look like sex.” Jongin studies himself in the mirror, admiring the makeup and outfit. He quite likes this look on him so he pulls out his phone and snaps a quick selfie, planning to upload on his Instagram after the concert is over so as to keep the surprise.

 

They still have 3 hours to go until the concert starts, and on the other side of the room, Sehun is  debating why he should wear the see-through blouse while Baekhyun has a different idea that definitely doesn’t involve see-throughs because “It’s not your concept today!”

 

In the end, Sehun loses and pouts all the way throughout wearing the crane embroidered navy bomber jacket made of satin, coupled with a pair of tight ripped jeans. He would’ve complimented Sehun for how good he looks if it weren’t for his makeup artist being in the same room.

 

Six days after the little meet-up, no one has confronted Jongin yet about him telling the smaller male to go through abortion. Jongin has a theory that Kyungsoo didn’t tell anyone about it, acting as if the meeting never happened at all. Kyungsoo hasn’t sent him any text either that suggested he will or had done it.

 

Does this mean they still have to go through with it? 

 

Jongin feels an incoming headache just thinking about his situation. Still in his seat, he messes with his phone idly, his eyes occasionally looking through the mirror at Sehun’s team. Kyungsoo has his glasses on, and he’s wearing a graphic T-shirt and a pair of black jeans, appearing very casual. 

 

The sight is almost surreal, because Kyungsoo is actually laughing at what Sehun said while doing his lips. Sehun keeps teasing him by shoving a different coloured lip stain to him and being rejected again and again while Kyungsoo uses the one in his hand. 

 

Then the idol points at Kyungsoo’s lips, probably asking what product he’s using on himself and Kyungsoo fishes something out of his pocket and shows it to him. Sehun takes the tube from his hand and motions to himself, earning a laughter and a headshake from Kyungsoo. 

 

Jongin frowns uncomfortably at the entire exchange, resisting the urge to mess his styled hair. He’s not supposed to have a muddled mind right before a show. In an attempt to clear his head, he decides to step out and see their stage. 

 

Right after rising from his chair, a voice calls out to him. “Looking great, Kim Kai!” He turns to Sehun who’s having his hair styled by Kyungsoo, shooting a naturally playful smirk as he returns the compliment. He then catches Kyungsoo staring at him through Sehun’s mirror, and the male quickly averts his gaze and feigns focus on Sehun’s hair.

 

 _What the hell was that?_ Jongin gives him a once over before leaving the room.

 

-

 

Outside is flooded with over hundreds of staffs trying to get everything under control, and occasionally artists who are just wandering to see the situation out there because they’re bored after having their makeup done. When Jongin peeks at the arena, it’s already filled and thousands of colourful lights representing fandoms of different artists resemble stars at night.

 

Someone almost runs into him and she apologizes profusely before making her way to the other side. It’s hectic like that of a beehive, people are all over the place making sure things are running smoothly and safely. Jongin feels like he might have been a nuisance just standing there and do nothing although he will be one of the highlights of the event later on.

 

So he asks one of the staffs where the washrooms are and is headed for it, thinking of relieving himself before giving it all for his performance later. No one can dance with their bladder full. That would’ve been a dance on its own.

 

There are only two users there, and they bow to Jongin in acknowledgment, the idol returning the gesture equally. Before going to the urinals though, Jongin can’t help but to check himself out in the mirror, unduly liking what he sees.

 

After another minute of being self-absorbed, Jongin finally walks to the urinals and unzips his fly, relieving himself. The stream doesn’t cut off until about 10 seconds later and he’s about to shake it dry until the door barges open so suddenly he almost jumps.

 

Fast-paced footsteps falter once they reach the sink and the faucet is turned on full blast while the retching starts. Jongin can’t say he doesn’t feel affected by it, and by curiosity he steals a glimpse of the man heaving at the sink, only to widen his eyes at what he sees.

 

There’s more retching, and Kyungsoo is gripping hard at the edge of the sink while his friend Baekhyun rubs his back and lifts his bangs up. 

 

“Done?” Baekhyun asks softly, earning a shake of the head and Kyungsoo throws up some more. 

 

Jongin tucks his dick back in his pants and thinks of just running off but he hasn’t washed his hands yet. Hygiene trumps self-pride. _But seriously, of all times, why now?_

 

Sighing, he shuffles his way to one of the sinks, a couple away from the two friends. Maybe they’ve noticed him, maybe they just choose to not give a heed. Anyhow, Jongin manages to wash his hands and dries them with the napkins before turning to them. 

 

He licks his lips in apprehension and clears his throat. “Are you… okay?” It’s courtesy, he convinces himself. Just out of courtesy.

 

The two males look up at him, and Jongin guesses they really didn’t expect him to be there because Baekhyun looks scandalised while the other male is, well, he doesn’t even look up at him. Kyungsoo cups some water and rinses his mouth with it. 

 

Baekhyun belatedly greets him with a curt nod. “Hi, Jongin. It’s…” He throws a glance at Kyungsoo. “It’s the perfumes. Made him sick is all. You know how it is.”

 

Regarding him half-heartedly, Jongin studies the male still bending over the sink, shakily panting for air. A few more rinses then Kyungsoo twists the faucet off and takes the napkin from Baekhyun’s offering hand, wiping his mouth with it. Jongin is still standing there, everything and nothing in his mind.

 

He isn’t sure if he’s allowed to say anything to him. They’ve made a deal which isn’t really a deal, but a silent agreement falls upon them that it’s apparent they’re not on the same page. So, is he or is he not allowed to say something right now?

 

Kyungsoo never once gives him any form of attention, not so much a glance. Jongin can’t tell how how he looks. Disgruntled? Abhorred? Somehow, Jongin just knows that Kyungsoo is never such a person.

 

Or is he perhaps ashamed of himself? 

 

“How are you feeling?” Baekhyun asks him in a whisper, and the other male just gives him a meek nod before urging them both to leave. Baekhyun shoots Jongin a dismissive nod before escorting Kyungsoo out, muttering something to Kyungsoo along the lines of ‘you don’t wanna fix your makeup first?’ and getting a weak ‘not in there’ in response.

 

And Jongin just lets them leave, because really, where does he stand in all of this?

 

That’s it. Nowhere. He’s already made the decision. 

 

Then why is he not at ease?

 

-

 

Backstage, he studies Sehun’s performance, always in awe of how his long limbs manage to pull off those sharp sword-like moves so effortlessly. His rapping style is unique, spitting sick verses here and there, complementing the minimal moves with the back up dancers before the song drops and they are all moving in tandem to the beat. The crowd hypes him up by chanting his name as his time for solo dance comes on. Jongin finds himself nodding his head to the beat subconsciously. 

 

Two songs later, the staffs move about again and this time they usher Jongin to his respective place. Sehun soon comes down from the stage and removes his headset, leaving an encouraging smack at Jongin’s back as he goes.

 

The VCR is now being played and Minseok keeps checking his hair and makeup while Luhan makes sure the obi belt is secured on his waist should Jongin dances too hard and risks it being broken mid-performance. 

 

Jongin is jumping on his feet then, loosing all his muscles and absorbing all the excitement from the fans that are now chanting his name. He fixes the headset on his ears and ensures it wouldn’t come off easily before stepping on the spring platform. After giving an OK sign to the security, the platform sets off and he is thrown high in the air before landing with a crouch, revelling in the increasing intensity of the screaming as he finally makes his appearance as Kim Kai. 

 

It’s all adrenaline from then on, a temporary rush that Jongin finds himself in love with and has been for the past years, because on stage, he is a performer, a dancer, an artist. Kim Kai projects art in the form of music and motions, and heavily thrives from attention and praises. 

 

The stage is his, and his world is the stage. The audience becomes his lovers, spellbound by his swan like grace one second and mindblown by his staccato moves the next. 

 

Jongin doesn’t need anything else.

 

-

 

Their company dinner takes place at a restaurant nearby, having the entire space booked by one of the staffs for private event. Of course, while not all of them could stay and celebrate together, the venue is still a full house and dishes never cease to arrive and be replaced at the tables. 

 

Jongin tries to minimize eating too much lest he wants to wake up bloated tomorrow morning. He does take a lot of fish though. His table consists of his team members as well as some of the backup dancers, chatting and cracking jokes at each other. Some are even seen flirting openly, taking advantage of the gathering to get some. 

 

From where he sits, he can see some tables across and those who are seated there. Well, it’s easier to say Jongin can only see Sehun’s table while the rest are insignificant. Not to say that Sehun’s table is any significant, but well.

 

Clinking of bottles can be heard as people make their toast for better days ahead. Bouts of joyous laughter and exclamation can be heard booming the scene. Calls and more calls are made for the waiters to take their additional orders. 

 

Jongin’s there, except he doesn’t feel all that present. His team members are preoccupied with each other’s conversations - more like shenanigans - but Jongin can’t exactly look at alcohol the same way. The last time he was extremely intoxicated, he accidentally made a baby.

 

And the one that bears it sits just at the table across.

 

The one that bears it, wants to keep it. If Jongin’s honest with himself, he sees nothing good out of keeping it. It wouldn’t only harm Jongin’s career, it would also harm The One That Bears It himself and not just in terms of health, even though the media vouches to never expose a non-celebrity’s face and name without their permission.

 

Then comes the dreading issue of having to _raise_ the baby. While Jongin does desire to settle down someday and have children, he just doesn’t think it would be _this_ soon. Kim Kai? A _father_? Flying penguins would have sounded more realistic.

 

He can’t imagine breaking the news to his parents. _So uh, hey Mom and Dad, you accidentally have a grandchild_? That wouldn’t have gone great. Of course they would love having grandchildren - every grandparent does - but given the circumstances, Jongin’s sure he would get a beating first before anything else.

 

It seems that The One That Bears It is avoiding alcohol as well, for an entirely different reason. His glass is the only glass that has orange liquid in it, presumably orange juice. His bowl of rice is already half-empty, and Jongin doesn’t miss the way Sehun, who’s sitting opposite of him, quietly places a strip of salmon in his bowl and earns a hesitant smile for it. Why does The One That Bears It smiles at Sehun so much? Baekhyun beside him keeps whispering something to him, and the makeup artist keeps shaking his head with a reassuring smile. 

 

Jongin doesn’t realize he’s been staring, the salad in his hands shredded to pieces because of his restless hands. 

 

Maybe a smoke is what he needs.

 

-

 

After telling Junmyeon that he’d be in the smoking room, he asks for a lighter from one of the waiters there and is told that there should already be one in the room itself. Jongin promptly makes his way there and is pleased to find no one else there. People are too busy getting drunk and making fools of themselves that smoking is the last thing that comes to mind. 

 

The room is uncomfortably humid, probably at the lack of aeration. He doesn’t bother turning on the lights and just takes the corner most seat. The glass windows supposedly overlook the dining area, but there are blinds for smokers who refused to be seen engaging the act. Jongin is that smoker.

 

Lighting up a cigarette, he takes a slow drag, briefly letting the smoke cool in his mouth before drawing it into his lungs. The burn is still there but the calming nicotine is so worth it. Jongin is sitting near the window, some rays of light from the dining hall leaking through the cracks of the blinds. 

 

Taking another puff, he slips his pointer and middle finger in between one of the cracks and parts it, observing the chaos outside that is one of their dancers belly dancing in front of the more obnoxious crowd. Jongin snorts, because he knows that dancer. He hopes someone records it for future blackmail purposes.

 

His eyes still wander and inevitably lands on Sehun’s table, this time with Sehun facing him and Baekhyun and Kyungsoo with their back. Baekhyun is probably tipsy already because he keeps snuggling close with the person next to him, while Kyungsoo appears very still, occasionally sipping on his glass of juice. 

 

He’s probably bored, because soon he fishes out his phone and fiddles with it, since everyone else on his table is talking among themselves and leaving him out. It’s possible that he’s not leaving on his own yet because he relies on the team for transport. They usually move in vans. 

 

Halfway into his cigarette, someone else swings the door open and startles himself as he sees Jongin smoking in the dark.

 

“Why do you smoke in the dark? Almost gave me a heart attack,” Sehun enters and closes the door behind him, feeling the wall for lights.

 

“I’d prefer the dark, please.” Jongin releases his fingers from the blinds.

 

Sehun blinks at him and smiles. “Whatever you need, batman.” He then takes his seat opposite of Jongin, still near the window, as he takes out his pack. 

 

“I thought you drank.” Jongin tosses the lighter to him.

 

“Just tipsy.” Sehun catches it and swiftly flicks it on, aiming the flame over the cancer stick. “You didn’t?”

 

“No,” Jongin stumps the cigarette butt onto the ashtray and leaves it like that. “Maybe should have.”

 

“Yeah, what gives, man?” Sehun laughs a little, releasing puffs of smoke into the air. “You never usually skip out on alcohol.”

 

“Just… a lot to think about.” He shrugs. 

 

“You sure _do_ have a lot to think about.” Sehun says, flicking the ashes onto the tray as he looks through the cracks. “How do you feel about it?”

 

“Honestly? It’s all too crazy.” Sighing, Jongin leans back into his seat, contemplating on lighting up a second stick just because he needs the euphoric sensation of nicotine again. “Doesn’t feel real.”

 

Sehun hums in understanding, smoke coming out of his nostrils at the act. “Maybe because you’re not the bearer, but Kyungsoo seems to have accepted it for a while now.”

 

“That's because he wants to keep it.” Jongin lets out a heavy sigh, throwing his head back.

 

At this, Sehun narrows his eyes at him. “Have you guys met up recently?”

 

Jongin purses his lips together. “Kinda.” When he’s returned with silence, he turns to Sehun. “What?”

 

“I could be wrong but, you just made it sound like you don’t want it.”

 

“Well maybe you’re _right_ , Sehun. I _don’t_ want it. And I already made myself clear with him.”

 

Jongin expects a look of disgust thrown his way, or maybe even a hateful remark, but he forgets that this is _Sehun_ he’s talking to, and Sehun is always level-headed. He sneaks a look at Sehun’s reaction, and the man looks deep in thought.

 

“This should be the part where I call you an asshole, Jongin. But you’re my best friend, and I thought I should let you know that, things aren’t gonna fall into place just because you want it to be.”

 

“What are you trying to say, Sehun?”

 

“I don’t agree with what you said, but I get where you’re coming from. And I also don’t really expect you to completely understand Kyungsoo’s viewpoint, considering how firm you are with what you want - or in this case, what you _don’t_ want.”

 

Jongin merely blinks at him, listening.

 

“And here I was hoping I could talk you out into a different plan because we can’t always keep an eye out on his health, given the nature of our jobs. He's 7 weeks along now. There will come a time where he can’t show up at work anymore and I will have to find someone to replace him for the moment, so that’ll leave him temporarily jobless and income-less.”

 

 _Kyungsoo is 7 weeks along now?_ Time flies so fast with his ever busy schedule. Another week and Kyungsoo will be 2 months pregnant, one month away from the end of his first trimester. The baby is growing. _The baby is steadily growing._  "He should be fine if he stays with his parents,” Jongin suggests. “I don’t see why him jobless should be an issue.”

 

Sehun gives him a look of disbelief before something dawns on him, making him chuckle, but not in amusement. “I guess it has never crossed our minds to mention this to you. 

 

“Kyungsoo grew up in an orphanage. He’s orphaned right after birth. He doesn’t have anyone else besides my team.” 

 

Jongin doesn’t know what to think. Sehun continues.

 

“And from the looks of it, it seems that he will have to go through this alone, considering how - no offense Jongin - _selfish_ you’re planning to be.”

 

-

 

In the end, Jongin drank his problems away anyway.

 

He’s wasted in no time, finding the most mundane things hilarious and laughing boisterously because of it, joined by his other dancer friends, similarly drunk. 

 

What is there to worry about? Jongin is at the height of his success, money comes easy as long as he shows his face, twice fold if he were to put on a performance. Love calls come at a rate so fast his agency couldn’t pick them all up. 

 

He’s living the dream - the dream anyone would only ever dare to _fantasize_. 

 

At one point, someone decides to blast some girl group songs and Jongin being the foolish drunk he is starts throwing some moves, and it’s all just one big animal party. There’s only a small number of them who aren’t drinking by choice, and some because they’re driving later.

 

Insobriety leads to poor coordination, and soon Jongin finds himself toppling over and is on the floor. While that itself is not a problem, it morphs _into_ one when the person who’s sitting right beside where he fell is the one person who has been the cause of the mess in his head. 

 

Kyungsoo is startled out of his skin at the sight on the floor, and Jongin lets out a drunken giggle. Kyungsoo’s eyes look so _big_ and Jongin is really too drunk. He rolls over and sloppily crawls towards Kyungsoo then before landing flat on his face.

 

It doesn’t stop him from pointing a finger Kyungsoo’s way, even when his face is kissing the floor. 

 

“Why am I the selfish one when you’re the only one who wants it, _hmmmm_?” He says, his words slurred due to the intoxication.

 

Jongdae and Sehun freeze in their seats. The rest of the people don’t get what’s going on, but they don’t seem as surprised, most of their systems already tanked.

 

Jongin slowly gets up on his arms. He isn’t sure why the other man looks so mortified, and he sure doesn’t know why that look distorts into anguish. He can only laugh to himself pathetically as he watches Kyungsoo get up and stomp off outside. “Are you running away with the b—”

 

“I think we can call it a night now.” Junmyeon says, cupping his mouth as he drags a stubborn Jongin and urges their sober driver to come along.

 

“Why is everyone acting like I’m the bad guy here?” Jongin still manages, struggling to stay upright even in Junmyeon’s hold. 

 

“I’m not just saving my ass, _I’m saving everyone else’s ass_!”

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

It would have been a peaceful morning had Junmyeon not rip his covers off of him. "What the fuck-"

 

"You told him to _abort_ the _baby_?"

 

Jongin squints at the enraged man, his eyes still crusted with sleep and head painfully throbbing. Did he drink last night? He's too disoriented to even form a coherent thought. What day is it even?

 

"I can't believe you," Junmyeon continues to fume, pacing the room as he mumbles something to himself. "Irresponsible, self-centered, inconsiderate..."

 

Jongin curls in on himself as he starts to feel the chill, shutting his eyes close as he tries to assimilate Junmyeon's words. _Irresponsible? Baby? Told him?_

 

Too goddamn early.

 

"What time is it." Jongin says with a raspy voice, a hand now clutching at his pounding head. 

 

"Was that why you asked me to bring you over to his place? Jongin, this isn't what we had in plan." Junmyeon chides, his arms flailing around.

 

Finally having found the strength in his muscles, Jongin sits up and swings his legs over the edge of the bed, his messy head looking around for the time. The clock reads 6.15 a.m. "Junmyeon, what time is my recording session?"

 

"Jongin listen, you are going to meet him, and you are going to apologise."

 

"Who am I apologizing to and why?" Jongin rubs his eyes tiredly, but freezes as he finally catches on. "Fuck, did I drink last night? What did I do?"

 

Junmyeon is quiet for a good few seconds, discerning Jongin's realization with a frown on his lips. "You made Kyungsoo upset."

 

" _How?_ "

 

"Said he's the only one who wants the child. Although I doubt the people there understand what you were talking about."

 

Jongin groans into his hands, his headache aggravating if that is even possible. Drunk Jongin was at it again. Someone should really put a limit to how much he drink before he does anything stupid like creating another baby again. 

 

"Then who told you I wanted the child gone?"

 

"Sehun texted me just now."

 

Jongin groans even louder. What best friends don't keep each other's secrets.

 

"You should be grateful Jongdae hasn't found out about this. God knows he would chop your head off if he gets the chance. Sehun only told me."

 

He definitely doesn't need that, thank you very much. Wordlessly, Jongin shuffles his way to the bathroom, a furious Junmyeon at his tail. "Why would you even suggest that to him?"

 

"Isn't it clear enough?" Jongin turns around, eyebrows scrunched together as he grabs his towel from the rack. "I don't want it."

 

"You could've just opted out of responsibility instead of--"

 

"You think that's enough for me? You _told_ me that it's so easy for the media to learn of this, and everything I've gone through for the past years would be reduced to nothing just like that."

 

"Kyungsoo _wants_ it. You don't have the right to tell him what to do with it."

 

"Then what about _me_?" Jongin breaks, desperation laced in his voice. "You guys hardly even consider how I feel about all this. So fine, we had sex without protection, we made a mistake. _My_ career is more at risk than his. I have so much to lose, Junmyeon. Exactly what choice do I have anymore?"

 

Junmyeon says nothing to that. 

 

"You think so too." Jongin sighs.

 

"But telling him to get rid of it is not what we're gonna do, Jongin. Kyungsoo wants to keep it, we will work on accommodating him. And you."

 

"What about me?"

 

Junmyeon sighs. "I think it's best we consult with the senior management team."

 

"We're going to tell the agency?"

 

"So they would know what to do should the journalists ever get a hand on this. At least they can arrange a backup before the issue blows up and causes too much damage than can be saved."

 

-

 

Recording doesn't go as smoothly, and the producer keeps asking Jongin to repeat the same verse over and over again until he's semi-satisfied with the result. Jongin can't say he's not at fault. He knows he isn't feeling the best today, and it's unfortunately channeled through his job. He's just thankful he doesn't have to put up with fans for the day, not knowing if he can fake a smile in front of them.

 

This song should supposedly be included in his new mini album allegedly two month from now, hence the rush and need for it to be perfected as soon as possible. Their agency takes pride in the global quality of the songs they produce, right from hiring international producers down to casting the best of the best, creme de la creme, of the thousands of talents that come their way. 

 

Jongin is one of those talents.

 

"Can you repeat from the first bridge again? I need a good transition before you go to the chorus. Or do you need a break?" The producer asks over the microphone. Jongin shakes his head and gives him an OK hand sign, revising his lyrics script. The producer then directs the sound engineer beside him to play the music at a specific time. Jongin takes a deep breath before releasing it, gathering his work mode while he waits for his cue to sing again.

 

-

 

"Next month?"

 

"Yes," Junmyeon says, walking by Jongin's side as they head to the SUM cafe. "So while your market value increases and fans are hyped about your new comeback, the attention is mainly diverted. Journalists will work hard to find your flaws, but just keep it low for now. That's what they said."

 

His comeback would be pushed up by a month? "Are they sure they don't wanna meet me? Or Kyungsoo?" Jongin speaks his doubts out as they get in the VIP lane, one that outside customers aren't allowed to use.

 

"They're busy enough as it is, Jongin. You have another schedule to attend to as well. Let's just say you're in good hands."

 

That doesn't make him feel better. In fact, nothing makes him feel better when he knows the foetus is steadily growing in Kyungsoo and the fact that anytime a journalist could find out about him.

 

"You're going to Kyungsoo's this evening." Junmyeon announces, cupping his hand so only Jongin can see him talking. The cafe is packed as usual, not with just the staffs that work there but also fans that are hopeful to get even a glimpse of their favourite idols.

 

"I'm _what_?"

 

"You need to apologize to him."

 

Jongin huffs indignantly, his jaw clenching. He knows if he tries to work his way out, his ass will voluntarily be handed to Jongdae's and that smells like bigger trouble. "Is he even home tonight?"

 

"Sehun said he'll make sure of it, but he won't tell him you're coming. He has no schedule tonight, apparently."

 

"You planned this all out." Jongin gives the elder male the stink-eye.

 

"I'm your _manager_ , Jongin."

 

-

 

Sehun turns his head this way and that, appreciating the bleached hair on him. Kyungsoo picked a really good shade of blonde on him he can't thank him enough. His filming is set to start in another few hours, so while waiting for the crew to touch up the set, Kyungsoo bleached his roots back and styled up his hair while Sehun studies his script, making notes where necessary. 

 

"'Does it matter that we're not in love with each other? We're doing this for the sake of our parents'."

 

Kyungsoo snorts, dealing with a stubborn few strands of Sehun's hair.

 

"'We're the perfect match. You will never find a man more capable than me'."

 

"Are those really your lines?" Kyungsoo asks in a hushed tone, amused.

 

"It's my concept, apparently."

 

Kyungsoo smiles. "What's the heroine's line after that?"

 

Sehun looks back at his script, searching through the lines. "'Perfect match? I beg to differ. You can't even clean up after your own mess'."

 

"The hero sounds like a jerk." Kyungsoo remarks, bending over a little to closely check Sehun's makeup after finishing with his hair.

 

Sehun takes the chance to hold his gaze with Kyungsoo. "Don't you think he sounds familiar?"

 

Blinking, Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows at him. "Who?"

 

Sehun merely smiles, looking back in the mirror. "I think I'm gonna wear blue contacts." He says, and soon Kyungsoo is rummaging through the duffle bag for a small pouch, handing Sehun the lens case. 

 

"Give him some time." The idol says as he puts on the contacts, blinking several times to adjust to them. He notices Kyungsoo freeze in his spot. "He probably looks like an asshole to you right now, but give him some time."

 

His makeup artist seems to not want to acknowledge that, busying himself with tidying his makeup organiser. "I don't think he's an asshole, Sehun." 

 

Sehun gives him a long, hard look before it dissolves into that of empathy. "Of course. Of course you don't." 

 

-

 

Kyungsoo loves his job.

 

Of course, while he can't say the same to the hectic schedules he has to conform to that comes with being the makeup artist of a top tier idol, he still loves what he does. He doesn't spend three years at a beauty academy to be something else.

 

Soon enough, the director looks for Sehun and they go through the script together, being guided by the experienced director. The female cast is a head shorter than Sehun, but she's pretty nonetheless. Kyungsoo stares at her face a bit too long, admiring the flawless no-makeup makeup look. He wonders what kind of lip tint she uses on her lips. Her long hair is swept over her shoulder, flaunting her fancy earrings.

 

Although doing a male idol's makeup is fun, sometimes Kyungsoo dreams to style long hair and fix extra long lashes on women, putting on bold colours on their lips and other stuffs that are limited when it comes to male makeup, at least within the industry where genders are heavily pronounced. He hates this societal norm, but there's nothing much he can do about it. That is why he often experiments by himself at home and uploads them on his Instagram at times, although he hardly opens the app anymore due to Sehun's frantic schedules. 

 

He especially loves glitters. There was one magazine photoshoot held at a flower garden and Kyungsoo was so pleased he could put some glitters on Sehun's face, just enough so they shined whenever the sun rays hit them. That was by far his favourite photoshoot, not just for its androgynous concept but also the nature backdrop. It brought out his work so well Sehun almost looked like an ethereal creature out of this world. 

 

Kyungsoo prays for Sehun to be offered similar photoshoots in the future. 

 

That is... while he still _can_ work.

 

"How are you feeling today?" Baekhyun comes up to his side, munching on a breakfast bar and offering Kyungsoo some. Kyungsoo rejects it, saying too much sugar makes him feel nauseous. 

 

"Good so far. I ate some saltine crackers this morning, so I don't think I'll feel sick today."

 

"Have you gone to an obstetrician yet?" Baekhyun whispers.

 

"No," Kyungsoo says, eyes fixed on Sehun who is now practicing his lines with the female cast before the actual shooting begins. "I think it's fine not to go now."

 

"But you're almost 2 months along, aren't you? Shouldn't that call for a consultation with a doctor?"

 

Baekhyun's words hold some truth, unfortunately. "I'll try and get myself an appointment soon. Don't worry about me, Baek." His friend hums, then changes the topic to which Kyungsoo's grateful for.

 

They chat while observing the shooting, throwing light hearted comments about the scenes. They stifle a laugh whenever Sehun forget his lines or when he can't control his expressions. Whenever the director shouts cut, Kyungsoo would go over and checks Sehun's makeup and hair, making sure nothing is in a disarray while Baekhyun checks for creases and lints on his jacket.

 

Whenever Sehun offers him an appreciative smile, Kyungsoo feels accomplished.

 

-

 

3-B-05.

 

Can't say he's happy to be here again. 

 

Jongin has been standing there for a good 5 minutes thinking of ways to apologize to Kyungsoo without sounding insincere. He's still not sure what he should be apologizing for, but he guesses embarrassing the elder male in a public restaurant should call for a good start. He's not entirely sorry for telling him to get rid of the alien.

 

Sighing, he thinks he should just get this over with since Junmyeon is waiting in the car downstairs. 

 

He's about to knock on the door when said door bursts open and he's faced with an equally surprised Kyungsoo.

 

"J-Jongin?"

 

"Kyungsoo... Hi."

 

Blinking in disbelief, Kyungsoo glances around and Jongin is starting to think it's a habit of his. "I'm alone."

 

"Do you... have a reason why you're here?" Kyungsoo enquires, his face painted in all sorts of confusion and partly of which Jongin recognises as apprehension. Is he perhaps scared of Jongin being here? People have shown all sorts of reaction to seeing Jongin; excited to death, disappointment, starstruck - but never fear.

 

Scanning Kyungsoo head to toe, he notices the pullover and a pair of jeans and a shopping bag. "Are you going out?"

 

Kyungsoo looks down at his shopping bag, as if avoiding Jongin's eye contact. "Uhm, I realised I ran out of soap, among other things. Forgot to buy them on the way back." He says with a shrug, fixing his round glasses and then his bangs.

 

Jongin stares at him mutely, because he really has nothing to say. It's also probably a subconscious thing that he eyes down Kyungsoo's stomach area before looking up again and finding out that he's caught for it. "Um."

 

"Why are you here?" Kyungsoo says with a slight defensive tone, eyeing the idol with wary. Jongin supposes that is an expected reaction considering the disagreement between them. He still has no memory of what he said last night, but if Junmyeon's words are anything to go by, then he reckons that Kyungsoo's hurt by it.

 

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" He lowers his mouth mask, taking in the skeptical look given his way, and tries not to be too affected by it. Kyungsoo spares the bag in his hand a glance.

 

"But I need to shop some stuffs..."

 

"I can ask my manager to buy them for you."

 

"What? No, please, I don't want to give him any trouble."

 

"Junmyeon won't think it's trouble." He is already taking out his phone and opens up his notes, shoving the phone to Kyungsoo. "Just list them down here, and be specific if you can."

 

He doesn't take the phone right away, so Jongin grabs his hand and places it there. "Consider it you making time for me." Kyungsoo stares at it for a long while before he starts typing.

 

It doesn't take longer than 2 minutes, and Jongin observes the way the smaller male keeps pushing his glasses up amidst his typing. As it may be, 2 minutes are probably long enough for the idol to stare at Kyungsoo's clothed belly again, picturing a bump underneath thanks to Jongin's one goddamn successful sperm. Oh god, what if they're _two_ sp--

 

"Here." Kyungsoo hands back the phone to him, worrying his lower lip. "Please say my thanks to him."

 

Jongin does a quick scan of the list, finding it a lot more normal than he would have expected. Kyungsoo did a good job trying to make it as specific as possible. There's wholewheat bread too, and a box of Cheerios. Screenshotting the list, he sends it to Junmyeon and his manager responds with a simple OK.

 

"Let's talk inside?" Jongin pleads.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo mumbles small apologies as he picks his stuffs up and tosses them somewhere else while Jongin stands in the entryway. Perhaps noticing a newly arrived but familiar scent, Winter struts her way to Jongin and just sits in front of his feet, demanding a greeting. So Jongin pats her on the head once and steps over to the living room. 

 

When Kyungsoo marches to the kitchen, Jongin follows him just to say: "Just water, please." Because he knows boiling the water will steal his time.

 

That's how they find themselves on the same low table again, two glasses of water atop, and a black feline on Kyungsoo's lap.

 

"How are you doing?" Jongin begins, just to warm himself up. 

 

"I'm okay." Kyungsoo nods, blinking up at Jongin guardedly. Jongin doesn't blame him for acting that way. 

 

"My management team had a small discussion." Jongin finally says, taking note of Kyungsoo's curiosity. "They're mapping out some possible solutions should this break to the media."

 

Kyungsoo waits patiently, blinking up at Jongin with a glint of hope. Jongin isn't sure he can conform to that hope. He was fine tuned to deliver up to people's expectations, and even exceed them - but he can't promise the same thing to the man before him.

 

"I won't tell you to... terminate the pregnancy anymore," He winces as he speaks, evidently unwilling. "But I'm not in its favours either."

 

Kyungsoo however seems pretty grateful for it. "That's more than enough for me."

 

"I am... advised to share the responsibility--"

 

"You don't have to." Kyungsoo interrupts, then realises his crudeness and proceeds to mumble a small apology. "I'm sorry. But you don't have to. Really. It's enough for me that you at least know this child is yours."

 

 _I still hope it wasn't_ , but Jongin bites back the retort. He's here to apologize, not make the air between them more tensed. He believes he doesn't possess the same amount of humility as Kyungsoo, having been showered with so much praise and love, and the one he shows on air is nothing if not half an act.

 

"Do you intend to raise it? The baby." Jongin asks out of curiosity.

 

Kyungsoo looks like he can't believe Jongin would ask such a thing, but he tries to mask it albeit a bit unkemptly. "Yes."

 

"Alone?"

 

"If I have to... then, yes."

 

Jongin has so many questions. "You do know you won't get to work for Sehun anymore if you chose to raise a child, right?"

 

"I'm aware," Says the makeup artist, resolved, as if having this discussion tires him out. "I'll probably be ready by then."

 

"How are you going to raise it if you don't have a job?"

 

"I'll think of a way." Kyungsoo says. "You don't have to worry about it."

 

Jongin almost wants to retaliate that he doesn't really worry about it. Instead he just stares at the elder male as if he's grown two heads. Giving up a dream job just to raise a kid?

 

"Why?"

 

Offering the idol a bitter smile, Kyungsoo thumbs the rim of his glass. "You wouldn't understand, Jongin."

 

Jongin doesn't press much on that. "I'm sure you understand why I insisted abortion as the better choice." He expresses, earning a reluctant nod from the other male. Sighing, he continues. "But I don't think it'll ever change your mind, now will it?"

 

"I'm sorry." Kyungsoo mumbles. "I'm keeping it. I- I'll try my best to lay low."

 

"I'd actually appreciate that."

 

There's a set of knocks on the door then, and it's Junmyeon carrying Kyungsoo's items into the kitchen. Kyungsoo keeps apologizing and thanking him, making Junmyeon wave it off with a warm smile. He doesn't forget to glare at Jongin before exiting, though. 

 

"Ah, I don't recall wanting yogurts..." Kyungsoo mutters to himself.

 

"It's probably on Junmyeon."

 

"But this is too much..." Kyungsoo claims, going through the bag. He takes out a few bottles and arranges it at the side. Hesitantly, he takes a bottle and hands it to Jongin who just stares at it questioningly.

 

"Why are you giving it to me? My manager bought them for you."

 

"They will expire soon if I don't consume it in the nearest future." He says, then looks a bit uncertain. "But um, if it bothers you that I'm giving it to you, it's fine..."

 

Jongin frowns at the remark. Does he make himself sound like he hates Kyungsoo? Hate is such a strong term; indifferent is more like it. It's just that he supposedly is carrying Jongin's child, an unwanted one, and that's the only thing that maybe puts him off a bit. He doesn't hate Kyungsoo.

 

He grabs the bottle from the elder male's hand. "I'll- I'll take it. Thanks."

 

Kyungsoo offers him a small smile, and Jongin wonders if that's how much he'll get. He's seen Kyungsoo give bigger smiles at other people. 

 

"I'm sorry for last night." He suddenly finds himself blurting out.

 

"Last night?"

 

"Um, Junmyeon said I said some terrible things." Jongin has to fight an embarrassed blush while explaining himself. 

 

"It's fine," Kyungsoo shakes his head. "People tend to do that."

 

"No, I mean- I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, in public or anything like that."

 

Unexpectedly, Kyungsoo grants him a warm smile for the first time that night - or ever. In a flash of thought, Jongin thinks it suits him very well. Kyungsoo looks good with a smile.

 

"There are a lot of things we don't mean to do or say when we're drunk, Jongin."

 

-

 

"Quite a while you're in there." Junmyeon addresses a bit sarcastically once Jongin gets in the car. "I half expected you to be there for like, 2 minutes."

 

Jongin rolls his eyes, not caring to shoot back with a retort.

 

"Why do you have a bottle of yogurt with you?"

 

Looking down at the bottle in his hand, Jongin snorts. "He insisted I take one."

 

"He's really too nice for his own good." Junmyeon shakes his head, beginning to drive. Jongin has to admit he shares the same sentiment.

 

-

 

The first time Kyungsoo threw up, he blamed it on the lack of energy. 

 

It was right after he had done Sehun's makeup for a fashion brand launching event. He rushed to the toilet as soon as he felt something rose up his throat, threatening to escape his digestive system.

 

The second time it happened, he secretly bought a pregnancy test kit while their van driver stopped by a convenience store to grab some cans of coffee. He knew he should've seen this coming, knew right from the morning he woke up with a jolting pain in his back that he just did something terribly, terribly atrocious. 

 

The twin coloured lines that appeared on the stick were downright appalling.

 

It didn't help that he didn't know if he could tell anyone about it, given the fast-paced living he had to catch up with. Just to make sure the kit wasn't giving him a false positive result, he bought a few more and tested them every single day for a week, and on each day those double lines never ceased to appear.

 

He was pregnant. Kyungsoo was unquestionably pregnant, and for the sake of God he didn't know what to do.

 

That was 7 weeks ago.

 

As he watches Jongin sloppily put on his shoes, he can only wonder how devastated the idol must have been to have learnt that he would soon be a father, unwillingly. If not by legal documents, it's by blood.

 

Jongin doesn't even spare him a glance as he goes down the stairs. Kyungsoo would have been fine with it if it wasn't for their circumstances - if it was just the idol in one universe and him as a makeup artist for another idol in another universe. Too bad they're in the same universe, in the same circumstances, with completely different ways of perceiving it, of taking it.

 

He closes the door with a heavy heart, ignoring Winter as she looks up at him. While clearing the table, he remembers Jongin asking him if he wanted to keep it, the first time he came over. Tonight, the idol asked him _why_.

 

Kyungsoo couldn't formulate the answer right away, not because he wasn't certain himself. He's so sure Jongin wouldn't understand.

 

It was a couple of weeks after figuring out that he was bearing a child that he really came around to accept it. The arrival to such a decision wasn't an easy process; it took a lot of self-blame in between emptying his stomach in a random public washroom, and the guilt of knowing he has potentially killed a dream. A dream that constitutes years of mentally and physically exerting training while waiting for a chance to debut to the world. A dream that has hundreds of thousands of loyal followers and young souls looking up to a dancing icon. A dream that breaks past records with even better ones the coming achievement. A dream that makes Kim Jongin, Kim Kai. 

 

A dream that Kyungsoo bears witness to.

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

“Kim Kai, reported to comeback with a mini album early next month"

[Photo]

Source : Music News via Nade

1\. [+3,420, -176] Wow, SM is really overworking him. His new drama is coming out too.

2\. [+2,443, -220] Didn't he just release a full album 5 months ago??

3\. [+1042, -102] I'm looking forward to it!!

4\. [+750, -87] I thought Sehun is also expected to comeback next month?? Are their promotions going to overlap??

5\. [+423, -40] His drama is coming out too, right? 

 

 

 

"SM confirms Kim Kai to comeback next month, Oh Sehun's comeback postponed due to schedule conflicts"

[Photo]

Source : Daily Entertainment via Naber

1\. [+2,355, -376] Ahh I can’t wait! Fighting, Kim Kai!

2\. [+1,843, -220] Watch the other idols postponing their comebacks after this news

3\. [+1292, -102] Not a fan here but his past albums have really good sidetracks.

4\. [+530, -87] Heol but Sehun hasn’t made a comeback for more than half a year now. I guess it’s understandable since he’s still on his tour and drama filming too on top of that.

5\. [+123, -40] And with his drama promotions too… What is SM thinking…

 

 

-

 

The clock reads 5.16 a.m. 

 

10 minutes ago, Kyungsoo opened his eyes to the emptiness of the ceiling, accompanied by Baekhyun’s snoring beside him. 5 minutes ago, he found himself on the bathroom sink, retching but nothing came out. Now, after having brushed his teeth, he smoothens his shirt down and slightly pulls at the hems, taking note of the hardly noticeable raised curve crossing his midline. He wonders how long it will be until he can no longer fit into his favourite jeans, and wonders if he would be saddened by it.

 

As he blinks at himself in the mirror, the paleness of his face and the full yet chapped lips bring a upon a dissatisfied frown. 

 

-

 

He sets the camcorder down, levitating it with the hotel’s directory he found in a drawer until his whole face and neck are seen in the frame. 

 

Seeing as Baekhyun is still sleeping soundly on the queen bed, instead of recording in the room, Kyungsoo brought his whole case into the bathroom. Having a large mirror by the sink to reflect most of the lights, it makes the lighting in there much more decent.

 

Kyungsoo starts with the tone corrector, dabbing the liquid onto his face in patches before making it even with his base brush, and then continuing with his foundation. The red button on his camcorder is his only witness.

 

The hotel bathroom is quiet save for the sounds of strokes his brush is making and the popping of caps of the products he’s using. 

 

Rows upon rows of compartments are evident, all filled with tubes and bottles and other tools of some sort, arranged in many shades or colours accordingly to the type. There are more stacks of palettes in another division, and then another specially for glitters and jewels. His makeup suitcase makes up for a couple of thousands of won, and it’s his most cherished treasure chest. The products and tools sitting in there are Kyungsoo’s golds and diamonds.

 

He continues with his translucent powder to set his base makeup before picking his liquid concealer.

 

It’s too bad that he isn’t an on call celebrity make up artist. Those people receive fully sponsored items from high edge makeup brands all over the world, and they get to not only do makeups for celebrities in the show business, but also for runway and editorial models that demands a high fashion look, of which Kyungsoo loves. 

 

But he isn’t one to complain. Working under Sehun means not having to deal with too much difference in personalities, save for the art and creative directors that insist for a certain look for their projects. Working under Sehun also means no on call work, the one thing he likes about it too, so he’s free to do whatever he wants in his free time. 

 

He smiles at the camera once while choosing his palette. 

 

Upon many requests from his followers regarding the makeup he did when he took a selfie with Sehun a few months prior, he finally has the time to make a video of it. He’s sure the steps are different now but he tries his best to mimic the makeup in the photo concerned. It’s nothing flashy, and it isn’t a magnetic look that draws you in for its boldness, and that’s probably the reason his followers love about him. He doesn’t try to look striking, but he definitely succeeds on captivating their eyes and prolongs the magic.

 

Since he’s going for a soft look, he applies some apricot brown shade onto his lids before closing the edges off with a darker brown. The matte texture gives the soft touch he’s looking for, and he hopes the camera catches this little detail. The lack of shimmer might make him look a little dull, but he hopes by wearing the little to no coverage powder, the natural glow of his skin will make up for it.

 

Kyungsoo never speaks in his videos. The subtitles he add are the only assistance his viewers can get. He would always just add some EDM music in the background to prevent his videos from falling flat, but never will his voice be heard. It doesn’t only spare him from having to buy a microphone but also the embarrassment of listening to his own voice and talking alone to the camera. He’s gotten many comments requesting him talking in his videos, but it just isn’t likely to happen.

 

He loves his bushy eyebrows. He’s never plucked them. He only shapes them a little and leaves them like that. His followers also seem to adore them, commenting on how they complement his doe eyes well. Some even doubt him for drawing them too thick when in fact they’re not drawn at all.

 

The first time he gained attention for his makeup, it’s because Sehun took a birthday selfie with him and uploaded on his Instagram account, garnering a lot of attention on who the guy with full lips was. Kyungsoo started getting an immense number of followers on his account, requesting selfies of his own and then leaving comments on how to do them.

 

There are times he gets adventurous enough and uploaded some videos of him doing makeups on special occasions, like Halloween. They are hardly tutorials though, because he skips most of the basic steps and just goes straight for the highlight of the look. Also, it’s possible that his followers only watch them because he has a face that is pleasing to the eyes. Kyungsoo is absolutely aware of how attractive he is, but immediately grows shy when he’s reminded for it. 

 

He completes his look with a light rose coloured lip tint, smacking his full lips together afterwards, and smiles at the camera. Giving a small wave, he finally stops the recording. Before completely wrapping up, he takes a final selfie (he barely poses) and decides that’s a good picture to include at the end of the video later when he has the time to edit. It’s been almost 3 months since he last uploaded anything on his Instagram, and this will surely appease his followers once he publishes it. 

 

By the time he monitors his video for the second time, it’s already 7, and in comes the notification from Sehun that he might need a light makeup before going to the set that morning. Following that, there’s another message coming in from his neighbour, saying that he’s fed Winter this morning and Kyungsoo replies with a simple thank you and promises of coffee. He misses Winter terribly but there’s nothing he can do about it when Sehun has schedules outside his part of town. Kyungsoo always leaves a spare key with his neighbour should he miss out days from home.

 

With one last look in the mirror, Kyungsoo packs up.

 

-

 

“You look pretty today,” Sehun offers, an amused smile playing on his lips. “Were you recording?”

 

“Thanks. And yeah, I was.” Kyungsoo returns the gesture with a timid smile of his own, placing his makeup suitcase down and separating the compartments. “Moisturised?”

 

“Done. You know me.” Sehun closes his eyes then, letting Kyungsoo apply his base. “I heard they’re preparing breakfast for the cast and crew today. Make sure you get some.”

 

“Of course.” Kyungsoo uses his favourite wedge puff to even it out. “I’ll never say no to free food.”

 

One of the saddest things about doing makeup on an ever busy idol, is that he can’t help but notice the dark bags underneath Sehun’s eyes. Those bags carry the weights of sleepless nights and skipped meals just so he can attend to a schedule on time or perfect his routines in the dance room. It’s just the sad reality of most celebrities in their country - overworked and underappreciated. A thick layer of concealer goes there, but not too thick to make it look cakey.

 

Sehun plays his own songs on the portable speaker he brought with him, breaking into light moves now and then and earning a pinch on his arm to make him stay still. While Kyungsoo does his hair, the idol mumbles something along the lines of ‘why is Baekhyun not up yet’ and ‘I’ll take his portion if he’s not up in 20 minutes’. He makes a mental note to wake Baekhyun up later after having done with Sehun’s hair.

 

Jongdae comes out of the kitchen with a cup in his hand, greeting Kyungsoo a good morning and asking how he’s feeling. When the manager offers to pour him some coffee, Kyungsoo has to decline. “I’m already frequenting the toilet these days. Coffee is diuretic. And bad for the baby.” 

 

“Oh, right.” Jongdae hums, sipping on his coffee while checking his phone. 

 

“Did you even gain any weight at all?” Sehun turns and places a hand on Kyungsoo’s tummy, making the makeup artist yelp and smack his hand with the hair blower. “Ow.”

 

“I’m only two months along!” He hisses, going back to blowing the idol’s hair. “I’m not supposed to show yet…”

 

Sehun pouts dramatically, glaring at himself in the mirror. “When will you start showing though?”

 

“Well— I mean, it’s already there but, it’s not big enough to actually show through my clothes…”

 

The idol hums in response. “Have you gone to the doctor yet?”

 

Kyungsoo places the blower down, squeezing a small amount of hair wax in his palm. “No.”

 

“Do you need someone to go with you?” Sehun is considerate enough to not throw Jongin’s name out at times like these.

 

“I haven’t thought about it. I thought of going alone.”

 

He knows an appointment is long overdue, considering he hasn’t made any medical checkup yet ever since the revelation of carrying a baby. It’s just that he hasn’t had the energy and time to go and make an appointment, considering how tiring it is with having to follow Sehun around and only having the team’s van as his form of transport. It’s nearly, if not entirely impossible to hail a cab at his place, and there’s the medical costs he has to worry about.

 

“Has he contacted you?”

 

Kyungsoo hesitates before answering truthfully. “He came over the other night.”

 

“He came over?” The makeup artist doesn’t catch the knowing smile crossing Sehun’s face. “Did he say anything to you?”

 

Kyungsoo isn’t sure to what extent he can tell him, because for one, Jongin is Sehun’s best friend. He doesn’t want either of them to have the wrong impressions of each other because of him. But Sehun is _his_ best friend too. He’s at a little loss. 

 

“You don’t look like you wanna tell me.” Sehun interrupts his reverie rather understandingly.

 

Pursing his lips together, Kyungsoo apologizes. “I’m sorry.”

 

Sehun doesn’t say anything more, letting Kyungsoo finish his hair in silence with only the music blaring in the air. When Kyungsoo tidies up and keeps his tools, he hears Sehun ask him something.

 

“What?”

 

“I said I want a selca of us. Since you look pretty today.” Sehun says, already opening up his phone camera. Kyungsoo promptly fixes his bangs and inspects his own makeup in the mirror, wiping almost a minute spot of smudged lip tint that has already escaped his lip line. What he fails to notice is Sehun capturing that very moment and getting away with it with a barely covered smile.

 

“I’m done.” Kyungsoo moves closer to Sehun while the idol flips the camera to selfie mode, searching for their best angle (more like, Sehun looking for _his_ best angle) and snaps a few shots.

 

“I hope you don’t mind me uploading this,” Sehun asks for his permission, although Kyungsoo thinks he doesn’t need to, but he appreciates the thought of asking him first, just like he always does whenever they have shots together. He however still feels a little embarrassed about it, but he guesses no harm is done there. It’s admittedly fun to read some of the comments sometimes too.

 

“Go ahead.” Kyungsoo says, locking his suitcase and makes to return to his room until something makes him stop midway. He cups his mouth with a tentative hand, about ready to sprint to Sehun’s bathroom but the feeling goes away as soon as it comes.

 

“You okay?”

 

Kyungsoo turns around to Jongdae on the dining table who’s looking over at him worryingly. He waves him off with a curt nod, making a mental note to bring his mint candies later. “I’m good.”

 

-

 

The filming set is located at Hangang Park near the Han River, and a few feet away from it stands the food truck with already a queue of staffs lining up. There’s quite a number of people already eating on the benches, and some standing, but most of them are definitely conversing with each other, taking the time to socialize and Kyungsoo can see the group of actors eating while discussing with each other in a lighthearted fashion. Baekhyun clutches at his arm and drags him to the end of the line.

 

“What time are they starting?” Kyungsoo asks, glancing at the group of actors.

 

“They said in another hour or so.”

 

Kyungsoo hums, calculating the time needed to finish Sehun’s makeup in case the director wants to go for a specific look. He is also informed that there will be a brawl scene so he has to take that into consideration too. 

 

It comes with the job, commonly preferred as theatrical makeup. He even took a special course for it just in case it might come in handy, and soon enough it does, although he can’t say it’s his favourite. He likes making people prettier and more attractive, not the other way around, but at most he has to do is just some cuts and bruises here and there.

 

Baekhyun keeps sighing dreamily at the side, appreciating the second lead of the drama Seo Kang Joon. “You know, I kind of want to dress him up.” He confesses none too shamefully.

 

“You say that about almost every actor out there.” Kyungsoo chuckles.

 

“Yeah well just like you wanting to do—” Baekhyun stops as soon as he sees Kyungsoo’s expectant gaze on him. He clears his throat awkwardly. “You know what, never mind.”

 

Kyungsoo internally sighs, grateful Baekhyun’s brain to mouth filter is working alright. He doesn’t say anything but only shows his gratitude by hugging Baekhyun’s arm quietly while the line moves. 

 

When it’s their turn to take the food, the similar feeling of unease in his tummy returns, and the various smell of food and perfumes from the people surrounding him aren’t helping. Kyungsoo tugs at Baekhyun’s shirt to let him know. “Um, Baekhyun.”

 

“Hm?” 

 

“I think I feel sick…”

 

-

 

Sehun chews on his peach slice thoughtfully, listening to his co actors discussing - more like chatting in his opinion. The discussion on acting has long since been discarded after only 5 minutes before the desire to socialize came up.

 

“I’m telling you the truth! My dog can do a somersault!” Kang Joon exclaims wildly.

 

“Stop lying, gosh!” Their female lead, Boyoung cracks up.

 

“I have the video proof in my phone, hold on, I’ll show you,” Kang Joon says seriously, fishing his phone out from the pocket of his jacket, and Sehun stifles a laugh, still humoring him as he waits for him to show the video.

 

But he doesn’t end up watching the video with them because something else has caught his attention. He watches from afar as Baekhyun assists Kyungsoo who is bent over a trash bin and heaving the contents of his stomach out. 

 

Sehun thinks twice about going over to them before deciding against it. It’s for the best that he doesn’t. He’s sure Kyungsoo’s in good hands with Baekhyun. Going over to them would only stir talk. 

 

He sighs through his nose, staring at the paper plate half full of cut fruits and not having the appetite anymore to finish all of them.

 

-

 

Sehun stays still as Kyungsoo styles his hair, not much to do on his face after the base makeup back at the hotel this morning. The idol can’t help but notice Kyungsoo’s pale lips, no more glistening like they were earlier.

 

“You forgot to reapply.” Sehun motions to his own lips.

 

Kyungsoo blinks up questioningly before going ‘ah’ in realization, going over to his kit and picking a tube. He uncaps it and brings it to Sehun’s lips until a gentle hand stops him.

 

“I meant yours.”

 

Baffled, Kyungsoo drops his gaze at the tube in his hand, capping it back. “All that food must have wiped it away.” He laughs nervously. “I’ll do it later.”

 

Sehun frowns at the transparent lie, but he chooses not to call it out. “How much did you eat?”

 

“A lot.”

 

This time, he can’t tell if Kyungsoo’s telling the truth or not. “Really?”

 

“Really,” Kyungsoo breaks into a small smile then, running his fingers through Sehun’s blonde locks to make sure it’s light and flowy enough to be caressed by the wind during filming later. “Why do you sound so interrogative?”

 

“Who else will?” He hears Kyungsoo chuckle behind him.

 

-

 

Jongin slips a hand underneath his jacket to fix the underarm of his dress shirt and loosens his tie slightly as he goes, feeling like he might choke himself at some point during the press conference. Luhan will definitely have his head if he saw Jongin The shutters of the cameras seem to intensify at every action he performs, as if everything he does is photo worthy. He knows fansites don’t have access into the venue, hence it’s the reporters’ jobs to get decent photos to fish more traffic to their articles.

 

The public conference ends on a good note and finally they are all ushered to a separate room for private interview with members from the broadcasting channels. It’s a little hard to focus when the actress beside him, Ko Seunghee keeps on brushing her arm with Jongin’s, whether intentionally or not, Jongin can’t tell. There are times she keeps giggling a little too much than can be considered cute - it begins to sound like a shrill to him. Still, he maintains the practiced smile on his face. 

 

As soon as the interview ends, he unbuttons his jacket and loosens his tie, greeting his co-actors a good job and promises of meeting soon before heading out of the room. When a hand is latched around his, Jongin turns around.

 

Seunghee smiles prettily, her hair slipping down her shoulder with grace. “We’re having late lunch later. Come join us?”

 

Jongin gives her an apologetic smile. “Would love to, but I have somewhere I need to be.” Seunghee drops her smile dejectedly and lets him go with a quiet goodbye. Without sparing her another word, he is being ushered by Junmyeon to their van. Similarly rushing when they first arrived, they are now quickly heading back to the agency building for a small meeting with the production team before letting Jongin go for dance practice. 

 

His schedule is jam packed but at least now he still gets to sleep at nights. Once the comeback drops, there’ll be no such thing as sleep anymore in his dictionary. He takes what he can get for now.

 

-

 

Dropping the weights back to where they belong, Jongin grabs his face towel and sinks back on the bench, wiping down the sweat that makes him seem as if he just got dumped with a bucket of  water. 

 

It’s nearly 11 p.m. which explains the near empty company gym save for one of the dancers on the treadmill. It’s arm day today for him, and Jongin studies his biceps in the mirror, flexing and turning to the side to appreciate the taut skin over bulky muscles and the sheen layer of sweat that gives him a healthy tanned glow. Since his comeback is nearing, he opts to look his best in the music video as well as on stages.

 

He stays there for a couple more minutes to cool down some, rehydrating himself every couple of minutes in between stretches. The other guy is still on the treadmill, steadily jogging with his ears plugged. Junmyeon said he’ll wait outside the building at sharp 11.30, and that leaves him with around 5 minutes left for his gym session.

 

The agency told him he’ll get a weekend off right before his comeback so he can spend it however he wants, rest as much as he can before going into war of never ending schedule. He’s thinking of going back to his parents’ home for a bit. It’s been a while since he last saw them anyway. His sister recently gave birth to a healthy girl too so he’s got a new family member to meet.

 

Jongin pulls out his jumper from his backpack and puts it on, throwing the bag over his shoulder as he exits the gym and heads to the lifts. Most of the offices are already dark, although there are some staffs who stay in due to some work. The thing about show business is that there should always be a team of people put together and are in charge of social media management, particularly for damage control. Jongin doesn’t fully understand how it works but he does know it is a continuous labor. 

 

Once he reaches the lifts, there are already a couple of staffs waiting. He stands back as he sees the down button already pressed, returning the bows given to him by the employees. When the elevator opens, Jongin lets them enter first before himself.

 

One of them, a middle-aged man, turns to him with an amiable smile. “My daughter’s a big fan.”

 

Jongin blinks in surprise before bowing courteously. “Ahh, thank you.”

 

“She always makes me buy your albums. Cheaper when you’re a staff here.” The man laughs cordially, and Jongin can only bow again in gratitude, feeling mildly bashful.

 

It gets a bit embarrassing when fathers talk about their children being a fan of him, because Jongin can’t tell if these fathers truly welcome such hobby. Jongin knows how some fans tend to love their idols in secret for fear of being reprimanded by their guardians. 

 

“I’m just glad it makes her happy.” The man said. “A friend told me you’re having a comeback soon.”

 

“Yes, that is true.” Jongin offers him a smile, and soon they reach the ground floor.

 

“Well, good luck, kid.” The man says with a smile before stepping out with the other worker. Again, Jongin bows to him before he proceeds to walk out as well, taking his time as he strolls the hallway leisurely.

 

The walls beside him are lined with framed promotional posters of their albums and concert tours. Jongin’s recently ended tour is still up there too, and he stops to stare at it long enough until his phone rings. It’s Junmyeon telling him he’s already outside, waiting.

 

He says he’ll be there in a minute, eyes still fixed on his 5 month old album poster. A new one is due next month, and he knows it’s a bit dramatic but he can’t help thinking that it could be his last album ever. 

 

-

 

Apparently, Kyungsoo updated his Instagram account, and Jongin wouldn’t have any idea if it wasn’t for Sehun and the photo he received from him via chat. 

 

_“my thumb slipped lol”_

 

He can only scoff at the blatant lie, half convinced that his friend is just trying to get on his nerves while he pretends to ignore the said photo of a certain makeup artist set on fixing his lip makeup in the mirror. Jongin is also mildly positive Sehun took this without his knowledge if the shyness he’s noticed from one of his videos is any indication, unless Kyungsoo has grown out of it.

 

And as he brushes his teeth he assures himself that it is out of pure boredom that he opens the app and stalls by scrolling the timeline until one post from Sehun spurs him to tap on the cool looking black cat in glasses, indeed a new post is up. He halts his brushing for a moment, a thumb hovering over the thumbnail of a close up of a well done makeup. It was uploaded over two hours ago and it already has over 11k views and Jongin has to remind himself that some people really follow him for his face.

 

Maybe Kyungsoo has really grown out of his camera shyness, because he looks rather forward as he alternates between looking at the camera and at the mirror although he still doesn’t speak. The bathroom looks classy and Jongin can only assume he’s at a hotel. 

 

The ending selca should’ve come as no surprise, really, yet Jongin still finds himself thrown by it. It’s hardly a drastic transformation. It’s the soft subtlety with alluring undertones and he guesses that’s what the makeup artist was aiming for. In that moment, he realises that over 30k people will be seeing this, and he wonders how they would feel. He taps on the comments section and isn’t surprised to find some lecherous ones along with compliments in others. It’s the former that puts him off and immediately he closes the app and scowls at his reflection as his brushing intensity increases to the point that he can taste a little bit of iron along with the minty foam.

 

“Fucking hell,” comes his muffled voice as he turns on the tap and rinses his mouth. He ponders over how these 30k people would think of Kyungsoo once they knew he’s already bearing someone else’s child, a child that so happens to be a close friend of the idol he’s working for. Would they think so lewdly, still? 

 

Does Kyungsoo feel grossed out by these comments? Or does he actually enjoy making himself pretty in front of thousands of people and letting them fantasize over him? Was that what he was aiming for, riling them up?

 

Jongin blames it on the exhaustion that he’s starting to have these wild speculations - or for even having any speculation at all. A new text from Sehun right before he slips himself into bed isn’t much of a help.

 

_“you two would make a really cute baby”_

 

Well what do you know, one is on its way. Cute, Jongin’s not so sure about that. It’s about to possibly shatter his profession should any of them drop their guard. 

 

That’s far from cute. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a fanart of how I imagine Kyungsoo's selfie to be but idk how to upload pics here so you can just check it out here -> https://twitter.com/tinysooshi/status/956892066830696454


	7. Chapter 7

 

"Did Kyungsoo say anything to you?" Jongin's manager asks.

 

Midnight is approaching, and after an extensive practice in the dance room with his choreographer for supervision, Jongin's jaded. Their driver stopped by a restaurant for late dinner and now they're on the way home.

 

"Is he supposed to say anything to me?" 

 

Junmyeon chooses to not mind the snarky tone. "He has his first appointment tomorrow."

 

Jongin regards him with mild disbelief. "Did Kyungsoo say that to you?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Why did he tell you that?"

 

"I _asked_ him, Jongin." Junmyeon says, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Because _clearly_ you wouldn't."

 

Jongin returns to staring out the window. "My MV filming and jacket shooting starts tomorrow."

 

"That I know. I'm about to ask him who he's going with." Junmyeon says, then turns to face him. "Or maybe you could ask him yourself."

 

Jongin turns to him and is just about to slide in a word or two about it when his manager cuts in again. "You'd think that after 6 weeks from your first meeting with him, you'd contact him by yourself and not through some middlemen like me or Jongdae."

 

Jongin frowns. "I _have_ contacted him before, alright. I texted him."

 

"Then why don't you keep in touch?"

 

The van stops then, having arrived at Jongin's apartment. The driver is still jamming to a girl group song on the radio. Jongin sighs through his nose. "You know, with the way you say things, I'd actually find it a lot easier to believe that you guys are just trying to force a relationship onto us, which I, clearly don't want. So, I'd really like it for you to stop telling me what to do. Please."

 

Junmyeon offers him the longest stare ever, making the idol feel a tad bit uncomfortable, before he snorts, shaking his head. "We're not forcing a relationship onto you two. We're just making sure the baby is healthy along with Kyungsoo. But I guess since you're just going to continue being thick-headed like this, it seems that there's really no point in me updating you about him."

 

Pursing his lips, Jongin throws the door open and scoots to get out.

 

"And I guess the child will have to learn that their other parent does not want them, sadly."

 

Jongin slams the door close with more force than necessary.

 

-

 

After having slipped on some boxer shorts with nothing else, Jongin turns off his bluetooth speakers and shuffles over to his bed, the room casted in darkness with all the lights out except for a small mood light at a corner. 

 

He goes over to the ceiling to floor glass window overlooking the night cityscape, just to try and clear his head. His mind is clouded with uncertainty, and another feeling he can't quite shake off. Maybe he's just tired.

 

While lying on the too large of a bed, not even silk sheets can ease the tension in his muscles. He probably didn't do his stretching right today before and after gym. Running a hand over his abs, he revels in the tautness and hopes it will stay this way during his MV filming and all throughout promotions. Jongin can feel sleep crawling on his eyelids now, but he still fights them as he scrolls through his social media.

 

In the haze of sleep, however, he finds himself typing.

 

_"who r u going with"_

 

He doesn't bother waiting for a reply as sleep immediately washes over him. 

 

_-_

 

Winter wolfs down her tuna chunks heartily, happy to have been granted her favourite canned food instead of the usual dry kibbles. Her owner, though, is still scanning the fridge and deliberating on whether or not he should cook, considering their driver just recently dropped him off after work and he's still in his jeans.

 

The still full chilled section suggests he has not cooked for a while, and he guesses that would be the same for tonight. He doesn't bother checking the freezer, opting to not eat any kind of meat for the night. Not that he has much of a choice. Fish is really his best bet should he ever want some fleshy protein.

 

Instead, he cuts some vegetables into a bowl and adds some salt and sugar along with sesame oil and mixes them. He goes over to his room for a quick change into a pair of sweatpants before bringing his salad to the table. Winter is now seen licking herself clean after the meal, her bowl swept empty. He turns on the television and stabs on a cucumber.

 

The piece of veggie hasn't made itself into Kyungsoo's mouth yet as he halts, eyes trained on the screen as a very familiar face shows up on it. The idol seems so charming with the easygoing attitude he has with his co-actors and the interviewer, an adept front acquired through the years of being in the industry. 

 

Jongin has changed a lot, that Kyungsoo cannot deny.

 

He finally starts digging in, eyes never leaving the screen as they coolly explain about their roles and what to expect in the upcoming drama, breaking into laughter as they quip some comical remarks to each other. Kyungsoo can't help but crack into a smile.

 

When a trailer of said drama rolls in, Kyungsoo finds himself anticipating it even more although he knows he'll only be able to catch up through reruns. It isn't his first drama, and Kyungsoo can pick up the improvement in his acting with a swell of an emotion in his chest. Perhaps it comes with the years of devotion, but Kyungsoo has never been one to lose passion so easily and he has no shame in regards to that. 

 

But this time... maybe he should. He might have a hard time for it, and if it's for the best, maybe he can slowly diverge from the years of marvelling. Or is he too far gone? 

 

A hand subconsciously rubs at his abdomen as he watches the lead actor gleefully recites a wishful message to the viewers to watch the new drama. 

 

-

 

The bump is still almost non-existent if he were to just look at it. The little happy ball must be a small one if it only shows this much at 9 weeks. It can still be hidden underneath oversized shirts and sweaters, but it can only be for so long until people notice how 'fat' he's gotten. He hasn't had the time to think about what to do once the time comes. He might as well look for other jobs in the meantime and spend his free time resting at his apartment. His home. With Winter.

 

Something tugs at his heartstrings.

 

Maybe it just now hits him that he'll be dealing with it on his own. It doesn't matter that his friends keep saying that they'll be there for him in his time of need - in the end, the baby is none of their responsibility. They have lives. They have other commitments, other things to worry about, not some unborn child that isn't even related to them. 

 

Kyungsoo sighs as he removes his daily makeup, watching the transition from looking flawless and vibrantly alive to the pale translucency of his skin and tired eyes. Almost like half death, and he's only part of the makeup staff. He admires those who never cease to act all happy in front of the camera despite their hidden exhaustion.

 

Getting ready for bed, he can see Winter has made herself comfortable at the foot of the bed, looking like a little blob of black ink on the sheets. Kyungsoo carefully slips himself underneath the covers and lays on his side.

 

A piece of paper card sits on his nightstand, and he goes through it just to make sure he doesn't mix up the dates. His appointment starts at 2 in the afternoon tomorrow. Sehun has no schedule tomorrow. He places it back down and stares at the drawer instead.

 

He stares at it for too long, not sleepy enough but lacks the wakefulness to do anything else. He ends up not opening the said drawer and finds himself lying on his back, eyes up at the ceiling. Winter stirs and repositions herself before going back to sleep, making Kyungsoo lean up to check on her. 

 

His eyes eventually land on a shelf on the wall across, at the neat upright stack.

 

He takes his glasses off and places them on the nightstand and makes to sleep, until the buzzing of his phone soon interrupts it.

 

-

 

Jongin wakes up and the first thing he does is to search for his phone.

 

_"A friend."_

 

He convinces himself he doesn't care enough to ask who.

 

"Your passport?"

 

Jongin is struggling with his blue skinny jeans when Junmyeon barges into the apartment with a light breakfast. 

 

"In my closet, I think. Hold on, I'll look for it." He grunts as he accidentally stumbles on his last night's boxers. He pulls out a few drawers and finds what he's looking for, handing the passport to Junmyeon who slips it into his backpack, because clearly you can't trust a Kim Jongin with something as important as a passport.

 

"Come and have breakfast before we go. Your flight's in 4 hours."

 

Jongin opens the fridge and searches for his bottle of daily protein shake. "Yeah sure let me just--"

 

He stops himself at the sight of a familiar yogurt bottle. 

 

He remembers the way Kyungsoo looked so hesitant trying to give the bottle to him, as if the makeup artist was scared for offending him or some sort. _It's just a yogurt_. Frowning, he takes out the bottle and checks for the expiry date. It's 4 days past. He forgot to consume it. 

 

"Jongin?" Junmyeon calls out to him.

 

Shaking his head, Jongin goes to the dustbin and tosses it, mildly regretting for having forgotten about it.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo eyes the name DR. JO INSUNG on the nametag, the owner of it jotting something down on the notepad. His assistant has just recorded his blood pressure, height, weight and other details before the specialist comes.

 

"Good afternoon, Mr. Do." He smiles amicably at him, clicking his pen before tucking it into the pocket of his lab coat. "Did you have lunch?"

 

"I didn't have the appetite, doctor..."

 

Dr. Jo hums in slight disagreement. "You probably should have, Mr. Do. I'm afraid this visit might take some time. But I'm guessing your nausea is bad?"

 

"Pretty bad." Kyungsoo shrugs. "How- How long will it take?"

 

"Maybe as long as 2-3 hours, give or take." Dr. Jo says before moving his attention to the guy sitting in another chair. "Your husband?"

 

Baekhyun clears his throat. "No, doctor. I'm his friend."

 

Kyungsoo spares Baekhyun a thankful smile. He initially wanted to go alone, but Baekhyun insisted he has nothing planned for his day so he tagged along. 

 

The doctor returns to Kyungsoo, taking back the notepad of Kyungsoo's patient record. "Oh. You're unmarried. My bad for missing that." He puts it down and clasps his hands together, professionalism written all over his body gestures as Kyungsoo sinks further into his seat. "May I ask if you know who the father is?"

 

Kyungsoo looks at him uncomfortably. "Is it necessary?"

 

The doctor merely smiles. "It would make a few things easier but of course, I can understand if you're not willing to tell me about him. That's fine, too."

 

"Then I'd rather not tell, doctor." Kyungsoo admits. 

 

"If you wish. Do you remember the exact date you conceived? The last time you engaged yourself in penetrative sex, maybe?"

 

Kyungsoo colours profusely, pursing his lips and looking down at his lap. "Um, it's 30th of August, doctor."

 

"Is this your first pregnancy?"

 

"Yes..."

 

"Have you taken any form of birth control methods before?"

 

Kyungsoo thinks. "Do condoms count?" He hears Baekhyun snort in the background.

 

"They do, actually. Anything that can prevent pregnancy up to a certain percentage is considered a method."

 

Kyungsoo sends a glare at Baekhyun who pretends to read the charts behind him. 

 

Dr. Jo asks a few more questions and then gives him a sterile capped bottle to pee into. Kyungsoo then goes out to fill the bottle, grimacing at the golden colour of his piss. He must have not drank enough water today.

 

"You're terribly dehydrated." Baekhyun points out when Kyungsoo finally returns and places the bottle on the sterile tray. 

 

"Don't look at my piss." He half covers it in shame.

 

"It's just piss, Kyungsoo. Oh, the nurse came by and told me to tell you to strip. They're gonna do some physical exams on you."

 

-

 

After a thorough physical examinations, and other screening tests, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun are left to wait for the overall result. Kyungsoo gently rubs at the piece of cotton over the puncture they made for having drawn some blood earlier from his cubital vein. 

 

"Does he know you're having your first visit today?" Baekhyun asks to alleviate the silence. He got bored from reading almost all the charts there while waiting for Kyungsoo's checkup.

 

Kyungsoo is reading a particular poster about the do's and don'ts in pregnancy, having been aware of most of them, though, back at home when he Googled on his own. "Yes. He has his MV filming today."

 

"Oh? Right, I forgot his comeback is soon." Baekhyun side-eyes him a bit cautiously. "Excited?"

 

Kyungsoo stares and traces a 3D embossed poster of a growing foetus in a womb, smiling softly. "You can't imagine."

 

-

 

The doctor finally returns with the notepad, flipping over some pages and squints at some of the information. Kyungsoo can feel himself being scrutinised despite knowing doctors never judge their own patients unless it involves their health.

 

"I'm a little concerned about your weight gain, Mr. Do." Dr. Jo says. "I'm aware that you're skinny, and there's morning sickness to consider, but for the sake of the baby, would you start increasing your food intake? You can take our brochure at the reception area. I believe there's one about a healthy prenatal diet. I can also prescribe you with some supplements."

 

Kyungsoo slowly nods. "Okay, doctor."

 

"Great. Everything else looks okay here. It's a little early to be able to hear the baby's heartbeat for now, so I suggest we do an ultrasound in your next visit?"

 

Obediently, Kyungsoo nods again. Dr. Jo smiles, making his posture relax against the doctor's chair as he leans forward and brings his hand up at face level. "Right now, your baby should be around the size of a strawberry." He crooks his thumb and index finger to the approximate size of the fruit, demonstrating. "This big."

 

Kyungsoo blinks at the doctor's fingers in awe, crooking his own fingers too in his lap. 

 

"It will definitely be a lot bigger in the next few weeks. You can start looking for maternity clothes now." Dr. Jo chirps. 

 

-

 

"Cut!"

 

Jongin waits for the woman to get off of him, certainly not missing the way she caresses her hand against his bicep. He flexes his arms around his head, the cool body chains brushing on his skin. Stretching after having been in the same posture for too long for the filming, he asks for a bottle of water from the staff.

 

With the bed scene done, they're moving him to a different set with a plain black backdrop. He's been told by the director that a few of the shots from here will be included in the album photobook. A staff hands him a glass of pomegranate juice as replacement for red wine, and Jongin sips at it a little, cringing at the intensity of both sour and sweet.

 

Minseok fixes his hair a little and applies another layer of lip stain on his lips while Luhan struggles to keep the body chains in place. He is ushered to a stool there and the cameraman gets up close to get a good shot of his face and neck. When there's the loud clap of the slates together, Jongin carefully drinks the beverage, taking note to drip some off his lips and down his chin. There's the hushed whispers of amazement at his sexiness in the background from all the staffs that watch him, and he revels in the attention even if they're not exclusively his fans.

 

Soon enough, the photoshoot starts and he adopts a few poses, sending bedroom stares at the lens now and then. Sensual, I want sexy casual, teasing. These were the words the director had told him. 

 

Their choreography shoot takes place at a rooftop helipad, having gone through so much trouble to get the permission to do so. Safety is prioritised, safe zones marked. Some people are in charge with camera drones as well.

 

The whole filming takes them as good as three days straight, and Jongin passes out as soon as his head meets the pillow.

 

-

 

"Here you go," Junmyeon says, handing the paper bag to Jongin as the idol hops into the car. "It's a girl, right?"

 

"Yeah, thanks."

 

"Jungah?"

 

"Yep. My eldest sister." Jongin shoves his hand inside the paper bag and brings the content out. "Oh, this is pretty."

 

"They don't have a lot of baby quilts with bee prints. I'm not sure why you couldn't just get it customized."

 

"You can do that?" 

 

"If you had asked me a month prior, maybe I could have gotten it done. I know a few people." Junmyeon says before giving instructions to the driver. "Why bees, though?"

 

"Because Jungah-noona likes bee prints."

 

Junmyeon makes a noise of appraisal. "Thoughtful brother you are."

 

Jongin ignores him as he carefully puts the quilt back.

 

-

 

His mother hugs him and steals a loving peck on his cheek, running back to the kitchen before Jongin can chide her for it. His father is apparently outstation, while Jungah's husband has yet to return from work. Jungah owns a cafe in town, and while she's on leave, her best friend temporarily takes care of it. Jungah's husband is a consultant. His mom used to be a nurse, and now she's a stay-at-home mom taking care of Jongin's overweight poodles.

 

Jungah dries her hands before half hugging Jongin, a child on her hip. She then turns to her baby and gently grabs her chubby arm, waving it at her brother. "Rahee, your uncle is here!"

 

Jongin smiles at his niece a little awkwardly, giving her a small wave in response. Jungah suddenly shoves her into his arms. "I need to help Mom. Don't make her cry."

 

And that is how Jongin ends up with a baby on his chest, not knowing how to properly hold one. But it doesn't seem to mind Rahee, for the little girl is busy chewing on Jongin's shoulder and effectively wetting it with her drool. His toy poodles keep on running around him and demanding for attention.

 

With one hand he holds Rahee carefully while another takes out the quilt and spreads it on the floor in front of the television. He then gently lays her down, a string of drool eventually breaks between Rahee's mouth and his shirt and Jongin fights a cringe. He crawls to the coffee table behind him and snatches a few tissues, wiping the wetness away before greeting his dogs jovially.

 

Rahee is babbling to herself until Jongin notices her and lies beside her. The little girl stares at him curiously, probably wondering who he is. Rahee has his eyes, but then again all of his siblings possess the same almond eyes and high brow bone from Jongin's mother. 

 

"It's me, your uncle." He whispers to her, smiling. "Your uncle is Kim Kai." She makes a happy gurgling noise, chewing on her fist sloppily. "You better boast about me to your friends later when you grow up." Jongin jokes, laughing when Rahee cracks into a huge toothless grin.

 

As he continues playing with her, he catches himself thinking of Kyungsoo; of whether it would be a boy or a girl. Of whether he would play with the child just like he plays with Rahee now. Of whether he would actually like the child at all.

 

He suddenly remembers Sehun telling him that Kyungsoo is an orphan. He wouldn't have someone to be happy for him to have a descendant, or young cousins that would play with the child. He wouldn't have aunts or uncles who would be willing to babysit the child if he's busy. He doesn't have anyone at all.

 

Jongin frowns to himself, letting Rahee grip and chew on his fingers happily while he drowns in his monologue. He suddenly can't stop thinking of Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo. And occasionally the baby. _His_ baby.

 

He doesn't know what happened during the prenatal visit; wonders if he should ask. Wonders if it even matters to him. 

 

"Did you buy this?" Jongin hears a gasp followed by a squeal, his sister jogging over to where they're lying. "Gosh, it's adorable!"

 

Jongin snorts, watching his sister coo at the baby quilt. "Only _you_ can squeal at bee prints."

 

"Mom, look what Jongin got me!" Jungah shouts gleefully. 

 

-

 

After having a homemade dinner together, Jongin lounges on the sofa with the television on while Jungah tries to make Rahee sleep. Their mother has long since retired to bed. Jongin finds that he's more focused on his niece than the actual show on the television.

 

"Did you notice she has all of our eyes?" Jungah giggles. Jongin nods in agreement. "Seongho has droopier eyes, but Rahee decided to take after  _my_ eyes."

 

"Does she take after anything from Seongho-hyung?" Jongin asks.

 

Jungah hums in thought, tilting her head to get a good look at Rahee's face. "I notice her lips are less fuller. Not like us. I guess that's from Seongho." She says, patting Rahee's bum as she slowly drifts into slumber. "You know, I actually had a dream about her."

 

"A dream?"

 

"You know what they say about pregnant mothers tending to have strange dreams? In my dream, I saw a little girl playing by a river. She looked excited at the prospect of being able to catch a fish, but cried when she couldn't do it with her tiny hands. And you know what happened? A grizzly bear came to her with a caught fish in its mouth, dropping it by the girl's feet. There were no other bears around, though, so it was weird how this bear even got to her in the first place."

 

Jungah eventually stops patting her once she's assured that Rahee has fallen into a deep sleep. Jongin patiently waits as she places her carefully on the quilt.

 

"So it turned out that the bear came to her from a different part of the woods, and it travelled along the river banks just to find her. There was a beehive hung on a tree across the river. It seemed that some of the bees told the bear about it, flew all the way to the other side of the river to find the bear and relay their worries for the little girl. The bees just wanted her to be happy."

 

Jungah smiles down at Rahee with adoration in her eyes. "That's how I found out it was going to be a girl. I was only 4 months along when I had that dream."

 

Jongin ponders. "Did you ever think that it was just reflecting your love for bees, though?"

 

"Maybe," Jungah says, grinning playfully at him. "Maybe not. Who knows? One thing for sure is that I was convinced it was going to be a girl while my husband firmly wanted a boy."

 

"Was he disappointed? When Rahee was first born?"

 

"A little I guess, but when you're excited to become a father, that little detail becomes insignificant. He was really happy. God, I remember how Seongho cried when he first saw her." His sister chuckles at the memory before sighing dreamily. "I think I would cry once she learns to call me mom."

 

Jongin stares at the sleeping toddler, at her full cheeks with a healthy redness to them. 

 

-

 

"Mom, if there's a scandal about me, would you believe it?" Jongin stops gutting the anchovies in his bowl, growing sick of it. He'd rather go back to sleep. He already woke up late but he still feels sleepy.

 

His mother looks at him calculatingly. "Would you not tell me beforehand? If it's real or not?"

 

"I might." Jongin shrugs, still looking at her for an answer. He can hear Rahee's crying in the background and his sister comforting her with some baby rhymes.

 

"Then I'd just sit it out and wait for you to tell me about it." His mother says, pushing her bowl of finished anchovies to the side and slides Jongin's bowl to her. "You told me how shady the industry can get."

 

"I did." Jongin chews on his lip thoughtfully. "I think the agency will release one about me."

 

"What makes you think so?"

 

 _Because I accidentally made someone pregnant_. "They told me about it."

 

His mother smiles. "Then I trust you would tell me about it once it happens."

 

"Are you not worried about how it might affect my career? About how upset it might make me? "

 

His mother guts the anchovies smoothly and quickly. "I believe the agency knows what's best for you. But in terms of your happiness, only you can decide about it." 

 

His happiness? Jongin finds happiness on stage, finds happiness in the screams of his name, finds happiness in his fansites' gifts for him. Jongin finds happiness in attention and praises.

 

Will his happiness be shattered once they're all gone?

 

"Oh? Look!" His mother exclaims, pointing to the television. "Your new drama is showing next week!"

 

Jongin watches himself on the screen, pride swelling in his chest along with a thin layer of anxiety that creeps up to him and leaves him constantly restless.

 

-

 

The three days spent at his parents' house is really just him lazing around the house and occasionally babysitting Rahee as Jungah helps with the house chores. He slept in in all the three days, catching up on his much needed sleep after countless of hours of practicing at the agency. 

 

He finds himself thinking most of the time, too. Often about the possibility that some ambitious paparazzi follows him all the way to Kyungsoo's house and finds out he's meeting up with a pregnant male late at night. Of course, he trusts the agency will take it down if ever a journalist is to write an article about it, but rumours are not generally taken well by fans, and once such rumour springs up, they will definitely begin to doubt; and doubts are never good.

 

With Rahee on his chest and drooling on his shirt (again), he finds himself blushing a little when Rahee beams at him even though he does nothing. She squirms happily on top of him, limbs moving wildly and raining light punches on his chest. 

 

Jongin lifts her up and bounces her legs on his lap, earning even more happy squirms from the little Rahee. 

 

"Rahee-yah, don't tell anyone else but," Jongin whispers, feeling stupid for talking to a child who still babbles in baby language. He watches her tiny mouth yawn despite her current active nature. "You will actually have a cousin."

 

-

 

"Kim Kai to comeback with a sexy concept with 'BODY'"

Creative countdown in the form of slowly filled wine glass. Teaser to drop soon.

Mini album details will be released soon.

[Photo]

Source : Daily Entertainment via Naber

 

1.[+5,532 -476] 'Sexy concept' wow... 

2\. [+3,843, -340] It's about time!! He's in his mid twenties so of course one of his title tracks should be a sexy song

3\. [+2,362, -210] I don't think it will be that explicit considering it's SM and SM still considers the general public... Maybe it's Dean kind of sexy rather than Jay Park sexy. But I'm definitely anticipating~

4\. [+1150, -187] Kim Kai is out for blood... and by blood I meant from our noses...

5\. [+768, -104] I wouldn't say the wine glass thing is creative, but I do agree that it kinda have a sexy vibe to it

 

-

 

After the short break, returning to the city spawns both excitement over the soon release of his new music as well as the dread of having a full plate for at least a month and a half of promotions. It's the same cycle of anticipation for the fans' and public feedback, the joy of performing and looking his best on camera as well as interacting with fans, and of course, the exhaustion of seemingly never ending schedules. It's been five years, and one would think that he's used to it already after having released over a dozen of albums - repackaged and mini albums included. But he as a contracted idol, knows better than to speak of his burnouts to someone who isn't close with him. Expectedly, Junmyeon knows him best, has seen him at his highs and lows, has given him one advice too many; and as much as he refuses to admit it, his manager is easily the closest thing he has to a brother figure. Sehun comes close to second.

 

A teaser is scheduled to be released a week from now. Hype is generated through his official website, a countdown in the form of a wine glass that is slowly filled up to the brim hour by hour. So far, the audience seems to like this change of image, considering he's never done a sexy concept as the title track, despite having many side tracks with a similar sound. 

 

After dance practice, one of the dancers, Kasper, suggests going for coffee at the cafe. Jongin sees nothing wrong with that as he tags along, having no schedule afterwards. He plans on staying in for self practice and gym until midnight, and might as well slide some energy before that. The two males discuss over their routines as they wait for the elevator and continue so even after having arrived at the ground floor.

 

The SUM cafe is, as always, packed with fans who sometimes spend their free time there for a chance of seeing their idols, filling up the tables with their laptops or photo card album for trading. As soon as they recognize the two guys who just exited the lift as Jongin and the well-known dancer Kasper, they instantaneously take out their phones and whisper among themselves, but some of them are bold enough to call out for their names and crowds closer, only having to be stopped by security before they reach Jongin within a 10-metre radius. There's no one manning the VIP lane, prompting them both to use one of the regular lanes, which is pretty okay since the lines are not as long.

 

His casual conversation with Kasper, however, is disrupted when Jongin's eyes settle on one of the two guys in front of them. Upon noticing the distracted idol, Kasper looks forth too, and makes a surprised noise as he exclaims. "Moonkyu, my guy!"

 

The taller male turns around at the call, his face breaking into a delighted recognition at the people behind him, landing a friendly punch against the dancer's chest. Moonkyu is one of Sehun's dancers. "Hey, Kasper! Oh? And Jongin!" He raises his hand up for a high five, and Jongin returns the gesture albeit a little less enthusiastic after knowing who the person beside him is.

 

It's evident that the smaller male is stunned to hear the name as Jongin watches him turn around to them with surprise written all over his face. Their eyes meet, and as if stuck in a standstill, they stay that way until Kyungsoo's the one to tear his gaze away first, bowing to them a little.

 

Moonkyu whips to Kyungsoo beside him, placing his hands on the latter's shoulders, effectively making Kyungsoo jerk in surprise at the action. "Oh, this is Kyungsoo, Sehun's makeup artis--"

 

"I know." Jongin cuts him off, and maybe Kasper is shooting him a strange look, maybe not. He doesn't care.

 

"Oh," Moonkyu glances at Kyungsoo. "So you know each other, then?"

 

"Not me," Kasper laughs as he holds his hand out for a handshake to which Kyungsoo gently reciprocates. "I'm Kasper, one of his dancers." He nudges Jongin's shoulder with his own, not knowing how troubled the idol feels right now.

 

Kyungsoo manages the guy a nervous smile, chancing a look at Jongin as he simply mutters a "Cool."

 

"Awesome. Hey, our turn now." Moonkyu quips as he braces his hands against the counter and cites his order to the staff. 

 

Jongin merely watches as they both casually discuss about their orders, observing how Moonkyu moves and changes positions too damn much compared to the still Kyungsoo while Kasper at the side eyes him oddly. From the back, Kyungsoo is awfully small, the width of his shoulders almost half as those of Moonkyu. 

 

And really, the image should've come with a warning but Jongin catches himself picturing a scene of one's clothed back holding himself upright against a divider with mild struggle. Jongin blinks it away, certain that it wasn't just an imagination. A fragment of a memory, perhaps?

 

Moonkyu and Kyungsoo soon receives their order number and step out of the line, and Jongin and Kasper move forward as the staff greets them a good afternoon. Jongin orders himself a latte, and while waiting for Kasper, he quickly takes his phone from his pocket and goes to his chat. 

 

_"please see me for a bit. washroom beside aria lounge"_

 

By the time he pockets his phone, the staff has already produced their order number and Kasper nudges him by the elbow so they can step aside. He steals a glimpse at the two other males, seemingly already receive their orders as they walk off. Jongin hopes Kyungsoo reads the text soon enough, and is reassured when Kyungsoo sneaks a fathomable glance at him. He's read it.

 

Their orders are handed to them, and he shoves his latte to a puzzled Kasper. "Gotta piss. 2 minutes."

 

"I'm timing you," Kasper jokingly says as he holds onto Jongin's latte. 

 

Without wasting time, Jongin power walks to the mentioned restroom, ignoring the fans' cries of his name as he turns a corner. He guesses he should've expected that there _will_ be people using it, seeing as there are two men at the urinals. 

 

Kyungsoo looks up from his phone when the main door bursts open, leaning away from the row of sinks as he acknowledges Jongin's presence with an anxious look. Jongin feigns indifference for a while and waits it out, going over to the urinals and spends there long enough to wait for the two men to leave. He didn't think he wanted to actually piss before, so he's surprised when his dick leaks some.

 

When the strangers finally exit, he zips up and tells Kyungsoo to lock up while he washes his hands, faintly noticing how stiff the other male is as he avoids looking at him. Jongin thinks it's ridiculous since they both have dicks anyway, but he guesses it's a matter of courtesy.

 

Soon enough, they're alone at last. Jongin snatches a few napkins to dry his hands while Kyungsoo remains stoic by the door, not facing Jongin. It's only when the idol goes over to the bin, which is near the door, does Kyungsoo turn around to face him. 

 

"You texted me."

 

Jongin blinks down at him. "I did." He wets his lips as he studies the nervous expression Kyungsoo's wearing. "I wanted to... talk."

 

"Okay." Kyungsoo says, fixing his bangs and only now does Jongin realize it's a nervous tick rather than the need to actually fix anything. "Moonkyu's waiting outside."

 

Jongin translates this to 'we need to be quick'. "Kasper too." He guesses he should really learn of the urgency to be quick but he can't do just that as he continues to stare at Kyungsoo who's fiddling with the hair on his nape next as he looks at Jongin expectantly.

 

He has his round glasses on, and Jongin finds it hard to believe the smaller male is older than him when he looks up at him with those doe eyes, accentuated by those glasses. "How was the appointment?" Jongin begins.

 

Kyungsoo is taken aback by the enquiry but soon regains his calm. "It... went okay. The baby's okay." Jongin doesn't miss the way Kyungsoo brushes his hand on his abdomen for a second. "As big as a strawberry, the doctor said."

 

"Strawberry?"

 

Kyungsoo nods, hesitantly curving his fingers like how the doctor demonstrated to him. Jongin regards the action a bit strangely before understanding what he's trying to show him. He returns to meeting the shorter male's eyes. "That's small." He blurts out.

 

And Jongin isn't prepared to see his eyes light up as Kyungsoo breaks into a small giggle. "It's considered big, though. It'll be even bigger."

 

This is the most animated Jongin has seen Kyungsoo talking to him, and maybe the latter realises it too as he suddenly feels the need to clear his throat and fiddles with his glasses. Jongin is sure the blush on Kyungsoo's cheeks isn't a mere artificial pigment.

 

"Who's the friend?"

 

"Huh? Oh, Baekhyun went with me." Jongin raises an eyebrow at the name. The way Kyungsoo texted him before made it sound like it's some person Jongin didn't know. He believes it'd be too much if he asks for an elaboration, so he doesn't.

 

"You could've just asked me through text, Jongin. I don't want to steal your time." Kyungsoo says. "You have a comeback to prepare."

 

Ouch. Maybe Kyungsoo doesn't want to be in his presence for too long. "Where are you heading?"

 

"Um, lunch outside."

 

"With Moonkyu?"

 

"With others..." Kyungsoo mutters. "We're just grabbing coffee for some of them. I'm- I'm not taking coffee, though." Kyungsoo adds, and Jongin isn't sure what to get from that. Maybe it's another prenatal thing.

 

Well, that makes sense. But then again, it shouldn't really come as a surprise if he's actually close with Moonkyu. Junmyeon _has_ mentioned before that Kyungsoo befriends everyone. It's just that for someone as loud as Moonkyu, Jongin doesn't think he could click with a calm and reserved Kyungsoo.

 

A sudden thud on the door startles both of them, forcing them to exchange a look between the other. 

 

"The hell... Is it on maintenance..." They both hear the muffled voice from outside, and faded footsteps soon follow. 

 

"I think I better go." Kyungsoo says urgently in a hushed tone and he quickly turns to leave, but then stops himself and looks back.

 

"Good luck with your comeback, Jongin," There is a tiny hint of a smile on his lips as Kyungsoo says this, and it's the only thing Jongin sees before the makeup artist spins on his heels and unlocks the door, making his exit.

 

Jongin is then left alone in the men's room, watching his own fingers crook into a small circle until he foolishly realizes what he's doing.

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

_“Are you going already?”_

 

_“I am not welcomed here. I must go.”_

 

_“But will you come back? For me?”_

 

_“…Maybe. Maybe I will.”_

 

Baekhyun silently watches from beside Kyungsoo, who’s holding onto his iPad, resting his head against the headrest as he relaxes in his seat. They’re on the way to the next filming set. Baekhyun’s iPad screen now shows the two leads parting from each other as the female lead reluctantly lets him go. He thinks it’s overly cliched, but then again most dramas airing in their countries have that cliched element that is really just signature of Korean dramas from the eyes of outsiders. 

 

Maybe he finds it a bore already, or maybe it’s hard to immerse himself in the story because he finds the male lead distracting. He can’t say the same for the person beside him though, whose eyes never leave the screen even as he reaches for his mineral water and tries and fails many times to get the straw into his mouth. The snort he releases is probably loud enough that Kyungsoo turns and looks at him questioningly, not forgetting to pause the drama.

 

“What?”

 

Baekhyun snickers. “You’re really invested.”

 

He sees the sudden shyness as Kyungsoo wordlessly taps the screen to resume playing again. The makeup artist is probably a lot more self aware now that he keeps on chewing on his plump lower lip in a fidget of embarrassment. Perhaps Baekhyun feels a little bad now for having called him out on it… perhaps not really. It’s kinda cute. At some point, Baekhyun loses focus on the drama and starts to fool around with his phone.

 

“You don’t wanna watch it with me anymore?” Kyungsoo must’ve noticed his lack of attention.

 

“Nah, not my thing I guess. S’okay, you can have it for now.” He refers to his iPad. He hears a dejected ‘oh’ beside him before there’s a mild rustling sound and next thing he knew Kyungsoo is watching with his earphones plugged. 

 

He would never tell Kyungsoo how much he hates the vibe the male lead emanate off screen. He blames it on the mom-friend instinct within him. Kyungsoo’s entire nature itself may be a contributing factor too. It’s hard not to feel protective over someone like him. Loud Baekhyun may be but ignorant he isn’t, and for this he sees how some of the team members perceive Kyungsoo. Once you become close with him, it’s hard for anyone not to develop some kind of guarding emotion towards him.

 

With the exception of Jongin because… well, Jongin’s just an ass. 

 

It’s been nearly two months from their first meeting, and there is yet a memorable act from the asshole’s side, as far as Baekhyun remembers. Sehun kind of indirectly hinted at how Jongin doesn’t want the child, and truthfully Baekhyun wasn’t surprised to hear that at all. The idol has been brushing him in all the wrong ways since that meeting in Vocal Room 3.

 

Kyungsoo’s face once he broke the news to them remains a vivid memory to him. It wasn’t displeasure, nor was it devastation - perhaps nervous a little, at the thought of letting them know of his circumstances. Baekhyun remembers how he looked at that time, and it only makes him despise Jongin’s guts.

 

Kyungsoo’s phone vibrates beside him. Baekhyun isn’t really paying attention but he is mildly startled when Kyungsoo suddenly jerks in surprise beside him and almost drops his phone while at it. The stylist looks over at him with a raised eyebrow.

 

Suddenly his own phone pings with a notification too - informing him of a newly uploaded video teaser on SM’s official youtube channel.

 

It’s enough to make Kyungsoo pause on the episode rerun and pulls his earphones out from the jack, going over to the Youtube app on the iPad. Baekhyun is very stoic in contrast to the hasty male beside him. Soon enough, he found the video. 

 

KIM KAI - ‘BODY’ MV Teaser

 

It’s only 15 seconds long, and in that short timespan, Baekhyun doesn’t really feel anything. Sure, the guy’s got the visuals and there’s a couple of seconds showing his new choreography which is indeed telling of his talent. SM’s definition of sexy concept is really subtle yet teasing, and it shows. The vibe, the colours, the beat. Electro-R&B isn’t new when it comes to the music SM releases, but it’s refreshing anyway. However, Baekhyun could really care less about it. Once the video ends, he sneaks a glance at the smaller male beside him-

 

-and is genuinely surprised.

 

Because Kyungsoo’s… crying?

 

Baekhyun doesn’t know if he’s allowed to laugh or not. It’s a rather conflicting situation, but he does find it endearing that Kyungsoo has been anticipating it so much that his eyes pool, although this is the first time he’s actually seen him cry because of Jongin’s comeback. 

 

“Uh, are you okay, Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun carefully pries the iPad away from his hands.

 

Kyungsoo sniffles, snatching a couple of tissues from his bag. “Baekhyun.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Have you ever just… felt really bad all of a sudden?”

 

Baekhyun blinks dumbly at him. “Wait, you’re not crying because you’re happy? Excited?” 

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head, his nose a little red now. “I _am_ excited. I truly am. But after all that has happened, I can’t help but feel bad too, you know. It- It feels like I just stole something very precious, and instead of being able to return it in one piece, I crushed it. That’s how I feel.”

 

Baekhyun suddenly hates Jongin even more now.

 

-

 

A brand new comeback means a whole new sets of response from both the fans and the public. It becomes customary for Jongin to read through the comments on the video itself as well as on articles reporting about it. Seeing as he is a half decade idol, the concept seems to be anticipated well. Younger and newer fans might find it a little hard to accept, as they are more territorial over their favourite idols. Jongin’s aware of this notion of course, but so far most of the responses are positive, sans antis which really aren’t that surprising. 

 

In the haze of all that excitement, he goes to his Instagram account to upload one of the photos he requested Junmyeon to take off the shot, which is of him and his crew of dancers while they’re dancing on the helipad. The influx of notifications that floods in as soon as the photo is uploaded is massively fast, as expected, but he isn’t bothered about it right now because curiosity is a bitch and it has him opening one particular account in which the profile picture shouldn’t really egg on him but it does because this time, instead of the black cat named according to a season for whatever reason it may be, it is of the _owner itself,_ and Jongin’s making that face like he just read or saw something really double taking worthy because Kyungsoo. Is. Posing.

 

Not like he poses with his whole body, which Jongin really doesn’t need the visual image etched onto his brain because that would be a little out of Kyungsoo’s character. Or maybe he doesn’t know him enough to make an appropriate judgment, not like he has any exclusive plans to - at least, not for now.

 

Kyungsoo in the profile picture is, well, just tilting his head to the side and looking straight at the lens with his wide eyes, definitely more defined with his makeup and all which is rather expected of him, and okay, Jongin guesses that isn’t really posing. It isn’t posing at all. But what ticks him off is the thought that Kyungsoo might not realise what effect he actually has on people who actually follow him for his looks. 

 

…Or maybe he _does_.

 

And maybe that’s his _very_ reason to do just so.

 

Jongin has long since admitted to himself that Kyungsoo is by no means attractive, which comes with a lot of stalking on some social media app that is really meant for stalking people’s lives but hey he’s not the only one who does that. The app developer designed the app that way and earned bucks _because_ of these nosy people who insist that scrolling down pictures of other people’s daily lives is worth their time, just like what Jongin is doing right now but to be fair, he’s taking a well deserved break from his dance practice.

 

Talking about Kyungsoo’s look, there’s a sliver of need in him to know if the elder male is aware of how attractive he is, and if he used it to his advantage to get a one night stand with him in some toilet stall in a whole different continent far away from South Korea, or perhaps Jongin is just trying too hard to bury the fact that _he’s_ the one who actually dragged Kyungsoo into the men’s room, as per demonstrated by the goddamn CCTV footages. The flashes of memories that occasionally flitter through his brain, conscious or not, also bore witness to the very fact that _Kyungsoo actually submitted to him_. It’s at this point of thought that he hopes there’s a word of consent thrown in even during the intoxication, or he may just be twice as fucked because it’s one thing to have knocked him up; but it’s another thing if it happened to be nonconsensual and that leaves Kyungsoo with every right to initiate a legal war against him, which would have called for _a lot_ of damage.

 

It is _this_ kind of anxiety that has him temporarily forgetting how… good-natured Kyungsoo is, as proven as the many times he’s seen him. One does not hospitably guide him outside of the house after having been told to abort their child. It’s probably safe to say that all his words are biting back at him now that he’s forced to accept the baby as his. 

 

And Kyungsoo… well, Kyungsoo looked- dare he say, _happy_ back in the restroom at SM’s building, when Jongin was stumped by the surprise of actually having met him at that cafe, around his coworkers too. Boy, it would’ve turned really ugly if he said any more than the fact that he knew who Kyungsoo was at the time. 

 

This transition of thought causes yet another flit of a genuinely smiling Kyungsoo on his mind, as he likened the size of the foetus to a… fruit. A fruit that utterly changes the way Jongin looks at them after that, having it reminding him to this child of theirs.

 

‘Theirs’…? Their child. Kyungsoo’s child. Jongin’s child. Theirs.

 

… _Theirs_?

 

_“I’m sorry. But you don’t have to. Really. It’s enough for me that you actually know this child is yours.”_

 

Jongin hovers his thumb pad over a certain contact number thoughtfully, the loud laughter his dance team are making in the background dissolve into white noise to him.

 

_“Good luck with your comeback, Jongin.”_

 

The hardest thing, Jongin realizes, is not about his reception of his own child, nor the worry the whole issue has been inflicting on him - but it’s the fact that Kyungsoo’s very personality makes it hard for him to completely resent the mess he is in. 

 

-

 

As they arrive at their next set, which is of a clearing that would make for a good family picnic spot if it wasn’t reserved for shooting,  Sehun’s team instantly sets into motion and gets their job done in correspondence to the scene requirement. Day by day, Kyungsoo finds it harder not to notice how weary Sehun looks, most probably getting sick of all these acting gigs, because his core is music, but the idol knows better than to reflect it on his expressions. 

 

It’s early November and fall is over, and with it comes the telltale of winter as the breeze that brushes their cheeks is a few degrees colder than before. Kyungsoo raises his mint turtleneck a little past his chin before resuming his work on Sehun’s hair, having done most of his part back before they drove there. The change of season is also a positive factor as most of the makeup will hold, unlike the excruciating summer.

 

Sehun is busy studying the script and making sure he gets his lines right, his hands flailing as if it could help him memorise it more fluidly. At one point, he releases a huffy sigh, dropping his script to his side as he stares past Kyungsoo while the smaller male touches up on his contour.

 

“I suddenly miss Winter.” Sehun announces bleakly.

 

Kyungsoo snorts at that. “Come and visit her, then.”

 

“It’s almost her birthday, right? How old is she again?”

 

“She’s turning 2 at the end of November.” Kyungsoo says, scanning Sehun’s look before deeming his job done. 

 

“Two? I feel like it’s been ages since I first gifted her to you.”

 

“That’s because you never visit her anymore,” Kyungsoo feigns a pout. “You never visit my old rundown apartment anymore.”

 

“‘Cause we always see each other like this that I thought going over to your place is unnecessary.”

 

“No, you just hate my apartment.”

 

Kyungsoo breaks into a smile when Sehun exclaims with a laugh of his. “I told you to move out of it since you have enough to do so!”

 

“Unlike you, my self image maintenance isn’t sponsored, Oh Sehun.”

 

They continue to joke around until the director calls for him, and Kyungsoo watches Sehun leave with a brighter mood than he was in when they first arrived here. 

 

Their little banter takes him back to the first time he was assigned to work with said idol - the awkwardness and whatnot, not knowing which lines can be crossed and which to be kept. Kyungsoo isn’t his first makeup artist per se, but he was only put in charge when his previous one left the agency to further her studies. 

 

There was a short period in the first few weeks where Kyungsoo had a mild crush on him, but after having known him for a while now, he has come to believe that admiration is the better term. Sehun has this charm to him that makes people want to befriend him, and while it makes him gain a lot of celebrity friends, this also results in inconvenience such as being taken advantage of for fame. But Sehun remains cool throughout it all, and Kyungsoo can’t ever remember him having any outbursts before. 

 

It’s so easy to like him.

 

Kyungsoo should’ve just stayed crushing on him.

 

-

 

When he finally looks for his phone in his bag, there is a text received a couple of hours ago with the sender K K. Kyungsoo fights a blush as he reads it on his lockscreen, having the briefest thought that if anyone would jokingly mess with his phone and sees the sender and the texts they’ve been exchanging, he’d be screwed.

 

_“when is your next apptmt”_

 

It isn’t like they have been texting each other on a regular basis or anything. In fact, Kyungsoo’s convinced that the idol is doing it out of coercion by some of the people around him - which aren’t that many. No, there’s really only one other person on Jongin’s side who knows this and that is Junmyeon, and also the management team as per mentioned by Jongin the second time he came over to his place. He just hopes there is no mole in that group of people that would have the guts to breach the confidentiality for the sake of gossip. 

 

Kyungsoo types up a reply and quickly taps send.

 

Clutching his phone to his chest, he looks around the set and at the filming crew, still fussing with some scenes there. It’s nearing dusk, and he hasn’t eaten anything since breakfast, which explains the funny feeling in his stomach and if he doesn’t do anything about that soon he’ll have to find a washroom. 

 

Searching through his bag in case he might’ve brought some to-go snacks, his shoulders deflate to find none. He mindlessly grabs at his bottle of mineral water and steals some sips only to grimace because water on an empty stomach feels a lot worse. His head is beginning to spin now. 

 

“Do Kyungsoo?”

 

He quickly whips around to be faced with a woman he isn’t familiar with. “Y-Yes?”

 

“We need you there. Sehun needs you.” She says and walks away, and maybe there’s a hint of annoyance in her tone but Kyungsoo chooses not to pay it any mind as he leaves the van and jogs over to Sehun with the makeup case in his grip. 

 

Apparently he just needs a touch up because the chill breeze has ultimately dried his lips and also messes up with the hairdo a little. Kyungsoo promptly takes out a moisturising chapstick and applies it on Sehun’s lips, having to levitate his head in accordance to the idol’s height since the taller male isn’t sitting on a chair like he usually would. Sehun seems preoccupied with listening to what the director is instructing him, so Kyungsoo finds it a little hard to do his hair because he doesn’t want to be a bother to their discussion by telling Sehun to bend his legs a little. Instead he stays there and pretends not to listen in on what they’re talking about as he quietly busies himself removing some lints on Sehun’s coat (which should’ve been Baekhyun’s job but he doesn’t know where he went to and besides, it’s not a difficult task).

 

Maybe it’s because of the many voices around him and how fast they’re talking, or maybe it’s the combination of all their perfumes as the casts all huddle there, but Kyungsoo finds it harder and harder not to force the bile down his throat because it’s all getting a little too much. He shuts his eyes close and tries to even his breathing out, not realising he has a death grip on the front of Sehun’s coat now and it’ll leave some ugly wrinkles that Baekhyun will have to deal with later before the camera starts rolling again and speaking of Baekhyun, _where is he_?

 

“Kyungsoo?”

 

He feels a steady grip on his wrist, probably trying to pry his hand off the material, but Kyungsoo can’t make himself look up yet because the nausea is messing with everything in his system and it’s making his legs wobbly too. 

 

“Kyungsoo, are you okay?”

 

Sehun’s voice sounds urgent this time and the grip on his wrist has shifted up to his arm, shaking him to get any sort of response out of the smaller male but it only worsens the spinning in his head and Kyungsoo thinks he’s really about to throw up everything on Sehun’s coat worth years of his apartment rent. Instead of letting out a verbal response, Kyungsoo whimpers instead, letting his head fall against the idol’s chest. 

 

He probably should’ve realised the compromising position he is in right now; him leaning against the idol, Sehun’s hold on him as he tries to bring him away from prying eyes. Really, where is Baekhyun?

 

There seems to be a small exchange of hurried words between Sehun and someone else, and he soon learns it to be Jongdae who now has a firm hold on him and brings him over and around the van that makes for a pretty good barrier as Kyungsoo immediately retches and throws up into some sewer drain. 

 

Jongdae keeps rubbing on his back through it all, and there really isn’t much to vomit because a lot of it is just water, and Kyungsoo learns his lesson the hard way now that drinking water on an empty stomach is a big no-no. 

 

It probably drains his energy too as he soon finds himself sitting on his shins before the sewer which he wouldn’t have done on any given day, but today, he just feels sick. Sick of these hormone influxes crashing his systems and interrupting his daily activities. He supposes it’s on him for not taking better care of his own health as well as the baby’s, and maybe he’s a little overly emotional right now but he feels like scolding the child inside him to stop doing this to him before belatedly deciding that the child did nothing wrong and it’s just the increasing hormones in his tissue fluids that are working hard to sustain the pregnancy.

 

He hates this. He hates that he suddenly looks weak in front of these people, and hates that it makes these people feel the need to care for him. 

 

Jongdae hands him a bottle of water and asks him if he needs anything else, to which Kyungsoo responds with a weak head shake and to just leave him alone for a while. Shame. It’s shame that he feels right now, and a little bit of regret for not eating something at an interval that could’ve ensured his stomach to be continuously filled and eventually prevented all of this from happening. 

 

It’s at this moment that a fleeting thought of what-ifs flood his mind, and Kyungsoo tries very hard not to let his emotions win over his rational because that’s what pregnancy does to people. It messes you up in the head sometimes. Kyungsoo feels like breaking down.

 

-

 

They had a group dinner that night, and even with the lack of appetite Kyungsoo still forces himself to eat something because he isn’t gonna survive the day with just some cereal he took this morning (which might have already escaped his system when he threw up just now). 

 

While on the way home, Baekhyun puts on the drama again from where he paused just now. It’s probably out of guilt and as a small way to say sorry to him for not being there just now. Kyungsoo found out Baekhyun was just taking a toilet break when it happened. 

 

Kyungsoo leans his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder as he silently watches the remaining 20 minutes  of the episode, his eyes trained on the male lead and his chest full of mixed emotions. 

 

-

 

_“A week from now.”_

 

Jongin isn’t sure how long he’s been staring at the text he’s received 6 hours ago. He has half a mind about asking back if it’s the same day next week or not, but then he wonders what even is the point of asking that when he’ll be busy attending music show recordings, and even if it weren’t for his schedule it’s not like he’ll be tagging along anyway. 

 

That being said, he wouldn’t even be able to go without blowing his cover because forms apparently require details, and details will be matched to faces, and there is only one face in South Korea with the name Kim Jongin and born on January 14th. Also, he’s heard many things about nurses who love gossiping, so while going to the hospital shouldn’t be an issue in itself, going to a department with OBS/GYN in its header would definitely spell trouble. 

 

If he’s _that_ curious, texting Kyungsoo should suffice. The elder male can go there with someone else if he wishes. Jongin doesn’t really… care… for the most part.

 

_“is baekyung going with u”_

 

The time reads 12.26 a.m.. He opts for a quick shower while blasting his newest music loud enough to reverberate across his room. It does make for a good distraction, even for a bit. 

 

_“Baekhyun. Maybe.”_

 

Jongin reads on his lock screen as he blow dries his hair. So Kyungsoo isn’t asleep yet. He continues drying his hair, not immediately responding to it. Only when he’s slipped on a pair of sleep boxers does he open the text. He’s just about to type when the status shows ‘ _doh k is typing…_ ’

 

_“I know you can’t go with me.”_

 

Jongin isn’t sure what to respond to that. He isn’t even sure why Kyungsoo said that, really. It seems like a good point to stop there and let the other male know that Jongin might’ve fallen asleep, and speaking of sleep—

 

_“it’s almost 1. shouldn’t u be asleep”_

 

Shouldn’t a pregnant person get a good night’s sleep for both their child and their own health? It is with this thought that he lets himself feel a little less accountable for it when he sent that text. Jongin makes himself comfortable in his own bed before his phone pings again.

 

_“You need sleep more than me, Jongin._

_Night.”_

 

Maybe he’s touched. Maybe he feels a little bad now. What’s for certain, however, is that Kyungsoo always slides in these comforting words when Jongin has been doing the complete opposite all this while, starting from their first meeting. And of course while Jongin has never been hostile to him, he can’t remember the last time he said anything particularly nice to the elder male. Kyungsoo has always been accommodating to him.

 

…Maybe Jongin _does_ feel bad.

 

-

 

Days pass by fairly quickly when you’re preoccupied with so many things you don’t notice the time. Jongin doesn’t remember the last time he’s had time for himself, and by now, his full digital album as well as the music video is made public, and he’s currently being dolled up by the inseparable duo Luhan and Minseok in preparation for his first music show recording. 

 

While waiting for Minseok to finish his makeup, Jongin almost falls asleep. Having been a senior to most of the rookie idols these days, Jongin is granted the privilege of recording first, which also means he has to be at the recording site in the dead of the morning.

 

It’s nearly 4 a.m. by the time he finally goes up the stage, and the cries of his name ultimately pick up in volume. Although it’s not a concert venue and can only seat around 200 fans per artist, the energy is nothing short of tremendous, and soon enough Jongin thrives from it and puts up his performance to the best of his ability.

 

Pre-recording and performance monitoring takes around 3-4 hours, including his live show. And after having done with a speech at the end, he bows to the fans before taking his leave.

 

Junmyeon takes him to lunch at a chicken restaurant, but Jongin only sees the softness of his bed behind his eyelids. He’s too tired to feel the need to satiate his hunger. While waiting for his chicken, he’s faintly reminded of Kyungsoo. He opens up his chat with him.

 

_“can we meet? where r u”_

 

While dining, his phone vibrates on the table and Jongin stops stuffing himself with chicken so he can read it. Junmyeon doesn’t seem curious enough to know what he’s up to.

 

_“I’m at the SM building. Sehun has a small interview here.”_

 

Jongin thinks. Since Kyungsoo is already around the area…

 

_“im going back home from my recording. come over?”_

 

_“To your place? Are you sure?”_

 

_“better than me going to yours. come over. i’ll have my manager get u”_

 

-

 

The water whooshing out of the faucet is a calming sound to him. 

 

Kyungsoo rinses his mouth some more before finally turning it off, taking deep breaths to slow his erratic breathing down. He left his backpack outside in a rush to the washroom after the sudden urge to vomit. 

 

The mirror reflects his pale face, made even more pronounced with the lighting in there. He can’t reapply anything since his backpack is outside. And he also still needs to get rid of the remnants of bad taste in his mouth. 

 

He exits the restroom with a self-conscious palm over his mouth, quickly walking back to the cafe where Sehun and some of his dance team members are queueing for coffee.

 

-

 

Hands deep in the pocket of his sweatpants, Sehun scans the menu before him, thinking it pointless because in the end he always goes for the same iced green tea latte. He shifts on his feet while waiting for his dance crew to order. The regular lines are all full, and most of them have their phones out, directing at none other than Oh Sehun, his manager right behind him holding a backpack over a shoulder. 

 

Soon enough, Kyungsoo squeezes through to get to them, a hand over his mouth, and he politely requests for his bag back from Jongdae’s care. Sehun watches him rummage through it and pick out a small transparent box of mint candies. Kyungsoo quickly pops one into his mouth, looking a lot more at ease now. 

 

The dance crew before him are more into cracking jokes than actually getting their order through, and poor the girl handling the orders having a hard time trying to listen to one person ordering over the noise they’re making. It’s not like Sehun can really say anything to them. But he does want them to hurry because the longer he’s there, the thicker the crowd will be in trying to get a closer look at him. He hides his displeasure by brushing his sideburns down.

 

“I’ll have to go.” Kyungsoo says, and Sehun turns behind him to see the shorter male reading something on his phone, distracted while balancing his bag on his thigh.

 

“Go where? On your own?” Jongdae asks the question Sehun’s been meaning to ask, and the idol looks over at him for his answer.

 

“I need to go meet someone—”

 

Sehun still watches quietly when Kyungsoo’s bag falls down, but what finally prompts him to move is the horrifying look on Kyungsoo’s face as the latter helplessly stares at the result of his carelessness. 

 

Because among the many usual things you would find in a person’s bag lies one bottle with a huge pink font reading ‘Prenatal Multivitamins’, and the noise of it making a touchdown on the floor apparently catches some attention from the crowd as well as the dance crew. 

 

Bending down, Sehun smoothly picks up the items and slides them down Kyungsoo’s bag, handing it to him and leaning closely to whisper “Are you okay?”

 

Kyungsoo, too stupefied, responds with a meek nod. “Meeting Jongin.” He whispers in a shaky breath.

 

The taller male spares him a look before gently patting Kyungsoo on his arm, and just like that he carefully pushes Kyungsoo to the general direction of the exit. Sehun shares a worried look with Jongdae, both not saying anything as they watch him hurrying to the exit. 

 

“Hey Sehun.”

 

The idol spins around to the call of his name, facing a puzzled Moonkyu. “Yeah?”

 

“Is Kyungsoo pregnant?”

 

Licking his lips, he guesses this is where he should apply his acting skills outside work. “I’m not sure.” He shrugs naturally.

 

“Huh. Thought I saw a prenatal vitamin pill bottle or something.” Moonkyu says offhandedly. “He doesn’t look pregnant though.”

 

Bless Kyungsoo’s slim stature, but truthfully speaking it won’t be long until he starts showing and having to take a leave. Sehun, still trying to deflect the dancer’s assumption, suavely slides to the counter, earning noises of jeering from his dancer friends to which he playfully ignores as he incites his own order.

 

-

 

There is still some form of crowd outside, but Kyungsoo breathes a heavy sigh once he’s away from the cafe even though the lingering fear of what if someone saw something that was supposed to be kept a secret to him remains.

 

He wraps his arms around himself, a little shaken at the possibility still. Once he’s calmer some, he carefully pulls his cellphone out of the pocket of his jeans, reading the text from Junmyeon.

 

_“White prius. 4103. Let me know if u can’t find me.”_

 

Kyungsoo looks around with purpose, until he spots a very close description of the car and goes to it. He squints to see the driver and sighs in relief, walking to the window and gingerly knocking at it to gain his attention. Junmyeon smiles up at him and motions for him to come in. 

 

“Sorry if I kept you waiting.”

 

“Not at all. I was just around anyway.” Junmyeon says, waiting for the makeup artist to settle in his seat before putting on his shades and pulling out of the parking lot.

 

Kyungsoo hums a little. He begins to slouch in his seat when they’re passing by people outside because _what is Sehun’s makeup artist doing in Jongin’s manager’s car?_

 

“This car is personal, so don’t worry too much.” Junmyeon says beside him as if he just read Kyungsoo’s mind, offering him a reassuring smile. “I don’t think people will recognise us.”

 

“Oh.” In an effort to show that he appreciates Junmyeon’s words, he tries to relax a little, and he realises he probably looks weird right now. 

 

“Your next visit’s the day after tomorrow, is it?” 

 

Kyungsoo turns to him and nods before realising Junmyeon probably doesn’t see him. “It is.”

 

“I’m sorry that we can’t let Jongin tag along. I’m sure you’re aware of why.”

 

Kyungsoo tenses up and starts shaking his head vigorously. “Ah, no no no, I completely understand.” It earns him an apologetic smile from the manager. “I wouldn’t even think of it…”

 

“You know, I was surprised when Jongin told me he wanted you over.” Junmyeon says in a conversational manner, eyes on the road. “I know he can be hard to deal with sometimes, but if you looked past that, he’s actually a decent guy.”

 

Kyungsoo hugs his bag to his chest, staring at the busy living city outside. “I know.” 

 

-

 

Just before Kyungsoo steps out of the car, Junmyeon hands him a card. “My access card. Just scan it at the doors as well as in the lift. I don’t think you’ll be needing my keys.” 

 

“Thank you.” Kyungsoo bows in gratitude before closing the door, hunching into himself while walking straight into the apartments, fixing his mouth mask. He’s no celebrity but that doesn’t mean he can be any careless now, especially not when eyes are everywhere wanting to know who just entered the premises of the apartments that house a few known names.

 

He feels a little out of place by the time he reaches the main entrance and having to tap the card for his entry. A woman exits out of the lift when it reaches the ground floor and Kyungsoo worries a little when she side-eyes him. It could have meant nothing but after the incident at the cafe just now Kyungsoo suddenly develops some form of anxiety.

 

There are no buttons on the lift, and Kyungsoo hovers the card over the sensor and the doors automatically close. He doesn’t remember Junmyeon ever mentioning to him the unit number, so he curiously flips the card over to see if there is anything written there. 

 

_W-14-2_

 

The elevator car brings him to the fourteenth floor, and Kyungsoo hesitantly steps out and looks around. There’s a big shiny steel W and E just before him on the wall, and Kyungsoo takes a corner leading to the west side of the building. It’s only a door away from the walkway and he is then standing before a luxurious looking black door with a very small W-14-2 on the side. _Minimalism…?_

 

Kyungsoo eyes the intercom, pressing the ‘doorbell’ option and hearing a muffled shrill sound from where he is. Soon there’s a static noise of someone pressing something and Kyungsoo nearly jumps when a voice comes from the speaker on the device.

 

_“Hold on.”_

 

“…Um, okay.”

 

He isn’t sure how Jongin knows that it’s him, but he believes there’s a camera on the intercom, or somewhere. Kyungsoo removes his mouth mask and shoves it inside his bag, hoping that his face condition is okay because he hardly touched up just now after throwing up. 

 

-

 

Jongin has just gotten out of the shower when the bell rings, and he jogs his way to the intercom at the entryway and is surprised to see Kyungsoo on the screen. He’s early. Jongin tells him to wait and he rushes to the closet for a fresh set of clothes, his hair dropping wet splotches on the white tee he chose.

 

Frankly he feels a little tired and sleepy after having an early morning recording, and tonight he still has to go for dance and vocal practice, but there’s something to be discussed with Kyungsoo and he doesn’t think doing it through chatting is convincing. 

 

Finally opening the door, the sight that greets him is, if he was allowed only one word to describe it, it’s _soft_. Kyungsoo wears a cream oversized turtleneck sweater, paired with skinny jeans, and he looks… soft. Like a winter sunset or something, and maybe Jongin feels a little less beat now. 

 

“Kyungsoo. Hi.”

 

The elder male gives him a timid smile, touching his flushed nose and Jongin realises he must be cold from outside. “Come in.”

 

He waits for Kyungsoo to step inside before closing the door, and then leads him in from entryway. Kyungsoo quietly removes his shoes before following him.

 

“I live alone.” Jongin announces, going over to the kitchen and almost attempts to boil some water when he suddenly remembers Kyungsoo is avoiding teas… and coffees. “Is juice okay—”

 

When he turns to him, Kyungsoo seems to be transfixed at the large trophy case against the wall, and Jongin has to clear his throat to get his attention. The smaller male flinches and quickly spins around. 

 

“Is juice okay?” Jongin repeats.

 

“Y-Yeah.”

 

His gaze stays glued at him as he walks to the fridge, and it could just be Jongin’s imagination, or maybe it’s from the cold, but there’s a telltale redness on his otherwise pale cheeks and ears. He looks a little uneasy and Jongin isn’t sure why. 

 

Jongin fixes two glasses on the bar and pours some cranberry juice, the bold red a great contrast to the white marble. Kyungsoo is quiet when he walks up to the bar, taking out a stool for him to sit on. 

 

“It’s cranberry.” Jongin caps the juice box, turning it sideways so it faces Kyungsoo while he himself takes his seat. He watches Kyungsoo take a small sip, not missing the way he hides a subtle grimace.

 

“It’s… nice.”

 

Jongin stifles a snort. “You don’t like it.”

 

“It’s sour… but it’s nice.” Kyungsoo says, taking more sips and Jongin really doubts it when he said it’s nice because Kyungsoo still makes those expressions that are telling him he doesn’t. “Helps with nausea a bit.”

 

Raising his eyebrow a bit, Jongin takes a generous gulp from his glass, remembering the scene where the shorter male threw up in one of the toilet sinks and Baekhyun being there to help him. That was… roughly 4 weeks ago. He doesn’t know how long morning sickness lasts through the term, but he isn’t about to let that curiosity known, although he’s sure Kyungsoo would definitely accommodate him if he did.

 

“Your apartment is beautiful.” The elder male comments while looking around, and Jongin can’t fathom why he looks a little distant saying it. “You used to stay in dorms, right?”

 

That has Jongin narrowing his eyes at him.” Yeah, but how did you know about that?”

 

Kyungsoo suddenly looks a little bashful, dropping his gaze on his glass of juice. “All idols start by living at the dorms. Now you own an apartment. That means you’ve come a long way.”

 

This somehow makes Jongin look around the interior of the house, feeling nothing special much, but he guesses that is where he’s wrong because he trained and worked years to even dream to be in here. When his eyes land on his trophy case, he wonders if that’s what Kyungsoo thought looking at all the trophies too, that Jongin’s come a long way. 

 

When he finally returns his gaze on the smaller male, it’s winter sunset to him again, because Kyungsoo has a small yet easy smile on his lips as he thumbs the rim of his glass. And Jongin finds it hard to not forget about how they got tangled in this mess, wondering how Kyungsoo does it to him. 

 

Before he completely forgets about the reason he needs Kyungsoo in his presence, Jongin takes a determined sip at his juice before lowering it on the coaster. 

 

“How do you wanna go about this?”

 

Kyungsoo blinks up at him, puzzled. “What?”

 

“This,” He gestures vaguely at the two of them - or three. Whichever. “How do you want things to be?”

 

There is still confusion on his face, and Jongin patiently waits until the makeup artist speaks again. “Um, I’m fine on my own, Jongin. I’ve always thought it to be this way.”

 

“I don’t think that’s true.” Jongin remarks, looking straight in his eyes. “You told me you expected me to ‘be in this with you’, remember?”

 

Kyungsoo frowns at his glass of juice, not making eye contact with Jongin. The idol takes it as a yes, anyway. Sighing, Jongin leans back as far as his balance allows on the stool, stretching his lower limbs and mentally taking note to do a proper stretching later since his muscles still ache.

 

“How would you feel about me wiring some money to you?” Jongin offers, resting his arms on the bar. “The agency apparently doesn’t provide a paid maternity leave.” 

 

This, of course, doesn’t sit well with Kyungsoo, who almost looks offended at such a proposal. “What? No, please. I’m the one who decided to keep it, you shouldn’t feel the need to do that.”

 

“You’re contradicting your own words again.” Jongin counters. “I’m trying to help. At least for the child’s sake.”

 

“If it’s because someone told you to, then I don’t want it.”

 

Jongin blinks. It isn’t the first time Kyungsoo sounds so adamant on it but it still throws him off guard. He’s taken back to the first time he went to his place and told him to terminate the pregnancy and Kyungsoo insisted on keeping it.

 

“Sehun told me you grew up orphaned.” Jongin confesses, earning a wide-eyed look from the elder male. “You don’t get the financial support you need from a family. I’m sorry to hear that, and I’m trying to lend you a hand.” He watches Kyungsoo fidget in his seat, and catches on how uncomfortable Jongin might have made him feel.

 

“Suppose I didn’t; what do you plan to do?” Sighing, the idol asks, having been aware that Kyungsoo knows he won’t ever get to keep his job as Sehun’s makeup artist if he’s raising the child alone. 

 

“I don’t know yet, Jongin,” Kyungsoo answers honestly, looking a little downcast. “I thought that maybe I’ll figure it out along the way.”

 

Jongin isn’t satisfied with the answer, but he lets him go for now, although not without a little more push on his proposition. “Then promise me to think about it.” He downs the rest of his juice.

 

What Jongin isn’t expecting, though, is a small chuckle given by the makeup artist. Did he say something funny? He puts the glass down and cocks an eyebrow questioningly at him.

 

“You said the same thing to me back when you told me to… you know.” Kyungsoo smiles bashfully, and the winter sunset returns. “Just, different situations.” Kyungsoo also finishes the remaining of his juice before getting up and heading to the sink. 

 

“Just leave it. My housekeeper will do the work.” Jongin turns to say to him once he realises Kyungsoo has left his seat.

 

Kyungsoo still hesitates a little, obeying by placing the glass in the sink carefully. When he turns back, the sight allows Jongin to notice his small figure, a bump nonexistent, still. 

 

“You still don’t look pregnant.” Jongin remarks. “Shouldn’t you be showing a little by now?”

 

Kyungsoo spares him a smile, walking up to the bar. “It’s there, though.”

 

Jongin looks down for one second before bringing his gaze up again. “Well, I don’t see it.” Isn’t Kyungsoo almost entering 3 months into the term? It can’t still be strawberry-sized, right?

 

“Would you like to feel it?”

 

The offer sounds as good as ridiculous considering their circumstances, but when Jongin pays close attention to it, Kyungsoo actually _requested_ more than _offered_ , and truthfully Jongin doesn’t understand why. Why would he want Jongin to touch his belly? 

 

He has a lot to ask, like why is Kyungsoo already so proud of the unborn child? What makes the makeup artist look so fond while talking about Jongin’s successful career? Why does he want Jongin to touch the belly bearing their child? Why is Kyungsoo approaching him and so delicately taking his hand and laying it flat on his belly—

 

It’s there. Kyungsoo’s right.

 

There is a slight raise on his clothed abdomen, and that can’t be just bloat; it’s the expanding womb inside. It’s there. The baby’s there, and for a moment Jongin forgets what it would bring to him and his career. He doesn’t even notice that Kyungsoo has let him go and the idol’s hand is still laid there on his own accord.

 

When there’s a hold on his arm and it gently pushes Jongin’s hand away from it does Jongin finally look up.

 

“I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo smiles brokenly, looking away from him. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

 

Jongin doesn’t have any words to that, and he isn’t sure what he should be feeling right now. His mind is all over the place. _He just touched Kyungsoo’s belly._ If it were any earlier, he might’ve pulled his hand back as if he just touched fire, but today… he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him today.

 

“Is that the only reason you’re asking to meet me?” Kyungsoo asks instead, and he still hasn’t taken his seat yet.

 

Maybe. Maybe not. “Yeah.”

 

“From now on, please just text me.” Kyungsoo says. “We don’t have to meet up like this, considering how tired you must be from your schedules and all.”

 

 _What if I want to?_ becomes a passing thought. _What if I crave for the calmness of sunset during winter? Especially after a tiring schedule or during a slump?_

 

“Will Sehun still need you later?” Jongin finds himself asking.

 

“Um no, but I think I’ll return to the building so I can get a ride home with them.”

 

“You can just get a cab.” 

 

Kyungsoo chuckles, the last threads of light that graces the sunset sky before they leave. “That would put a dent on my wallet.”

 

-

 

Jongin stays by the closed door. To him, the night has come, and it’s a rather cold night.

 

When he looks at the clock, he learns that he has less than 2 hours before his dance practice with his choreographer.

 

Maybe he'll nap a little, or maybe he should go out to the balcony for a much needed smoke.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates might be slower from now on coz I've finished crossposting from aff up to the latest chap there.
> 
> you can find me on Twitter! @tinysooshi


	9. Chapter 9

 

“Kim Kai snatches first win on W!Countdown with ‘BODY’"

[Photo] [Photo]

[Photo] [Photo]

Source : Daily Entertainment via Naber

1.[+1,532 -176] Congratulations on your first win, Kim Kai! 

2\. [+843, -140] The choreo is so sexy, fuck... 

3\. [+362, -210] Is the cameraman drunk or something… terrible camerawork. Congrats though!

4\. [+150, -187] He’s only going up against some nugus. Of course it’s easy for him to win. 

5\. [+128, -104] He’s robbing an empty house, though… 

 

-

Kyungsoo's in a good mood.

 

He didn't wake up nauseous, he had a proper breakfast that thankfully still stays in his system, and he spent a good enough time pampering his skin. It's a shame he can't wear his favourite jeans anymore though, having a mild trouble zipping it up, but he's too contented he can't bring himself to feel bad about it.

 

Now, his phone is streaming a certain idol's latest album while he lines his eyes with care, arriving to the end of his eye makeup before he contemplates a lip shade to match with it.

 

It's no longer fall but that doesn't mean he can't go for that pinkish orange lip tint, better known as a tea rose shade, to complete his look for the day. He doesn't usually wear this much on a daily basis, but he's in a good mood and a good mood calls for a good makeup but hey even if you're in a bad mood, spending time doing your makeup can be pretty damn therapeutic. 

 

Smacking his lips once, he flutters his eyelashes and checks the overall result of his work. Satisfied, he gives the briefest smile to his own reflection and decides that's enough time in front of the mirror. He checks the time to see if he can spare any minute to go through his wardrobe.

 

Not having enough to buy branded clothing doesn't stop him from buying knockoffs at the street stores; well, knockoffs might sound a little cheap but he has expensive tastes with a cheapskate mindset so that doesn't stop him from having a wide variety of outfits in his closet. It's winter anyway but he's sure he gets to take off his coat in the hospital later. He flips through some sweaters and decides the deep blue one with some red stripes is cute.

 

Baekhyun rings him up a few minutes later, telling him he's already waiting outside with the cab. Kyungsoo quickly grabs his coat, passes by a napping Winter, and deftly puts on his shoes. Before locking the door, he makes sure he has his appointment card with him. 

 

There is indeed a cab already waiting outside, and as soon as he got off the stairs, Baekhyun steps out of the car and waves over at him. Kyungsoo shivers at the chilling breeze and sighs in relief once he gets inside the cab. The second he closes the door, the driver instantly steps on the gas. 

 

"Did I take long?" Kyungsoo whispers to Baekhyun beside him.

 

"I didn't mind. He probably did." Baekhyun whispers back, before he leans back to get a good look at Kyungsoo, cocking an eyebrow at him. "No wonder you took long."

 

Kyungsoo shoves a hand inside of his bag to bring out his phone, checking if his makeup is still okay. "Too much?"

 

"Were you recording or something?"

 

"No. I'm just feeling good today."

 

"Seeing the doctor puts you in a good mood? Is Dr. Jo _that_ good-looking?"

 

"I'll probably have my first sonogram today, and that second part applies better to you.” Kyungsoo keeps his phone away.

 

Baekhyun beside him releases a dreamy sigh. "He's oozing with charisma. I can't be the only one who noticed that."

 

Kyungsoo snickers. "In that white coat?"

 

"In that white coat." Baekhyun hums.

 

"With the stethoscope?"

 

"Are you implying I have a thing for doctors now?" Baekhyun accuses pointedly.

 

The makeup artist snorts, returning to his front camera while expertly fixing his bangs. "With you, I wouldn't be surprised."

 

"Wow." Baekhyun scoffs in mild disbelief before following with a rather shameful, small voice. "I can't even disagree."

 

-

 

After checking in, the two best friends wait for their turn in the waiting room. Across of them is one lady that looks like she could go into labor any minute now. Her stomach is painfully big but she looks rather at ease, her partner beside her giving her massages at her back and Kyungsoo blushes as he looks away, finding it rather intimate to have witnessed such a sight. He wonders if he'll ever get to experience such thing; getting massages and having intimate conversations with a significant other. He's only ever dated once in his lifetime, and it wasn't even that memorable except for the fact that he surrendered his virginity to him. 

 

Kyungsoo finds himself looking around then, nothing new since his first visit here. When his gaze lands on the rows of brochures and magazines on the counter, he stands up and walks to it, picking one brochure with the heading 'Babies and Pets - A blooming friendship' and a photo of a baby playing with a Golden Retriever.

 

He returns to his seat. Baekhyun has been on his phone for the rest of the wait. Kyungsoo flips to the first introductory page, deeming it pointless to read before jumping straight into the second page. 

 

_"Preparing your Pet for the New Baby"_

 

Kyungsoo pouts as he skims through the first few pages, thinking that it shouldn't be too hard for Winter to accept the baby since she's a very laid-back cat, almost chic even, but maybe there are certain things to watch out for because the further he reads, the more he discovers that pets can feel _hurt_ by the lack of attention to them as more is poured for the baby. It is said that pets can be lonelier because their owners will play less with them and these pets are forced to accept the presence of a new 'baby' when all these while _they_ were the babies.

 

Kyungsoo muses at this. Winter has never been one for too much babying, always squirming away at the first smooch to her nose. Maybe Winter would be very accepting of the new baby if it means less smooching and hugging her.

 

"Kyungsoo." He hears Baekhyun calls him beside him, making him look up from the brochure. "Did you know he got his first win yesterday?

 

Nodding, Kyungsoo breaks into a grin. "I did."

 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes playfully, returning to his phone. "Of course you did." 

 

"Have you listened to the whole album?"

 

"No. Recommend me something you find nice?"

 

Kyungsoo instantly pulls his earphones out from his bag and hands one of the earbuds to Baekhyun while he has one for himself, plugging it to his phone as he opens his iTunes. "I would rec you the entire thing, but this one is my favourite so far."

 

He taps on the song just below the title track.

 

_'Bury Now'_

 

Halfway into the song, Baekhyun hums in appraisal. "Soft lyrics, upbeat tempo. Sounds like something you'd like."

 

"I _do_ like it." Kyungsoo admits, subtly bobbing his head to it. "I like this sound from him."

 

"Yeah well, 'Body' is all sex so this is a nice balance," By the time Baekhyun pulls his earphone out, the nurse is calling Kyungsoo in. Making his way inside, Kyungsoo puts away his phone into his bag, his mind still reeling with the song he just shared with Baekhyun as the lyrics play over and over like a broken record. 

 

_When the weight of all your worlds_

_Come crashing on your skin_

_And all you ever wanted was a life to live again_

_You're not alone, you will carry on_

 

_And I found another reason_

_To love the life I live_

_To see the world at large, to bury all my sin_

_I'm not alone, I will carry on_

 

-

 

Kyungsoo needs to pee. So bad.

 

The nurse encouraged him (he believes guilt tripped him into it sounds more like it) to finish an entire bottle of water slowly and to avoid emptying his bladder until after his ultrasound since it makes for a good medium for the sound waves to propagate and other scientific stuff Kyungsoo can't fathom, and now his bladder muscles are crying at him at the pressure and the need to be relieved. 

 

"I need to pee." Kyungsoo croaks out shamefully, Baekhyun beside him hiding an amused smile. 

 

"You should feel okay in a while." Baekhyun says, purposefully pressing at his lower stomach and earning a light smack from the man lying on the bed. "Just hold it in a little bit longer and it should go away, the need to pee."

 

"You look like you're having a lot of fun." Kyungsoo half glares.

 

"Oh trust me, I am."

 

When the sonogram technician finally returns (sadly it isn't Dr. Jo) with the gel and a pair of clean gloves, Kyungsoo almost wants to scream at her to let him go and take a piss, but he also wants to see his child on the TV. There's a large TV hung on the wall across from them and it's said that the sonogram will be reflected there. Right now, the need to pee outmatches the excitement of seeing his child for the first time, his legs squirming to hold it in. 

 

His sweater is now bunched up on his chest and his jeans unzipped, the nurse laying a sheet of paper towel over his groin area and leaving most of his lower stomach exposed and Kyungsoo almost lets out an embarrassing squeak when she pours a cool slab of gel onto his abdomen and pelvic area. It's not helping his bladder in the least.

 

"Is this your first ultrasound?" The woman, Dr. Gong asks, turning on the machine as well as the television overhead. When Kyungsoo mumbles a yes, the doctor smiles. "I would usually point out a few things but seeing as you look like you're in an emergency, I think you'd want to get this over fast, don't you?"

 

Kyungsoo smiles at her hesitantly.

 

"It's quite normal to have a higher frequency of urination but it could also mean other things." Dr. Gong starts pressing the transducer over the gel, gently spreading it over the span of his abdomen. The TV already shows some opacities, but Kyungsoo doesn't understand what he's supposed to see.

 

"I can see your membrane there," Dr. Gong says thoughtfully, moving the device slowly and searching. "And- oh, there you go."

 

Kyungsoo doesn't hear what the doctor's saying from then on, blinking up at the screen overhead, seeing a tiny little thing squirming around and it's the cutest little thing and maybe he doesn't feel like expelling anything from his bladder anymore now but his eyes are leaking dangerously fast instead because _look at the little happy thing-_

 

"Wait."

 

Kyungsoo's pooling eyes land on the rather quiet doctor, navigating the transducer around in deadly silence and Kyungsoo feels like his heart is about to drop. Baekhyun seems to have stopped breathing too beside him. Something can’t be wrong with his child, right? Oh god, what if this is that foetal death thing he’s seen on television but didn’t he just see it moving just now—

 

"Oh. Seems like it's not alone."

 

…What?

 

"You're having multiple. Two, precisely."

 

No _. Way._

 

"I'm having... _twins_?" His heart is palpitating too fast it can't be normal, can it?

 

"Exactly." Dr. Gong calmly replies, smiling as she moves the cursor around on the screen but Kyungsoo still can't seem to breathe properly because _twins?_

 

"See there? That's the first one, and if I go a bit to the side- yep, there's the second one. A little overlapping." 

 

Kyungsoo scoffs and it comes out as a light sob, turning to face an equally wide-eyed Baekhyun as he gapes at the screen.

 

"Heartbeats: normal... measurements: fairly normal... Your twins are healthy and thriving so far. Congratulations."

 

That's enough to make him pat at Baekhyun's hand incessantly and telling him to go get him some tissue but it's probably a second too late anyway because he finally breaks into a sob, covering the lower half of his face as he continues to stare at the two blobs on the screen wiggling around. He's having not one, but _two_ little happy things. _Two_ additions to his life. _Two_. _Duo_. Kyungsoo couldn't ask for anything more.

 

He's having two new family members.

 

-

 

"Gosh, you're so embarrassing." Baekhyun hands him some more tissue.

 

Kyungsoo starts fanning his face as if it would stop him from tearing up, pressing his lips together to prevent them from trembling too much. "I spent my entire morning doing my makeup, I can’t just cry.”  

 

Baekhyun isn’t doing a really good job at keeping himself from laughing anyway. “You're pretty much crying already."

 

“Shut up…” Kyungsoo croaks shamefully, gently dabbing at his eyes and cringes at some pigment seen there. He's never a crier, but all these hormones are insanely messing with him. 

 

"But wow," Baekhyun exclaims lowly. "You're such a small person and now you're carrying twins."

 

Kyungsoo's too emotional to chide him for calling him small.

 

"That's like, double the trouble."

 

"Watch it. You're hurting their feelings.” He lands a hand on his small bump.

 

" _Oh my god_ , you're having _twins_."

 

"You kinda already said that," Kyungsoo sniffles some more, blowing his nose into the tissue and balling it up.

 

-

 

The two of them are now seated at the consultation room with Dr. Jo. Kyungsoo is now sporting a red nose and red-rimmed eyes, and his eyeliner is most likely smudged by now. He believes he’s looking a little ugly in front of the doctor. 

 

The doctor smiles while going through his file. "So, Dr. Gong told me you're having twins." He unclips something from the file and slides it over to Kyungsoo. It's the printout of his ultrasound.

 

"Pretty sure Dr. Gong told you already but I'll show you anyway." Dr. Jo takes a pencil and without pressing it onto the printout, he circles it around a small figure. "Here's baby number one; and she almost missed baby number two because the first one almost 'shadows' the other. It's quite common in the case of multiples which share the same amniotic sac and placenta."

 

"They're sharing the same placenta?”

 

"Quite possibly. We can confirm it in further visits. But for now, because of the near shadowing incident, it's highly likely for them to be sharing the same placenta, but it could also mean the other placenta is being shadowed too. While having an ultrasound should be able to detect these changes, it's also normal for us to have missed some details only to find out in later scans."

 

Tentatively he takes the printout set, frowning at it. ”What does it mean if they're sharing the same placenta?"

 

Dr. Jo smiles. “It easily means you _might_ be having genetically identical twins." He leans back in his chair. "But this also might give rise to several complications, so we'll have to be on a close lookout for you." He elaborates further but Kyungsoo isn't listening anymore. He's too overwhelmed at the prospect of having twins, more so that they might be identical. 

 

"...that you need to gain more weight."

 

Kyungsoo looks up, blinking dumbly. "Sorry?"

 

Dr. Jo looks through his file again. "Your measurements show that you only gained 800 grams since your first visit. Seeing as you're carrying a multiple now, it's essential to gain at least 2 kg, 3 is better, before you hit your second trimester. You're generally small, but I hope to see you putting on some more weight by your next visit. Is that okay, Mr. Do?"

 

"O-Okay." So the doctor wants him to fatten up.

 

-

 

"Do you think it's because you have the genetics running in your bloodline? Like, your family could have a strong history with twins."

 

Baekhyun suggested going lunch together at this one cafe beside the hospital building. It's not as busy as they expected it to be, but there are a few nurses and housemen utilising their free time there.

 

"Isn't that usually the case?" Kyungsoo slurps on his chocolate frappe, patiently waiting for his pasta. "It could also be from Jongin's side."

 

"Oh my god, what if you actually have a twin brother, Kyungsoo?"

 

Kyungsoo almost chokes on his frappe, having a small bout of coughing before he finally calms down. "Stop saying ridiculous things like that."

 

"You never know, Kyungsoo. Considering you've been..." Baekhyun trails off, gesturing wildly with his hands as if it could complete his sentence.

 

"If I had a twin sibling, the orphanage would've told me." Kyungsoo elaborates. "I grew up there. I would know."

 

Baekhyun pouts away, stirring his americano. "Who knows..." He insists anyway.

 

When his pasta arrives, Kyungsoo practically salivates and doesn't waste any more time staring at it. He has been hungry after all that surprise from the visit, and he's going to fatten up like Dr. Jo told him to, despite not really liking the idea. 

 

His plate cleared, Kyungsoo washes it down with the frappe before deciding it's too thick, getting up to the counter and ordering a bottle of mineral water. While waiting for the girl to take his bottle from the fridge, his eyes scan the many pastries before him. 

 

He should fatten up, right?

 

-

 

Jongin's not in a good mood.

 

He woke up with a sore body, suspecting he didn't do his stretches right after his workout the night before. His fan meeting is being delayed for a good hour due to some technicality issues as well as the non-cooperative fans that keep on pushing each other to get a good view of him on stage. After being ushered backstage and being told to patiently wait for all the issues to resolve, Jongin's mood is already positively soured. 

 

He spent the first few minutes monitoring the progress of the issues, but after a while he grew tired and now he's just sitting in his waiting room, listening to his new music and practicing his choreography in front of the mirror. 

 

Tired of that too, he asks Junmyeon if he can get him some snacks, very well knowing it's not helping his diet at all and he still has to maintain his abs for the rest of the month but he's not feeling good right now. Junmyeon returns 2 minutes later with a chocolate bar and a pack of cookies.

 

Ripping the wrapper off, Jongin chomps on the chocolate bar quite aggressively, glaring at nothing. 

 

"It should be over in a while." Junmyeon says distractedly, peering outside at the commotion before returning to look at the idol. "Are your muscles still sore?"

 

"They're killing me." Jongin grunts, rolling his shoulder and flexing his neck with his eyes closed, checking on them. "I don't have anything tonight, right? Do you think you can send someone to massage me?"

 

"Sure." 

 

A staff soon stops by the room and informs that he can come out now. Stealing a piece of cookie, Jongin goes out of the room, Minseok quickly tailing him to fix his hair a bit before pushing him forward to greet his fans. Taking a few seconds to regain his idol mindset, Jongin goes up the stage and automatically smiles as the fans scream for him.

 

-

 

His mood isn't getting any better by the time his fan meeting ends, and he's still brooding as he's having lunch with his manager. He even contemplates ordering some wine but decides against it because he still needs to practice after this, more so that award season is coming. His whole body still aches and he regrets not spending an extra ten minutes doing some stretching after last night.

 

Junmyeon looks like he has something to say but he probably thinks it's best to just leave him alone for now and not aggravate his already bad mood. They both eat in silence until Jongin feels a vibration in his pocket.

 

He places his chopsticks down and slides his phone out. The sender reads _doh k_.

 

_"I just got back from my appointment."_

 

Right. Jongin forgot it's his second visit today. It's generous of Kyungsoo to voluntarily update him without the idol having to ask him first. Just to make sure the elder male knows he's read the text, Jongin types a reply.

 

_"what did the doc say"_

 

_"That I need to gain more weight."_

 

Jongin thinks so too if he's being honest. He's no expert but he does remember his sister was definitely a lot bigger when she was pregnant with Rahee at her second month.

 

_"Would you like to see the ultrasound?"_

 

His phone pings again and Jongin frowns. Kyungsoo already did an ultrasound? On his second visit? The idol thinks this over, but he's too much of a mess right now he can't properly think, and he believes seeing the ultrasound would not be of any help to alleviate his mood. There's also a little spice of panic in there at the thought of seeing a picture of the growing foetus inside the womb, and he doesn't think he's ready. He's not ready to see it yet. Not like this.

 

He can't deny he's still somewhat bitter about it, about having to be a father too soon, about fucking up back at Hawaii just because he can't keep his dick down for one goddamn night. It doesn't matter that he's made a decision to go through with it with Kyungsoo because in the end, the little thing is still unwanted.

 

Jongin is just not ready.

 

_"no, it's ok"_

 

-

 

Kyungsoo reads the latest text quietly, another hand holding the series of black and white printed sonogram. 

 

He loosens his grip on the phone, letting it fall on the table as he holds the pictures with both his hands now, looking over them one by one with so much fondness. He soon finds himself lying on the floor on his side, his eyes never leaving the pictures of his children - his two beautiful children. It seems more like blobs there with small limbs, but he still thinks they're beautiful. They’re going to be so beautiful.

 

Maybe if they're girls, Kyungsoo gets to play with their hair, tie them up into ponytails and buy them lots of princess dresses. If they're boys and they want dresses then that's fine too. Anything for his precious babies. If they love makeup then Kyungsoo would buy them the whole store if he could. He would never let anyone belittle their children's passion, would never let them be sad about liking something. He would never want their children to be like him.

 

There was a time in high school where he questioned himself if he would have had more friends if he wore less makeup, or none at all. Would they have been less aggressive with their treatment? Would they have stopped emptying his schoolbag to find a lipstick tube and humiliate him by roughly putting it on his lips in front of everyone in the hallway? Would he have had an amazing high school experience if he didn't fall in love with what he's doing now?

 

He didn't like high school. He doesn't understand why some people say it's some of the best years of their lives. He was only happy to be in his shared room with the rest of the orphans, even if they sometimes sneered at him when he took too much time in front of the mirror with some of his caretaker's makeup. It was his best friend, it still is, and he finds absolute satisfaction at being able to make people feel and look beautiful even if it means hiding tons of flaws underneath but hey it's what it's all about in the first place.

 

The only thing that made him persevere high school was that one junior who loved dancing and performing so much like it’s his world, but it was short-lived as he, too, transferred to a more performance arts oriented high school. He silently envied the junior for being able to freely express his passion in all forms, while he in turn was taunted for it. But that junior, he was beautiful, on stage he was art in motion, and most importantly he was loved. He was loved so well, and with that love, he gracefully bloomed into what he is now, and Kyungsoo couldn’t be any prouder, even if he was just watching by the sidelines. Flowers aren’t there to be plucked; they’re there to be appreciated for their beauty.

 

Kyungsoo has his new world now. Kyungsoo has _two_ new worlds, and he's going to nurture them with the utmost care so that they can be like those flowers too. It's okay if he has to do it alone. It's okay if he's the only one excited about it.

 

Winter struts her way to him, sniffing at the printout curiously before deeming it harmless, balling herself up near him. Kyungsoo pats her gingerly, feeling the vibrations of her purring and finding comfort in it.

 

It's not comforting enough apparently, because for the second time that day Kyungsoo cries.

 

-

 

It is on a Sunday morning that Kyungsoo stands at the door in a stunned state, having just showered with his hair still wet.

 

"SURPRISE!"

 

"We brought you cake!"

 

"Cakes," Jongdae corrects, lifting another box with a huge grin. "Since you're having two."

 

Kyungsoo looks between the two boxes and the three happy faces standing expectantly by the entrance, taken aback at the sudden visit. "For me?"

 

"Of course," Baekhyun pads his way inside, placing the cake on the small table before removing his coat. "It's a cause for celebration."

 

"I ordered lemon cake for you since you might not enjoy sweet things right now because, you know," Sehun says, smiling as he kicks his boots off. "But Baek insisted for red velvet. So two." As soon as he sees Winter sniffing at the boxes curiously, Sehun gleams. "Winter, how come you're so fat?! Are you pregnant too?"

 

"She's spayed, Sehun," Kyungsoo retorts with a giggle, shutting the door close. When he whips around it is to the sound of Jongdae's yowling and telling Sehun to bring the cat away.

 

"Winter just wants to say hi to you," Sehun says mischievously, holding out the feline to the terrified male before she writhes in his hold and eventually claws her way out. "Ow."

 

"Let's cut the cakes," Baekhyun declares, and Kyungsoo heads to the kitchen to take some plates and forks, bringing them over to the small table. There's no space so he hands each of them a plate.

 

Sehun holds up a hand. "I'm on a diet." When Kyungsoo slowly and dejectedly lowers the plate, Sehun bites his lower lip and begrudgingly takes it from his hand. “Cheat day.” He mumbles.

 

Kyungsoo blinks at him and smiles.

 

-

 

"So does he know yet?” Baekhyun asks a little off-handedly, stabbing the last piece of cake on his plate.

 

"No..."

 

The stylist offers him a hard stare. ”You haven't told him yet?"

 

"He- He's busy, Baek." Kyungsoo stammers.

 

Baekhyun stops chewing. "'Busy'?" He mutters lowly. "That could only mean one thing."

 

Sehun sighs beside him, probably detecting that this will turn into a talk that he isn’t quite fond of, getting up from his seat to bring the empty glasses into the kitchen. Jongdae pretends to be absorbed with his phone.

 

"That he doesn't want to see it, right?" Baekhyun scoffs, it turning into a murderous chuckle seconds after, and he makes to get up. "That punk, I swear to god--"

 

When he feels a tug at his sweater, he looks down to see Kyungsoo has gripped at the edges of his sleeve pleadingly.

 

"Jongin's busy." He stresses it again, moving his fingers so they can grab at Baekhyun's fingers instead, pulling him back down beside him and resting his head on his shoulder. Sighing, Kyungsoo squeezes his hold on him reassuringly. "I'll let him know later." 

 

Jongdae mutters something under his breath, most probably cursing as he clears the table and brings the leftover cakes to Kyungsoo's fridge. 

 

"That dirtbag already agreed he's going to help you, right? Then why is he not acting like it?"

 

Kyungsoo looks up at Baekhyun sternly. “I told you he's busy. I don't want to stress him out. And don’t call him dirtbag.”

 

"Just do it. Stress him out. I'd like to see that." Baekhyun grumbles with the bitterness of a child, yelping as he earns a light pinch on his forearm. “Well _you’re_ the one that has to bear them for 9 months! What could be more stressful than that? Singing and dancing? _Come on_.”

 

“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo grips at him harsher, forcing the stylist to look him in the eyes and Baekhyun does, a little taken aback at the gesture. “Stop it. If you’re trying to make him sound like the bad guy, it’s working but I can’t say I appreciate it.”

 

“I’m pissed.” Baekhyun scowls.

 

“I know you are.” Releasing his grip on him, Kyungsoo rests his chin on his knees, gaze trained on the glaring male. “But it doesn’t make anyone feel any better if you keep talking bad about him. Sehun’s his best friend.” He whispers the last sentence.

 

Stealing a glance at the idol who is now playing with Winter, Baekhyun sighs, realising that he must have potentially hurt him too. Kyungsoo squeezes his hand one last time before getting up, walking to the kitchen.

 

-

 

“Ah, you didn't have to, Jongdae,” Kyungsoo jogs his way to him but the manager has already finished, wiping his hands with the paper towel with a smile.

 

"Nothing I can't handle." He tosses the paper towel into the bin before facing Kyungsoo. "Do you not cook these days, though?"

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head. "Hardly. I'm much too tired after work these days."

 

Jongdae nods, deep in thought. He seems to be calculating if he should say what he wants to say or not, before breathing deeply. 

 

"Kyungsoo."

 

-

 

"Take care, Kyungsoo," Sehun ruffles the shorter male's hair softly, earning a disgruntled noise from him and he lets go. "Let us know if you need anything."

 

"I'll be fine." Kyungsoo smiles up at him. Sehun puts on his mouth mask and pulls the hood over his head before going down the stairs, giving a final wave at his makeup artist.

 

Jongdae seems to have started the car and is left to wait for the idol to show up. When he finally closes the door, Baekhyun’s the first to let out a frustrating sigh, but holds his tongue at the last minute because Sehun is there. Sehun doesn’t say anything.

 

"If we leave it up to him, he might as well try to hide it until his delivery," Jongdae says, turning up the heater as he drives. 

 

"So you're planning to tell him yourself?" Baekhyun asks.

 

"I will."

 

Baekhyun looks over at Sehun in the backseat, eyeing the phone in his hand.

 

-

 

_"Hey kimjong. how's comeback?”_

 

Jongin mindlessly types his reply, his head a little hurting. 

 

_"tiring as hell. whats up"_

 

He’s just finished monitoring his stage with the PD, and Junmyeon’s going to bring him to lunch later before sending him back to his apartment to rest. 

 

He can't deny that ever since the entire baby fiasco, his friendship with Sehun has gotten a little awkward, although neither of them harbour hard feelings towards one another. It’s mostly attributed to Sehun’s manager and stylist, and for them to side with Kyungsoo means hating Jongin’s guts, not that that should be a surprise, but it probably puts Sehun in an awkward position. 

 

_"We were just done visiting him"_

 

_"what happened to him"_

 

Sehun's reply comes in and Jongin almost thinks he's reading it wrong.

 

_"He's having twins, dude"_

 

-

 

_"We're flying to bangkok tomorrow. I hope u'll see him by then."_

 

Jongin rubs at his temples, willing his headache to go away. He's in Junmyeon's car now, heading to Kyungsoo's place instead of going to lunch. He can’t even stomach lunch at this point. 

 

He's already exhausted enough with his hectic schedule, and to have received this news he doesn't know what to think. It's a good thing he read the message after his prerecording ended or else it might have distracted him with his work while performing. He hasn’t had a proper sleep in the past 2 days, and if he did get some, he’s often woken up at odd intervals he’s starting to believe he has insomnia. 

 

It almost sounds like a joke even, as if the god of humour finds it hilarious to throw him with more and more bricks just to watch him suffer, because having a child is already one thing, but _two_? God of humour sure is enjoying himself. 

 

As far as he remembers, none of his predecessors have multiples in their family tree, so that can only mean it comes from Kyungsoo's side. Leaving their son at an orphanage wasn't enough for them apparently, so they left a son with _twins_ running in the blood. Great.

 

Maybe he's not thinking clearly that he’s resorted to blaming Kyungsoo's parents for this whole mess, but he's deadly tired and so far nothing has gone his way ever since he put a child in Kyungsoo- no wait, two children. _Shit_. How the hell is Kyungsoo gonna carry them? He's already so small to carry one, let alone two. How does nature even allow one person to carry more than one baby? 

 

At some point, he laughs to himself, positive he's gone hysterical from all the stress. Junmyeon side-glances at him worryingly.

 

"Fuck, I'm gonna father _two kids_ , Junmyeon." His laughter grows. "Just what did I do so wrong to have to deal with this?"

 

His manager sighs, thinking it best to not humour him and just focus on the road. 

 

Jongin's laughter dies, and as if he didn't just go delirious for a minute, he breathes out a deep sigh, cursing again. “Fucking crazy.”

 

-

 

"You go up first. I'm gonna go look at the store if I can buy him anything." Junmyeon says, and Jongin pushes the door close before making his way upstairs, only his mouth mask secured. His head is still pounding and his vision a little blurry, evident of how drained he is of his energy.

 

By the time he reaches the door, he has to brace himself against the wall as he knocks, as if going up the stairs has already robbed the last of his energy. He really needs a bed right now.

 

The door swings open very slowly, too slow Jongin starts to think it's his head messing with him, and when the bespectacled male appears in his vision, it’s like time has dramatically slowed enough for him to catch his thoughts even when he can’t feel his own limbs anymore. Kyungsoo doesn't look like he's been expecting any guest, and maybe Jongin scoffs a little, finding it all too funny because Kyungsoo's lips are moving, mouthing his name but all the idol can hear is constant ringing before it terminates into absolute silence. 

 

He experiences a momentary relapse and finally loses his footing, throwing all his weight onto the smaller male who seems to have struggled at the sudden fall, and he’s warm. In this cold winter Kyungsoo feels so warm, and he finally remembers why he shouldn’t be as mad as he is at the whole predicament and go around searching for a source to blame until he’s at his wit’s end. Jongin’s tired of doing that, so very tired, and warmth is the only thing he feels before black ultimately swarms his vision.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case u're interested, the song exists and it's called Bury Now by Crywolf!


	10. Chapter 10

 

A loud clang against the lockers brought about silence in the entire hallway, but it was quickly overlooked as they noticed the culprits behind it, going on about their business as if it was a normal sight to see people being shoved against lockers. A normal sight to see them being taunted by the more dauntless spirits, taking advantage of the poorer souls. An entertainment as much as a pity party, these onlookers had little to no power to stop them, unless a higher authority was to intervene.

 

Kyungsoo wasn’t much of a fighter, this much he realized. He accepted the malicious words and treatment without fighting back, but he was never one to stop doing what he loved either, which of course led to the prolongation of such behaviour by these lads. 

 

“While at it, why don’t you just wear a skirt, hm?” Such toxic words to hear, but Kyungsoo had been too immune to them to feel anything anymore and continued to receive them. 

 

“These slacks, they don’t suit you,” Amused laughter evoked, a finger hooked around one of his belt loops, and Kyungsoo gripped the hand to detach it from himself, turning around to open his locker. He took some books before a guy managed to slip his hand inside and grabbed his compact powder, flipping it open with a feigned curiosity before slipping it from his grasp and it landed on the floor with a thud and the cracking sound of a broken mirror. Kyungsoo looked down at the aftermath, the background filling up with guffaws. 

 

Another guy then took one of the tubes Kyungsoo kept in his locker, uncapping it while his friend spun him around and kept him in place. 

 

“Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo,” The leader (Kyungsoo presumed) said, approaching him with the lip tint in his hand and forcefully and messily applied it onto his lips while Kyungsoo calmly accepted it, making a good portion of it escaped his lip line on purpose. “Always tryna look pretty. But whom for? Us guys?”

 

“We don’t want you fags,” His friend beside him spat, his eyes condescending. 

 

The leader then harshly tugged at his hair, forcing him to tilt his head and Kyungsoo hissed in pain. “But if you grew out your hair like a girl, maybe we’d consider.” His voice was icy thin. “You already look like one anyway.”

 

“Dude, seriously?” One of his friends snorted. “I wouldn’t want him either way.”

 

“Shut your trap, you fucker. I’m not talking to you.” He rebutted rather rudely to his own friend, resuming his attention on Kyungsoo, and if the smaller boy paid attention enough he might’ve thought the bully was a closeted gay. The guy smirked, pressing his thumb on Kyungsoo’s lower lip and smudged the pigment. “You enjoy dolling yourself up, huh? Enjoy doing those things to other people too?”

 

“I can make you look pretty too, if you’d allow me to,” Kyungsoo spoke calmly, earning a scoff of disbelief from the taller male.

 

“You little shit, did you just talk back to me?” He tugged at Kyungsoo’s tie rather rudely before pushing him harder, and Kyungsoo winced at the pain against his back but then realised it wasn’t as painful as the blow to his stomach. 

 

The treatment varied from day to day, some days he didn’t even get cornered by them and those were the days Kyungsoo appreciated the most. 

 

High school sucked.

 

But it was made bearable when he first heard of a supposed student who just recently got casted by an agency and was then well known as ‘that handsome trainee’. While he usually never imposed himself to such rumours, this particular gossip had his ears perked because of a certain incident.

 

Being in the theatre club had its perks when it came to the only thing he’s good at. Whenever they were having shows, or any sort of performances for events for that matter, Kyungsoo was one of the first persons they would look for in regards to amateur makeup, among some female students who were also good at it. It was also one of the things that perhaps made Kyungsoo enjoy his time a little there, although having little to no friends to share that joy was a bit of a downer. 

 

The restroom became the place where Kyungsoo was particularly comfortable with himself, especially when there was no one around and he could use the mirrors to himself. If there were people utilising the urinals, he usually went for the stalls and fixed his makeup with his compact mirror or his phone camera front screen.

 

It was one of those periods where he had the entire restroom to himself and he was just capping his liquid liner when the door barged open but that wasn’t the reason he had dropped the liner and it rolling on the unhygienic floor. He certainly wasn’t one for dramatic reactions, or so he thought, when the person that picked up his liner was none other than the renowned trainee, and he might or might have not just gaped.

 

The trainee went on and rinsed the slender tube, wiping it with the napkins before properly looking at Kyungsoo. 

 

“You must’ve been that guy who always wears and brings makeup,” The trainee said, handing the liner to a still Kyungsoo. 

 

Kyungsoo blinked at the tool in his hand, capping it properly and slipping it inside his pocket. “I’m… not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing.”

 

The taller male frowns. “Why would it be a bad thing?” 

 

 _Reasons_. “N-Nothing.”

 

He immediately dismissed it, and licked his lips before he began. “I have this… dance recital at a local studio. An assignment, you could say.” 

 

Kyungsoo looked up at him, wondering if he was speaking to the wrong person.

 

“I’m too shy to get the girls to do them for me,” The junior male had said with a chuckle, rubbing his nape somewhat nervously. “But I have this concept I want to go for so bad, and it needs a certain look, so.”

 

Kyungsoo smiled. “I’d be delighted.”

 

The day never came however, for the junior was said to have transferred to School of Performing Arts in Seoul, closer to the agency. And Kyungsoo’s high school life returned to the same old bleakness, gray clouds or so to say. Sunshine had gone as soon as it came. Maybe Kyungsoo didn’t deserve sunshine at all.

 

Just one more year, he convinced himself. Endure it for one more year until graduation.

 

Kyungsoo has a lot of thoughts, or rather, reminiscence, to the very few times he had seen the younger man in his teenage years as well as the times he’s been working in the industry with Sehun. There weren’t a lot of instances where he came across him, despite having quite a similar spectrum with Sehun in terms of his working field, but when they do clash, Kyungsoo had only just… observed. 

 

And with his arms full of a certain male idol, very much limp, Kyungsoo can’t help remembering a nearly similar scene almost 3 months ago, in a restroom stall, with the both of them in a half-naked state.

 

Jongin had fainted back then too, _on him_ too, and it took a good amount of energy to lift him up and away from him despite the pain that shot up his back at being… _graciously_ taken. Sore and sticky, Kyungsoo managed to drag himself out of the stall and rested in the empty stall beside it for fear of being in the same presence of the idol once he roused from his drunken nap. He remembers tracing Jongin’s sleeping face with his eyes before moving himself, remembers the vivid emotions racking through his half-sober mind back then. He supposes he _did_ feel bad for letting it ever happen in the first place.

 

Presently, Jongin is _still_ heavy, _still_ limp, and the weight leaning on him forces Kyungsoo to land on his knees as he struggles to keep them both upright and prevents Jongin’s figure to meet the floor, and that is how he ends up cradling a very tired man by the entryway, letting his head rest on his shoulder. 

 

“Jongin,” He calls, shaking his shoulder a little, but the man is already in a deep sleep judging by the steady rise and fall of his chest, and maybe Kyungsoo’s heart aches a little for him. He likens this feeling to cupping stars and dreams in his hands, and for fear of dropping them and potentially crushing them, he stays. He stays there, supporting him from falling, by the entryway where people could pass by and even recognise them. Kyungsoo stays, because he knows how much a rest is overdue for the man leaning on him, and he’s not about to rob that much needed rest from him. 

 

When he sneezes he finally decides staying there is not much of an excellent idea. 

 

-

 

As Kyungsoo waits for the water to boil, someone knocks on his door, and he isn’t surprised when it turns out to be the manager, his hands full. Questions of the idol’s whereabout arises, and soon Kyungsoo leads him to his bedroom where Jongin is tucked into his blankets, his coat laid at the foot of the bed because Kyungsoo didn’t dare put it anywhere else. Understanding that it could’ve been fatigue, Junmyeon sighs. 

 

“You carried him all the way here?”

 

Kyungsoo flushes. “Well um, someone had to.”

 

“Sorry. You’re tired yourself, with um—“ Junmyeon gestures to his belly vaguely, perhaps a little embarrassed to point it out. “Two of them.”

 

Kyungsoo smiles. “Jongin must’ve told you.”

 

“Of course. There are no secrets between us.” The manager shrugs, only now removing his coat. “Congrats, though. You must be ecstatic about it.”

 

“I am, thanks.” Kyungsoo replies with a timid smile, before remembering the boiled water. “Ah, would you want me to make you tea, coffee? I think I also have chocolate.”

 

Junmyeon smiles. “Chocolate sounds nice.”

 

Both seated on the floor around Kyungsoo’s Japanese table, Kyungsoo silently sips on his mug of warm chocolate before frowning. “Isn’t it worrying?”

 

“Of course it is. It’s no surprise that he constantly overexerts himself, but this is the first time he actually fainted.” Junmyeon says mindfully. “I might have to bring him to the hospital later, that is, if he wants to.”

 

“Why would he deny the hospital visit?”

 

“Obviously because it might stir talk. Too overly concerned fans can be overbearing. He doesn’t like that kind of attention.”

 

He’s a performer. That much is evident. He only craves attention for his carefully executed performance and not on his private life, as most working in the show business does. Kyungsoo wonders how stuffy it must be for him to have to stay guarded at all times when it comes to his personal life, more so now that he is acquainted with him in more ways than can be called _simple_. 

 

-

 

A tickle on his cheek stirs him awake, and black fur fills his vision.

 

“Oh, hi Winter,” Jongin greets, his voice hoarse from sleep as he pats the cat who has been sniffing at him and around his face. It takes him several more pats before it slowly comes to a halt.

 

…Winter?

 

Jongin gradually comes to a realisation that this is indeed not his home, and he is indeed not lying on his own bed. The last thing he remembers is seeing Kyungsoo’s face as the smaller man stared up at him with mild surprise before he—

 

Oh. Right.

 

Letting out a sigh, he stares up at the ceiling, wondering if he’s made Kyungsoo carry him here, of which said person reminds him of the very reason he decided to come here. The thought of having not one, but _two_ children at the same time prompts him to sigh again, but this time he isn’t as upset about it as he was on the way here, probably due to the highly uncalled for nap he has gotten. His head doesn’t pound anymore, and his limbs have gathered enough energy to assist him in sitting up.

 

The first thing he notices is the coat laid on the other end of the bed. The second thing is what he assumes as Kyungsoo’s dressing table, on its surface stands a few cases and cups bearing brushes, as well as a round makeup mirror stand which he believes is essential to professionals like him despite the already large mirror attached to the table. 

 

The third thing is, the shelf. 

 

The shelf that houses a considerable number of albums, neatly arranged, and Jongin would be lying to himself if he said he was surprised to see some familiar titles.

 

Kyungsoo has all of his albums to date, but it can’t really mean anything because he also owns all of Sehun’s albums as well. There are also a number of other artists’ albums, but the shelf is mostly dominated with his and Sehun’s. Jongin’s not quite sure how to take this, but he doesn’t let it linger in his mind for too long.

 

He reaches for his coat to find his phone, wanting to know the time.

 

-

 

It’s nearly an hour since Jongin is asleep, and bored waiting for him to get up, Junmyeon has also resorted to taking a nap on Kyungsoo’s couch. 

 

Kyungsoo keeps the volume of the television to a minimum, sipping on his already cold chocolate. When Winter casually walks up to him, it is only then that he learns she’s been gone since Junmyeon arrived. Pondering about where she could’ve been, Kyungsoo has a hunch and instantly gets up and heads to his room. 

 

He can’t say he’s prepared to face a conscious Jongin who is now sitting up with his back against the headboard, focused on his phone.

 

Kyungsoo hesitates before clearing his throat, and the idol finally realises he isn’t alone anymore. 

 

“C-Can I make you hot chocolate?”

 

-

 

Jongin sips on his drink, albeit a little uncomfortably with the other male standing within the vicinity of the room but to be fair, Kyungsoo looks more… fidgety than he is.

 

“I must’ve been heavy.” He mumbles, watching the liquid swirl. 

 

“A little.”

 

“Sorry,” Jongin apologizes, studying the elder male from head to toe. He looks cozy in that coffee coloured sweater, but it would help if he isn’t as nervous as he is right now. Jongin can see it written all over him like an open book. “You can sit, you know.” He gestures at the foot of the bed.

 

Kyungsoo gives it a doubtful look before placing Jongin’s coat some distance away and finally sitting, his weight dipping on the bed. “Um, how are you feeling?”

 

“Physically better,” Jongin replies, placing the warm mug on the nightstand. “Do you suppose we discuss in your room like this?”

 

“I wouldn’t mind.”

 

“I probably would.” Jongin says, looking past him and towards the shelf. When Kyungsoo turns to see what it is, he instantly goes red. 

 

“Um.”

 

“For how long?” Jongin calmly asks. 

 

Kyungsoo directs his shaky pupils at him. “Sorry?”

 

“For how long have you been a fan of me?”

 

“…A while.” He isn’t telling him specifics, and Jongin supposes he’s already flustered him enough. 

 

“So you knew me,” Jongin concludes. “Back in Hawaii.”

 

“I… Yes.” Kyungsoo casts his head down, in repressed shame or regret, Jongin doesn’t know. “I would’ve been stupid not to, considering the nature of my job.”

 

“The real statement would have been you would’ve been stupid not to have a drunken intimacy with an idol you’ve been harbouring a secret liking for ‘a while’ whom cameras follow everywhere.” Jongin says, and realises it came out venomous and self-centered as he looks over at how hurt Kyungsoo looks. “…Sorry.”

 

“You are tired, Jongin.” Kyungsoo says, solemn. “I… I shouldn’t have texted you about the appointment.”

 

“So you intended to keep it from me? Until when?”

 

“Did Jongdae tell you?” The smaller man asks instead.

 

Jongin stares at him deliberately, not sure if giving his best friend away is a good idea, but he guesses Kyungsoo has the right to know. “It’s Sehun.”

 

There is a brief moment where Kyungsoo looks a little betrayed, probably already decided that he would keep it from Jongin until a specific time only to have his best friend broke it to him first. And if Jongin is to be honest with himself, he feels a little… vexed that Kyungsoo would have such thoughts in the first place, to keep something so important under the shadows, from _him_ most importantly. 

 

“By you coming over to my apartment that day, I would’ve thought I made it clear that I will be in this with you.” Jongin says, keeping a stern gaze at him. “But clearly you’d rather your friends know about it first.”

 

“You’re so temperamental sometimes.” Kyungsoo mumbles. “You were the one who refused to see it— them.”

 

That must’ve taken him off guard, because Jongin scoffs. “It was a bad time, Kyungsoo. And I was tired from work.”

 

“I figured.” Kyungsoo replies dolefully. “Which is why… you know.”

 

“Well you can’t have kept it from me until you deliver, can you? If Sehun didn’t tell me, for how long did you intend to keep it from me?”

 

Kyungsoo huffs. “Why are we even arguing about this, Jongin?” He looks far more tired than Jongin is, and it makes him feel bad now. That was definitely just egoistical on his part, Jongin comes to realize. Kyungsoo’s right, though. _He_ was the one who didn’t want to see it.

 

“Show me the ultrasound, then,” Jongin says, coming out more like a demand than he intends it to be, and Kyungsoo seemingly catches it.

 

“There’s no need to force yourself, Jongin.” 

 

“I’m not forcing myself. I _want_ to see it.” Jongin states more firmly, until he sighs and softens his tone. “Let me see it, please?”

 

It may have somewhat appease him because Kyungsoo finally relents, getting up and going to the nightstand beside Jongin to pull a drawer out. He takes the folds of paper on top of it before pushing it close, and hesitantly hands it to the idol on the bed. 

 

Jongin spares him a look before unfolding the printout, and it turns out to be a series of pictures arranged vertically and making it look like a long receipt or something. There are a total of 5 pictures, all of which he hardly understands what he’s supposed to be seeing. 

 

As if sensing his confusion, Kyungsoo steps in. “Um, would you mind if I…?” Jongin shakes his head, waiting. A slender finger then helpfully circles at a particular round opacity. “That’s the first one,” It then moves a little to the side. “And that’s the second.”

 

It proves to be very useful now that Kyungsoo points them out, and now Jongin can make out the two foetuses in the rest of the sonograms, taken at different angles by a slight difference in degrees, and Jongin doesn’t know what to feel. 

 

He partly contributes to the making of the two blobs, which undoubtedly makes him the other parent. While he _does_ wish to settle down some day and build his own family after having done with the entertainment world, to have a part of it this early doesn’t really sound like an achievement, but he can’t bring himself to be mad about it after spending a good two months and a half doing just that.

 

Jongin understands what this would bring should the press caught a sniff about it, and for that he trusts his agency to handle it. Kyungsoo is also generally a very low-key person, and he has faith that the smaller man will try his best to keep it hush-hush.

 

When it comes to other more important matters, though, Jongin finds himself questioning if he would be stuck with Kyungsoo for the time being, or for the rest of his life even. It’s impossible for them to not be linked to each other, with that link just so happens to share their blood. He also has his immediate family to think about, and to notify them of the upcoming new members of the family, to which he dreads thinking about for now and puts it at the back of his mind for much later and deeper deliberation.

 

With that, he thinks he’s taken his time just for staring at a couple of black and white pictures. He folds them back according to the creases and hands it over to Kyungsoo who is still standing beside him. “Thank y—”

 

What he doesn’t expect to see is the other male crying.

 

“I’m sorry, it’s just—“ Kyungsoo haphazardly wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, turning his gaze away, ashamed perhaps. “I know this is hard for you too, no— _especially_ you. And I- I can’t stress enough how sorry I am that you’re caught in this mess because of me but I’ll have you know that I am not one bit sorry for bearing them,” He sniffles. “They’re the only thing in my life right now that I can safely call mine, and _God_ if I didn’t plan on loving them with everything that I have—” 

 

He releases a particularly loud hiccup, forcing him to turn away in embarrassment for a few seconds before returning to face him. “And I completely understand if you want out, Jongin. Y-You don’t deserve to be pulled down by the burden of fathering two kids while being at the peak of your dream career. I don’t want to pull you down like that.”

 

Kyungsoo looks like he has more to say but he withholds it, going over to his dresser to take some tissues and wipes the moisture all the while Jongin watches him, feeling a tight squeeze in his own chest to have witnessed such a sight. He’s never seen Kyungsoo cry before, and it doesn’t make him feel good. It doesn’t make him feel good at all.

 

He drops his gaze on the pictures, his mind muddled but it all comes back to one thing - how sorry he feels for having told Kyungsoo to get rid of them. What he believes is a nuisance to him turns out to be another person’s chance at having his own family, and he almost shattered that chance, and for what? His sketchy profession?

 

“But I don’t think you have to worry about it anymore, about us.” Kyungsoo says, going back to sitting on the bed, and Jongin can see his glassy eyes and red nose. “It would seem that me taking my leave is happening sooner than I thought it would be. Lesser risk of being found out, don’t you think?” He chuckles bitterly.

 

This has him sitting up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed as he offers an attentive look at the elder male. “Have you got something in mind already?” 

 

Kyungsoo remains quiet, contemplating. He still sniffles every few seconds, and Jongin can tell it’s making him a little distressed at being seen like this. “Sehun, his manager and Baekhyun came to visit me before you.”

 

Jongin listens. Kyungsoo gulps, looking down at the sheets and picks on it in a nervous gesture. “Jongdae knows a friend who will readily accept me after I stop working for Sehun.”

 

At this, Jongin has an eyebrow raised in question. “What job?”

 

“It’s… at a salon.” Kyungsoo reveals. “There’s a vacancy for a hairdresser.” He chuckles a little but Jongin doesn’t find anything funny about it. “It’s not gonna pay a lot, that I know, but at least it’s still within my… foundation. Less mobility than working for Sehun, more rest. All that.”

 

“Does this friend have a name?”

 

Kyungsoo tries to remember. “It’s Mr. Park Chanyeol or something.”

 

Jongin’s brain clicks. “Park Chanyeol? As in LOEY Salon?”

 

“Is that the name of the place?”

 

“I thought you would know this. It’s a famous hair spa down in Cheongdamdong.” Jongin clarifies. “It’s not just gonna give you a regular pay check - you’ll in fact be paid _handsomely_. Some celebs go there too.”

 

It’s one of the biggest hairdressing and nail salon there, as far as Jongin remembers. He’s never been there of course, but he’s heard Minseok talking about it sometimes. If Kyungsoo is to work there then he should be good. While it is well recognised, however, the reputation makes Jongin feel a little skeptic knowing that Kyungsoo will work there, but he supposes it shouldn’t be too much of an issue.

 

“Then, that’s good, right?” Kyungsoo says, his face hopeful. 

 

Jongin truthfully can’t tell. “Yeah.” He’s not exactly in congruent with it, but he doesn’t have a sound rebuttal for it either. It’s just that the fact that it’s well-known even for celebs doesn’t sit well with him. “Yeah, it is. But what happened to whatever we’ve discussed back at my apartment?”

 

Kyungsoo frowns, genuinely confused. “Jongin, you can’t still think of doing that, can you? I don’t think you’re willing to be tied down like that.”

 

“You’re telling me that you don’t want my help?”

 

“I’m giving you a chance to be free from all of this.”

 

A silence falls upon them, until Jongin slides the ultrasound pictures to him on the mattress. “This. They’re mine too, right?”

 

Jongin watches Kyungsoo stare at the set of pictures before returning to look at him, and it’s so full of uncertainty and there’s a silent request to perceive Jongin’s question as something more than what seems to be merely superficial. It’s an honest question, underlying of which is of a small apology. They’ve been fighting this battle for too long, two hearts at a constant rift. It’s time they bring this to a closure, for they have tire their hearts out. 

 

“Yes,” Jongin hears him say with a hiccup, and he smiles when Kyungsoo has to look away for a moment before letting out a soft laughter. “Yes, they’re yours too.”

 

-

 

The airport is buzzing with the constant announcements as well as people rushing to their respective departure gates. There’s a muffled airplane noise in the background. 

 

Kyungsoo is currently on his second cup of Baskin Robbins, if only to distract himself from being too bored waiting to board their plane. Their flight to Bangkok is apparently delayed for 30 minutes, and his phone is almost dying he’s saving his power bank battery life for when he’s on the plane.

 

Baekhyun watches him eat quietly until Kyungsoo offers him a scoop, to which the stylist denies. “I’ve had enough from mine just now. I think my jaw is about to freeze.”

 

“Jaws don’t freeze,” Kyungsoo laughs, bringing the spoon into his own mouth. “They get dislodged, though.”

 

“I could really use some hot soup right now. How the hell are you on your second cup? On this season, no less…”

 

Kyungsoo ignores him, scooping the last of his ice cream before tossing it into the dustbin. When he takes a look at the digital clock displayed on the LED TV overhead, it’s about 15 minutes to boarding now. 

 

“Ah, it’s going to be really hot when we land there, though.” Baekhyun comments, searching for something in his backpack. “Did you prepare a shirt for change?”

 

Kyungsoo pouts, remembering that he didn’t in fact bring one in his hand luggage although he packed sufficient amount of summer wear in his checked baggage. “Can I borrow yours?”

 

“Mine’s large, though…”

 

“Large is good. Are you forgetting how fat I am now?”

 

Baekhyun snorts. “You’re not fat.”

 

“How is pregnant with twins not fat?”

 

“Ooh, you’re at that stage now, I see.”

 

Kyungsoo narrows his eyes at him. “What stage?”

 

“You know… Mood swings… Appetite gain….” Baekhyun mumbles, purposefully avoiding Kyungsoo’s gaze. “… _That_ stage.”

 

Kyungsoo slowly looks away with a pout, acceding to Baekhyun’s claim rather sadly. He’s going to be so… fat. And moody.

 

“N-Not like it’s a bad thing or anything! Don’t feel too bad, yeah?” Baekhyun hurriedly try to cheer him up, offering to treat him to a third cup of Baskin Robbins if he really wants it but Kyungsoo rejects it and only clutches at his arm quietly. When an announcer turns on the mic and informs them that the plane is ready for boarding, they all get in line. 

 

“So did things go well with him?” Baekhyun asks off-handedly, checking his boarding pass and passport while the line slowly moves. 

 

The makeup artist has a moment to himself where he replays the other day in his mind, and he can’t help but feel all cottony. Did things go well with Jongin? Is it safe to say that it did? 

 

Feeling a little giddy, Kyungsoo attacks the unguarded stylist with a surprise hug that almost topples them both down, and Baekhyun struggles to balance them both while still holding onto his passport. “Hey hey what’s this all of a sudden, Doh Kyungsoo?”

 

“It’s cold.” Kyungsoo whispers, clinging tighter and hiding a happy smile into Baekhyun’s jacket.

 

-

 

“It’s hot.”

 

Kyungsoo fans himself as they wait for their transport to their hotel. He’s just changed into Baekhyun’s white tee, and like the other male said, it’s definitely big and baggy enough so it doesn’t cling to his small bump, but if one were to playfully pull on the material from behind, it would definitely show. It could be mistaken as a bloat, though, at least Kyungsoo hopes so, but either way his stomach is not lean anymore. 

 

He sees Baekhyun asking something to a local security, probably about their late transport. While waiting for their van, Kyungsoo looks at the other side of the arrival gates which is positively swarmed by a sea of fans with their DSLRs. Apparently Sehun still hasn’t come out of the airport. The idol must be taking his sweet time shopping inside. 

 

Kyungsoo turns on the international roaming in his phone settings, going to his Instagram to check his notifications. A curious inclination has him searching up LOEY Salon and it brings him to an account with over 100k followers, with most of the photos consisting of product promotion and occasionally celebrities. Kyungsoo’s genuinely surprised he’s never come across such a name before. There are even a couple of well-known commercial makeup artists that he’s definitely heard of while working in the industry. While he himself only devotes his work to Sehun and no one else, some of these people are on-call celebrity makeup artists, and they’re really popular for their high demands they’re even sometimes dubbed as artists themselves - a brand of some sort. 

 

Kyungsoo thinks working there might pay as good as working for Sehun, so he need not worry about not getting a paycheck while taking care of himself and the two little beans. And then there’s also Jongin…

 

He has to suppress a silly smile at the thought of the idol. Jongin has once again stated that he’s willing to share the burden, but this time he also calls the children as _his_. Kyungsoo had half a mind that Jongin were going to cut off all ties from him from when he came yesterday, so he’s truly happy to know that wasn’t the case. 

 

Surely he still feels sorry for him, but he’s willing to allow himself to be happy knowing that he’s not going to be alone in this. It’s not wrong to be happy about it, right?

 

For the first time in a while, he feels light. 

 

-

 

After lunch at a Thai restaurant, they brought Sehun to the concert venue for a rehearsal before the idol gets to rest, while he and Baekhyun goes shopping. They’re currently at a local drugstore, and Kyungsoo is fascinated with a particular bottle of silk cocoon scrub he ends up buying seven bottles of them to bring home. He also indulges himself into purchasing some prettily crafted handmade soaps because obviously he can’t be bothered with saving when it comes to travelling. If he’s going to regret it, he’ll do it later.

 

They also manage to squeeze an impromptu visit to Wat Pho to see the famous reclining Buddha, and even go on a short stroll at one of the local markets. Baekhyun drags him into a souvenir store and Kyungsoo spends some more Bahts before deciding his hands are full and his feet tired, and they try to hail a cab afterwards.

 

“What are these?” Baekhyun later asks him as they’re on their way to their hotel, picking up a bottle of one of the cocoon scrubs.

 

“They’re face scrubs.” Kyungsoo explains. “You fit it onto your finger and wet it, then scrub your face. The girl from the store taught me.”

 

“I thought they’re meant to be eaten…” Baekhyun says, studying them closely. “Did these come from actual silkworms?”

 

“I… think so?” Kyungsoo spins it around so he can read the label but he can’t read Thai, and there’s no description in English.

 

“So you scrub your face with hollowed out cocoons… that used to be filled with… actual worms…”

 

Kyungsoo snorts. “Well part of the contents found in lipsticks are derived from squashed beetles, and you also have bat poop in mascaras.” When Baekhyun makes a grossed out face and partially dissociates at this newfound information, Kyungsoo smiles in victory. “The more you know, huh?”

 

-

 

The next morning, a van picks them up and drives them to the concert venue. Final rehearsals are being made, safety checks carried out. Kyungsoo later finds himself in the waiting room doing Sehun’s makeup and hair.

 

“I bought something for Winter’s birthday.” Sehun announces.

 

“Oh did you now?” Kyungsoo smiles, carding his fingers through Sehun’s sort of fried hair after having it bleached several times to get this shade of blonde. “What is it?”

 

“It’s a _secret_.”

 

“Don’t buy her anymore fashion glasses. She has a lot of those now.” Kyungsoo reprimands him playfully. “Her mini closet is full because of you.”

 

“I’ll buy her a new closet, then.” Sehun states nonchalantly, earning a light yank at his hair. “Ow.”

 

“Don’t waste your money on useless things like that.”

 

“ _You_ bought her tutus.” Sehun counters sulkily.

 

“That’s not the same.” Kyungsoo laughs. 

 

“How is it not?” The idol then motions for him to come closer so he can whisper. “I also bought something for the twins.”

 

Kyungsoo pulls away with a blush, continuing his work on Sehun’s hair mutely. “Isn’t it too early for that…”

 

“I hope they both look like you.” Reaching over for the hand fan, Sehun directs it to his already sweaty neck. The weather here is a huge contrast to that of South Korea. 

 

The makeup artist looks around discreetly, mentally relieved they’re all too busy with their own jobs to overhear them. “You shouldn’t say stuff like that out loud. And why would you want them to look like me?”

 

“You’re obviously cuter than him. Don’t tell Jongin, though.” He whispers the last part with a whimsical smile. Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to retaliate to that, so he doesn’t. 10 minutes later he’s done with Sehun so he finds himself a seat because his feet are a little sore from standing for too long. 

 

A weight dips beside him on the cushion. “Hey, Kyungsoo. Do you think you can do my eyeliner?”

 

Kyungsoo turns to find a smiling dancer beside him, Moonkyu. “Sure, why not?” He reaches for his makeup case from the desk and looks for some liners before going back to sitting beside him with his torso facing him. “Did you travel yesterday?”

 

“We only went to some temple and shopped at the street markets.” Moonkyu replies, staying still. “Nothing much. How about you?”

 

“Same, except me and Baekhyun also went to the mall.” Kyungsoo carefully lines his waterline.

 

Moonkyu then presses a finger onto Kyungsoo’s stomach, eliciting a startled yelp. “Thai food that good?”

 

Kyungsoo is honest to God scared out of his mind when the dancer poked him in such a way. He still has a wide-eyed look at him, and he wills himself to calm down before continuing his work on Moonkyu’s eyes. “Y-Yeah.”

 

“Do you have a boyfriend, Kyungsoo?”

 

Again, Kyungsoo has to retract the liquid liner from the dancer’s eyes as he stares at him dumbfoundedly. “Why would you ask that?”

 

“Because if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were pregnant.” Moonkyu says indifferently, and Kyungsoo’s heart is about to drop when he continues and adds: “Or are you?”

 

“It’s… It’s just bloat.” Kyungsoo stammers, his hands close to trembling and he doesn’t trust himself to finish the rest of Moonkyu’s eyes. 

 

How could he have known that? Has Kyungsoo really shown that much already? But when he looks down his own figure, it looks pretty flat. He even wears sweatpants nowadays instead of jeans because the bagginess allows him to hide his bump better. 

 

“Never mind. Let me,” Moonkyu steals the liner from his hand and leans closer to the mirror, finishing it off himself while Kyungsoo is absorbed with his thoughts. The dancer then returns the liner to him and thanks him with a curt bow, turning around.

 

Kyungsoo can only look at him dumbly, and when he finds out that Sehun has been watching the exchange from the other side of the room, they share a troubled glance before the idol walks up to him. 

 

“See you on stage!” Moonkyu slaps the idol on the back, prancing back to his friends who are doing each other’s makeup by themselves and joking with each other. 

 

“Kyungsoo,” The makeup artist hears him call, his voice hushed yet alarming, and Kyungsoo is still thinking of a time he had been careless only to come up short of nothing. He tries his very best to keep himself at low, so how the hell could the dancer know? Or was it from back then at the SUM cafe? 

 

“Kyungsoo, look at me.” Sehun shakes his shoulder softly, finally getting the shorter male to look up at him. “It’s okay. It’ll be fine.”

 

“Sehun,” He whispers shakily, his hands starting to grow clammy and cold. “I think he knows.”

 

“He doesn’t,” Sehun says, his tone full of reassurance as he rubs his back in attempt to soothe him. “No one knows. You’re fine.”

 

Kyungsoo lets himself be comforted by Sehun, the two of them utterly oblivious to a pair of eyes trained on them ever since the idol came up to him.

 

-

 

“This LOEY Salon,” Jongin says in the midst of chewing his meat. “Can you get me a list of people frequenting there?”

 

“LOEY Salon? What for?” His manager asks over reading something on his phone.

 

“Kyungsoo will be working there soon.”

 

Junmyeon shoots him a look of disbelief. “That’s… That’s great, isn’t it?”

 

“I mean, I guess,” Shrugging, Jongin pushes away the potato chunk to the side of his plate, and takes more meat. “But I’m just a little worried, you know. It’s quite a renowned place.”

 

“Taking precautions, I see,” Junmyeon hums, resuming scrolling down his phone. “I’ll look up and let you know about it.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Junmyeon has been awfully quiet after that, and Jongin finally asks him what’s up, but his manager gives him a brief glance before sliding his own phone towards him, looking around warily. Jongin frowns before taking the device, bringing it up to face level while he stabs on a piece of meat.

 

Chewing, he starts reading whatever that had Junmyeon stressed this time. 

 

There’s an indistinct chatter in the background, of people chatting with each other, of waiters reciting their customers’ orders, of a toddler crying. 

 

But Jongin can only hear his own rapid heartbeat as he stares at the excerpt of an article.

 

-

 

“[Insstiz] Blind items as of November 2017”

 

1\. Popular girl group member A is said to have been proposed by a famous politician overseas. No further confirmation on whether she accepted the proposal or not, but A has always been known as a charmer in her group and has that distinctive chaebol aura to her, which might have also charmed this politician as well when he visited South Korea for a national event.

 

2\. Veteran actor B has been said to have attitude problem that troubles not only his own team but also the staff in charge of production. B is undeniably talented and his works are often marketed overseas and earns him an immense popularity, but only the people who work behind the scenes truly know of his arrogance and his prince disease. Despite this, PDs often choose to overlook this issue since he brings in the bucks, and to this day no one has ever called him out on it.

 

3\. Top male idol C from a renowned agency is rumoured to have knocked up a non-celebrity who works under the same company. It is said to have happened during a private company event that was held overseas. Journalists are still looking into further details.

 

 

 

1\. [+955, -76] I have a good guess that that first rumour applies to Wendy of Red Velvet. 

2\. [+843, -50] First rumour sounds like Wendy. Didn’t Red Velvet perform for some sort of an international event last 2 months?

3\. [+642, -102] I’m really curious about who C is…

4\. [+450, -87] Top male idol… Renowned agency… You can easily shortlist some names… There aren’t many male idols who come from renowned agencies. These kind of companies usually manufacture idol ‘groups’.

5\. [+223, -40] Ahh, why do I have a bad feeling about C…

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

 

 

 

“[Pann] Re: Blind item about that idol knocking up a non-celeb”

Source : Pann

I feel like everyone is guessing names by now, and I just want a separate forum for all of us to mention names instead of doing it on that main article. 

I may have forgotten some names, so you can add it in the comments if you’d like.

 

SM

  * Kim Kai
  * Oh Sehun
  * Lee Taemin



 

JYP

  * Jackson Wang
  * Jae Park



 

YG

  * G-Dragon
  * Bobby



 

1\. [+955, -76] We also have to take note that another hint is that it happened during a private company event overseas. There aren’t a lot of private events held overseas. I think SM did a workshop in Hawaii this year?

2\. [+843, -50] Do you think it’s Kim Kai? He’s had rumours about his bad personality when he drinks. Some of his celeb friends mentioned it too.

3\. [+642, -102] Sehun with his makeup artist. 

      [.JPG]

      [.MP4]

4\. [+450, -87] GD already has a celeb girlfriend so rule him out. Actually, I don’t think any of the YG artists have exclusively private event overseas. YG barely gives jobs to their own artists anyway.

5\. [+223, -40] You know… Sehun seems really close with his makeup artist…

  * his makeup artist has an IG, right?
  * yes, it’s @d_kyngsu. In fact, he had a short hiatus in updates after SM’s workshop in Hawaii, but of course, it’s just a suspicion.
  * That could just mean he had been busy. Stop mentioning names, it’s not good. He’s not even a celeb. 



 

 

 

 

“[Insstiz] Re: blind item of idol knocking up a non-celeb”

To no one’s surprise, this particular blind item has been receiving outrageous responses from the netizens. 

Journalists are being offered a lot of money to have it buried, but they’re adamant on letting the public know, more so because it’s not a regular dating rumour you get almost every month of the year. It’s also a very well known idol, with a huge fanbase, and is still trending, and is therefore guaranteed to leave a huge impact in not only the idol industry but also the showbiz as a whole. 

Rumours are usually easily buried if they’re disposable. Dating news sometimes don’t possess longevity, for celebrities may start and end relationships with minimal loss, and they usually lack truth, for most of them are announced in response to greater national issues in hopes to bury them. Marriage news, on the other hand, is boring and unchallenging. There’s nothing ‘scandalous’ about two people tying the knot for their love, unless it’s a shotgun wedding. Rumours are boring unless the celebrities have a certain ‘personality’ to themselves that has the potential to always instigate talks.

Journalists are positive this item needs to be made public, for none other reason than clicks and views, as well as reactions from the industry as a whole.

 

1\. [+955, -76] I’m more curious now… 

2\. [+843, -50] Why does this feel more like an invasion of privacy than anything…

3\. [+642, -102] Instead of outing them, I think it’s better to just let them make an official announcement. I have a feeling this can’t be easily buried so the agency might have to just let him announce it publicly. 

4\. [+450, -87] I have mixed feelings about this. For one, it’s their personal lives, and more so because the other party is a non-celeb and don’t deserve to get all this spotlight to them. It’s not like any of them committed a crime. 

5\. [+223, -40] I feel a little bad for the non-celeb party… I don’t think they expected this to happen.

 

 

 

 

“[Insstiz] More info on baby scandal blind item”

Journalists have apparently obtained CCTV footage of said idol interacting with the non-celeb. It’s a long and tiring procedure, and they’re still resolute on making this public and risking being sued by the agency. 

They are still gathering more evidence.

 

1\. [+955, -76] Are they even allowed to do that? I thought those kind of footages are only accessible for security purposes.

2\. [+843, -50] Damn, these paparazzis are going to such lengths.

3\. [+642, -102] They’re so desperate. I actually feel sorry for the idol and the person involved.

4\. [+450, -87] Why does this sound kinda wrong? CCTV is for safety purpose and they’re taking advantage of the technology just for some gossip material.

5\. [+223, -40] This is just privacy violation.

 

 

-

 

Sehun has never been one for too much spotlight. 

 

Being an idol wasn’t purely by choice; there was a lot of coercion going on behind the scene before he even signed the contract to train under their wing. He wasn’t ambitious by nature, and the only thing that had him going was high school and gaming before he got casted. He has a successful business entrepreneur elder brother and his family had all been just leeching off from him while Sehun was merely the runt. They didn’t expect anything out of him. 

 

There was a point in time where he thought of just becoming a professional gamer since that was the only thing he liked. When he was first approached by a caster, he didn’t initially like the idea. He consulted his parents about it but of course, they were more inclined for him to take up the offer because of the money. Sehun was adamant on declining it even more. 

 

Days go by before he again received a casting offer by a different staff but from the same agency, and he had a brief thought that maybe they really saw an idol potential in him. He took it without talking about it with his parents.

 

Sehun eventually found passion in dancing through another trainee going by the name Jongin, and the guy was said to be gearing for debut a year from then. There was a time where they both were assigned to be backup dancers of their more veteran idol, and that was the time they grew close. The two men bonded for their shared love for dancing and performing. 

 

Kyungsoo only started working for him around 5 months into his debut after his former beauty stylist took up an offer to study overseas, leaving the job vacant. He was, in every sense, pretty; his way of executing his job, his looks, his soft-spoken personality. It’s hard not to fall for these charms especially when they’re constantly being presented before him as Kyungsoo does his job.

 

He is content enough with the smaller male being by his side at most times, although he doubts the latter knows of this little feeling he has for him. Being best friends was more than enough for him, at least he thought it was. Sehun didn’t know when it started but giving Kyungsoo gifts became the only way for him to express himself, even if he’s sure the makeup artist doesn’t understand what they mean except for the sole reason of gratitude. It is still enough, though.

 

When he learnt that Kyungsoo was a person of his own with no known blood ties, that was when he started looking for small companions to gift him. Kyungsoo hadn’t ever specified what kind of pets he’d like, so Sehun went ahead and bought him a cat. He doesn’t know much about cats except that they’re less clingy compared to dogs and maybe it would be okay for the makeup artist to own one despite the nature of his job. Kyungsoo was confused about having a cat as his gift despite the lack of occasion it came with, but he soon warmed up to it, and he named it Winter just because, well, that was the only occasion the feline was gifted to him with. Winter was their only link that Sehun was proud to have. He was content with only that much.

 

The baby news that fell upon them, however, momentarily destroyed this contentment. 

 

He was the third person to know of this, following Baekhyun the first and his manager Jongdae coming in second. He was the last of their team to learn of this due to his fellowship with none other than the baby daddy. Sehun received this news through the makeup artist himself, with the manager and stylist behind him, and them all behind closed doors. He felt his whole world stop moving when the message was relayed, and if he were to be honest, that was the first and the only time he hated Kim Jongin. He doesn’t hate him now, though. He’s far from that kind of person, or at least he thought, because he knew deep down there was always that hatred for being upstaged; be it by his own brother, and now by the other idol.

 

Sehun thought it was going to be easy accepting the child given their situation, until he saw the look flashing on Kyungsoo’s face when he announced it. It could’ve easily been missed if one’s eyes were not keen, but when it comes to Kyungsoo, Sehun’s eyes have never missed anything, and he certainly didn’t miss that little glint of happiness shadowed by anxiety and worry, or maybe it wasn’t so much shadowed as it was just all mixed up together because no one expected him to be pregnant least of all himself. 

 

Sehun didn’t like to think he had lost right then, but that is where he’s wrong. He had already lost since the beginning, ever since he had the makeup artist right under his nose, ever since he knew of the little stolen glances Kyungsoo didn’t notice Sehun saw whenever they pass by a certain haughty male idol. Sehun had long since lost, and he knew he was just making a fool of himself by keeping him around still, when in fact Kyungsoo had always proved he was never a choice and merely a close friend.

 

All this time, he had lost him to none other than his best friend. 

 

-

 

Sehun returns the iPad to Jongdae shortly after, musing to himself.

 

“That’s interesting.” He mutters, sounding disinterested.

 

Jongdae scoffs. “Well it should be since it isn’t about you.”

 

“It’s interesting because some of them _are_ suspecting _me_.” Sehun raises the window beside his seat, watching the carpet of clouds beneath them. “But I’m curious how these journalists even found out about it.”

 

His manager sighs. “There will be madness when we arrive at the SM building later.”

 

“Of course. Anything to keep their golden boy around.” Sehun scoffs, leaning back in his seat and closing his eyes, but then reopens them and turns to the manager again. “Does Kyungsoo know about this?”

 

Jongdae shrugs. “No idea. He’s bound to know, anyway.”

 

Sehun thins his lips in thought. “You see, he’s not the type to go on news sites. He’s got a grandpa mind with an extensive love for beauty maintenance. Do you think you could tell Baekhyun to not let him know about this?”

 

“But don’t you think it’s pointless? Jongin will most probably get back to him about it.”

 

“Mm, I don’t think he’ll do that.” Sehun says, returning to closing his eyes and relaxing in his seat. “The guy must know Kyungsoo’s stressed enough as it is.”

 

-

 

“They want you immediately.”

 

Junmyeon says, texting something on his phone and informing Jongin at the same time. Jongin wonders how he does that without getting it all jumbled up. The idol lets out a huff, glaring at the buildings they’re driving past. “About time.”

 

Ever since the release of the blind items, Jongin has been easily agitated at the most minute of things. He really wishes to know how those people even found out about it. Regardless, he should be more careful from now on with all his movement being eyed on and the people he talk to being squinted at.

 

He thought the agency did their part on keeping it buried, but that apparently doesn’t seem to be the case now that those blind items are out and netizens are making guesses. This could only mean one thing — that these journalists have a good dirt on him and are very keen on publicizing it despite the risk of being sued by his agency. 

 

More than fearing for his possible defamation, Jongin is just annoyed at these paparazzis for bothering too much about his life, although he knows it comes with the job itself. He’s also partially worried that this would affect Kyungsoo, emotionally or not. The smaller male is pregnant, and Jongin has made a choice of being responsible for it after a lot of thought, and he knows if this gets out, Kyungsoo will be the first person to apologise to him. He had a good guess why the makeup artist kept insisting that it’s all on him when Jongin’s the one who put those two children inside him, that is, until he came over the other day and more than figured.

 

If Kyungsoo deems himself guilty then Jongin is a lot more culpable for one: letting his drunken self go ahead and took him, and two: actually _making_ Kyungsoo feel guilty for carrying his kids. The second is worse. Obviously. 

 

Unborn as they may be, period, they still have a lot to discuss about the kids. If Jongin squints enough, he can tell that Kyungsoo isn’t as worried as he is at the prospect of raising not one, but _two_ kids, and not alternatively too. Maybe Kyungsoo has yet to truly grasp the amount of hard work in parenting because he didn’t grow up seeing it, while Jongin as a child has seen his mother stressing out at raising his sister and him while being a devoted wife to her husband and working at the same time. Maybe Kyungsoo really just needs some kins to make himself feel wanted. 

 

Well now that’s a sudden damper to his mood, not like he’s been feeling all too great either.

 

-

 

So apparently they can only hold it off until the awards season, which is pretty soon, but of course they can’t stop the netizens from speculating, still. November is about to end, and in the midst of his promotional activities there will be award shows left and right and Jongin is expected to outperform some of the candidates for no other reason than to gain the last bit of positive accounts for his work and dedication (seemingly before the fall, although they didn’t say this part out loud). Since it involves a non-celebrity, it’s hard to arrive to a conclusion that can benefit both parties, as well as minimise loss. They are expected to have another meeting to finalise their decision and do what’s right, and maybe have Kyungsoo with them too.

 

He looks at his phone and thinks twice about texting Kyungsoo about it but eventually decides against it because it might just stress him out, although he has a vast feeling of just letting him know for the sake of precaution. _Maybe not now, idiot._

 

Jongin has a radio show later, and while waiting for that he was at the dance room for practice, much so now that awards season is approaching and his choreographer has taught him a new choreo for his opening song. Junmyeon brings him to early dinner and after that they’re headed to the broadcasting station where the radio show is held. There will be a small audience for that since it’s a half-public one.

 

“Oh.” Junmyeon exclaims at whatever he’s reading on his phone. “Goodness.”

 

They’re in the car, and it’s dark, the only light source coming from the streetlights outside. Jumyeon’s phone adds to that. Jongin turns to him, snacking on his almonds loudly. “What is it?”

 

“This is… how to say… _interesting_ , I guess.” Junmyeon says. “Hold on, I’ll send the link to you.” 

 

Jongin waits while Junmyeon sends it, and when he hears a buzz in his pocket he brings his phone out. Attached to the message is a link redirecting him to a Pann forum, and this makes him look up at Junmyeon with bafflement. “Really, now?”

 

“A friend sent it to me,” He shrugs. “I don’t usually read anything from there. They’re hardly credible.”

 

Jongin acknowledges him with a hum before scrolling down the site, and there’s nothing new except for some more name guesses and Jongin scoffs, terribly wishing they were right with those names instead of his. It doesn’t faze him for now after being reassured that the news will be put on hold in respect to the award season. Nothing about the content of the article itself looks concerning enough, so he scrolls downwards some more to see the comments. 

 

It is the current most upvoted comment that has him pausing. 

 

  1. [+3955, -2276] Sehun with his makeup artist. 



       [.JPG]

       [.MP4]

    - where did you get this?

    - I was there. This is my video. 

    - isn’t this a violation of privacy??

    - take this down, please

    - his makeup artist is not a celeb. Take this down

    - omg this has so many upvotes

    - looks legit

 

There’s nothing surprising about their selca together, but he feels like laughing at these netizens for even thinking it’s Sehun when the guy takes selcas with almost everyone in his team just because he really likes promoting them on his account for fun. Jongin taps on the video next with no expectation whatsoever. 

 

A crowd of people are seen in the video, most of them with their phones out. The scene seems familiar, and when the camera panned a little bit upwards, Jongin can finally tell it’s the SUM Cafe.  He hears a faint scream in the background calling for Sehun and Jongin finally spots him in one of the lines queueing up, and there’s also Jongdae beside him with a backpack held in his hand. Soon enough, a very familiar small male made his way to them and asked for his backpack from the manager. Kyungsoo’s outfit seems familiar, his cream oversized turtleneck sweater that hangs around his frame comfortably and Jongin then remembers that that was the outfit he showed up with in front of his apartment. 

 

The camera was shaky and Jongin almost thought of closing it until the chatters died down and they were all just whispering among each other. Squinting at it, Jongin sees the male is stunned in surprise or something and meanwhile Sehun gathered the things on the floor before leaning close— wait, isn’t that too close?

 

This heightened the whispers among the crowd of fans, some curious of who that guy was and some wondering if they saw the things that fell. And just like that, the video ends.

 

Livid, Jongin scrolls down some more to see if anyone else has said anything about it, and most of them are indeed in favour of the first top most comment. He presses the home button with irritation before pocketing it back. 

 

Junmyeon seems expectant of him, and so Jongin lets out an indignant huff. “That- That shouldn’t mean anything.”

 

“Of course, it shouldn’t.” Junmyeon says. “It’s just a speculation, a wild one at that. They’re just bored of waiting for the bomb to drop.”

 

“Well they gotta know that’s the most unreasonable, most senseless speculation they’re putting out there.” He spits out the words with disgust. “From just one blurry video, at that. It’s _stupid_ at best.”

 

“It’s _just_ a speculation,” Junmyeon repeats, shaking his head at him. “No need to get so worked up about it.”

 

“I’m not worked up,” Jongin defends himself, scowling at the city lights outside while crunching on his almonds and indeed getting worked up.

 

-

 

Sehun texts him to say he’s arriving in another ten minutes.

 

Kyungsoo rushes to boil the water and looks for anything edible to eat from the fridge before thinking that the idol might be on a diet. He settles for cut fruits instead. 

 

“Jongdae’s not with you?” He asks as soon as he opens the door to find only the idol alone standing outside with a paper bag in his hand. Sehun comes in and lowers his mouth mask to answer that no, it’s only him.

 

“He went out for a smoke, and will probably just nap in his car. Said he doesn’t want to see Winter.” Sehun laughs, removing his coat before greeting the cat. “Well aren’t you a fattie.”

 

“She’s not fat. It’s her fur.” Kyungsoo chuckles while going to the kitchen to make some drink. He asks the idol if he wants coffee or tea but he gets chocolate as a response. He can hear faint sounds of the channels being flicked while he finds his jar of chocolate powder he must have shoved deep in the cabinet. 

 

“I hope you didn’t cook!”

 

“I didn’t!” Kyungsoo answers back, finally finding the jar and scoops some chocolate into the mug before adding a little sugar into his. “I just cut some fruits.” Pouring the hot water into the mugs, he watches the chocolate swirl as he stirs it well, steam rising out of it and the bittersweet aroma clouding the air. He brings both mugs to the living room before rushing back to the kitchen to take a packet of marshmallows for himself, since he’s sure Sehun won’t be wanting it.

 

“I hope you didn’t put sugar in mine.” Sehun says, raising the mug to his lips.

 

“I didn’t,” Kyungsoo chirps, tearing the packet of sweet treats so he can munch on one and adding some more into his chocolate. When the familiar bells clink and he turns to see it he gasps in surprise.

 

“Sehun, you bought this for her?” Kyungsoo sets his mug on the table before attending to his cat to see the outfit she’s wearing. It’s a green fairy costume with wings on her back and there’s also a tiny tiara on her head and- “ _Oh my god_ , it comes with _shoes_.”

 

“Only the best for the birthday cat in the house.” Sehun proudly says.

 

“You didn’t have to,” Kyungsoo says, cooing at the cute little thing anyway. He pats his pockets, and then the couch, before whining in realisation. “Hold on, I left my phone charging in the room.”

 

-

 

Sehun watches the television in silence, scoffing at the person on the screen. When Kyungsoo returns he doesn’t make an effort of changing the channel and merely observes if his makeup artist notices.

 

He doesn’t so far, too preoccupied with taking decent pictures of Winter and her new costume while giggling to himself. Sehun can’t help but smile adoringly at the sight, feeling a little distant with everything that is happening. Chancing a subtle glance at the other male’s stomach, he can now see the outline of a bump, more so because Kyungsoo is wearing a tight fitting turtleneck instead of the usual oversized ones when he goes outside. 

 

“Jongdae told me about your new job once you stop working for me,” He begins, watching the male stops fussing with the outfit as he looks up at him. “Are you going to resign soon?”

 

Kyungsoo gives him a small, sad smile. “Well, it has to happen sooner or later anyway. I’m already showing, too.” He joins Sehun and scoots closer and leans against the edge of the couch on the floor. “It’s… not a good environment for me anymore. I get easily tired too. And let’s not forget the anxiety I get about the… you know…” 

 

Sehun fully understands, and if the male were to go on the news sites and fan forums, he’d be a lot more closed off too. “Yeah. You need a less stressful working environment.” He says, not mindful of his own words anymore as he finds himself staring at the smaller male beside him, and it is only then that he realises the latter’s ears have grown red because of what he’s seeing on the TV screen, completely forgetting Sehun beside him. 

 

Sehun doesn’t say anything else and only quietly watches him, mesmerised by the sight of him biting his lower lip as his eyes are focused on the screen watching _someone else_. It’s 2 minutes later when Kyungsoo seemingly realises he’s grown too quiet and looks at Sehun only to grow more flustered because he soon snatches the remote to change the channel. 

 

“You could just leave it,” Sehun mutters.

 

“N-No, it’s okay,” Kyungsoo stammers, bringing Winter onto his lap and fidgets with the tiara on her head. “Thanks for this, by the way.”

 

“Pleasure.” Sehun answers, before remembering something as he slips a hand into a different paper bag to bring out a sealed tube. “Bought you this too.”

 

“What’s that?” Kyungsoo tilts his head confusedly. 

 

“Hope you don’t already have it in your collection. The salesgirl said it’s new.” He hands it to Kyungsoo who then raises it to eye level and inspects the label, smiling.

 

“Well what do you know. I don’t have this yet.” Kyungsoo chirps, turning to Sehun with a genuine smile. “Thanks a lot, Sehun. It’s not my birthday, though.” He takes off the seal and uncaps it, dabbing a little onto the back of his hand and beams some more. “Looks nice.”

 

Sehun takes it out of his hand and leans closer, bringing the brush to the other male’s lips and slowly applies it. Kyungsoo seems a little taken aback at first but he then chuckles softly, letting the idol do whatever he wants as he puckers his lips for Sehun to reach more. It’s a light cherry blossom pink shade, and it settles nicely on Kyungsoo’s lips with a shiny gloss to it that makes them look delectable.

 

When he finally pulls away the brush, he watches Kyungsoo smacking his lips once and smiles up at him. “Why, thank you.” He swipes his phone to front camera and studies his own face in it, his smile bigger now that it makes his eyes into crescents. “I like it.”

 

Sehun has long since stopped thinking ever since he applied the lip gloss onto those lips, and he probably still isn’t thinking as he lands a hand on the floor while another reaches for Kyungsoo’s chin and turns it so he can press his lips against the glossy pink ones, feeling a part of it sticks to his own as he presses deeper and ignoring the startled mewl.

 

Feeling a light push on his chest, Sehun pulls away to see a confused frown marring Kyungsoo’s face, and only then he realises how much of a fool he is. A fool for giving away his feelings in one simple act just because he wasn’t thinking. A fool for thinking it was wise to kiss his own best friend and potentially ruining the friendship. A fool for even falling for him when he long since knew Kyungsoo was never his from the beginning.

 

“Sehun,” Kyungsoo starts warily, his smile completely gone now. “What was that for?”

 

Sehun can only smile wryly. He guesses he _is_ a little sorry, but he’s also selfish in his own rights, and he’s tired of always having to appear level-headed when he has his own unvoiced desires. “I’ll visit you sometime. The salon’s close to the building. We might even cross paths—”

 

“You’re not answering my question.” Kyungsoo cuts him off.

 

“My sendoff gift.” He says, watching as Kyungsoo’s confusion deepens. “I’m sending you off as my favourite makeup artist.”

 

“I’m still working for you.”

 

“I won’t be meeting you like this anymore.” Sehun reasons, not completely pulling away from Kyungsoo’s personal space just yet. “I had fun, Kyungsoo. You made work bearable for me. It’s sad that I have to send you off like this, but I needed to get it off my chest, and I want you to remember me.” He knows it’s selfish on his part, but he can’t bring himself to feel sorry for it. He leans forward again only to be met with resistance on his chest again.

 

“We’re friends, Sehun. You don’t have to do this.”

 

“Then let this one last kiss be just between friends. Nothing more.” Without another word, he captures those lips into his, both ignoring the buzzing of a phone on the floor when Sehun slowly parts the other’s lips with his, tasting the bittersweet chocolate in his cavern. It’s short-lived because Kyungsoo turns his head away from him, making Sehun’s lips ghost across his cheek. 

 

“I- I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo mumbles, scooting himself further from the idol. “I can’t.”

 

Sehun detaches himself from him, wiping the smudged gloss from his own lips, not missing the text on Kyungsoo’s phone by the sender _K K_. 

 

_“wanna meet u. coming over in 10”_

 

“I understand,” He says, eyes still trained on that text which Kyungsoo hasn’t noticed yet until it fades to blackness. “You can’t want what your heart tells you it doesn’t. Yours wants someone else.”

 

“No, I mean—”

 

“It’s okay, Kyungsoo. You don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t owe me anything. This— me coming here is just so I can say my thanks. For everything.” Sehun elaborates, staring at the glossy pigment on his fingers from where he wiped his lips just now. “I went ahead of myself anyway… I hope I didn’t make things strange between us.”

 

“You already did…” Kyungsoo mutters under his breath, looking down at his lap where Winter is curled up.

 

“I’m not apologising for that, then. I’m not sorry for kissing you.” Sehun smiles, ruffling his hair once before standing up, taking Winter with him and rubbing her head earning a happy purr. This cat will forever link the idol to him - well, as long as it’s alive.

 

He announces that he’s taking his leave now, lowering the feline on the floor while Kyungsoo stands up and mutely walks him to the door.

 

“Is- Is this really the last time you’re visiting me?” Kyungsoo asks, hesitantly looking up at him, and Sehun wants to say something, but he keeps it to himself for now and just shrugs with a smile.

 

“I’ll probably surprise you if I want to.”

 

“I’m… sorry.” He hears the shorter male apologize. Sehun doesn’t like it.

 

“I’m not. I could kiss you again right now if you’d let me—”

 

“Wait, no, please.” Kyungsoo immediately covers his lips, making the taller male choke on a laugh.  “I don’t want you to kiss me.”

 

“I can clearly see that.” He’s still laughing as he says this, and he soon drops it when he sees Kyungsoo looking utterly flustered, and borderline sad. “I’m gonna miss you, gonna think about you when someone else do my hair and makeup.”

 

“Don’t think about me,” Kyungsoo says sternly, refusing to look him in the eyes. “Don’t ever think about me at all. That’s not gonna help you get over it.”

 

“Who says I’m getting over it?”

 

Kyungsoo finally looks up, his gaze forlorn. “Sehun…”

 

The idol smiles wryly, opening up his arms in a welcoming manner, and his smile turns genuine when Kyungsoo actually sinks into his embrace, planting his face into his chest. His chest feels a lot lighter with that out now, and like this, he guesses he can easily let him go now. He’d like to believe it’s just a mild crush; that way he can get it over a lot faster. Caressing the shorter male’s hair, Sehun supposes he is but a hopeless, selfish fool. 

 

“Expect something in the mail soon.”

 

-

 

Kyungsoo imagines falling for a best friend to be the last thing on his mind. Not abominable, but not pleasant, either.

 

Sehun is a dear friend. They started out as work acquaintances, and grew closer over the years. To ruin that with a romantic feeling is unimaginable. While he did have a small crush on him in the first few weeks working with him, _he_ got over it fast. Sehun, however, didn’t. And still hasn’t, apparently.

 

He’d like to think it’s just because most of their time are spent together, and he has a firm belief that with distance, Sehun will get over it. He’ll get over it. He has to, because or else, Kyungsoo doesn’t know if leaving his job as Sehun’s makeup artist would be easy. It’s a little inconsiderate of the idol to send him off in this manner, with unease coiling in Kyungsoo’s chest. Kyungsoo wants to hate him for it, but he can’t. He can’t blame the idol for falling for him at one point during their time together. He just wishes Sehun was sympathetic enough to spare this unnecessary concern seeing as he will no longer be working for him. 

 

With his face buried in the taller male’s chest, he can only feel sorry for him, and _to_ him. He can’t see him in that way, not now or ever. It’s impossible. Sehun is a _friend_.

 

Hearing the last words whispered to him, Kyungsoo can’t help but to snort. The idol is still sending gifts to him even after this parting. All the gifts given to him - they were all given with a certain feeling but Kyungsoo had been accepting them with a different heart. He’s going to look at them in a different light from now on.

 

He pulls away from the hug, and frowns when he hears a stifled chuckle from the taller male. He asks him what’s wrong only to get a ruffle in his hair in return. And just like that, Sehun starts to walk away only to halt at the sight of someone else taking the stairs. Kyungsoo is also taken by surprise, because walking up the stairs while sending a skeptical glance at Sehun, is none other than Jongin.

 

“Sehun.”

 

“Jongin.” Sehun sounds chirpy compared to the other male. “Be on my way now.”

 

“See you.” Jongin responds with a curt nod, watching the other male walk down the stairs before he finally approaches Kyungsoo’s apartment with a permanent frown on his lips. “What was he doing here?”

 

“Visiting.” Kyungsoo wills his voice to not sound so unsure. “What are _you_ doing here?”

 

“I texted you I’d be here.” Jongin replies, sounding incredulous. “Did you not read it?”

 

“You did? I- I must have missed it…” 

 

There’s a relative silence on the other’s end before he speaks again. “Or busy making out with someone.”

 

He hears the apparent sarcasm dripping in the taller male’s tone, and his face contorts into a bashful frown, wondering how he knew. 

 

“Your lips.” Jongin snarls through his teeth. “They’re a _mess_.”

 

-

 

Jongin doesn’t know what’s worse: Kyungsoo being kissed by his own best friend, or his best friend passing by him just now _pretending_ as if he hadn’t just made out with the male before him, very well _knowing_ that Kyungsoo’s carrying _his_ kids.

 

He silently watches as Kyungsoo’s face distorts into belated realization, and the elder male quickly covers his mouth as if that would help him feel any better. Well, it doesn’t. While he has been worrying his ass over the stupid blind items and to prevent Kyungsoo from feeling bad about having his kids, Kyungsoo’s been making out with someone behind his back, _and_ with his own best friend at that? Yeah, Jongin’s most positively pissed, alright.

 

“Sorry, let me just—” Kyungsoo rushes back inside and snatches a few tissues from the tissue box underneath the small table, haphazardly wiping his lips with it. Jongin invites himself into the house and pushes the door close. “Um, just make yourself at home while I- yeah.” Kyungsoo says, facing away from him as he still works on cleaning his lips, making his way into the kitchen while at it. “Do you want me to make you—”

 

“It’s fine.” Jongin bites out, his annoyance most probably goes unnoticed by the elder male. “I won’t be long.” He watches Kyungsoo pick up the empty mugs - _two_ empty mugs - and brings them into the sink before finally walking up to Jongin, hands clasping together in what appears to be nervousness. 

 

There’s a lot to note about Kyungsoo’s whole demeanour right now, standing before him ready to hear whatever Jongin is about to say. First is the apparent raise in his abdomen due to the material of the sweater hugging his figure. Second is the refusal of the said male to look up at him in a genuine eye contact. And third,—

 

“You missed some spots,” Jongin says, raising his thumb to Kyungsoo’s left cheek and he wonders just how intense their makeout was for a part of his lip gloss to even reach there. There’s something inside of him boiling but he abstains from giving it a name as he then drags his thumb to the corner of his lip where Kyungsoo might have missed, watching the pigment disappear underneath his digit while the shorter male stays put, most probably stunned into silence. He doesn’t completely detach his finger from him, and uses it as an excuse to ghost it across Kyungsoo’s plump lower lip despite it being already clean from any leftover of the gloss. 

 

“Do you like him?” Jongin finds himself asking.

 

Kyungsoo finally looks up and it’s the first time for them to lock eyes that day. “Not in that way, no.” 

 

“Then why were you two kissing? Or is it a common thing you and your friends do or something?”

 

“What— _no_. He- He kissed me first,” Kyungsoo confesses, gently removing Jongin’s hand off of his face. “That’s all I can say.”

 

“Sehun likes you.” Jongin deduces, unamused. Kyungsoo sighs.

 

“What did you want to talk about, Jongin?”

 

Jongin stares at him some, still a little stubborn to completely let it go. He motions to the couch and  they both seat themselves, Kyungsoo turning the volume of the TV down. When Jongin notices a pink tube on the table, Kyungsoo quickly snatches it and stashes it inside his pocket, looking beyond embarrassed. Jongin tongues at his cheek, trying very hard to contain the annoyance.

 

“By any chance, are you planning on moving out?” The idol starts before he can think of doing stupid things like berating Kyungsoo for it.

 

“Moving out? Where to?”

 

“Somewhere closer to the city.”

 

“City— oh, no. Rent is so much higher there. I’m fine here.” 

 

“You _do_ realize you can’t rely on Sehun’s team for commute to work anymore, right?” Jongin questions him knowing he doesn’t own a car, and when he sees the elder male blink up at him, he concludes that Kyungsoo doesn’t really think things through. Kyungsoo is rather… naive in certain areas. Or just slow. He’s not sure. “So you didn’t.”

 

“Gosh, I forgot,” Kyungsoo gasps. “Cab is so costly…” Jongin can literally see the gears turning but not quite settling in Kyungsoo’s head.

 

“I can ask Junmyeon to look for an apartment with an affordable rent for you, if you’re up for it. He knows some people in the real estate,” He offers. It’s the only thing he can think of right now to help the other male. Besides, Kyungsoo’s current place is not the most strategic for constant visits, being high up the suburbs and away from the city, and also a good 40 minute drive just to get here if traffic allows. That’s a lot of time wasted for just commute.

 

“Jongin, I’m…” He worries his lower lip. “I’m not so sure about troubling Junmyeon like that…”

 

“It’s no trouble if it’s because of me.”

 

“Because of you?”

 

“You’re having my kids.” Jongin says matter-of-factly. “That’s reason enough.” It however earns him a blush from the elder male, and Jongin is left wondering why it made him so. It’s pretty nonetheless, so he won’t point that out.

 

“O-Okay then,” Kyungsoo stutters, looking away. “I’ll look for it myself too.”

 

Jongin shakes his head. “Just let my manager do it. You just focus on work.” He actually doesn’t trust Kyungsoo enough to look for a decent one, if this current apartment is anything to go by. If it were up to the shorter male, he might’ve even settled for a store room if it meant lower rent. Well, a store room with enough space for a makeup table, that is. “When’s your next appointment?”

 

“It’s after Christmas. A month from now.” Kyungsoo replies. “Is that all you came here for?”

 

Jongin steals a glance beside him and takes a deep breath, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his parted knees, because he’s racking his brain for a well thought-of answer for that question, as he is indeed here only for that. “Well…”

 

“You could’ve texted me.”

 

The idol freezes as he hears that, positive that it’s like the third time Kyungsoo said that to him. It’s like he didn’t _want_ to see him, and somehow, Jongin takes offence at that. “I wanted to _see_ you.” He blurts out. “In the flesh.” 

 

“Oh…” Kyungsoo trails off, tearing his gaze away from Jongin. “Wh- Why so?”

 

 _Why_? Kyungsoo’s asking him _why_? It’s been two days since Sehun’s team made it back to South Korea from their Bangkok concert, and two more when they were _in_ Bangkok. Can’t he just see him just because? It isn’t like he gets to see him often, anyway.

 

“So I know you and the babies are doing well,” It’s not a lie. “I can’t tell through texts.” Kyungsoo might also lie to him about feeling well. He’s never texted him he wasn’t feeling good. “Are you, though? Feeling well?”

 

He’s returned with a shy smile and a small nod. “I am.”

 

The idol has a momentary self debate on whether or not to bring up the blind items, but with how content Kyungsoo looks right now, Jongin would feel like crap if he did. That was truthfully another reason he’s here, to discuss the privacy of their meetings and how to avoid unnecessary eyes from the click-hunger journalists, but perhaps… perhaps that can be left out. Period. Not when Kyungsoo looks like a soft little creature curling up comfortably by his feet and Jongin did _not_ just compare him to a cat. It’s just— it’s here. Winter sunset all over again.

 

When will Jongin stop comparing Kyungsoo to soft things, he doesn’t know.

 

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

“Live show will be starting in 20 mins!”

 

Jongin bows in acknowledgement before taking his seat, hearing the door snap shut and he is left alone in the waiting room. Sighing, he grabs the bottle of mineral water on the table beside him and takes some generous gulps, his neck still a little damp from all the sweat from pre-recordings. 

 

Today is his goodbye stage for one of the many music shows. He’ll be busy with preparations for award shows as well as year end stages, and also a potential tour but the agency hasn’t given him any confirmation about that. With this whole mess, at this point Jongin isn’t even sure if he’ll ever get a new tour. He’d like to think there will be because he has learnt a few choreographies for his new songs which have yet to be showcased. If not, then… he thinks he’d be a little sad. It’s not so much about the revenue he makes but it’s the energy he thrives from the crowd as he performs on stage, _that_ is what he likes the most. Of course it can be tiring but if it means he gets to dance again the next day, he doesn’t mind much about the exhaustion it comes with. He already misses performing in front of a big crowd. 

 

He stretches his neck once and lets out a breath of relief, grabbing for his phone on the table. Junmyeon is probably out and about, bored waiting for Jongin’s schedule to end. When he taps on the home button, he blinks at the new text he’s gotten, surprised Junmyeon’s gotten it.

 

There are a few names on there as well as some links redirecting him to their instagram accounts. How very generous of Junmyeon to provide him with that, he thinks to himself. He definitely knows some of these names, and he’s met with them as co-stars or indirect acquaintances, and so he skips some of the names he believes are ‘okay’. Junmyeon also supplies him with the people who work there, and as Jongin casually taps on their Instagram accounts, he supposes some of them are kind of similar to Kyungsoo, as in they have their own follower base due to their makeup skills and whatnot. Some of them look… edgy, to say the least. Like this Z.Tao guy. He hopes this guy won’t be so hard to deal with. 

 

He’s partly relieved now after getting this list of names, for most of them aren’t as problematic, if anything from the news articles about them and the chanced meetings are anything to go by. Jongin is a little skeptical about these LOEY staffs there though, since he’s never really heard about them. He knows about the guy who runs it though. Minseok sometimes casually brings it up as he does Jongin’s makeup and hair. According to the bits he’s heard from his makeup artist, Park Chanyeol is an expressive guy, not in terms of feelings or opinions, but in the way he carries himself. Jongin’s not so sure if he should be worried about the guy, but since he sounds benevolent enough to offer a job for Kyungsoo, he guesses he’s okay. Well, he _hopes_ he’s okay. The photos uploaded by the official LOEY account don’t say much about their staffs. It’s mostly just makeup and hair tutorials as well as product promotions. Jongin goes back and temporarily logs out of his public account, getting on his private one to go to a certain account.

 

He actually hasn’t opened it in a while, so he’s not surprised to see Kyungsoo has uploaded some new videos and photos, seemingly from his work trip to Bangkok. He looks like he had fun there, judging by the small tower of bottles of something questionable he arranged on a table. Jongin’s not sure what they are. Maybe they’re candies or something. There’s also a photo of Thai food from when he presumably had lunch there, but Jongin’s snorting at the comments asking for him to upload a decent selca of his own instead of all these ‘aesthetics’. Kyungsoo must have really charmed them to always want to see his face. 

 

Sometimes Jongin forgets that Kyungsoo is a fan of him and his works. He isn’t sure how deep the latter is into him since he knows the love that fans have for idols vary individually. But Kyungsoo seems like he likes him just for his music as well as his performances instead of liking him to the extent of wanting to know about his private life. He’s actually surprised to know that he had never bumped into him before when the elder male has been working for Sehun all this time, or maybe he _had_ but Jongin wasn’t aware of who it was. And speaking of Sehun… he doesn’t want to even think about him right now. It only makes him feel bitter. The guy having some sort of romantic feeling towards Kyungsoo isn’t even the issue right now, it’s the fact that he _acted_ upon it in secret, _after_ the fact that Kyungsoo’s pregnant with someone else’s kids, with his _best friend’s_ kids. 

 

It would’ve been entirely different if it weren’t for the circumstances they’re in right now. In fact, Jongin doesn’t think he would mind if Sehun was into Kyungsoo and even had an intimate relationship together, but things are different now. Sehun pulling that move on the shorter male in spite of everything is just uncalled for - despicable even, more so because he’s Jongin’s best friend. What kind of best friend does that behind their back?

 

Before unquestionably dropping him as a friend, he’s going to have to sit him down and talk things through, although the friendship is kind of severed now because of what Sehun did. It’s just a question of when, since he knows the other male is busy with his own schedules too. Well, not busy enough to have come over and made out with his own makeup artist at his place, apparently. 

 

“What’s got you frowning, pretty boy?” Minseok knocks on the door and makes his way inside, walking straight to him and taking out a hair brush from his pocket. Jongin sits up straight and lets him fix his hair obediently. 

 

“Have you ever worked at LOEY Salon before?” Jongin blurts out.

 

Minseok pauses before snorting, continuing his work. “No, but I have friends who work there.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Would you even know them if I tell you their names?”

 

 _Maybe_ , Jongin thinks. “No,” He says instead before his makeup artist can suspect anything. He shouldn’t have brought that up in the first place. 

 

“Why the sudden talk about LOEY? You’ve never looked like you paid attention whenever I talked away.” Minseok asks, going to grab his makeup case from the table. “Do you know anyone working there?”

 

“N-No,” Jongin hesitates before deciding it best to not potentially giving away about Kyungsoo. “Just asking.”

 

There’s a knock on the door before a lady peers inside. “Kim Kai-sshi, you can be on standby now!”

 

-

 

Thursday night on his first week of his second trimester, Kyungsoo can’t fit into most of his regular clothes anymore without his bump showing. Baekhyun took him shopping two days back and he had to say goodbye to a part of his savings as they’re all used up for new bigger and baggier clothes. He’s seen males going around in tight clothing proudly showing that they’re expecting, but Kyungsoo can’t really do that without feeling all eyes on him. He knows there will be a time where it’s futile trying to hide his bump anyway, especially since he’ll be working at LOEY soon, probably throughout the term.

 

As Kyungsoo stands sideways in front of the mirror naked, part of him feels sad because he can never wear his favourite outfits anymore. He’s just so round everywhere now, and it’s not helping him feel any better because he’ll be a lot bigger than he is, and to get his body back postpartum will be a huge effort on his part. Kyungsoo feels like crying just at the thought of it. 

 

He pats his bump once, twice, comforting the both of them as well as himself.

 

-

 

After showering and putting on an oversized shirt coupled with a pair of joggers, he returns to the room and almost forgets about Sehun’s gift that came in the mail today. He had opened it on his bed just now and the two infant bodysuits with cute cartoon owl prints greet him. Kyungsoo automatically smiles, but it kind of turns solemn at the thought of the sender.

 

Sehun also included a pair of blue knitted socks that are definitely too big for them to be for the babies. He can only assume they’re for him. Sitting down on the bed, he tries them on and wiggles his toes in them, liking the warmth. He should probably send the idol a thank you text despite the weird air in their friendship now.

 

Instead of doing that right away, he goes back to his bathroom and brings all his skincare products out, and he also opens all his makeup cases and carefully scatters the various palettes, tubes and bottles on the floor. He gets his laptop from the living room and turns it on, and while waiting for it to load, he sits down on the floor next to the bed and sorts the products into those that need immediate refill as well as those that can be put on hold, since he’s tight with money he has that to consider too. He usually prefers having them bought online as he rarely has the time to go and check at the stores, and there’s also the possibility that they’re out of stock once he actually gets to the store. 

 

A ping from his phone has him perking up, going to his nightstand to unplug it from the charger.

 

_“junmyeon found a few units near loey. wanna take a look?”_

 

Kyungsoo takes a moment to understand what this is about before remembering what Jongin told him a couple of days ago. He leans back against the side of the bed and temporarily abandons his mini shopping spree, typing up a reply.

 

_“Sure.”_

 

Placing his phone back beside him, he grabs his laptop to place it on his lap, resuming scrolling through the many mask bundles before his phone rings. If that doesn’t startle him enough, then the caller ID on his screen definitely has his eyes widened and his heart beating fast. Is Jongin dialling him by mistake or something? 

 

Hesitantly, he swipes to answer. “H-hello?”

 

 _“Kyungsoo. It’s me.”_ The voice has Kyungsoo shuddering out of embarrassment, and he wills himself to not stutter when he speaks again.

 

“Yes, Jongin. You um, you’ve never called me before.” Kyungsoo licks his lips nervously, not expecting to receive a call from him anytime soon. He thought they were just going to be on a texting basis. 

 

Jongin doesn’t immediately respond, but when he did, he successfully changes the topic. _“When are you free?”_

 

“What for?”

 

 _“To look at the apartments?”_ Jongin says as if it isn’t obvious enough.

 

“Oh…” Kyungsoo replies meekly. “I thought you were gonna send some pictures.”

 

There’s a short silence on the line until Jongin speaks up again. _“I mean, that would be okay too I guess, but uh, wouldn’t it be more helpful if you take a look at them in person?”_

 

Kyungsoo thinks that’s a better idea. “Oh. Okay.”

 

_“…So when are you free?”_

 

“Huh? Oh. Um,” He has no confirmed answer, as he has to make sure it doesn’t clash with Sehun’s schedule should he be needed. He only knows up to this Sunday, in which Sehun still has his filming tomorrow through Sunday. “I’ll have to ask Jongdae first. I’ll text you or Junmyeon when I’m free?”

 

Jongin hums in agreement, and there’s some rustling sound on the line and Kyungsoo thought the idol was about to hang up on him when he suddenly speaks again. _“How are the babies?”_

 

Kyungsoo knows he isn’t asking about him but he blushes anyway at the mere prospect of the idol wanting to know how his children are doing. “They’re fine. Bigger now.” He chuckles, placing a gentle hand on his belly and rubbing it in circles.

 

_“…And you?”_

 

That has him momentarily pausing, his blush deepening at an alarming rate. “I-I’m okay, too.” So maybe it kind of caught him off guard, because he can’t remember the last time Jongin asked him how he’s doing. Or has he ever?

 

_“Are you alone?”_

 

“Yeah.”

 

_“Baekhyun’s not with you?”_

 

“He’s at his parents’ house.” Kyungsoo answers, still a little high strung that he’s talking to Jongin on the phone like this. He supposes it’s better to get used to it now that it started. Kyungsoo secretly hopes this wouldn’t be the last time Jongin calls him. “He already accompanied me shopping for clothes this morning.”

 

_“Clothes…?”_

 

“I, um, can’t fit into my old clothes anymore.” He says bashfully. 

 

_“Did you buy a lot?”_

 

“I… bought enough? I think?” A little achey sitting on the floor in that position, Kyungsoo moves his laptop down and stands up with a small grunt so he can sit on the bed instead. He’s a little heavier now, it seems, although he hasn’t weighed himself and the last time he did was during his second doctor visit. “Did you have a schedule this evening?”

 

_“Just gym.”_

 

Kyungsoo can hear him yawn. “You must be tired.” He says, feeling a little bad all of a sudden. “Go to bed, Jongin.”

 

There’s another yawn, this time much longer, and when Jongin speaks again his voice is laced with the raspiness of someone who’s tired at the end of their day. 

 

_“You need rest more than me.”_

 

Kyungsoo blinks, and he breaks into a timid smile, his free hand picking on his covers absentmindedly. “We both need rest, then.”

 

-

 

The city lights are pretty tonight, but that’s not on Jongin’s mind right now as he stares at them from the ceiling to floor glass window in his bedroom, with a phone in his grip and his forehead against the glass. He silently watches the glass fog up from his exhale, before it slowly disappears only to reappear again in a cycle. He has to move to his bed now if he doesn’t wanna end up sleeping against the cold glass. 

 

With the mood light on and main lights off, he shuffles his way to bed and throws himself onto it, sleep creeping in immediately. His muscles are a little sore, and his mind still a little muddled from the call, with an added commitment it comes as no surprise that there’s a lot to think about and a lot to be done, especially knowing that it’s consequential of his own actions. If there’s one thing that can help him through all of this, it is his own family, but he isn’t sure if he’s ready to tell them about it. Kyungsoo needs his help more than ever now, and he’s also reliant of the elder male in some aspects, although he’d rather not acknowledge this. 

 

All he knows is that he should call Kyungsoo more often. 

 

-

 

Kyungsoo tries the blinds curiously, watching it roll up and revealing the cityscape. He looks down in awe, a hand resting on the glass surface. 

 

“How much is the rent here?” He questions, staring at the flurry of people down on the streets. 

 

“Let’s… worry about that later. You just decide if you like it or not,” Junmyeon smiles, and Kyungsoo wants to argue that the main prerequisite of him choosing any of these apartments should always be the price tag, but the manager has already returned to the agent’s side as she briefs him with something important that Kyungsoo can’t hear.

 

They’ve been looking at three units so far and none of them look like they could be within his range of budget, but for whatever reason Junmyeon won’t let him know. He has been on a hushed conversation with the agent and Kyungsoo can’t help but feel a little left out. One of these will going to be his new home so shouldn’t he be well informed about it too? 

 

The first unit was a studio unit, and it’s not big but it is definitely bigger than his old apartment. It only has one bedroom and the living room is adjoined directly with the kitchen without a separate wall whatsoever. In Kyungsoo’s opinion, that would’ve made a lovely place to live, and it’s also just two blocks down the salon, but he’s sure he’s going to gawk at the monthly rent and deposit. 

 

The second one was a serviced apartment and is fully furnished, has two bedrooms and look more like luxury living than Kyungsoo can afford to even _consider_ living there. The building has so many facilities and could even compare to a hotel and Kyungsoo’s bank account was just screaming no at him the entire time. He has been wondering why a serviced apartment though, when he’s preferably looking for a more long term and hopefully permanent stay since he’s planning to raise two kids here. It was nice still, but for a mere beauty therapist like him it’s a little too much.

 

The current one also has two bedrooms, but it’s a residential unit and _maybe_ Kyungsoo’s considering it. It’s partially furnished but it looks more than enough for him who, although has some standards when it comes to interior design, has no actual money to spend on it. He’ll think about buying baby needs and a nursery later when it comes to it, but for him alone, this unit looks nice.

 

“What do you think?”

 

Kyungsoo turns to Junmyeon with a smile. “I kinda like this one.”

 

“More than the serviced apartment?” 

 

“Speaking of,” Kyungsoo draws the blinds back and the house returns to some dimness. “Why did you look for a serviced apartment, though? I don’t think it’s meant for a long stay.”

 

The manager opens his mouth to answer before closing it back, looking thoughtful. 

 

“Did you think I would be moving again?” Kyungsoo asks, a little inquisitive now about the criteria Junmyeon regarded when looking for these houses. 

 

Smiling a little hesitantly, Junmyeon directs him to the sofa. “Do you need to sit?”

 

Kyungsoo regards him a little strangely, before shaking his head. “I’m fine. You haven’t answered me, though.”

 

“Yeah about that,” Junmyeon licks his lips, looking like he’s choosing his words carefully. “Let’s just say that there has been some… _possible arrangements_ that you might be reallocated to a more permanent stay elsewhere and not… by yourself.”

 

Kyungsoo widens his eyes, more confused than surprised. “What do you mean? Who will I be living with?”

 

“Mr. Kim and Mr. Do?” The lady looks at them expectantly, showing the way outside. “If you’d let me show you to some of the facilities here…”

 

-

 

After looking at all units, they are now in Junmyeon’s car as the manager drives him home. They’ve been looking at a total of four houses, all pet-friendly, and now Kyungsoo’s stuck wanting to move closer to the city or just stay at his old one and risk burning his money away on just commute because the rent there can’t be cheap. At all.

 

“I asked Mrs. Yoon if we could give you some time to think about it, and she said she can, although she won’t put them on hold for long because of the potential loss of a new client,” Junmyeon says while his remain on the road. 

 

“But I’m not informed of the rents… I can’t consider anything if I don’t know how much I’m paying for it.” Kyungsoo confesses.

 

Silence engulfs them for a while with just the local radio tuning in, and Kyungsoo thinks the manager didn’t hear him or something until he voices out. 

 

“Jongin said he’ll handle that.” Junmyeon says deliberately. “I mean, I don’t know to what extent that he will, but that’s what he said to me.” 

 

Kyungsoo frowns. He knows Jongin is going to help him through his pregnancy, but he thinks this is a little too much. “Was Jongin the one who brought up about those ‘possible arrangements’ too?”

 

“Yes, but I don’t know much about the details so you should probably ask him about it.”

 

He isn’t really satisfied with that answer, but he’ll take it for now and will probably text the idol later. “Don’t you think it’s too much? For Jongin to pay my rent?”

 

Junmyeon snorts. “Not really. I’m not sure how well aware you are but Jongin makes more than you think he does.”

 

“No, that’s not the issue here,” Kyungsoo retorts. “Y-You know what I mean…”

 

Junmyeon’s quiet for a while before he releases a sigh. “He’s trying to make up for it - for you, if you can’t tell. And I think you should let him. It’s for your own good, too.”

 

“But still…” Kyungsoo argues weakly. “I get about the twins, but he doesn’t have to feel responsible for _me_.”

 

“I think he made the right choice, though. It’s not like you guys are suddenly moving in together.” Junmyeon shares his thoughts. “Besides, since you’ll live closer to the city, it’s easier for Jongin to check up on you and the twins from time to time.”

 

Kyungsoo’s not sure but the thought somehow makes him feel a little embarrassed. Being constantly visited by the idol… 

 

Soon Junmyeon pulls up near his apartment complex. “You sure you don’t need lunch? I can bring you somewhere.”

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “Thanks but, it’s okay. You’ve done a lot for me already.” He smiles and tells him that he’ll let him know about the houses later.

 

“Oh, almost forgot.” Junmyeon exclaims before unbuckling his seat belt and reaching for something from the backseat just when Kyungsoo’s about to go up the stairs. It’s a large paper bag, and Kyungsoo blinks confusedly at him when it’s handed to him.

 

“They’re laundered, so you can wear them right away.” Junmyeon smiles, but before Kyungsoo could ask him what they are and who they’re from, Junmyeon’s phone rings and he waves him goodbye before pulling out from the parking.

 

Kyungsoo looks at the bag curiously before making his way upstairs.

 

-

 

He should’ve taken up Junmyeon’s offer for lunch, because truthfully he’s a little tired to make his own food, but remembering that he should do it for the babies, he fights his own exhaustion and makes himself a quick vegetable stew. Bringing it over to the table, Kyungsoo takes a spoonful before attending to the bag Junmyeon gave him, but Winter comes up to his side and stares at him expectantly, and he suddenly remembers she hasn’t gotten her lunch yet.

 

Kyungsoo pouts at her and whines. “But I’ve already sat down…” He gets up anyway and pours her some kibbles since she’s already eaten her portion of wet food this morning. Before going back to sitting down he makes sure to have his phone with him so he doesn’t need to move much. 

 

Opening the bag, he expected to see some snacks or food or other stuffs because Junmyeon always buys him things like that, but he’s taken by surprise when they’re not, in fact, food. He takes out the plastic wrapped bundles and unwraps them. There are a total of nine of them, and he doesn’t know what to feel. There are cardigans, all of different colours and designs, and there are also basic coloured tees as well as button downs, three of each, and they’re definitely designed for expecting parents. 

 

Junmyeon wouldn’t have gone out of his way to buy these for him so he doesn’t think they’re from him, and the only other person who the manager knows he’s pregnant is the idol himself…

 

Kyungsoo stares at a particular cardigan before slowly bringing it to cover his face, blushing profusely.

 

-

 

Sehun crosses his arms as he listens to the stage director’s instructions, having a little headache for some reason.

 

Award season has started with this being the first music award show of the year. Although he likes performing, he can’t really say the same about waiting for his turn as well as watching other performances and people going up the stages to receive their awards. Sehun isn’t even expecting to receive any award tonight but if he did then that’s a bonus, he guesses.

 

The rehearsal goes on and after his turn, he goes back to his waiting room for light dinner, and when Kyungsoo comes in, he offers a warm smile at him, and also a spoonful of his rice. 

 

“No, I’m good, thanks.” Kyungsoo smiles and instantly disassembles his makeup cases on the table, getting ready for work. Sehun wants to converse some more but then the shorter male goes back out of the room, searching. So the idol eats his rice in silence, staring at the many cases of makeup and tools before him. 

 

And _damn_ , he’s gonna miss all of this so much.

 

He laughs bitterly, his appetite lost. Dumping his dinner in the trashbin, he goes back to sit and feels himself slowly dying from something, but he can’t let that linger for too long for it might affect his performance later.

 

-

 

“I submitted my resignation letter.”

 

Sehun hears the elder male say, looking up in the mirror to stare at Kyungsoo’s reflection. “Oh,” He offers meekly, the news coming as no surprise. Granted, Sehun expected it to happen a lot earlier, especially after the little advance he committed back at Kyungsoo’s place. “I suppose it’s time.”

 

Kyungsoo smiles a little sadly, or perhaps a little longingly? “Yeah.”

 

Deciding to ignore that, Sehun continues conversationally, watching Kyungsoo carding his fingers through his blonde locks. The air between them is a little awkward now, but it’s nothing unbearable. They lost the playfulness they often shared, and Sehun kind of misses that. “When will it be effective?”

 

“It should be soon, though I hear it’s by next week. Sunny is back, by the way. She’ll replace me immediately.”

 

“So I hear,” Sehun says. He has indeed seen her going back and forth into the SM building, and already had a hint to why. Sunny was his first makeup artist when he debuted, and she’s nice and all, but she’s not Kyungsoo. 

 

“And um, thank you. For the gifts.” The makeup artist mutters softly. 

 

Sehun wants to ask what gifts when he suddenly remembers asking Jongdae to mail some items to Kyungsoo’s address. A smile crosses his face, still staring at Kyungsoo’s reflection.

 

“Funny, aren’t I? Couldn’t even wait until the baby shower to give them.” 

 

“I appreciate it all the same,” Kyungsoo smiles bashfully. “I like them.”

 

The idol can only smile back, savouring their moment together. He doesn’t think he can make it to the baby shower.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo watches the idol fix his mic pack, too many voices around him. He’s wearing a long black fur coat that Baekhyun prepared for him and it is to be removed before his second song with a red satin button down underneath. It’s a hectic situation backstage as the VCR of Oh Sehun is being played to the thousands of people anticipating his performance while the stage director briefs through some instructions so that the idol doesn’t forget, despite having rehearsed twice this morning. Sehun merely nods and nods, biting his lip and his eyebrows furrowed. 

 

Despite being in the industry for four years, the idol still gets nervous at the prospect of doing live stages. Kyungsoo has only been watching by the sidelines, and Sehun still hasn’t grown out of his nervousness, although the taller male doesn’t let it affect his performance of course. He still executes it as if the stage is his, credits to hours of his daily practice. 

 

If there’s one thing only Kyungsoo knows about Sehun, is that the younger male hadn’t intended to make it into the entertainment business. Sehun had little to no passion for music and dance, and only discovered his knack for picking up dance routines when he was a trainee. Sehun once told him he didn’t mind if he wouldn’t get to debut, but the agency surprised him one day when he was presented with a contract. He wasn’t particularly elated, but since it looked like it paid well, he signed it. Sehun didn’t do it out of passion, but he did it for the job itself. 

 

Of course, like anyone, he grew to like the attention and praises, although he still hated being compared to. Kyungsoo had to entertain a lot of his personal rants, since the idol spends most of his time relaxing in his seat being groomed by the makeup artist himself. Kyungsoo didn’t mind, still doesn’t mind, although tonight there has been no such rant and only a strange air between them.

 

It’s a little sad that their time working together is coming to an end soon, with the idol about to go the stage for his performance. As Kyungsoo walks up to the nervous idol to wipe a little of the sweat rolling down the side of his face, he can’t help but to choke on a sob. 

 

Sehun, noticing this, only lets out a smile, his nerves looking gone for the moment. Kyungsoo feels a hand ruffling his hair, and he sniffles as he takes out his brush to perfect Sehun’s brows, only if it could lend him some more time with him. 

 

“Tonight is for you.”

 

That is all Sehun says as the staff now urges him to move to the elevated platform before the VCR ends, and Kyungsoo watches as Sehun gets on standby before he disappears to the stage and the crowd’s cheering intensifies. 

 

-

 

“This way, please.”

 

A girl hurriedly directs him to backstage for final preparations and last minute briefings. Jongin mentally plays the music in his head and moves his limbs to the routines, a new choreography that has yet to be presented to the public and fans. Luhan keeps adjusting the belt around his waist before deciding it best to be replaced with a backup one he kept since the former one slides up too much and may interfere with Jongin’s performance.

 

“If need be, just pull on this strap to tighten it,” Luhan notifies him, and Jongin nods without a word, still repeating his routine. His outfit is that of a black velvet suit with nothing underneath, and a wide belt around his waist to secure the suit together since it is left unbuttoned as a tease to the audience. 

 

It’s been a while since he last performed for a crowd that isn’t solely his fans. It feels like his debut all over again, as he tried to win the hearts of many viewers and widened his fanbase, but he’s certainly wiser now to deal with it. As he’s started to slowly loosen up now, that is when he noticed a familiar raven-haired male among some staffs there watching the live on a TV set backstage. 

 

Jongin approaches the small crowd under the pretence of watching it with them, crossing his arms together as he subtly glances at the elder male. Kyungsoo seems engrossed at the idol’s performance, his hands clasped together on his chest. Since it’s a little hot backstage, the pregnant male doesn’t wear his oversized sweater tonight, his lithe figure framed by an oversized graphic tee instead. And he looks… sad. Not teary sad, but longing sad. 

 

Jongin supposes Kyungsoo still cares about Sehun in a platonic way, despite having learnt of his actual feelings. He doesn’t know the full story of it, and he isn’t sure if he wants to. It’s not something he’s a part of, nor does he have any attribution to it, but that doesn’t change his remorse for Sehun’s behaviour.

 

The thought suddenly sours his mood again, which is perhaps bad because he’s about to go up the stage for his turn and if he doesn’t return to his neutral again, it could affect his performance. So he walks away from the TV and does some stretches. 

 

When there’s loud screaming from the crowd and the intermission cinematic song comes on, it signifies the end of the performance, and is soon followed by the announcement of the next award as well as the award presenters. Jongin doesn’t attempt to see Sehun come down the stage, and he still doesn’t turn around when his team applauds him for a show well done, but when he finally does, it is to the sight of the pregnant male handing him tissues to which the idol gladly receives. A cameraman instantly approaches him for an impromptu interview session while he wipes his perspiration.

 

Jongin’s eyes are still on Kyungsoo as he is being led by Baekhyun away from the TV and back to the waiting room, being affectionately side hugged by the other male, probably in an attempt to comfort him or something. Jongin’s not sure why Kyungsoo needs comforting at the moment. 

 

Sehun’s team then disperses as the idol makes his way back to his seat since the award show has yet to end, and Jongin happens to be on the path. So as Sehun walks past by him, Jongin stops him by his arm, the other idol caught off guard at the sudden approach, probably not expecting the tanned male to be there. 

 

“Jongin.” He blurts, his hand pausing in the midst of still wiping his sweat. “Hey.”

 

“Why did you do that?” Jongin cuts to the chase, trying his best to keep his calm. The other idol looks a little puzzled at first before piecing it together.

 

“I’m letting him go, obviously.” Sehun answers calmly, a wry smile on his lips. “Tonight, too.”

 

Jongin doesn’t want to take the implication his mind is perceiving for him as it is, but unfortunately he does and their shared years together as friends with a similar love for dance is no more as he grips the front of Sehun’s button down and pulls him closer so he can heatedly hiss a “You forced yourself on him again?”

 

“I didn’t, but if you’re gonna be an ass about this too then I have no idea how he’ll be dealing with you through it all.”

 

“You took his reticence for granted.” Jongin tightens his grip and snarls. 

 

“ _You_ did it a long time ago and the repercussion brought us all here.” Sehun claims, still with a composure that the other male lacks. “Now tell me, is this really worth the fuss? Because as far as I know, you two are in no such relationship for you to be so worked up about it. It was between _me_ and _him_.”

 

“And _knowing_ what kind of situation we both are in,” Jongin adds for him as a reminder, finally letting go of him with a scowl. “You’re just as much of an ass as you claim me to be.”

 

The other male only lets out a scoff of disbelief, and he looks like he has more to say but withholds himself back. _Ah, ever the level-headed one_. Doesn’t mean Jongin abhors his deed any less.

 

“Good luck on your performance.” Sehun says with a hint of sarcasm, brushing his hair back as he dismisses himself. “Could be your last after all.”

 

That did it. It makes him dash up to Sehun and turns him around, a grip yet again on the front of his shirt, and swinging a fist before—

 

“Kyungsoo.”

 

Jongin blinks when Sehun mutters the name, his fist staying in the air as he notices the other idol is looking past his shoulder, prompting him to do the same and indeed the aforementioned male is there, standing with his arms hugging himself, and looking very much crestfallen at the minor feud potentially turning physical. And if he actually pays attention, the little discord between them has gained some eyes on them, though subtle they may try to be. 

 

If it isn’t for Kyungsoo, this could’ve turned up really bad and even get to headlines, so perhaps Jongin has him to thank, although he would have loved to really punch Sehun in the face. With a huff he lets Sehun go, the other male keeping a wary gaze on him as if worried he might do something a lot worse, but there’s only regret washing over the tanned male now as he presses his fingers on his forehead. 

 

“I’m not meeting him like that anymore, if that would make you feel better.” Sehun says in a hushed voice so only Jongin can hear. “Take care of him, coz’ if there’s one person I know he’d be happy to be in their care, it’s by _you_.” 

 

He fist bumps Jongin’s chest in a friendly gesture, leaving without another word, and Jongin is left to ponder about the consequences of his actions yet again. He always does that, his brain always just likes to work once the deed has been done, and this forces him to meet with the still frozen Kyungsoo looking a little lost if he should be approaching him or something. Jongin feels like laughing because obviously he shouldn’t if he doesn’t want to make this any worse than it already is. 

 

The announcer has stopped talking and there’s deadly silence before some familiar experimental music is being played and the crowd roars again, and that is his cue. Jongin takes a deep breath with his eyes closed, and when he opens his eyes, Kyungsoo’s still there, looking more worried than let down now as they share a brief eye contact before Jongin looks away and heads to the platform.

 

_I damn will._

 

-

 

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

-

 

_Six days ago_

 

Jongin stares at the river outside, at the colourful lights and the streams escaping the water sprinklers as he rests his elbow on the rim of the van window and a hand running through his hair. For being his second home, Jongin has never truly looked out the window much and this is one of the rare times he does, a soft RnB being played on the speakers through his phone’s bluetooth. Soon the river is no more as they approach a set of traffic light and a road junction.

 

He keeps remembering his call with Kyungsoo last night and how… healing it was for him that it lulled him to sleep. 

 

Unlocking his phone, he changes the music and the speakers are now blasting his own songs from his latest mini album. He then opens up an online shopping site, logging in and searching for his personal needs since he’s been running out of them. He’s about to check out with his order before deciding he’ll browse some more.

 

As he scrolls down, a cream coloured knitted cardigan captures his eyes and he taps on it, looking if it comes in sizes. Possibly because it falls under a specific category, it doesn’t come in sizes, and without further thought he adds it to his cart. He looks for more of them under the same category, adding more to his cart and before he knows it, he already has 11 items in his cart and only 2 of them are his.

 

“Are you looking for maternity wear?”

 

He startles as Junmyeon peers in, and turns his phone away from his manager’s sight. He can hear more than see Junmyeon’s teasing grin as he checks out, picks the quickest delivery option and makes an online payment. “Nosy.”

 

“As your manager, I am expected to be well informed of your activities, as nosy as it may sound,” Junmyeon returns to leaning back in his own seat. “I sometimes feel like I’m managing two persons, too.”

 

Jongin peeks at his manager curiously, feeling a little guilty for involving him into the whole babies thing but it’s not like he has a lot of time in his hands to do it on his own, and he can’t ask just _anyone_ to help since that would spell trouble. Junmyeon seems willing enough to help him out and even if he doesn’t say it aloud, he’s really grateful to his manager.

 

“Did he say he needs more?”

 

“Not really,” Kyungsoo precisely told him he bought enough for himself, but as someone who has kind of seen his sister’s pregnancy with Rahee, Jongin’s sure the elder male will be needing more to expand his maternity wardrobe, especially since he’s carrying _two_.

 

Jongin wouldn't mind if he needs more.

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to illa, kim kai has a fandom name uwu

 

 

 

“2017 WAMA”

Article : Kim Kai wins Artist of the Year for 3 years consecutively, Red Velvet snatches Album of The Year for the first time

Source : Ilsan Sports via Naber

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1\. [+955, -76] Congratulations to Red Velvet!! They deserve it. I cried when they cried too…

2\. [+843, -50] Red Velvet, you girls did well!! Hope next year will bring more success for them!

3\. [+642, -102] As expected of Kim Kai, 3 strikes in a row. Congrats!

4\. [+450, -87] I liked Kim Kai’s stage. I thought he was distracted at first but that was just a stunt to catch the audience off guard. He has a different aura. Kairoses were amazing with their fanchants.

5\. [+223, -40] Congrats to all the winners! Next time just demolish these award shows if the camerawork is going to zoom out of the actual artists performing. The stages were nice, though.

 

Article : Oh Sehun takes home two crowns for Best Male Dance and Best Male Solo. Jennie takes Best Female Solo.

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1\. [+955, -76] Congrats to queen Jennie~ She had the best stage tonight in my opinion.

2\. [+843, -50] Sehun killed it with his performance. Totally the best in SM. Congrats for the awards! Let’s aim for a daesang next year~

3\. [+642, -102] Jennie is so talented. Hope YG will give her more opportunities to sing.

4\. [+450, -87] Congrats! They all deserve it!

5\. [+223, -40] I was hoping for some collaboration between him and Kim Kai. It would have been nice to see two different wavelengths in one stage.

 

 

 

-

 

“Hey, you alone?”

 

The other male looked up from his bubble tea, his face apathetic. Maybe it was surprise, but it wasn’t distinct on his facial features. 

 

“Yeah.” The guy answered. He didn’t look hostile, but certainly not that welcoming either. Jongin smiled anyway, taking a chair out for him to sit while the guy returned to drinking the bubble tea. The cafe was pretty empty except for a bunch of female trainees laughing on the other side. Jongin probably should’ve gotten his own drink too because he’s starting to feel a little awkward with nothing to keep his hands occupied.

 

“I’m Jongin.” He introduced himself.

 

“I know,” The guy answered, finally smiling and now he looked more warm. “You’re pretty famous.”

 

Jongin rubbed his nape bashfully. “I wouldn’t say so…”

 

“I’m Sehun.” He stretched his hand out and Jongin obliged. “Nice meeting you, I guess.”

 

Jongin chuckled politely, licking his lips in thought. “I’m actually here for a favor.” 

 

“Favor? Me?”

 

“Yeah,” Jongin had been thinking for a long while, had been going to all the practice rooms and observed each trainee, and he thought Sehun had really clean and sharp movements when he executed his routines and therefore he figured he had made the right choice in approaching him. 

 

“Go ahead.”

 

“Would you like to join me dancing for Yunho-sunbae?”

 

“Yunho-sunbae?” Sehun exclaimed, his eyebrows going high now and Jongin guessed that was as surprised as he could look. “Are you sure you’re asking the right person?”

 

“I’m positive.”

 

There was a doubtful look crossing his face and Jongin was not ready for rejection since he didn’t want anyone else. Sehun was perfect.

 

“Why me?”

 

Jongin smiled. “Cos’ you dance well.”

 

“I do?”

 

“Yeah,” Jongin frowns. “Do people not tell you that?” 

 

“Not really,” Sehun almost sounded sad, slurping on the last of his bubble tea. “They never bothered, I guess. How many people are you looking for?”

 

Jongin wanted to say that not only Sehun danced well - he was damn good at it. For someone with a tall build, people would expect them to be lanky when they dance, but it wasn’t the case for Sehun. Sehun was crisp when it comes to fast moves, and angelic in slow routines. “Only one.”

 

Sehun had a pout set on his lips as he gave it a brief thought before shrugging, smiling amicably. “Why not.”

 

The two trainees had a good time practicing together and knowing each other better, all for good fun and missed youth due to their intensive training period. When Jongin debuted, their shared time had been scarce but nevertheless still there, and the other male kept cheering him on and then being cheered on as he debuted a year after that. 

 

Jongin winning his first music show award was emotional enough for Sehun to cry for him too, both in each other’s embrace and sharing the joy of being rewarded for their hard work. Of course, the longer they worked in the industry, the lesser the waterworks as they flourished with wisdom and discretion, especially under the scrutinising eyes of the public. 

 

They resorted to congratulating each other by a half hug or through texts if their schedules demanded for their presence elsewhere, though their sincerity remained all the same, still. It’s easy to gain new friends within the industry, but it’s another thing to really learn their underlying motives for the whole showbiz is just one big circus of fraud. But Jongin and Sehun fortunately found candor in their friendship and it was nice to at least have one genuine friend in the horrid circus.

 

This, however, is the first time neither of them congratulate the other for their well-deserved awards. 

 

-

 

Kyungsoo feels a little choked up scanning his old apartment. He’s lived there ever since he became independent from the orphanage, a quarter of his life engraved here. In another person’s eyes, it would be a breath of relief to get out of such a place, but Kyungsoo is much too attached to it he’s now a little sad.

 

He places Winter’s toy ball inside a cat carrier and the feline comes running into it, and he then secures the latch. She isn’t one to make a fuss when coerced into the carrier so a toy ball isn’t really necessary, but Kyungsoo doesn’t want her to be bored inside there. 

 

He gives one last look at the living room, at the small dining slash coffee table, and at the old washed out brown couch, before lifting the cat carrier and locking the door for the last time. After returning the keys to the landlord, he goes to meet his neighbour and thanks him tearfully, the old man wishing him a good life in the city and also to let him know once he’s delivered, Kyungsoo blushing to no end. He guesses people can easily tell now if they closely look at him despite Kyungsoo’s attempts to hide the bump underneath his oversized clothings. 

 

As Kyungsoo reaches the end of the stairs, Jongdae quickly helps him with his cat carrier, placing it at the backseat while Baekhyun struggles to squeeze Kyungsoo’s bags at the car boot. Since the new apartment is close to fully furnished, Kyungsoo isn’t bringing his old furnitures and it saves a lot of hassle of finding and paying for a moving truck. 

 

Jongdae goes to the driver’s seat while Kyungsoo checks up on Baekhyun and his progress with his bags, looking if he needs help but soon Baekhyun finds his way to it and finally shuts the car boot. He laughs when Baekhyun playfully lets out a huffy sigh at the trouble.

 

In the car, Kyungsoo has Winter on his lap since he feels bad leaving her in the carrier after a while. She hardly travels so it’s not very often for her to be caged up in her carrier. The feline stands on her hind legs and rests her front paws on the rim of the window looking out at the view, her tail swishing happily. Kyungsoo hopes Winter will like her new home.

 

After a while, the feline curls up on his lap and naps away, Kyungsoo petting her gingerly while looking out the window, wondering what life in the city and at his new job has in store for him.

 

-

 

Jongdae and Baekhyun would’ve brought him for grocery shopping to stock up his new kitchen but Sehun has another filming schedule in the evening and Kyungsoo doesn’t want to keep them. The supermarket is a walking distance anyway, as like many other conveniences, so Kyungsoo can just stop by a little later once he’s up for it. 

 

“We’ll visit you often,” Baekhyun pulls him for a hug, only to snort when he can’t pull Kyungsoo flush against him with the growing bump in the way. “Damn, they’re so big now.” Kyungsoo rains a light hit on his shoulder. 

 

He wants to ask if the ‘we’ include Sehun before deciding against it. The idol has kind of made himself clear about not meeting Kyungsoo personally, so maybe if they all come together it would make things easier for the both of them. Kyungsoo will still want to know if the idol is doing well - he’s still his friend after all.

 

After the award show, they haven’t really talked much except for Kyungsoo’s text congratulating him. With his resignation Kyungsoo doubts they will ever have a lot of time together anymore, and if the idol ever plans on visiting him at his new place. He just hopes they won’t completely cut off all forms of contact due to the strange air in the friendship now. 

 

Speaking of friendship, Kyungsoo doesn’t like to meddle but it seems that Sehun and Jongin are not really on their best terms, from the way the latter idol almost punched the former backstage that night, and frankly he doesn’t know why. Kyungsoo thought their bond was stronger than that, or maybe it’s just a little rift. Regardless he hopes it’s nothing serious. It’s a wonder that Jongin still pulled off his performance smoothly and perfectly despite the minor feud when if it were any other person, their subconscious would have been too perturbed it reflects onto their activity. Perhaps Jongin really is that amazing, interchanging his persona when needed and the stage needs him to be Kim Kai, so he _becomes_ Kim Kai. 

 

Closing the door, he examines the security keypad, frowing as he toggles his way to change the settings and his passcode but gives up in the end at the complexity. He’s never had the need to use it before and now that it comes to it, he’s confused at the mechanics. He settles for manual lock for now and makes a mental note to ask Junmyeon about it. Before going to his room, he unlocks the cat carrier and Winter comes out of it, stretching her limbs and finally sniffs around the house in a mini exploration. Kyungsoo just hopes she wouldn’t fall sick since cats tend to get a mild fever in their adaptation process to a new environment.

 

It’s more than twice as bigger than his old place, and the floor to glass window makes it even more spacious than it looks. Kyungsoo’s not sure if he’ll ever get used to it, but he knows he has to if he plans on raising two little cherubs here. He suddenly finds himself picturing two tots running around and into the master bedroom in a play-chase and he has to pause amidst unpacking to gather himself together. _It’s still a long way to that._

 

He soon receives a text from Jongin, asking him if he’ll be home tonight, and Kyungsoo replies with a yes. It’s quickly followed by a ‘Are you stopping by?’ because Kyungsoo is suddenly nervous to see him again- but really, when is he not nervous meeting him?

 

They’re somewhat stuck together because of the twins, and Kyungsoo knows the idol has been having a hard enough time with them as it is, in between his busy schedules too. Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to make things easier for him than to listen to him and be good, which is also the key reason he accepted having his rent be handled by Jongin too when he wanted so hard to decline it.

 

Maybe he could negotiate with him about that, and maybe it could happen tonight. So after Jongin replies him with a ‘yes, around 9’, Kyungsoo also sends his own response.

 

_“Looking forward, then.”_

 

-

 

Jongin lies down on the floor, uncaring if his sweat spills there as he pants hard and tries to catch his breath. Kasper tosses him a bottle of water to which he expertly catches and twists open the cap. Getting up to sit, he throws his head back and takes generous gulps, replenishing his body water content after all that perspiration and reminding himself to get something more isotonic to balance the minerals out later. 

 

“For just practice, you sure are going hard at it,” Kasper notes, sitting beside him and drinking from his own bottle while wiping his forehead with his face towel. “Something wrong?”

 

The idol merely hangs his head down, still breathing slightly hard, as he caps the bottle back and tosses it at the side. “I’m good.” He lies, not feeling all that good if he’s being honest with himself. 

 

They’ve been practicing for two new songs, yet to be confirmed if they will be included in his next album or in his next tour song lineup, and the ambiguity is slowly killing him. No one has called him for a meeting to confirm about it, and not wanting to waste time his choreographer came out with a routine for the two songs and to just practice that while waiting for any word from the higher management. 

 

Usually an artist would be briefed or at least hinted about their incoming works months before they get around to them. Jongin has been left in the dark ever since the release of the blind items, and as much as he hopes that no news means good news, he would really appreciate some form of reassurance from the agency regarding the future of his career. At this point, Jongin can only assume the worst. 

 

The only activities he is confirmed to participate are the rest of the award shows as well as the year end music festivals, and after all of those are over he hasn’t gotten a word about his future works, neither as Kim Kai nor as actor Kim Jongin.

 

-

 

Jongin presses the doorbell and waits, removing his mouth mask and taking off his black cap, ruffling his hair to undo the flatness done by the cap. When the door finally opens, he almost drops his cap. 

 

The last time Jongin feels this warm was when he debuted and received high praise from his seniors as well as the people around him, and if there is one thing people note about him is that he rarely ever gets flustered now, not even at compliments for putting up a good performance or anything similar to that. So when he feels his face warming at the sight of Kyungsoo wearing the cream cardigan he bought for him as the door is opened, he has to take a step back to will the warmth to go down and it’s not particularly helping when Kyungsoo also seems to have noticed him noticing it and proceeds to flush all the way to his neck, making it _two_ people being unreasonably embarrassed at a doorway. 

 

“Um-”

 

“I-“ They both say simultaneously, until Jongin clears his throat to get himself together. “I can see that you’ve received them well.”

 

The shorter male smiles bashfully. “Y-Yes.” He stammers, fiddling with the ends of his sleeves. “They’re lovely. Thank you.”

 

When Kyungsoo steps aside and looks up at him expectantly (and shyly, dare Jongin say) Jongin quickly makes his way inside to prevent any further unnecessary warmth on his face, hearing the door shut behind him and he looks back to find the shorter male doing the latch. Only the latch, though. And when he looks closely, the device beside the door is turned off.

 

“You don’t arm your alarm system?” He asks.

 

Kyungsoo looks up at him, at the security touchpad, and back at him again. “I haven’t changed the passcode yet…”

 

“Doesn’t mean you can just let it be disarmed. Let me see,” Jongin walks up to it and inspects the device, turning it on and tapping on a few buttons until the word ‘ARMED’ pops up. “There. It’s armed now. I know this place is gated and guarded but it doesn’t mean you can compromise your own safety due to some lenience.” When Kyungsoo still looks puzzled, he disarms it again to teach him and observes if he does it right. 

 

“…Can you show me how to change the passcode too?” Kyungsoo asks quietly. Jongin blinks at him once before going back to it, tapping on some options and pulling back.

 

“Enter your old one,” He instructs, watching the elder male entering _1-2-3-4-5-6_ and it soon moves to the next step to set a new passcode, further watching him trying to think of a new one and as he’s about to enter it, he spares Jongin a hesitant glance. “What?”

 

“Can you… look away for one sec…?”

 

Rolling his eyes, Jongin looks away anyway, listening to the device beeping, signifying the confirmed action of his passcode change. “You didn’t put your birthday, now did you? Birthdays can be predictable.” 

 

“No,” Kyungsoo steps away from the device with a rather content smile.

 

Jongin then has the wildest idea, and he fights the urge so hard but he’s gravely curious.“…It wouldn’t happen to be mine, right?” The question has Kyungsoo sputtering, vigorously shaking his head no with a prominent pink on his cheeks. It’s not like he would mind much if Kyungsoo did key in his birthday.

 

“When is your birthday, anyway?” He doesn’t care much for birthdays, not remembering even his own manager’s birthday for that matter. He follows the former makeup artist to the kitchen, all the while looking around the place. 

 

“January 12th.”

 

“Oh. That’s t—”

 

“Two days ahead of yours, yeah.” Kyungsoo blurts out only to grow flustered afterwards. “S-Sorry.”

 

Jongin doesn’t think much of it, merely watching the shorter male setting two mugs on the counter before asking the idol if he wants anything in particular, to which Jongin answers chocolate. Kyungsoo then checks the cabinets, mumbling about not having gone grocery shopping yet while taking out the jar of chocolate and finding a clean spoon, and Jongin isn’t really listening as he finds himself staring at the growing belly overlaid by the cardigan he bought for him. Only when the pregnant male pauses in whatever he’s doing does Jongin slowly look up, worries if he’s been caught. He almost lets out an audible sigh when the shorter male is only staying still to carefully pour water from the boiler into the two mugs.

 

When Kyungsoo finally turns around with both mugs in his hands, Jongin smoothly looks away, pretending to look around until he finds himself actually studying the apartment. “You picked a good place.”

 

“Thanks to Junmyeon, I did,” Kyungsoo says, placing the hot chocolates on the bar top and beaming at Jongin to sit.

 

“But it certainly looks like it could use some work,” Jongin takes his seat across of him, looking around the rather empty living room except for one sofa and a coffee table as well as a small flat screen television, otherwise it leaves a lot of space that could have been put to great use. “With more… furnishings.” He then looks down on his mug of chocolate, appreciating the bittersweet scent wafting in the air.

 

“I think it’s okay,” Kyungsoo smiles, and they share a quiet moment between themselves before Jongin occupies himself with drinking the hot chocolate only to wince since it’s still too hot. “Jongin.”

 

The idol gives up on trying to occupy himself and settles for giving his undivided attention to the other male. Kyungsoo looks like he’s thinking twice or thrice about going on, and Jongin patiently waits.

 

“I think… you should let me pay half of it. At least.”

 

“The rent?” Jongin cocks an eyebrow at him. “Are you sure you can afford that?”

 

“I- I make my own money too, you know.”

 

“Then use it on makeup, food, _other stuffs_. Leave the rent to me.” Jongin asserts, finally raising his mug to his lips as if it will make his decision seem final.

 

“…Ten percent?” Kyungsoo tries again and Jongin almost chokes on his chocolate. “O-Okay, fine. Rent’s on you.” He breathes out huffily, and Jongin can tell that he still wants some sort of contribution to the whole matter but decides to contain it. Instead he watches him down his own chocolate, and it kind of takes him back to when Kyungsoo visited his apartment and drank the sour cranberry juice.

 

“Do you still get morning sickness?”

 

Kyungsoo slowly lowers the mug, looking up at him and offering a small smile. “I still do, just not as bad. Thank you for worrying, though.”

 

Jongin opens his mouth to argue that he’s not that worried but he snaps it back close, looking away as he drinks.

 

“Jongin, I’ve been meaning to ask… Um, Junmyeon said something about me being reallocated somewhere else… Is that true?”

 

Jongin wants to face-palm right then and there because his manager wasn’t supposed to blabber about it until the right time has come. In fact, it’s just a possibility and nothing has been greatly considered yet since everything is still yet uncertain. But now that Kyungsoo brings it up, Jongin has no choice but to tell him the truth. 

 

“I uh, was thinking that this is a temporary place for you while you begin to work at LOEY.” Jongin elaborates himself. “And with you nearby, I get to check on you…r twins.”

 

Pouting, Kyungsoo stares down at his drink quite dejectedly, his two hands cupping the warmth. “So… I won’t get to raise our babies here?”

 

If Jongin was drinking he would’ve spluttered chocolate all over himself because of Kyungsoo’s choice of words, but he wasn’t so he’s thankful for that but it doesn’t stop his face from growing warm again and Jongin surprises himself for feeling this flustered. 

 

“I’m not saying you can’t. I just think it’s possible that we might move you somewhere more… convenient.”

 

“But what’s wrong with this place?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong with this place, it’s just—” He pauses for a deep inhale while trying to sentence it properly. “I figure you might need some form of assistance with the twins, and I don’t see this place fit.”

 

“Assistance? By who?” Kyungsoo frowns. “And why not here?”

 

It’s been on Jongin’s mind a lot, to be honest. Because surely Kyungsoo won’t be able to raise the two of them on his own - parenting is hard work. It’s just that Jongin hasn’t been very firm about it and he has a lot of things to consider before he even think of settling down, most of it being his job. And with the former idol makeup artist looking questioningly at him as if he has all the formulated answers ready, Jongin can only drop his head and sigh. “Mind if I use your restroom for a bit?”

 

Blinking once, Kyungsoo leans back and moves to get off his seat. “Sure- ah, I haven’t cleaned the one outside yet so you better go into the one in the master bedroom instead.” Jongin follows his lead into the bedroom, staring at the blue knitted socked feet shuffling and then up at the cream cardigan hugging his figure warmly. He’s still staring even when the elder male is turning around and the bob of black hair transitions to stunning facial features. Kyungsoo’s eyes are really something; they stare up at you with an interesting innocence, gracing Jongin with an unusual feeling. 

 

“I’ll um, be waiting in the living room,” Jongin sees the lips hesitantly quirk upwards before he leaves. 

 

Going to the restroom is just an excuse to take a break from him.

 

-

 

_Vitamin B-6_

_25mg_

 

Jongin reads the label off the pill bottle after having washed and dried his hands, wondering why he would place a diet supplement in the bathroom instead of the kitchen or somewhere else. There’s also another bottle of painkillers but it’s still full and it’s quite understandable that Kyungsoo doesn’t take them in the state he is in. 

 

He takes out his phone to do a quick Google on what they’re for, and Google gave him ‘morning sickness’. 

 

-

 

“So when are you starting at LOEY?”

 

Kyungsoo looks up from rubbing Winter’s stomach, the feline almost limp on the floor and Jongin can hear her purring all the way from where he stands near the glass window, looking at the cars below and at the lights scattered on the otherwise navy blue canvas. There’s no balcony and Jongin suspects Kyungsoo picked this place for that very reason. The cat does seem like family to him after all. “Mr. Park told me to come by tomorrow. Said he’ll show me around and brief about my pay and all.”

 

“You’ll be surrounded with chemicals,” Jongin turns away from the glass, facing the sitting man. “Would that not aggravate your nausea?”

 

“Nothing I’m not used to,” Kyungsoo beams. “I’ve been working with chemicals almost half a decade now.” Winter soon gets up, the owner watching it strut away. Jongin almost blurts out that things are kinda different now that he’s expecting.

 

“That night,” Kyungsoo begins this time, his voice quiet and Jongin watches him grunt a little before making himself comfortable leaning on the edge of the couch, his legs folded and his hands resting on his bump, and maybe Jongin’s a little distracted. “Why did you fight with Sehun?”

 

The mention of that name, however, leaves a bad taste in his mouth. “I forgot you saw that.”

 

“I thought you two were best friends.”

 

“Until that day he kissed you, we were,” Jongin mutters under his breath, turning back to seeing the city lights.

 

“W-Was it a big deal? Him kissing me?”

 

“Was it not to you? He made a move on someone who is already _pregnant_ with another guy’s kids -with his _best friend’s_ kids. Did that not strike you as a big deal?” 

 

“But apart from the twins, there is nothing between you and me.” 

 

The truth in Kyungsoo’s words prick, and it’s a reminder yet again, of which the first was given by Sehun himself, that indeed Jongin and Kyungsoo have nothing between each other. The only thing that bound them together are the two beans steadily growing in Kyungsoo’s womb. He brought it upon himself. It was not his business, so why does he still feel worked up over it?

 

“Sehun knew,” Jongin suddenly comes to a deduction with a frown. “He knew about the speculations on him. That’s why…” He closes his eyes and exhales through his nose.

 

“Speculations?” Kyungsoo looks up at him, confused. “What speculations?”

 

It occurs to him that Kyungsoo has really never gotten around to read that side of the news, and it is probably somewhat buried now with updates from the recent award show and hype about their upcoming year end music festivals. “Never mind. If… If people ask you about me or Sehun, or anything weird at all, just tell them that you don’t have anything to say about it.”

 

“What’s wrong?” The shorter male frowns, genuinely confused. “And what people?”

 

Jongin has half a mind about mentioning the blind items but Kyungsoo doesn’t seem like he would take that well, so he settles for a shake of the head. “Just, people.” He checks the time on his phone and Junmyeon must have been bored waiting down at the parking area. He’s overstayed his welcome anyway.

 

“Are you leaving?” Jongin nods and promptly makes his way to the door, Kyungsoo getting up from the couch to tail him.

 

“I- I’m sorry, by the way,” Kyungsoo apologizes behind him, making Jongin turn around to face the shorter male. “For uh, questioning about your decision on reallocating me. I should just be grateful that you’re accommodating me and going so far as paying for my rent…”

 

Jongin doesn’t have anything to say to that so he doesn’t, because it’s unusual for someone to apologize for just being curious, but then again, Kyungsoo apologizes for just about anything when it comes to Jongin. He doesn’t know how to feel about this, though. “If you need anything, you can reach my manager, he’ll help you out. You can even, um, reach me.” He says, fixing a cap on his head and a mouth mask. 

 

Kyungsoo gives a timid nod, grabbing the openings of his cream cardigan and hugging himself. “I will.”

 

“All the best at LOEY, then.” Jongin doesn’t look back to gauge his reaction.

 

-

 

“Is he settling well?” The manager asks as soon as Jongin closes the passenger door. Jongin manages a curt nod. 

 

“Seems so.”

 

“This won’t be your last time checking on him, right?” Junmyeon taunts him. “The distance shouldn’t be your excuse in not visiting him anymore.”

 

Jongin’s too tired to retort with his own remark. “I’m thinking of getting a car.”

 

Junmyeon looks at him like he grew two heads before it slowly dissolves into understanding, his hands steady on the steering wheel. “That would be plenty helpful, I guess.”

 

“You’ve helped us a lot. I should probably start counting less on you.”

 

“Not at all. If a car is what you need, then I suppose that can be arranged. Your comeback’s over and you have some free time now.”

 

-

 

Kyungsoo licks his lips in nervousness, standing before a large unit with ‘LOEY - Hair and Beauty’ reading at the entrance, flanked by a sundry and an outlet store. It’s his first day today. He’s not sure if he’ll immediately start working today, but he dresses well and comfortably and he has his work portfolio in his hands in case the owner asks for it.

 

The smell of chemicals instantly hit his nose the second he steps foot into the salon. Some hip-hop music is playing in the background, and Kyungsoo can hear someone humming to it as well. He approaches the receptionist who seems to be smiling on her phone.

 

“Excuse me,” Kyungsoo starts, hugging his portfolio close and loosening his muffler a little, reading the nametag on her chest. It reads ‘Bora’. “I’m- I’m Doh Kyungsoo, and I’m supposed to meet Mr. Park today?”

 

The lady looks up at him and instantly smiles. “Welcome! Do you have an appointment?”

 

“What- no, I’m not here for your service. I’m here to work.”

 

This ‘Bora’ girl looks in the distance before checking for something on the desktop. “Oh sweetheart, I don’t think we have a walk-in interview today, though-”

 

“Hey, aren’t you that dee kyeongsu guy on Insta?” A girl’s voice asks, and Kyungsoo turns to her.

 

“Wait, he is?” The girl beside her exclaims. “The guy who works for Sehun?”

 

“Are you?” The first girl comes up to him and looks at him in wonder, her eyes vibrant, and Kyungsoo can only hug his portfolio tighter as he awkwardly smiles at them.

 

“Uh—“

 

“Momo, Sana, get back to work or demerits for the both of you.” A gruff bass voice reaches them, and the two girls sulkily glare at the silver-haired man going down the stairs before running off.

 

“Chanyeol! Just in time. Mr…. What was your name again, sweetheart?” Bora asks, and Kyungsoo opens his mouth to answer but the man is quick to cut him off.

 

“Doh Kyungsoo,” He grins down at him, his knuckles deep in the pockets of his jeans and only when he’s within Kyungsoo’s vicinity does he pull his hands out and reach one out towards him, to which Kyungsoo reciprocates. “Nice to finally meet you. I’m Park Chanyeol.”

 

Kyungsoo manages a shy smile. He was expecting someone more… upright and a lot older, but this man is far from that. He’s wearing a black button-down with his sleeves folded up to his elbow, revealing some neo-traditional tattoo of some bird on his right forearm and a yellow gold wristwatch on the other, and his silver hair looks like it hasn’t been combed today. “Oh um, yeah nice meeting you too, Mr. Park—”

 

“Please, just Chanyeol.” He snorts, and turns to the receptionist. “Totally my bad for not giving you a heads up about our new guy right here.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, Chanyeol. Don’t be too hard on him.” Bora says before returning to texting on her phone.

 

“My office is upstairs, so,” Chanyeol claps his hands once. “Allow me to show you around this floor first before we go up?” Kyungsoo nods, not like he is expected to say no anyway. “Great! We have hair and makeup over here, and nail over there. Zitao is one of our nail technicians. Another one is Taeyeon but she clocked out already. Or didn’t even come. We don’t have a lot of customers coming for their nails in mornings.”

 

Kyungsoo tries to catch up with him and the names of the staffs he list out although he is sure to forget them later. Some of the staffs there greet him with an acknowledging nod and some don’t even notice the newcomer, too busy with their customers.

 

“Amber is a hairdresser. You’ll be working alongside her and Kibum…”

 

“Is taking out the trash,” The Amber girl provides, smiling at Kyungsoo once before returning to chat with her customer while blow-drying her hair. It is then that it finally hits him that he gets to work with women’s hair too, and for the first time that day Kyungsoo is excited. Manipulating long hair is a lot more fun, albeit more tiring too.

 

“Cool, cool. Sometimes we have freelance hairdressers and they rent a chair for on-calls,” Chanyeol informs him before finally leading him upstairs. “How far along are you, by the way?”

 

“3 months and 2 weeks,” Kyungsoo replies with a small smile.

 

“Oh, fast into your second trimester now, aren’t you?” Chanyeol casually remarks. “On normal occasions we would treat newbies as trainees, or assistants, and have them do most of the cleaning and assisting alongside observe how we work and learn like a sponge before we recruit them full-time,” He elaborates, leading him upstairs as he speaks. “But hey I’m the boss here and I get to decide how we do things around here and my verdict is that a pregnant male can’t run around taking out trash and doing loads of laundry.”

 

Kyungsoo pauses in his steps when the taller man turns around, smirking down at him. “Consider yourself special.” Kyungsoo blushes more in embarrassment of not doing much to get himself this special treatment rather than the fact that Chanyeol just winked at him. 

 

“Our massage room, waxing and facials,” Chanyeol shows each room respectively before gesturing for Kyungsoo to step inside the final room. “And my humble little office. Come on in.”

 

Kyungsoo seats himself on the chair and places his portfolio on his lap, watching Chanyeol settle on the other side of the desk. Soon, the two girls from just now knock on the door with a cup of warm tea in their hands, setting them for the two men before going off, but not without a hidden smile directed at Kyungsoo while he can only offer a small wave. 

 

“Famous already, I see,” Chanyeol cocks an eyebrow, looking smug and Kyungsoo blushes.

 

“Ah, no, I didn’t expect to be recognized…” He mumbles.

 

“Help yourself. Those two are our assistants, by the way. You can ask them for anything.” Chanyeol says, sipping on his tea once and Kyungsoo mirrors him. “That your portfolio?” He points to the file on his lap and Kyungsoo wordlessly picks it up and hands it over to him and he flips through the pages with a constant smirk. “How was it? Working for Oh Sehun?”

 

 _Ah_ , he must be asking that since a lot of the pages on his portfolio are of Sehun’s photos, both hair and makeup wise. “You fly a lot, I guess.”

 

Chanyeol snorts, amused, turning to the next few pages, and it is then that Kyungsoo realizes to his horror that this might be the ‘boss interviewing their potential worker’ and he might as well have just ruined it. 

 

“Not good for the baby, huh? Constant travel and all,” The taller man says, finally closing his portfolio and slides it back to him before sipping on his tea. “That his child?”

 

The former makeup artist’s eyes widen when he looks up at him. “What?”

 

At Kyungsoo’s reaction, the salon owner quickly holds up both his hands. “Don’t mean to pry. Just that Jongdae said you have special circumstances, and although rare we do get expecting parents working here too. I was simply curious about what this ‘special circumstances’ means. But please, feel free to not answer.”

 

“Um, by all means, Chanyeol, it’s a little personal…” Kyungsoo confesses, looking down at his cup of tea. 

 

“Then that’s totally fine,” Chanyeol reassures him before moving on about his work contract, and Kyungsoo’s utterly relieved he’s not probing too much.  “You _are_ interested in working full time here afterwards, right?”

 

Kyungsoo assumes he’s asking about after his delivery. “I am,” He nods, can’t find any better idea anyway and the job sounds personally rewarding itself. “Would love to.”

 

“Lovely,” Chanyeol pulls out his drawer in search of something, placing a paper pad on the desk and slides it to him, further discussing about his contract and insurance and other job details. Since this isn’t a street salon where every staff does all the work and are more commonly referred to as ‘beauty therapists’ in general, the job here is specific and strictly does not entail one person to do another one’s job. Kyungsoo is here as a new hairstylist, and is expected to only entertain clients in that department. It’s a little sad that he can’t do makeups on these customers, but hair is fun too.

 

“I think you can start working tomorrow. Bora told me we have enough hairdresser to client ratio today, not that we allow last minute appointment bookings anyway. But that can be considered on a case-to-case basis,” Chanyeol clarifies. “Like a badly time-managed actress. Quite common.” He follows it with a laugh, and Kyungsoo guesses he’s a decent boss with how easygoing he is. Maybe he’ll have a good time working here.

 

-

 

Halfway through December finds Jongin preparing to shoot a VCR for a year end music festival.

 

“It’s gonna be your 6th debut anniversary soon, isn’t it?” Minseok asks conversationally, his hands kept busied with sorting out his brushes while he looks for Jongin’s shade of foundation. “December 23rd?”

 

“Yeah.” Now that Minseok mentions it, his anniversary is around one week from now. He’s been working in the industry for 6 years now.

 

“Heard you’re given some time off that day. Gonna celebrate with your Kairoses? Or are you going anywhere?”

 

“Probably visiting my family. Catching up.” And potentially introducing someone. “It’s around Christmas anyway.”

 

“Guess that’s for the better,” Minseok chirps. “Hey, I remember you asking me about LOEY some few days back.”

 

“Yeah. What about it?”

 

“I was catching up with my old friend there, and- you know Doh Kyungsoo right? Sehun’s makeup artist?”

 

Jongin thinks he’s doing excellent at acting. “Yeah, I’ve heard of him.”

 

“He said Kyungsoo will be working there now.” Minseok states, going back to his case to look for a different brush before returning to Jongin’s face. “Do you hear anything from Sehun about it?”

 

 _We’re not on speaking terms at the moment_. “No. Does your friend know why he’s working there, though?”

 

“‘Special circumstances’ or something like that. Wonder what it is.” His makeup artist hums noncommittally before reaching for Jongin’s eye to line it. 

 

Well _damn_ , he guesses some people really just like to _talk_. “You’re not very close with him, are you? Considering your line of work…”

 

“Who, Kyungsoo? Nah, we just met at SMTown last year I think. Quiet guy.”

 

There’s a knock on the door, and they both turn to see it’s his manager. “Sorry, Jongin. Car hunting will have to wait until tomorrow. Senior management wants to see you later after the filming.”

 

-

 

“What do you think it will be about?”

 

Nervous is an understatement. If Jongin was just halfway done back when they called to meet him immediately after the release of the blind items, this time he’s all nerves. He hopes it’s good news in the form of a new tour or a new album, or possibly drama or movie casting calls. 

 

“No idea.” Junmyeon simply responds, walking beside him. As they approach the meeting room, Junmyeon pushes the door open and lets Jongin walk in first before himself, and in there sit two expectant middle-aged men.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo flips the milk carton to check for the expiry date before placing it inside his trolley, now full of food to stock up his new kitchen. He then checks his watch for the time, worrying Winter will be hungry at home due to this impromptu trip to the supermarket. 

 

He guides his trolley to one of the cashiers, but stops at one of the lanes to grab a personal cart, deciding it will be useful for grocery shopping like this. It’s a 10 minute walk from his new home to this supermarket anyway, and he can’t possibly carry everything and hope to make it back without tired arms.

 

After showing up to the salon just now and studying his new work environment, Kyungsoo concludes that he definitely needs to work on his people skills. Working with Sehun meant only having to deal with one personality, and the last time he had to deal with different types of clients was when he was apprenticing at a street salon before auditioning to work under SM. If he wants good reviews then he’ll have to win his clients’ hearts. He’ll need to entertain to their life rants and story sharing and play the ‘therapist’ in beauty therapists, although he’s pretty much just licensed in ‘beauty’. 

 

Dusk gets remarkably cold here. Kyungsoo looks for a beanie in his bag and puts it on before pulling on his newly bought cart filled with his shoppings and starts walking home. It’s different out here in the city than back at his former area. There are people everywhere, and there’s also Kim Kai everywhere. Mostly. Standees, billboards, brand advertisements on the LED screens on buildings, everywhere. Occasionally there’s Oh Sehun. Kyungsoo passes by everything in hope to reach home soon.

 

As he waits for the elevator, he sighs, his hand going over his back to press some massages there. He can’t imagine how it would be like once he approaches his due date. Once the elevator dings, he pulls his cart and is about to walk in when someone beats him to it. The lady seems like she’s in a rush, her lips muttering in Mandarin to the caller on her phone as she taps for her floor. When she notices Kyungsoo still pausing in front of the lift, she urges him to come in with her free hand and Kyungsoo does, not knowing why he froze like that in the first place. 

 

He taps for his floor and soon the doors close.

 

“You don’t park in here?” The lady chats him up as soon as she ends her call, scrutinizing Kyungsoo’s cart.

 

Kyungsoo smiles. “I don’t own a car.”

 

“Oh,” She offers him a smile. “Would’ve thought that you _would_ , you know. Since you’re living here.”

 

Kyungsoo can only respond with a polite chuckle, understanding exactly what she meant. To not own a car but can still afford to reside here can be a little questionable. He thought it would be a silent journey until she speaks again. 

 

“You’re expecting?” She asks, more out of curiosity than courtesy. “Your husband doesn’t drive you to the store?”

 

He doesn’t know what to reply to that. It’s out of the norm here, or rather _untraditional_ , to be a single parent, more so when you’re pregnant. So instead of denying the mention of a husband, he simply plays it safe with a shake of the head. 

 

“Hubby issues?” She whispers, and Kyungsoo wills the lift to go faster because at this point he doesn’t think he can keep up with the (sort of) lie. When he hears a chuckle from her as well as the ding of the elevator, he looks up to fortunately find that it’s her floor. “I’m Victoria, by the way. Unit A-9-12. Come by if you need anything.” She then add in a playful whisper. “Or if the little one needs anything.”

 

Kyungsoo smiles and waves goodbye at her as the elevator doors close again, sighing in relief. He isn’t sure how to make new friends here and simultaneously avoid the topic of the baby daddy, especially now that people can tell he’s pregnant.

 

Upon reaching his floor, he pulls on his cart and the tiny squeaky wheels roll on the floor, the plastic bags rustling against each other. The door labelled A-11-10 greets him and Kyungsoo exhales through his nose as he keys in the passcode.

 

 _1-1-1-2-2-3._ The door unlocks. 

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

 

Kyungsoo eyes the rain pouring outside, wondering when it will start snowing. 

 

The weather forecast expected it to snow today, but it doesn’t seem likely with how heavy the rain is pouring at the moment. Kyungsoo eats his warm oatmeal in silence as he watches the anchorwoman reads today’s news about the national college entrance exams.

 

The biting cold has him turning up the heater, even soaking through his already socked feet and now his toes are feeling a little numb. He grabs his baby pink cardigan and wears it over his turtleneck before again wearing a long coat over his layers in hope to keep warm. Winter can be seen curling up close to where the heater is placed, napping soundly. Kyungsoo makes sure her food bowl is full before he’s off to work. 

 

It only takes two stops by bus since it really is _that_ close. By foot, it will probably take less than 15 minutes, but the weather doesn’t permit so Kyungsoo finds himself waiting at the bus stop, watching the pedestrians brave through the rain to get somewhere. Some even take shelter under the roof of the bus stop and now it’s getting a little saturated Kyungsoo hopes they’re not taking the same bus.

 

In the bus, thankfully Kyungsoo manages to get a seat for himself. He takes his earphones out and is just about to plug them in when the radio in the bus just so plays one of Oh Sehun’s tracks. It’s a little nostalgic, listening to the idol he used to work for and who just happens to, sort of, like him in _that_ manner. Kyungsoo wonders why he can’t feel the same way towards him. There’s a saying that once you find out a person crushes on you, the chances of you falling for them in return is high too.

 

Sehun has been nothing but kind to him. He can’t remember the idol having ever yelled or reprimanded him for anything. Sehun is chill most of the time, compared to a certain slightly hot-headed, slightly panicky, mostly confused male idol. Kyungsoo wonders if things would be different if he were to have Sehun’s kids instead, but he brushes the thought away as soon as it comes because he can’t ever picture himself having engaged sex with him. 

 

Well, he wouldn’t for the life of him imagine having sex with _Jongin_ either but certainly an imagination isn’t necessary when it already took place. 

 

Kyungsoo’s cheeks grow warm so he quickly places his cold palms on them and wills this train of thought to just _disappear_. He almost misses his stop too until he sees people getting up from their seats to exit the bus. 

 

-

 

“Good morning,” He greets the receptionist girl, Bora who looks up with a smile.

 

“Morning. You’re early.” She says before sipping on her coffee to go. Kyungsoo’s pretty sure he saw a coffee shop a few units away from the salon and makes a mental note of checking out if they have some baked goods or cakes. “Wanna take the first client? It’s,” She checks the register in the desktop. “At 9.”

 

Kyungsoo pauses, resting his hands on the counter. “I get to choose my client?”

 

“Yes, no, not really. Most of the times clients want the same stylist who’s worked on their hair before, but if the stylist’s busy with another client, then they don’t really get a choice. Some clients don’t mind, though.” Bora studies her nails before smiling up at him. “Amber’s not here yet. Kibum usually gets in a little after noon unless it’s full house.”

 

Kyungsoo hesitates. As much as he’s excited to get his first client, he still isn’t well oriented in this place and how things work. “Can we wait for Amber?”

 

“Not a problem. Oh right!” Bora exclaims before getting up from her seat and reaching for the top cabinet just beside the reception counter. “Chanyeol dropped off your apron before going to a convention. Here.” 

 

She hands him a neatly wrapped article and Kyungsoo can see his name stitched in white on the black apron as well as the brand name ‘LOEY’ at the top center of it. Thrilled, he unwraps it and puts it on, patting the pockets on his hips meant for temporarily storing tools. He’s a hairstylist now.

 

“You can ask Momo or Sana for stools if you get tired standing.” Bora points out to the prominent bump underneath Kyungsoo’s apron. “Working with _that_ can’t be easy.”

 

Kyungsoo almost wants to retaliate to her for sounding a little condescending talking about his children like that but then he guesses she meant the physical load rather than the babies he’s carrying. So he just stays quiet and ties the laces of his apron on his back before going to the tools section of the department. They’re seemingly clean and are ready at the hairdressers’ disposal anytime.

 

“If you get a client, make sure to keep the 4th chair empty,” Bora calls out. “They’re for freelancers. Don’t usually come, though…” The last part is mumbled with a little drip of sarcasm.

 

“Good morning, Kyungsoo!” A chirpy voice greets and he turns to see it is one of the assistants, and her apron reads ‘Sana’. Her friend comes up to him too, looking as exhilarated as the other. Kyungsoo manages an awkward smile as they both blabber about Sehun and their profound love for him. “So who’s working for him now?”

 

“Uhm, Sunny is.” Kyungsoo answers mutely, his eyes distractedly looking around the interior of the salon since he didn’t get to properly look yesterday during the short tour Chanyeol gave him. The guy at the nail department, called Zitao or something, seems bored as he does his own nails while bobbing his head to some music he’s listening to in his earpods. 

 

Soon Amber makes her way inside and removes her coat, humming to the hip hop song currently being played in the entire salon. She notices Kyungsoo and instantly smiles. “Hey, new buddy.”

 

“Hi,” Kyungsoo returns a meek nod, watching her putting on her apron and taking the tools from the hair table. Momo and Sana have fled somewhere, most probably to start working. 

 

“Ready for your first client?” She looks at the digital clock reading 8.47 before calling for Bora if their first client has arrived. Kyungsoo told her he’d rather see her doing the first client so he can learn. “Sure thing. Those two loudmouths said you used to work for Sehun?”

 

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo chuckles nervously.

 

“Must be nice, huh?” Amber remarks, dropping a look at his bump. “And how many months?”

 

“3 and a half.”

 

“Will you be okay working here? I mean, those chemicals,” She makes a grimace and half-shrugs.

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head at her. “I’m not very worried about that. I take my vitamins every morning so I’d feel less nauseous throughout the day.”

 

“The smell is the least of my concerns, what I’m worried about is if the chemical fumes are hazardous for the baby.” Amber says. “Usually once our workers find out they’re expecting, they resign and rest at home.”

 

This has Kyungsoo temporarily thinking. Do these fumes affect the foetal development? He knows basics that smoking and alcohol consumption does, but he isn’t sure about the chemical fumes here. Maybe he should bring this up to his doctor in his next visit.

 

“But I guess since Chanyeol lets you work here, he probably knows that you’ll be fine.” She further adds, checking for her own appearance in the mirror and fixing her bangs before returning to Kyungsoo with a smile. “Have fun. Talk. Take your time, yeah?”

 

-

 

Kyungsoo’s first client is a little girl, no more than age 6. She came right after preschool and her mother wants her to have an adorable bob cut with the trendy choppy bangs. She has naturally curly hair tied up into pigtails and Kyungsoo looks at her fondly while laying the haircutting cape over her torso. 

 

“I would prefer it shorter so I don’t have to bring her so soon to trim it once it gets longer again,” The mother quickly says before going back to her phone call. Kyungsoo obliges and removes the hairbands from the little girl’s hair.

 

“What’s your name?” He asks softly. 

 

“Jinri,” She mumbles, fussing with the cape before staying still. “Can I bring the hair home with me?”

 

Kyungsoo cards his fingers through the hair, wondering if he should have it washed first or straight away get into cutting. “No you can’t, sweetheart. It’s dirty once it hits the ground.”

 

“Oh,” She deflates, pouting cutely. Kyungsoo smiles. He escorts her to the shampooing room where Momo is sorting towels. When she comes back with her hair wet, he begins his work. 

 

“Do you have siblings, Jinri?”

 

She perks up. “I have a baby brother! He’s so wrinkly and cries a lot. Mom said he’ll be big like me soon.”

 

Kyungsoo has a lot of fun talking with her while he carefully trims her hair. She shuts her eyes really tight when he works on her bangs, and snip goes the hair, falling down the cape and onto the floor. Soon it reaches the desired length and after having blown, it bounces adorably every time the girl moves her head. 

 

“Mom, look at my hair!” 

 

Kyungsoo watches her mom pat her head once and smiles up at him, mouthing a thank you before ushering Jinri with her to the reception for payment. The little girl looks back and gives a tiny wave at him to which he returns with a beam before dropping his hand to his stomach.

 

It would be nice if Kyungsoo can play with his children’s hair too.

 

-

 

_“can u request for a leave from 23rd thru 24th”_

 

Kyungsoo reads while snacking on his muesli bar. Amber had invited her to go up to the break room since there’s only one client on the 12pm session and she’s currently being handled by Kibum while Amber ordered some takeaway chicken for lunch.

 

_“What is it for?”_

 

“Has Sehun ever dated?” Amber asks casually and he almost drops his phone, staring at her in surprise.

 

“Uhm, n-not that I know of in the time that I worked with him?”

 

“Those two have been pestering me to ask you about him. I could care less, honestly,” Amber says, gesturing downstairs and Kyungsoo can only assume she’s talking about the two assistants. She takes a seat on the couch across the one Kyungsoo’s seated and crosses her legs. “Although, I _am_ interested in the peanut there.” She points to Kyungsoo’s growing tummy with apparent interest. “Have you found out if it’s gonna be a boy or a girl yet?”

 

Kyungsoo chuckles, resting a palm on his belly softly. “I kinda want both, but the doctor said they might be identical.”

 

The female hairstylist gapes. “You’re _joking_.”

 

“Am not,” His laugh grows louder when Amber literally squeals and gushes about how much she loves children and hopes Kyungsoo will bring them over sometimes for her to play with. She apparently lives in the same apartment Kyungsoo’s staying at, and for a moment he thinks the unit number she mentioned sounds familiar but Kyungsoo can’t for the life of him remember why it is.

 

Her phone rings a while after that, and she rushes down to take their chicken, leaving Kyungsoo alone in the room. He checks his lockscreen if he’s received any reply from the idol. 

 

_“meeting my family. will drop u a call after work”_

 

-

 

Jongin’s throat is itchy by the time his vocal tutor dismissed him, a little earlier too because of it since they find no use in training if Jongin’s not in a good condition. He keeps popping his diphenhydramine lozenges in hope it will let up soon but now he’s starting to cough a little sputum and these lozenges aren’t the most helpful for respiratory infections. 

 

Junmyeon offers to bring him to the hospital but the idol insists for over-the-counter meds since going to the hospital would be too much of a fuss. After getting the meds and returning to the van, Jongin promptly takes the cough syrup and has little expectation of going through the day without being somewhat sluggish. He still has his dance practice tonight but he’ll probably skip out on workout afterwards and just head home to rest. 

 

“You’re taking it, right?” Junmyeon asks once his dance practice is over and they’re both in the van.

 

“Yeah. Is it on March?”

 

“Filming starts February. Gosh, you’re forgetting things these days.”

 

“Sorry, I just—” Jongin presses his fingers on his nose bridge, his eyes closed as he leans back on the chair.

 

“A lot to think about, I know. Just let me know if you need help in anything,” Junmyeon says and then adds. “But I can’t really help in regards to the journalists. That’s really up to you.”

 

Jongin’s head hurts at the mere mention of those so called journalists. They dig up dirt and mock people for some measly clicks knowing the emotional investment most of the public have over their celebrities, especially ones with fanbases that can compete with the nation’s population. 

 

“Oh by the way, I met with Mr. Shin while you had your vocal class. It’s delivered at your apartment already. I checked everything for you. Gas tank’s full. No defects.”

 

“Mr. Shin?” Jongin cocks an eyebrow at him, not having heard of such name his entire life.

 

Without a word, Junmyeon fishes something out of his backpack and dangles the keys in Jongin’s face. “Your third baby.”

 

Flushing at his manager’s words, Jongin huffily snatches the keys out of his hand and studies it.

 

“Still don’t get why you picked an SUV, to be honest,” Junmyeon wonders with a snicker. “You come off as a sports car type of person. Or sedan.”

 

“Well, stop judging my taste in cars?” Jongin jests and then coughs pathetically, pocketing his new car keys before checking his phone. 

 

“New father mindset,” Junmyeon fakes a sob. Jongin wishes he could be home sooner.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo has been chewing on his lower lip, sitting on his couch with his phone in his hand as he not so watches the television. It’s been 3 hours since he got off work and he had a total of 4 new clients on his first day. Kyungsoo’s beginning to like his new job. 

 

Right now, he’s just a little antsy waiting for Jongin to dial him and grace him with an _explanation_ because Kyungsoo has _completely forgotten_ about Jongin’s immediate family and now with the twins, there really is no such thing as avoiding them. They’re about to welcome two new additions to the Kims and Kyungsoo’s terribly anxious if they won’t like him. 

 

He scoops his soggy cereal and continues to wait, this time staring at Winter who’s running around chasing the plastic ball. Thankfully the feline didn’t catch any fever and is now adjusting well to her new home. 

 

When his phone finally rings, he fumbles with it before finally sliding on the screen to answer it. “H-Hello?”

 

_“Kyungsoo. It’s me.”_

 

“I know.” He bites his lower lip, breathing out a chuckle. “You always say that.”

 

_“Say what?”_

 

“‘Kyungsoo, it’s me.’” He parrots him albeit a little embarrassingly. “You always say that…”

 

 _“Oh.”_ He goes quiet on the line for a while, and Kyungsoo can hear him cough in the distance. _“How are you? How’s your new job going?”_

 

“Great, and I uh, talked to Chanyeol about it. He said I can have my leave,” He didn’t have to plead much for it since it’s around Christmas break anyway. “So…” He trails off expectantly.

 

_“So we’re meeting my family.”_

 

“Okay…”

 

_“I mean, you saw that coming, right?”_

 

“Totally,” He outright lies. “Of course I did.”

 

_“…Sorry, it’s just-”_

 

“The babies. Yeah, I get it.” Kyungsoo mutters. “They’re yours too, so of course you’ll have to introduce me to them… at some point…”

 

 _“You’ll be fine,”_ Kyungsoo hears him say, resolved, tired. And he hears it again, the coughing.

 

“Are you okay, Jongin?” He asks worriedly.

 

 _“Caught a little cold. Should be fine in a day or two.”_ He breathes out another cough before getting back. _“Gonna hang up now. Will call you again.”_

 

-

 

Neat. Kyungsoo should look neat and clean, but approachable. He figures he should leave most of his makeup behind and just bring the basics. He’s so nervous. Should he bring a luggage? They’re just staying for one night, though. Maybe the duffel bag is enough. He leaves Winter with today’s portion of wet food and another bowl full of kibbles for the night and tomorrow. 

 

Junmyeon picked him up from his apartment and drove him over to Jongin’s since having Jongin picking Kyungsoo up at his place would have called for unnecessary attention. The manager drove all the way up to the residence parking and Kyungsoo expected Jongin to get in the car with them but then Junmyeon told him he can get out now.

 

“Jongin’s waiting for you,” He gestures to a red Mercedes - _an SUV?_ \- outside and as if noting their arrival, the driver’s door opens and Jongin steps out of it in his blue jeans and a simple white tee. He’s not putting on his mouth mask or a cap so Kyungsoo guesses it’s safe for him to get out as well. As soon as Jongin transfers Kyungsoo’s bags from Junmyeon’s car trunk to his, the manager immediately drove off since apparently he has his own personal obligations to attend to. 

 

“You can sit in front.” The idol says, and his voice sounds better now, before going back to his seat and Kyungsoo quickly clambers up to the car and gets inside. His nostrils are immediately probed with the smell of the interior and from what he can tell, it smells new?

 

“I didn’t know you own a car,” He mimics Jongin putting on his seat belt.

 

He smoothly drives round to the exit and out of the block. “Just bought it.” 

 

“…An SUV,” Kyungsoo regards, watching Jongin work the steering wheel absentmindedly.

 

“What’s wrong with an SUV?” The idol groans out, and Kyungsoo jumps thinking he must have offended him.

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

The deep sigh the idol releases isn’t exactly the most comforting. “I’m more of a sports car type of person, huh?”

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer and silently fiddles with the belt against his chest, fearing the idol is not in a good mood. 

 

“I can’t possibly drive that around without getting eyes on me.”

 

“I- I like it,” Kyungsoo utters, chancing a glance the idol’s way. 

 

“Glad you do, I guess,” The idol hums. “Might find yourself in here more times than you think.”

 

-

 

He’s been driving for over an hour now with the radio keeping him awake, and the male beside him has been real quiet Jongin almost thinks he has fallen asleep. 

 

“Do your parents know about me?”

 

Jongin hears him ask, his voice almost muted above the volume of the music he’s playing in the car. “Of course, they do. I kinda told them.” When he called his mom the night after that meeting with the higher management, his mom thought he was joking for a second until she realized he didn’t laugh with her. Jongin was half expecting her to lash out at him but then he remembered that his mom isn’t that kind of person. Maybe she was disappointed, but she didn’t tell him that when she quietly said _bring him to meet us_.

 

“How did they react to it?” Kyungsoo asks.

 

Jongin can feel the elder male’s stare on him, but he doesn’t take his eyes off the road. “Are you asking that out of curiosity or worry?”

 

“…Both?” Kyungsoo replies. 

 

“My mom, she’s… calm,” Jongin says truthfully. “That’s all I can tell. Not sure about my dad but he’s a pretty chill man so I’m not worried much about him.”

 

They’re accompanied by silence once again save for the radio, and when Jongin peeks a look beside him, Kyungsoo is seen looking out the window, his two hands fidgeting on his lap in what seems to be anxiety. He breathes out a sigh and gets his attention back on the road. 

 

“Do you need a toilet break?”

 

Kyungsoo turns to look at him. “What?”

 

Flicking the turn signals, Jongin carefully makes his way into the lane leading to a rest area by the freeway. “Coz’ I’m gonna catch a quick five.”

 

-

 

The car revs to a stop but no one moves after that.

 

“You don’t need your toilet break?” Jongin asks, getting his seat pushed back so he can lie on it to take his much deserved nap. He hasn’t had proper sleep since that meeting, but then again he’s never had much rest these few weeks. 

 

“I actually do…” He hears the elder male say. 

 

“Then, go on. I’ll just be here.” Resting his hands on his middle, Jongin closes his eyes, listening to the car door opening and closing. He isn’t worried about people seeing him since he’s gotten his windows tinted (Junmyeon’s specific request, oh what would he truly do without him). 

 

It’s probably 10 minutes after when Kyungsoo finally gets back inside, but he doesn’t just bring himself back. “I- I thought you might need it.” He says as he hands a cup of coffee to Jongin who rouses from his mini nap.

 

“What would you do if I didn’t want it?” The cup reads vanilla latte in some waiter’s handwriting. In Kyungsoo’s other hand is a bottle of mineral water, most probably for himself.

 

“Then I’d have to drink it myself.”

 

“But you can’t take coffee.” Jongin deadpans.

 

“That’s… right,” Kyungsoo mumbles away. 

 

Jongin sips on it and once he finds it nice enough so his tongue doesn’t burn, he downs almost half of it. “But you knew what I liked anyway, so.” He scoffs, not missing Kyungsoo’s coloured cheeks as he places the cup into the holder.

 

“I also bought this for you,” He hands him the small box and Jongin takes it, giving a look at him as he opens it. It’s a slice of cake, with a strawberry on top of the icing. “Happy sixth debut anniversary.”

 

“Oh,” Jongin exclaims, picking the strawberry and popping it into his mouth. “Thanks.” He had almost forgotten what occasion today is, with his mind being taken up mostly by his whole situation and going back to his family home. He forgot it’s been six years ever since he made his debut as an artist, and four more of his training period. He’s been Kim Kai for six long years, and hopefully counting. “You knew I liked strawberries too.” He grabs the plastic fork tucked by the box and tastes the cake. 

 

“Is- Is it good?” Kyungsoo asks instead, obviously deflecting from his fan status. Jongin nods his answer and offers some to him, only to get a shake of the head and being told to have it all since _it’s for you_. So Jongin finishes the whole thing right then and there since he’s kinda hungry anyway.

 

Trashing the box later, Jongin puts his seatbelt on and gets them out of the parking lot. “Really, thanks for that. For remembering.”

 

“I’ll be supporting you,” He hears Kyungsoo say. “Always.”

 

-

 

There is less than 15 minutes left of their journey until they arrive, and the rest of it goes fairly quietly with Jongin driving and Kyungsoo napping beside him. He takes a sip of his already cold coffee, pretending not to notice the sleeping male shifting in his sleep and turning his torso towards him. It’s a pretty clear and straight road, so Jongin steals this chance to stare at the sleeping figure.

 

As if sensing eyes on him, the smaller male slowly cracks his eyes open, his eyebrows furrowed at the amount of light filtering in and Jongin quickly returns to look at the road ahead. He clears his throat as he shifts hands on the steering wheel and slows down to exit the freeway.

 

A light sneeze has Jongin turning to face the other male whose shoulders are kept hunched and his arms wrapping around himself. “Are you cold?” He asks as he turns up the heater by a notch. He’s not particularly cold himself, though.

 

“A little,” Comes the answer with a sniffle. “But I’ll be fine.”

 

“Did you bring your uh, I don’t know… medications?” Clearly Jongin has no clue to how all of this baby thing works. The only thing he knows is that Kyungsoo will be a lot bigger in the next few months. 

 

“They’re more like health supplements, actually. I’m not sick or anything,” Kyungsoo sniffles as he says this. “Just cold.”

 

Jongin turns the heater up some more and steadies a hand on the wheel while he shrugs his jacket off and uses his free hand to remove it from his torso completely before tossing it at the backseat. 

 

“You’re not cold?”

 

“Uh, not really. Must have been that latte,” Jongin reasons. 

 

“Are we almost there?” Kyungsoo asks, his voice laced with nervousness as he looks ahead at the neighbourhood now coming up the further Jongin drives. He can’t tell how nervous the elder male is, but he supposes meeting new people _and_ considering their circumstances he’d be pretty damn nervous. Jongin doesn’t feel that unnerved, but he _does_ expect a word or two from his mother. Maybe a little chiding; some piece of advice or the sort. 

 

Jongin slowly pulls up into a driveway of one of the terrace linked houses and parks there. It’s noon. His mother and sister are probably still preparing lunch for them. His father is probably still working since his car isn’t there and might not return until tomorrow morning.

 

Neither of them make a move to get out of the car, especially not Kyungsoo at least. He keeps frowning at the house with his lips pressed together. Jongin isn’t sure how to comfort him; he doesn’t know where the boundaries lie in their relationship - if they even are in some sort of a relationship. They have to act it out, though.

 

“Look, my mom, she—” Jongin chews at his lower lip. “She thinks we’re together. I couldn’t tell her otherwise; she wouldn’t like that. So um, if you could do me this favour and—”

 

“Pretend,” Kyungsoo finishes for him, staring up at him. “That’s what you want me to do, right?”

 

“Sorry,” He mutters, and not knowing what else to say, Jongin steps out of the car. 

 

-

 

Kyungsoo lowers his expectations of being immediately and easily accepted by the Kims, but it doesn’t mean he’s any less nervous. He’s never been this anxious since that time he auditioned for SM’s beauty department, and even then, he trusted his skills enough for the jitters to tone down.

 

Jongin leads him to the doorstep and they wait after having rang the doorbell. A rather young woman comes to greet them with an infant on her hip. She hoots a ‘nice car’ and hugs Jongin before finally turning to Kyungsoo.

 

“You must be Doh Kyungsoo,” She smiles, and Kyungsoo doesn’t miss the way she steals a one second glance at his belly. “I’m Jungah, this brat’s sister.”

 

“Shut up. Where’s mom?” Jongin takes Rahee out of his sister’s hold and goes inside.

 

“Cooking in the kitchen,” She calls out and returns to Kyungsoo again but this time her smile grows bigger as she gently pulls Kyungsoo in by his arm. “Come. We have so much to know about you.”

 

Kyungsoo’s heart rate can’t get any faster than this, can it?

 

-

 

Jungah looks nothing like Jongin, maybe except for her almond eyes. While her brother bears the well-loved tanned skin, Jungah is fairer, like their mother. Jongin’s mother’s face, however, is almost a carbon copy of Jongin. 

 

Kyungsoo’s nerves are all over the place as Jongin leads him to the kitchen where Mrs. Kim is said to be in, having placed Rahee on her baby quilt. He’s too busy dealing with his nerves that he almost misses the gentle hand resting close to the small of his back, just lightly pushing him, and he looks up at the idol. 

 

“You’ll be fine.” Whispers the taller male, this time the touch on his back firmer and Kyungsoo can feel warmth against the material of his sweater. Comforting. Calming.

 

“Oh dear, you’re a lot bigger than I thought,” Mrs. Kim’s voice brings him back and the hand on his back is gone. “Jongin didn’t tell me how far along you are.”

 

Kyungsoo gulps, stammering. “I’m- I’m almost 4 months along, Mrs. Kim,” He manages what he would call a polite smile although he’s pretty sure it comes out awkward, his clammy hands balled at his sides. She doesn’t seem hostile at least, with the smile she adorns as she rinses and wipes her hands before approaching him. 

 

“Kyungsoo, right?” She asks, slender fingers gingerly wrapping around his forearm. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Great, Mrs. Kim,” He manages. The middle aged woman then eyes him up and down before giving him a soft smile.

 

“Why don’t we have a little chat in the living room?” She offers, and not having any reason to decline, Kyungsoo lets himself be led to said room but not without looking back at Jongin who sends him a reassuring nod. 

 

-

 

Jongin eyes the two figures now seated on the couch, talking, while he leans against the counter with his arms crossed.  

 

“He’s cute.”

 

He turns around to see his sister chopping some tofus before adding them into the stew. Scoffing, the idol returns to his previous position, staring at the smaller male who is now sporting a bashful smile. 

 

“You never talked to us about him until last week.”

 

“Do you need help or something?” Jongin snaps. 

 

“I’m good, and I don’t trust you in the kitchen.” Jungah chirps, her hands expertly working. “It was an accident, wasn’t it? Where did it happen?”

 

“Does it matter?”

 

“I guess it doesn’t. Not anymore. The point is I’m glad you decided to follow through with it. Mom will probably have your head for a while, though…” She grimaces at her brother’s fortune, and Jongin rolls his eyes already knowing that it might happen later. 

 

“Seongho-hyung isn’t coming back for Christmas?”

 

“He is, but I don’t think you two can stay long enough to meet him. You’re already headed back tomorrow, right?”

 

“After meeting dad, yeah,” Jongin stifles a yawn. “God, I’m sleepy.”

 

“It’s only lunchtime, silly. You can sleep all you want later.” His sister chuckles. She follows Jongin’s gaze then back at him, thoughtful. “What did the agency say?”

 

Jongin licks his lips, because of course his sister would want to know that. He trusts her anyway so he tells her. “The journalists came forward with what they have on me. Nothing too explicit, but definitely enough to convince the public. Senior management gave me options.”

 

His sister caps the pot with its lid before walking up to sit beside Jongin, tucking some strands of hair behind her ears as she looks at her brother expectantly. “Go on.”

 

Sighing, Jongin does. “They said they can pay for those journalists to shut up, but only up to a certain time. First option calls for them to drop it anytime after March and then leave the agency to do the official confirmation and decide if they want to sue the media for it. Senior managers are highly opposed to this, as am I. Too much damage, they said.”

 

“Okay,” Jungah nods thoughtfully, resting her arms on the counter. “What about the second option?”

 

“The press will still keep their quiet,” Jongin says. “But _my_ reps get to choose a date to announce it ourselves, and only after the announcement do they get to release what they have on me - filtered by the agency, of course. I would be immediately sent off to hiatus either way, except that I’ve received a casting offer for this one movie, and, funnily enough, I have no reason to reject it because— ”

 

“You wouldn’t have any schedule as an idol,” Jungah finishes for him. “So in the end, both the public and your fans will still have to know.” She concludes, and Jongin nods. “What did you end up choosing, then?”

 

The idol breathes out a deep sigh, laughing bitterly.

 

“I chose a date.”

 

-

 

A little while later, his mother returns to the kitchen and helps Jungah out with the dishes while Jongin pads to the living room where the elder male is already sat on the floor and hunches over his niece.

 

It’s a sight, really, seeing Kyungsoo playing with the infant while he himself is expecting. Kyungsoo’s eyes crinkle with happiness as Rahee reaches for his cheek, and the soft giggle he lets out has Jongin’s heart skipping a beat. Kyungsoo soon lifts her up and bounces her in his lap playfully, earning himself a happy squeal from the little girl. 

 

Jongin seats himself on the couch from across him, and Kyungsoo blinks up at him with an intact smile, obviously in a good mood. 

 

“She’s such an angel,” Kyungsoo beams before returning to play with her, his eyes lighting up in the most lovable way and _maybe_ Rahee’s not the only angel here. It’s been a while since Jongin last saw him this cheery.

 

“What did my mom say?” Jongin questions, unsure if the elder male hears him over Rahee’s bout of giggles.

 

No later, Kyungsoo places Rahee back onto her quilt. “We just talked.”

 

“What about?”

 

“Many things.”

 

“In that short of a time?”

 

“In that short of a time.” Kyungsoo chuckles. “Jongin, you didn’t tell her we’ll be having twins?”

 

Feeling himself flushing, Jongin winces at the thought that his mother found out about it through the other male rather than her own son. In his opinion (or defense), his mother should be grateful Jongin’s giving her _two_ new grandkids, well, not him technically. But still. “What did she say about it?”

 

“She’s happy about it.” He answers with a smile. “I like your mom. She’s cool.”

 

Jongin’s lips crack into a small smile. “I told you you’d be fine, didn’t I? You’re likeable, anyway.” 

 

That was a smooth slip and Jongin has no way of taking it back, especially not when Kyungsoo is already staring up at him wide-eyed and his cheeks flushed pink. “I’m… likeable, you said…” 

 

“I—”

 

“Does that mean you find me likeable too?”

 

Jongin really should think before he speaks, or _does_ anything, really. He knows he’s not the most careful person out there, and consequences often follow. Although the intensity of this one is far from damaging, it is still damaging his brain to come up with a reasonable answer that won’t hurt Kyungsoo’s feelings while simultaneously debunk the issue. Without considering that still, how can Kyungsoo even ask him that in the first place and actually expect an answer out of him?

 

“Kyungsoo—”

 

He doesn’t get to say what he wants to as his mother calls them both for lunch. And just like that, he watches Kyungsoo struggle to get up so not-so-naturally Jongin bends down to grab his hands and pull him up, but doesn’t immediately let go as they meet eyes, Kyungsoo’s expectant. What is he expectant of? Jongin’s answer?

 

Hearing the clanking of bowls and plates meeting the glass surface of their dining table, Jongin releases him and waltzes away from him, going to the kitchen and asking Jungah if there’s anything he can do.

 

-

 

“None of our ancestors have twins. The genes must have been really strong in yours.” Mrs. Kim chuckles as she picks some tofu from the pot. 

 

“Really?” Jungah exclaims, covering her mouth and waits for her food to go down before speaking again. “I thought Aunt Miran has twins?”

 

“Eunjung and Eunkyung aren’t twins, honey. Eunjung was born a year after. People think they’re fraternal twins since they don’t look much different.”

 

Kyungsoo maintains his polite smile but he doesn’t say anything and quietly eats his food. He likes Mrs. Kim’s tofu soup and has already finished his bowl, but he’s too shy to scoop more of it for himself so he continues picking at his rice and the honey chicken while staring at his empty soup bowl longingly.

 

Jongin beside him is almost as quiet as he is but he still engages in some sort of bickering with his sister. He’s already having his seconds and is quick to inhale the honey chicken and ignoring Mrs. Kim’s words to _save some for Kyungsoo too, you chicken glutton._

 

They’re now talking about Jongin’s drama and teases him for it, and Kyungsoo silently wonders if he can have more of that tofu soup. 

 

Jungah then turns to him. “So Kyungsoo, you used to work for Sehun? That’s Jongin’s best friend, right?”

 

Uh-oh.

 

Kyungsoo chances a glimpse in the corner of his eye and notes that Jongin hurls the chicken bone on his plate rather harshly and it almost bounces off onto the table surface. He lets out a polite chuckle and nods. “Yeah. Worked for him quite a while.”

 

“You must be—”

 

“Do you want more soup?” Jongin interrupts and without waiting for Kyungsoo’s answer, he snatches Kyungsoo’s bowl and refills it before placing it back on Kyungsoo’s side of the table while he gets up and brings his dirty bowls to the sink. 

 

“Well that’s sweet of him, but it’s not sweet to leave the dining table while we’re still eating!” Jungah calls him out. 

 

“I’m tired so I’m gonna nap.” They hear him say from the kitchen. 

 

Mrs. Kim grimaces and smiles apologetically at Kyungsoo. “Sorry he’s kinda grouchy, but you probably already know that.” She winks, and Kyungsoo can only force a weak smile as he stares at his filled bowl. Jongin scooped a lot of tofus for him, so he supposes he should be happy about it, but Jongin has already left his side. 

 

-

 

“Hey Jongin. Go help out mom with the dishes before you nap? I’m gonna feed Rahee and chat with Kyungsoo.”

 

Groaning, Jongin gets up from the couch and shuffles his way to the kitchen, seeing his sister mixing baby food before dragging Kyungsoo to the living room with her. He just hopes Jungah won’t be too nosey and risk flustering the other male. Jongin wordlessly starts rinsing the foamed dishes with his mom at the side. 

 

“Sweet little guy,” His mom snickers, the corners of her eyes wrinkling but she doesn’t look worn. 

 

Jongin shrugs half-heartedly, placing the clean dishes on the rack. “I guess.”

 

After foaming the last of the dishes, Mrs. Kim dries her hands and crosses her arms, looking up at her son sternly. “But he’s almost 4 months along now, and you didn’t think of telling me sooner?”

 

Jongin huffs out a groan, not in the mood to talk about it. “We had a… situation.” When his mother raises an eyebrow to tell him to elaborate, he sighs again. “It’s complicated.” He can’t just outright tell his mother that it took him this long to bring Kyungsoo to meet them because he was hoping this could all just be one bad joke. His mother would totally take Kyungsoo’s side and probably disown her own son to make way for the new grandkids and Jongin has enough headaches for now, thank you very much.

 

“Sure hope it didn’t involve my son being mean to him cos’ I certainly didn’t raise you that way.”

 

“Look Mom, it’s nothing big. Work caught both of us up so I had to choose a good time.” He partially lies. His acting skills sure come in handy in these kinds of situations. 

 

“I would talk to his guardians about this but he already told me he grew up orphaned, the poor child…” His mother sighs. “Jongin, I think it would be wise for you to wed him.”

 

Jongin expects a lot of advices from her end, but marriage is definitely not one of them. He almost drops the plate in his hand as he gapes at her. “ _Mom_.”

 

“If the paparazzis decide you’re worth the talk, then let it not be because the children are born out of wedlock,” She adds with the tone that Jongin does not dare to defy. “That is my only request.”

 

-

 

“We’ve cleaned the guest room for you two.” Jungah informs, a little too amused Jongin thinks.

 

“You mean _my_ room.” He pats his jeans pocket for his car keys, planning on taking out their bags from the trunk. 

 

“That you almost never inhabit anymore so that’s _guest room_ for you, brother,” Jungah says with a smug grin, Rahee on her hip making baby noises. Jongin rolls his eyes and goes to his SUV outside, the three dogs on his trail.

 

By the time he shuts the trunk and carries all their bags up, Kyungsoo is waiting by the doorstep. “I can help…” 

 

“I’m fine,” Jongin mutters, passing by the smaller male and going straight to their guest room to place their bags. There’s only a queen bed here and Jongin isn’s sure if he’ll be able to sleep tonight. Maybe his mom still keeps their futons around. Anyhow, he’s tired for now so he goes up to his sister’s room to nap away, in case Kyungsoo needs to nap too so the elder male can use the guest room downstairs. Jungah probably won’t mind.

 

Her entire room smells of baby powder, and it’s hard to ignore the baby crib sitting at the corner of the room he’s wondering if he should’ve just asked for the futons instead of making the choice to nap here. He shuts his eyes anyway and releases a deep sigh, willing sleep to wash over him quickly but it seems like everything is going against him as he finds himself rolling and tossing on the bed with no chance of deep slumber because the only thing that keeps plaguing his mind right now is _fucking_ _marriage_.

 

Being married… to Kyungsoo… and marriage consequently equals to moving in together…

 

…With Kyungsoo…

 

_…With Kyungsoo…_

 

Big. Sigh.

 

-

 

In the end, Jongin did get his nap although it took him another hour of dreadful thinking about said topic which shall not be further mentioned. By the time he woke, it’s dusk and there’s something sweet wafting in the air that promptly wakes up all his senses. 

 

Taking the trip downstairs, he can see his dogs surrounding the wriggling infant on her quilt while his mom is watching some TV show. Kyungsoo isn’t there in the living room. The sound of laughter in the kitchen spurs him to go there and there is the male he’s looking for, all giggly as he arranges something on a tray. 

 

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Jungah teases, taking something out of the oven. “Wanna join us baking cookies? Oh but we’re almost done. Maybe you can help us with the tarts next.”

 

Kyungsoo offers him a happy smile but Jongin pretends not to notice it, dragging his feet to the guest room with purpose. He’s still feeling a little disoriented from the accidentally long nap so he guesses a shower is a good call.

 

Dinner goes by almost the same as lunch, except they’re talking more with Kyungsoo now and Jongin isn’t really in the mood to join it so he eats his rice quietly, listening to the elder male talking beside him. He can be really chatty, Jongin notes, but never with him. Unsurprisingly. Is Jongin intimidating to him? But Kyungsoo is his fan, so he would know that the idol isn’t intimidating, just moody. Jongin knows he’s not the most chipper person out there, and the image he shows to fans is just that; a facade. Even Kyungsoo had generously pointed it out to him that he’s _temperamental_ sometimes.

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t so much as glance his way nor talk to him during and after dinner. He either plays with Rahee or chats with Jungah and his mom while doing their tarts while Jongin hangs out in the living room, watching the elder male all smiley and animated (and wishing he would be like that with Jongin too). 

 

Jongin doesn’t do feelings, doesn’t deal well with them. When it comes to relationships, the other party is either too clingy or too tired to handle Jongin’s attitude. For him, it’s all sex. Sex because that is all he needs to alleviate and cope with the stress of an idol life. Long standing relationships are hard to maintain and Jongin is not about having that sort of commitment either when he’s constantly busy playing idol and actor. 

 

But things with Kyungsoo are… convoluted. Messy. The messiest Jongin has ever had to deal with. To involve feelings in all of this would call for a bad recipe, and Kyungsoo being the ever soft-spoken person that he is is not making things easier for him.

 

Maybe it’s just that. Maybe Jongin has seen one too many fabricated personalities while working in the industry that seeing actual sincerity and genuineness in Kyungsoo is making him _feel_ things. He wouldn’t say it’s to the extent of _falling_ for him, though. 

 

As bedtime approaches and the night grows quieter with Jungah already upstairs with her sleeping daughter and his mom watching the TV quietly, Jongin follows Kyungsoo to the guest room minutes after he left the living room to retreat for bed. The door is left ajar so without knocking, he pushes it open and again he questions himself for always doing things without thinking first because greeting him right now is Kyungsoo slipping out of his blouse with his back facing him…

 

It gives him images all over again, back at that restroom stall, beneath him…

 

Wordlessly, Jongin steps back and pulls the door but doesn’t shut it, and merely waits it out. One minute. Two. He raps his knuckles on the wood instead now and waits till he hear an audible response. 

 

“Come in.” And Jongin does, no more bare skin greeting him. _Thank fucking God_. The elder male is now sitting on a stool by the dresser, probably in the middle of his skincare routine, but he soon stands up as Jongin shuts the door close behind him. 

 

“Um, I’m not sure about the sleeping arrangements…” He hesitantly points to the bed. 

 

“I’ll spread out a futon for myself.” Jongin says. “Mom still has it.”

 

“You’re not taking the bed?”

 

Jongin blinks at him, incredulously too. “I’m not that much of a jackass to let a pregnant person sleep on the floor, you know.”

 

“I- I don’t think you’re a jackass, Jongin…” He frowns.

 

“Is that true? Or are you saying that because it’s me?” Jongin bites out with no actual venom. “If it were anyone else, would you have said the same thing about them?” He walks up to where the other male’s standing, closing their proximity as Kyungsoo looks up at him with a constant frown. “Admit it, I was mean to you. A lot of times.”

 

In the end, it all boils down to Jongin’s attitude, doesn’t it? It’s Jongin. Jongin is the toxic person here. 

 

“Yes, you were being understandably mean to me, Jongin, but you’re good to me too. You gave me pretty clothes and rented out a nice apartment for me close to my workplace, you asked me how I was during phone calls, you came and visited me. You asked me if I felt cold in the car. You worried about my morning sickness. You’re a good person, Jongin.”

 

Kyungsoo says that with that look in his eyes, that kind of look as if you’re his world, that innocence that sucks you in, and Jongin wonders why he places him on the pedestal so much when Jongin is just… Jongin. “You do realize that I wasn’t fishing for compliments when I said that, don’t you?”

 

“I do. I just feel like telling you how good you’re being to me.” He smiles, but suddenly drops it and proceeds to cover the lower half of his face with both his hands and looks down, and Jongin sees the pink dusting his ears and cheeks, quite prominently too. “Sorry I’m… bare-faced…” He muffles into his hands and mumbles something about it being bedtime and moisturising his face but Jongin doesn’t listen anymore as he raises his hand and softly pats him on the head. For the first time ever.

 

“You’re good to me too.” He breathes, feeling the soft strands under his palm as he eyes the other male who is positively beet red now. Pretty. “You’re likeable.” And he means it this time. 

 

“You don’t actually mean that…” Kyungsoo mutters under his breath.

 

“Just like you don’t agree I’m a jackass.”

 

“Coz’ you’re really not, Jongin.” He presses, letting go of his face for one second before returning to covering it again. 

 

“Your bare face is not bad.” Jongin bravely lowers his hand onto Kyungsoo’s nape, encouraging him to look up at him. 

 

“You don’t mean that too…”

 

This time, Jongin has his fingers wrapping one of Kyungsoo’s forearm as he gently pulls it away from his face. “I mean it.” He watches the shorter male look up timidly through his lashes, embarrassment evident with how prettily he blushes. Maybe he’s genuinely shy of showing his bare face to him, so Jongin spares him further embarrassment by patting his head once more and stepping back. “Good night.”

 

That night, once again he rolls and tosses on the futon, but instead of distress this time he just finds himself picturing a certain blushing male behind his eyelids, and how soft his raven hair felt under his fingertips. 

 

-

 

Mr. Kim came home the next morning and Kyungsoo grows a little more quiet than yesterday. It didn’t help matters that Jongin decided to be a log and slept in until noon wherein he woke up just in time for lunch with the rest of them. Mr. Kim is a rather quiet man, a little mellow too, but for some reason the man scares Kyungsoo a little. 

 

During lunch, Kyungsoo sticks to Jongin all the time, even picking up their dishes and going to the sink together and Jongin regards him a little strangely but doesn’t say anything about it. On any other occasion the beautician wouldn’t have followed the idol around like that but right now he’s the only most familiar person to him and Kyungsoo feels safe being close to him. He can only hope Jongin isn’t annoyed with him acting that way, but so far the latter doesn’t seem to mind. 

 

They pack up around 4 (since Jongin has some recording to be done the next day despite it being Christmas) and Mrs. Kim hands them some side dishes, to which Kyungsoo says his never ending thanks. He smooches Rahee on her cheek and waves goodbye at the little girl before finally hugging Jongin’s mother.

 

“Thank you, Mrs. Kim. It was a nice stay.” He gives the brightest smile to the woman before him. She returns the gesture and rubs his back soothingly. 

 

“Call me Mom,” She whispers with a warm smile, ruffling the back of his hair affectionately. “You’re family now.”

 

-

 

Jongin closes the car trunk and urges Kyungsoo to hop in the car while he says his goodbyes to his parents and sister as well as Rahee. His mother playfully threatens to disown him if he doesn’t take good care of Kyungsoo, to which Jongin brushes it off with a roll of his eyes. His dad is kind of like him, not good with feelings except Jongin’s leaning more towards moody while his dad is sort of just ‘cool with everything’. The only thing he commented about Kyungsoo was how he hoped both the twins would get his eyes, and that’s really it. He wasn’t mad about it, and certainly didn’t give any advice that concerns marriage like his mom did. 

 

Putting his seatbelt on, he reverses out of the parking space. Out of the corner of his eye is Kyungsoo waving goodbye to them until they are no longer in sight. Jongin turns the radio on, the anchorwoman reciting the news for today filling the silence between them as he unhurriedly enters the freeway.

 

“You didn’t forget anything, did you?” He asks offhandedly, balancing the wheel with one hand while another turns up the heater in case Kyungsoo’s cold. The response comes as a sniffle and he wonders if the cold affects him that quickly but that isn’t the case when he actually turns to see that Kyungsoo is… sobbing into his sweater paw quietly. “Are- Are you okay?”

 

The elder male nods, but he’s still crying and it makes Jongin feel bad for not knowing why. “Is something wrong, Kyungsoo?”

 

“Family…” He hiccups, wiping his tears with the heel of his hand. “She said I’m family.” 

 

 

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

 

 

Placing the bag of side dishes packed by his mother on the dining table, Jongin glances at Kyungsoo who is adding some canned food into the cat bowl with the black-furred feline sniffing eagerly at it. He can hear the elder male cooing something about missing the cat, while Winter chows on her food heartily, coolly ignoring Kyungsoo’s coos.

 

It’s nearly 9 pm by the time they arrive in the city, and Jongin’s mom gave them quite a handful of food Jongin had to help bring everything up to Kyungsoo’s place. The idol takes them out of the bag and notices how his mother never provides two of each. Clearly she thinks the two males are living together.

 

The hairstylist comes up to him then, studying the full containers on the table and even opens some of their lids. He looks especially gratified at the tofu soup. 

 

Pursing his lips together, Jongin takes a look at the time on his phone. “I think I better head home now.”

 

“Stay for dinner first,” Kyungsoo blurts as he looks up at him, and Jongin whips his head around to regard him with uncertainty, which ultimately flusters the elder male. “…If you want? The rice won’t take long to cook…”

 

Gone were the mild hiccups and red nose from the time in his car, and they’re now replaced with the usual inquiring eyes and hesitant smile. 

 

Jongin has time to kill, anyway.

 

-

 

There’s something about the way Kyungsoo eats, the way he takes small bites of everything as if he’s putting a restraint on himself. It stresses Jongin out a little, at the lack of satisfactory-looking bites. Not to say Jongin eats a lot with Kyungsoo, but he did see the same thing back at his family home. His soup bowl is empty now, too. 

 

“Probably should’ve asked mom for more of that,” Jongin chucks his chin at the half empty pot of the soup. “You seem to like it.”

 

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen at the note, proceeding to shake his head vigorously. “Oh, no no, it’s more than enough.”

 

“Doesn’t seem like ‘enough’ for you.” Says the idol, picking up Kyungsoo’s empty soup bowl and scoops some more of the steaming hot soup with some tofus before placing it back on Kyungsoo’s side of the table and returning to his meal. “I’ll let her know how much you like it.”

 

“That’s kind of you…” He hears the elder male mumble, watching him scoop some rice and dip it into the soup before eating it. 

 

“Common decency,” Jongin shrugs, picking some more chicken strips onto his rice. “I know some of it.”

 

“Don’t beat yourself up over it,” Kyungsoo says calmly, offering him a small smile albeit with the full cheeks. “You’re a kind person.”

 

How can he not, is what Jongin wanted to retaliate with, but he’s not gonna ruin the dinner with his bitter thoughts, nor does he want Kyungsoo to think he’s saying that to fish more compliments and reassurance from him. 

 

Seeing Kyungsoo crying back in the car because of a taste of something he had craved for years put Jongin into some long and intricate monologue, especially while being on the wheel for hours. They say you think a lot while you drive, and think Jongin did. Or perhaps ‘reflect’ is a better term.

 

Not everyone is graced with familial love, and one that does may take it for granted. Kyungsoo seeks for the kind of security that only a family can provide; that blood bond that holds you together so strong it won’t waver even at the biggest of rifts. Jongin has it, and the Kims are more than happy to share it with Kyungsoo. And now, Kyungsoo also has the twins…

 

Maybe Kyungsoo just wants to feel _belonged_ , and as thick-skulled as Jongin can be sometimes, he doesn’t have the heart to deny such pure and unadulterated desire. After all, we all long for something.

 

“How long did you stay at the orphanage?” Asks Jongin, not having an immense appetite now. 

 

“For as long as I can remember,” Kyungsoo shrugs. “I don’t have any memory of being elsewhere when I was a child.”

 

“When did you get out?”

 

“After high school, just like the rest, where they deem us independent enough to go and fend for ourselves out there.” He says, looking down at his rice. “I wonder how are the kids there right now…” The elder male starts looking distant, lost in thought. 

 

Jongin worries his lower lip as he asks further. “Are there like, no adoptions or fostering going on there or something?”

 

“Of course there are,” Kyungsoo mutters, smiling sadly. “Nobody wanted me, apparently.”

 

-

 

With the table swept clean and dishes washed, Jongin finds himself by the doorstep with a content looking Kyungsoo. 

 

“If I could, I- I’d like to meet your family again someday.” Says the elder male with apparent sincerity, his two hands resting on the start of his bump. “I like them.”

 

That’s more than likely, Jongin thinks, especially when talks of marriage are involved, but that’s not something he wants to discuss with Kyungsoo right now. So instead, he squares up and pretends to study the door panel. “Just let me know if you’re up for it, and maybe I can drive you there again.”

 

“Really?”

 

The hopeful look he wears kind of breaks Jongin’s heart. “Yeah.” It’s the least he can do for him.

 

-

 

 

 

“Kim Kai reportedly joining Ju Ji-hoon in new action film, to release in spring 2019”

[Photo]

Article : [Exclusive] Kim Kai to co-star with Ju Ji-hoon, movie director Won Tae Shik’s new project after his hit with ‘The Nightwalker’

 

1\. [+2,355, -376] Kim Kai and Ju Ji-hoon in one movie? I can die in peace now

2\. [+1,843, -220] This movie’s gonna have a hell of visual explosions, fuck

3\. [+1042, -102] Another SM kid… I feel bad for Ju Ji-hoon

4\. [+750, -87] I wonder what role will it be. Highly anticipating it!

5\. [+423, -40] Can SM stop sliding their idols into new acting projects until they at least learn how to act properly…

 

 

 

-

 

Christmas is uneventful, or as uneventful as any other normal day can be for Kyungsoo who spends it cleaning the entire apartment and playing with Winter. LOEY will only be back up on business on the 27th, and tomorrow he will be meeting his doctor.

 

Baekhyun calls him to tell him he’s sleeping over at his place right after Sehun’s filming tonight so they can go to the hospital together tomorrow. Apparently Sehun’s next schedule is on the next day, and it’s a year end music festival. Kyungsoo briefly wonders if Jongin will be there too.

 

With Baekhyun coming over, Kyungsoo tidies up the spare bedroom for him. It’s mostly empty save for the single bed and a closet, and since he doesn’t have a lot of stuffs brought back from his old apartment. This was the room that Kyungsoo had in mind about turning it into a nursery, until Jongin brought up that this is not possibly going to be his permanent home.

 

He still wonders what it means, and the idol himself looked totally reluctant on telling him everything he should know, but Kyungsoo understands the reluctance. In fact, he’s in no place to question anything when he’s being homed for free. Silence is what’s best for him, on both ends.

 

He finishes cleaning up by noon and cooks himself lunch, and after that he’s got nothing much to do in such a spacious house except to play more with Winter and watch the television. The lack of furnishings in the house makes the sounds from the television echo against the walls, and successfully makes Kyungsoo feel so small and alone. Winter is such good company in this moment, but the cat can only do so much. He’s never one for Christmas shopping either so there’s no reason for him to go outside, lacking the money and people to celebrate with for it.

 

At times like this, he would usually put on Kim Kai’s debut album on his phone, but the song that used to comfort him a lot back then fails to do the same this time. So he settles for staring out the window while blowing hot air on his cold palms.

 

It’s snowing.

 

-

 

“Merry Christmas!”

 

Baekhyun attacks him with a hug first thing as Kyungsoo opens the door, almost toppling them both on the floor if it weren’t for Baekhyun steadying him, getting a deadpan from Kyungsoo.

 

“Baek, I’m carrying two kids.”

 

“Oh I know. I bet one of them would take my loudness.”

 

“You’re not even the father, silly,” Kyungsoo chuckles, moving to close the door behind them while Baekhyun coos something to Winter.

 

“I hope they take everything after you and nothing from the actual baby daddy.” Baekhyun grumbles as he takes off his boots.

 

Kyungsoo can only shake his head at him, helping with taking off his coat and holding onto the small paper bag in his hand while the latter gets rid of a sweater he wore underneath the coat. “You really don’t like Jongin, do you? And what’s this?” He hands back the paper bag to him.

 

“Listen, so Sehun had a filming at London and I went shopping there- there’s so much to shop there, though? Like, I’d have bought one thing from one store and then I’d want to buy another thing from the store beside it- it’s heaven. My wallet went through hell for it, though,” Baekhyun blabbers on, putting an amused smile on Kyungsoo’s face as he pads to the kitchen to boil some water. “And! The drugstores there were so nice, you would love it, Kyungsoo. I bought you these!” 

 

The paper bag is handed back to Kyungsoo, so with a smile, the pregnant male takes it and rips the tape off, taking out a box with various brushes neatly arranged. It’s a new makeup brush set. It instantly widens his smile.

 

“You bought me a new brush set?” Kyungsoo studies the box, recognizing the brand. Only one other person would know he likes this brand.

 

“Like it?”

 

He nods, undoing the seal and taking one of the brushes out, feeling the soft bristles against the back of his hand. “I love it already.”

 

Baekhyun smiles cheekily, bringing Winter into his arms so he could annoy her some. The feline hates being held unless she just woke from her nap. “Next time, we’ll bring you there instead.”

 

“We?”

 

“We as in Sehun, Jongdae and me _we_.” He hears Baekhyun say whilst he goes to his bedroom to place the box of brushes on his dresser. 

 

“Do they let pregnant people fly?”

 

“Of course. Or maybe we’ll wait until the babies are delivered.”

 

As he returns, Baekhyun is seen checking out the fridge and humming to himself. Kyungsoo pinches his waist earning him a yelp before telling him there’s nothing much in the fridge. “Then who’s gonna take care of the babies?” 

 

“You and me take one twin, Sehun and Jongdae take the other. Baby equality.”

 

“You’re ridiculous,” Kyungsoo snorts, checking the cabinet and producing two mugs for the two of them. 

 

“Do you think we get to know their genders tomorrow?” He asks, bringing the kettle over to Kyungsoo who’s pouring chocolate powder into their mugs.

 

“Maybe? If they take the twins’ sonograms again?” Frankly, Kyungsoo’s not sure if he’s ready to know their genders yet, but he’s also partially excited for it. Whichever case it is, he just hopes the kids are equally healthy. He’s read up about some medical complications when it comes to birthing twins, and they’re not always fancy-looking.

 

Baekhyun is looking for teaspoons until Kyungsoo tells him it’s in one of the drawers. The steaming aroma of chocolate wafts in the air, and it’s a shame Kyungsoo’s out of marshmallows. He hasn’t gone grocery shopping for a while. 

 

Settling the two mugs on the bar top, they sit across each other. Baekhyun makes a satisfied noise warming his hands on the outer surface of his mug, and Kyungsoo mimics him, appreciating the warmth. “What was Sehun filming for, by the way? A new drama?”

 

The stylist shakes his head. “It’s for his comeback.”

 

At the mention of a comeback, Kyungsoo gapes. “He’s finally getting a comeback! It’s been like, what, eight months?”

 

“Nine,” Baekhyun corrects him with a grin. “Planned for January release.”

 

“This is great news,” The hairstylist chirps after taking a sip of his hot chocolate. “He must be happy to be on stage again soon.” He watches his best friend avoid his gaze and gulp down his chocolate, and that makes Kyungsoo’s face fall. “I mean, he’s happy, right?”

 

Baekhyun purses his lips, as if deciding whether to lie or not. Baekhyun never lies to him, though. “He _is_ happy about getting a comeback, but he’s also been more aloof these days.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“ _You_ happened. He misses working with you.”

 

“Oh,” Kyungsoo offers, not knowing what to say. He’s not sure if Baekhyun actually knows what happened between them, or that the idol harboured some form of crush on him. Or is it harbours… 

 

“And uh, I think he and Jongin are fighting? He never spoke to him whenever we ran into him.” Baekhyun scoffs. “It’s kinda funny. They pretend like they don’t know each other or something when they used to be attached to each other in the hips. Guess work really does drive people apart.”

 

So they really _are_ not talking to each other anymore. Kyungsoo doesn’t plan on commenting on that and quietly drinks his chocolate. He knows it’s not his place, but he does want them to mend their friendship. They’re all working adults now and letting personal matters interfere with maintaining professionalism isn’t very adult-like. Maybe the hard feelings are still there, and to think that they’re from the same agency too…

 

-

 

Dinner that night was Chinese takeout since Kyungsoo has yet to stock up his kitchen and Baekhyun was too tired to go grocery shopping with Kyungsoo since the latter insisted on him not going alone. Kyungsoo shows Baekhyun to the spare room he has prepared for him, but the lack of adjoined bathroom prompts Baekhyun to ask the former to share the bed in his room, and Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to mind, knowing how scared he can get having to get up in the dead of the night to relieve himself in a separate bathroom. 

 

Baekhyun is already changed to his sleepwear and is now perched on one side of the queen bed texting on his phone, Winter on the foot of the bed curled up into a black blob against the blue sheets. Kyungsoo seems to be doing his night routine, and in the midst of it, Baekhyun asks him the time of his appointment, making a mental note to get a cab 30 minutes prior. Taking the bus and having a short walk would’ve spared them some money, but he doesn’t want to risk Kyungsoo getting sore and swollen feet because of the growing belly, and Baekhyun doesn’t own a car yet.

 

Not much later, Kyungsoo also slips in bed with a different blanket for himself, saying that he doesn’t want to risk his bump stealing most of the covers Baekhyun uses as well. 

 

“You just get bigger and _bigger_.” He comments, outwardly staring at the bump that seems to weigh down the smaller man. He still has no idea how Kyungsoo’s going to pull through in his late third trimester especially. Lord, being pregnant looks scary…

 

“Thanks for the remark,” Kyungsoo says sarcastically, adjusting himself to lean against the headboard and reaching forward to grab his sheets only for his belly to push him back, so with a not so subtle snicker Baekhyun helps spread them up and over the raise of his abdomen, earning a pouty ‘thank you’. 

 

“But your arms are still somewhat skinny,” He pinches Kyungsoo’s upper arm playfully. “You’re like Bella, and the twins are the vampire child taking up everything you eat and you might have to drink blood to make up for the lost nutrients or something.”

 

“I thought you hated Twilight.”

 

“I can hate it but still talk about it.” The stylist shrugs. “And it’s not like Jongin will pull an Edward very soon.”

 

He is mindlessly scrolling through his Instagram feed when he hears a small murmur beside him. “Why do you hate Jongin?”

 

Baekhyun blinks, looking up from his phone and regards the pregnant male thoughtfully. He doesn’t sound defensive, but he’s not too happy either, so Baekhyun speaks his mind. “I don’t hate him. He just rubs me off the wrong way. He even told you to abort the children when you clearly wanted them. That’s low.”

 

“That was in the past,” Comes the rebuttal from the other male, his eyes downcast and fingers playing with the hems of his sheets. “He’s okay now. He’s doing his best.”

 

“Well I better see this ‘doing his best’ even after the twins are born. Simply homing you in a nice apartment isn’t enough. What if he’s that guy who dumps you money so you have to fend on your own taking care of the babies?”

 

Kyungsoo gives him a pointed look as if to tell him he’s too much, so Baekhyun purses his lips and shuts up, and he later sighs. “He even took me to his parents.”

 

“ _Already_?” Baekhyun exclaims not a second after. “Why does this look like it’s headed towards a wedding?”

 

“There is no wedding,” Kyungsoo chuckles. “He just wanted to introduce their future grandchildren.”

 

“And he didn’t perhaps introduce a romantic partner too, now did he? Coz’ I find that entirely possible.”

 

Kyungsoo thins his lips, avoiding his gaze. “He wanted to make the situation more believable, so…”

 

“ _Believable_ ,” Baekhyun parrots, obviously not liking the notion. “Mommy’s boy’s just afraid of getting disowned.”

 

“Cut him some slack. He’s doing his best.”

 

“Yeah and only _you_ would say that coz’ he’s your idol. Come on, you’re protecting him too much. If I were dumb, I would’ve thought you actually _liked_ him as more than an idol.” Baekhyun prattles on, getting back to his phone to scroll down his feed until he realizes the silence that follows is way too unsettling. “Wait… Kyungsoo, are you _serious_?”

 

He spares him a long hard look as Kyungsoo silently picks on the stray threads of his sweater, half pouting, and the lack of makeup makes his blush stand out against the paleness of his skin. “He’s been so nice to me…”

 

That’s Kyungsoo for you. That’s Kyungsoo who seeks affection, and gives too much. And while Baekhyun believes Kyungsoo deserves everything the world could offer, for it to be in the form of Jongin doesn’t look very promising. This is going to break him. It’s going to break him real bad.

 

“You’re carrying his kids, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun begins more softly this time. “And it’s making you think that way. His kindness shouldn’t be misconstructed as affection.”

 

He watches as the pregnant male scoots himself downwards so he can finally lie down, facing Baekhyun. “You worry too much for me.”

 

“Brothers worry for each other.” Baekhyun snorts, watching Kyungsoo’s eyes crinkle into quiet laughter. “And this brother is telling you that Jongin is not the best guy out there.” After that, Kyungsoo just stays quiet, a small smile lingering on his lips as he stares at Baekhyun.

 

“He’s good enough to me, Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo whispers. 

 

-

 

The night is cold, but that’s not why Kyungsoo has not been able to sleep. It’s probably the pregnancy hormones kicking again, because his whole body feels uncomfortable regardless of the many sleeping positions he has attempted. 

 

The phone reads 2.14 a.m.. Unlocking it, he types up a text. 

 

_“Thanks for the new brush set, Sehun. They’re beautiful.”_

 

_“Spot on. Thought baek wld trick u. Glad u like it, tho”_

 

The reply is almost instant, and Kyungsoo thinks that maybe the idol has only gotten home from work. His guts were right about the gift not being from Baekhyun. Only Sehun has seen what products and tools the former makeup artist used on him, and from there was how he picked up Kyungsoo’s favorites. He texts a good luck message for his comeback before opening another conversation with a different idol this time.

 

_“My next doctor visit is tomorrow.”_

 

-

 

“Wow, look at all the snow.”

 

Kyungsoo’s breath fogs the window and he wipes it away, looking outside. Seoul doesn’t see heavy snow on normal occasions, but you still get patches of white here and there. Some street shops are seen having their Christmas promotions and a huge sale, and tons of passerbys seem to have stopped by at a certain Christmas event. 

 

It takes them no longer than 10 minutes to get to the hospital, and Kyungsoo gets out of the cab hugging himself and his two little beans, protecting them from the cold while entering the institution.

 

Their turn comes unexpectedly sooner since there aren’t many expecting parents clocking in their appointment today, it being immediately after Christmas and the festive season is still young.

 

The staff calls them in and updates his weight, blood pressure, gets his urine tested and even measures his abdomen before Dr. Jo comes in. He greets an amicable good morning before taking the notepad, studying Kyungsoo’s updated profile before getting the staff to get something for him. Baekhyun waits on the other side of the room, sitting on a chair while Kyungsoo is on the bed swinging his legs, not as anxious as he should be. The staff returns with an apparatus in her hold, handing it over to the doctor who then approaches Kyungsoo.

 

“This is a handheld Doppler. It’s used to listen to and measure the baby’s heartbeats.” He informs, asking for Kyungsoo to lie down and squeezing a sizeable blob of gel onto his belly right in the midline between his navel and his pubic bone. “As your babies grow, the heartbeats travel higher, so I’m gonna go there.”

 

Kyungsoo waits patiently as he feels the probe pressing on the gelled up area, and as soon as the device is switched on there is this constant swoosh, like the noise the sea waves make. It presses harder against the spot, painless but also a little uncomfortable until a steady rhythm is heard, but it sounds really rapid, as if someone just ran a marathon.

 

“It’s so rapid…?”

 

“That’s normal. Baby one has normal heartbeats.” Dr. Jo says, moving the probe slowly upwards and to the side and the beats die down and is replaced by the swoosh again. “Now, we’re looking for the other baby.”

 

It’s taken them a good 5 minutes to find the other baby, with the doctor explaining that it’s possible that the previous twin overlaps the other one. Kyungsoo almost panicked until a very faint but steadily rapid rhythm is heard. 

 

“Both of them are doing well,” Says Dr. Jo, turning off the Doppler and having Kyungsoo’s belly be wiped off from the excess gel. It smells like aloe vera. “Dr. Gong will take your sonogram.”

 

-

 

Contrary to both him and Baekhyun’s hopes of learning their genders today, unfortunately Dr. Gong tells them the babies don’t spread their legs wide enough for them to see their genitals. So they wrapped it up after learning of how big they’ve gotten and confirming that they indeed share the same placenta, but not the same sac. One of them wiggles around a lot while the other is as still as a lake, nonetheless both appear to be of the same sizes and are healthy.

 

Kyungsoo remembers Amber’s words from back on his first day working at LOEY, and it prompts him to ask the doctor about it afterwards. He tells Dr. Jo about the new job and what it entails, while also including the very question about the chemical fumes he will be constantly surrounded by. 

 

Dr. Jo says that as long as it doesn’t end up in his gastrointestinal tract, then he’ll be fine. There has been no study that proves that those chemical fumes from those products are any hazardous to the baby as much as they are to the skin. He just told him to make sure to wear gloves when handling those chemicals, and he should be fine.

 

“Though I would suggest you request for one or two months leave before your due date. Around…” The doctor trails off while checking his profile as well as the calendar. “The end of March.”

 

Kyungsoo stares at him dumfoundedly, not expecting to have to take that long of a break when he barely just begun working there. “That early?”

 

“Trust me, Mr. Doh. You wouldn’t be as energetic by the time you hit your third trimester. You need all the rest you can before the onset of your labour. In the meantime, you can come up with a suitable birth plan and talk to your insurers.”

 

-

 

“Swear to god your twins take after your shyness,” Baekhyun mutters once they’re checked out and are having lunch at the cafe next to the hospital. “We could’ve celebrated their gender reveal along with Christmas but nah.”

 

“One of them looks active,” Kyungsoo says in between bites of his spaghetti. “And I’m not _that_ shy.”

 

“Of course you’re not, that’s how you ended up pregnant.”

 

Kyungsoo fights the blush from making its way to his face. “That’s just liquid courage…”

 

“That’s what they all say,” Baekhyun shrugs, sending a knowing smile Kyungsoo’s way. “Just that this time you forgot the most important rubber.”

 

At the blatant suggestion, Kyungsoo drops his spoon on his plate pointedly. “Baekhyun, we’re _eating_.”

 

That earns him a cheeky grin from the other male and Kyungsoo thought the topic’s completely dropped over lunch until Baekhyun whispers a _practice safe sex, kids_ before drinking his tea.

 

They go grocery shopping together afterwards, with plans on making use of that oven in Kyungsoo’s apartment to bake lasagna, as per Baekhyun’s suggestion. Kyungsoo also takes the chance to stock up his kitchen again, enough to at least last him a week or two. His cravings have also started kicking in and he finds himself adding more into his cart and hopes not to gape at the check out later.

 

-

 

Jongin is set to open the next day’s year end show in a collaborative performance with someone from another agency, and it requires new routines he has to learn in over 3 days. While that shouldn’t be a problem for a professional dancer like him, it still poses exhaustion for him having to perfect it in less than 72 hours. He stays behind to practice more hours than he should, but it’s not like he has any other schedule to attend otherwise. His new movie will only begin filming next year, and script reading won’t happen until January.

 

It’s been 5 hours since he’s holed up in the practice room after lunch, and after another hour at the gym he finally asks Junmyeon to pick him up. 

 

“Do you know where to get nice steamed sweet potatoes around here?” He asks once he’s inside the van.

 

“Are you going on a sweet potato diet now?”

 

“It’s not for me.”

 

Sending him a short knowing glance, his manager then directs the driver to stop by a certain place to get just what Jongin asks for. He’s not even poking fun at the idol for it anymore, probably catching how Jongin looks immensely tired. 

 

“Do you want us to drop you off there?” Junmyeon asks as soon as he’s gotten the sweet potatoes.

 

Jongin grabs the front of his shirt and takes a sniff, not pleased with it and certainly will not show up in this state. “Take me home first. I’ll drive there.”

   
-

 

Kyungsoo and Baekhyun has just finished baking their lasagna by the time the former receives an incoming call. Baekhyun tells him to get it while he deals with the lasagna, transferring it onto a square plate and placing it on the table. He gets more plates and cutleries for them and waits for Kyungsoo to end his call so they can dig in together, but Baekhyun can’t help but to steal a cherry tomato for himself.

 

“Who called?” He asks once he sees Kyungsoo ending the call and staring at his phone, before looking up at him. 

 

“Jongin said he’s coming.”

 

Baekhyun cocks his head to the side in amusement, stealing another cherry tomato and whistling once. “Whew, baby daddy’s really doing his job.”

 

-

 

With a towel hung around his waist, Jongin checks his fridge to see some leftovers of last night’s dinner and decides to finish that for tonight, but only after he’s delivered the sweet potatoes to a certain someone. His hair is still a little wet from his shower, but at least he doesn’t smell like sweat anymore. Putting on a blue tee and a pair of sweats, he grabs his car keys and leaves. 

 

While he does have access into the residence, he doesn’t have one for parking so he parks just outside the residence and makes his way inside. He fixes his mouth mask and lowers his cap while waiting for the elevator, and when it dings he keeps his gaze downcast while waiting for the lady- man- wait, lady beside him to enter the lift. She has a short-trimmed hair and doesn’t dress like a typical lady so he almost mistook her as a man.

 

The lady nods and presses for number 9, then turns to face Jongin. “Which floor?”

 

“Um, eleventh. Thanks.” He speaks without removing the mouth mask. The lady presses the said number before taking a step back, letting the doors close. 

 

It’s a rather silent ride and Jongin can feel his muscles ache from his workout, prompting him to stretch his neck this way and that before facing up and sighing. He doesn’t notice the lady has looked up from her phone to stare at him.

 

“Sorry, but you look kinda familiar.”

 

Jongin feels his heart stop and whips his head around to her scrutinizing face. “What?”

 

“You look familiar. Are you a new resident here?”

 

“Um, no…” He lies. Is his disguise not convincing enough for her to say that?

 

“Oh, must’ve never came across you before. My name’s—” Her phone rings before she could finish her sentence, and she apologizes saying that she has to take this call. “Yeah?… No, I told Key to take her coz’ I’ve got something else in the morning… You can also give it to our newbie, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind… Just let him know to be there before 8…”

 

The elevator soon stops at her floor and she gets off while still being on the phone, and Jongin quickly presses the close button and heaves out a sigh. That was close. He almost has to introduce himself to her. Why couldn’t she just mind her own business?

 

As he reaches his floor, he looks around for a bit before racing to Kyungsoo’s unit, a little paranoid now of being recognized. He presses the doorbell and waits for the intercom to come on, and when it does, the voice doesn’t sound like Kyungsoo.

 

_“Is that Jongin?”_

 

“Um yes, it’s me,” He answers anyway. Not a second later, the door is opened to reveal a… not Kyungsoo. “What are you doing here?” Baekhyun doesn’t look very pleased to see him, but when has he ever? 

 

“I’m about to leave.”

 

-

 

Baekhyun has all his stuff packed and his shoelaces tied when the doorbell rang. He got to it first before Kyungsoo, and when the latter tells him to let him in, Baekhyun wants him to wait inside. “Can I talk to you for a bit?”

 

Jongin shrugs, removing his mask. “I guess.”

 

He rests his side against the doorframe without closing the door, since Kyungsoo hasn’t told him his entry passcode. “To be frank, I don’t like you.”

 

Jongin blinks. “Okay so what’s with you and Sehun’s whole team not liking me? If it’s just because I got him pr—”

 

“ _Just_? My dude, my guy, that’s the _only_ reason we don’t like you but before you stop me and argue, let me finish myself,” Baekhyun holds up a hand when Jongin opens his mouth, and watches him close it back albeit annoyingly. “Are you aware of his long-standing support towards you and your career?”

 

Jongin doesn’t immediately answer, and Baekhyun sees him looking past his shoulder and presumably at the pregnant male sitting in the living room, most probably mindful for his answer. “What’s with it?”

 

“Do you plan on doing something about that?”

 

“That’s,” Jongin returns to looking at the stylist before him. “That’s between us. You don’t need to police me and the things I do between us.”

 

“Police you?” Baekhyun scoffs. “Listen Jongin, I - _we_ \- are trying to protect him but you know what he’s doing? _He’s_ protecting _you_. Has always been. And only God knows if he forgave you for putting him through all that emotional shit just coz’ you want to save your fucking job while _you_ robbed him off from _his_ job and his life for putting two kids in him.”

 

While Baekhyun is feeling all heated, the idol only looks bored and unamused as he holds up the plastic bags in his hand. “Are you done? Coz’ I gotta bring these sweet potatoes to him before they get cold.”

 

Baekhyun can only scoff in disbelief while the idol pushes his way through and into the house, not once having the door disrespectfully shut in his face his entire life. He’s gotta thank SM for assigning him to work for Sehun instead of Jongin.

 

“Wow, asshole. What the fuck does Kyungsoo see in him?”

 

-

 

Jongin’s head hurts after that encounter with Overprotective Person Number Two. People keep talking to him as if he doesn’t know any better. “Well I fucking learnt, alright.”

 

“Sorry?”

 

He startles at the sight of Kyungsoo before him, a smile so apparent and bright, as if Jongin’s presence was something he looked forward to. “Nothing.” He’s wearing one of the shirts the idol gifted to him, it hugging the roundness of his belly, and all Jongin can think about is how they both are going to be parents. Real soon.

 

“What did Baekhyun say to you? I hope he wasn’t being rude to you…” He frowns, seeming genuinely concerned. “God, I’m sorry if he was rude to you.” 

 

It’s still a lot to swallow for him, and even though it won’t happen until 5 months later, it still feels like life is speeding without his consent. It’s only been three days since they last saw each other, and they have been keeping in touch by texts and calls, yet there’s this overwhelming relief at having seen the elder male in the flesh, as if coming home after a long and tiring day at work.

 

Home… Is Kyungsoo _home_? Has Jongin really been that lonely working long hours and returning to his apartment to sleep for him to delude a person as _home_?

 

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin breathes, taking that one step into the living room to approach the pregnant male, closer to his winter sunset-

 

“Uhm, sh-shoes.”

 

The idol blinks in his haze. “What?”

 

“Please take off your shoes first…” Kyungsoo says a little more nervously, prompting Jongin to look down at his shoes that are most certainly within the living area now, leaving a wet trail behind after stepping on snow. 

 

“Oh right, uh, sorry.” He quickly goes back to the entryway to take off his shoes before finally coming up to Kyungsoo, both of them stuck in a sheepish mood until Jongin hands over the bag. “Sweet potatoes?”

 

“Sweet potatoes?” Kyungsoo parrots, taking the bag and looking into the bag, smiling. “For me?”

 

“Well if Winter eats it as well then I guess you can share.” Jongin’s nonchalant response earns him a light chuckle. 

 

“This is a lot, though…” The elder male mumbles to himself before bringing them over to the kitchen, Jongin soon trailing after him and finding himself a stool for him to sit by the bar while Kyungsoo searches for something in the cabinet. 

 

“How did your doctor visit go?” He cards his fingers through his damp hair, not having spared any time to blowdry it back at his place. It wasn’t like he was rushing anyway, just that it’s already 10 p.m. and the idea of imposing on someone’s home at this kind of time seems… rather inappropriate. 

 

“It was okay,” Answers the male a little distractedly, placing the sweet potatoes on a square plate and bringing it over to the bartop before seating himself. He picks one for himself, peeling the skin enough for him to take a bite. “It’s warm now.”

 

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Jongin eventually takes one for himself as well after having the plate be pushed towards him in a silent invitation. 

 

“Have you had dinner?” Kyungsoo asks in between his bites. 

 

“Actually, no. I’m headed back after this for late dinner.”

 

Silence engulfs them for a while until Kyungsoo speaks up again. “Do- Do you like lasagna?” It has Jongin looking up from his almost finished sweet potato. “We baked a lot just now…”

 

“You baked?”

 

“Yeah. Me and Baekhyun. Would you like it? I can heat it up for you,” Kyungsoo offers, looking rather hopeful. “Or are you perhaps on a diet?”

 

“No,” He actually is. “Go ahead and heat it up for me?” He says, watching the elder male light up and getting off his seat to pad into the kitchen. Cute.

 

The lasagna is, expectedly, rich and fattening but it’s also delicious and Jongin’s hungry so he sweeps the entire plate almost immediately. Kyungsoo stays sitting across of him and eats more of the sweet potato, and he beams when the idol verbalizes his liking for the lasagna. 

 

This feels awfully domestic, in Jongin’s opinion. And Kyungsoo looks happy. Jongin asks him if the doctor told him anything, since that is the prime reason he’s here anyway. The pregnant male tells him the twins are doing fine, and that one of them looked excited. Jongin’s not sure how a foetus can look excited inside a womb but he’s not an expert anyway. Kyungsoo also tells him that the doctor advised him to gain more weight. Again. Maybe the elder male isn’t getting as big as he should be.

 

Kyungsoo then brings up about nicknaming the foetuses as per Baekhyun’s suggestion, and Jongin wonders if there has been anything remotely important that comes out of his best friend’s mouth. 

 

“Moana.”

 

Jongin looks up from his drink. “As in from that Disney movie? Two Moanas?”

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “And Maui.”

 

He almost splutters his drink, sending a wide-eyed look Kyungsoo’s way. “Wait, we’re having a boy _and_ a girl?” _Also… isn’t Maui a… demigod?_

 

“I don’t know what their genders are for now… I just wanna call them that.” Kyungsoo looks bluntly serious and Jongin’s not sure how to react. 

 

“Is it because they were conceived in Hawaii?”

 

“…Sort of?”

 

Kyungsoo seems keen on nicknaming them as such, so maybe Jongin feels a little bad having to break the little bubble. “But Moana’s not from Hawaii.” He watches Kyungsoo’s face fall as he mumbles a _she’s not?_ and there goes another thing to add on the list of things Jongin should’ve thought first before he spoke.

 

“Then where is she from?”

 

Jongin shrugs, because in truth he doesn’t know either. “She’s definitely Polynesian, though. But I mean go ahead I guess—”

 

“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo says, a little dejected. “I’ll stick with beans. Or strawberries.”

 

 _Oh. Plural._ “Well uh, I’m sorry.” It’s Jongin’s turn to feel bashful. “And I’m also sorry for calling it an… alien… back when we didn’t know you’d be having twins…” Back when he refused to claim it as his child, more like it.

 

“You called your own child an alien,” Kyungsoo breaks into laughter, hiding his face into his arms as his shoulders shake. Well, at least Kyungsoo’s not sulky anymore, he thinks, as he eases a smile himself. 

 

The growing night finds heavier snowing and denser fog, not making it safe for driving. Kyungsoo suggests to wait it out, and despite his weak protests about his apartment being close, Jongin _is_ a little tired from today, so he stays.

 

“Do you have work in the morning?” Kyungsoo asks, and Jongin responds with a shake of the head as he lays on the couch, his eyes closed. He can hear tinkling of bells, and when he opens his eyes he’s greeted by the sight of Kyungsoo staring out the glass, fascinated, his bump getting in the way of him pressing his front completely against it. 

 

He checks his phone only to find out it’s dead, and he could’ve asked Kyungsoo if he can borrow his charger but he can’t be bothered. So he resumes closing his eyes and takes a deep breath. 

 

**_He’s_ ** _protecting_ **_you_ ** _. Has always been._

 

“Kyungsoo,” He calls. “When you said you’ve been a fan of me for a while, how long is ‘a while’?”

 

There it is again, the blush on his cheeks whenever this subject arises. “You’re going to think I’m creepy.”

 

“How long is ‘a while’?” Jongin repeats himself more assertively this time.

 

“…Since debut,” Comes the response just shy above a whisper, and something looks off.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

It probably ticks him off, because Kyungsoo marches away from the living area and presumably into his bedroom, leaving Jongin alone with Winter and the hushed noises from the television. He releases a sigh, looking out the glass and at the falling snow. _Did I offend him…?_

 

He sighs again, wondering just how many times he has offended the other male. Must be a lot, considering his ever lagging brain to mouth filter. 

 

Maybe he should see himself out once the snow dies down or something, and just text Kyungsoo later to say that he’s sorry. With that in mind, he’s about to get up but is stopped short when Kyungsoo steps out of his room, but that’s not the reason Jongin is struck dumb.

 

Kyungsoo has a navy school jacket, overlaid and unbuttoned. A very, very familiar one.

 

“We met,” He says softly, thumbing the buttons in small movements. “But you moved.”

 

Jongin tries to dig into his memories of ever having met him, but he can’t quite find it. High school is old memories, and old memories don’t serve the best recollection. 

 

“You probably don’t remember anymore, but there was a time you asked for my help to do your makeup for a dance recital. You, a renowned trainee then. Although the day never came, you made me feel happy about doing people’s makeovers, about making them feel better and more confident of themselves. You made me chase a dream that I thought would just be buried… I- I’ve liked you since then, Jongin.”

 

 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

 

 

 

Jongin grew up a shy and introverted kid.

 

For this, his high school peers often found him distant and unapproachable, and the knowledge that he was an idol trainee made him all the more out of their league. Jongin was never cold, though; just shy. As soon as classes finished, he silently made his way out and was picked up by his father so he could head over to SM building for training. It was rather a journey, hence the move.

 

Vague and mostly uneventful, high school wasn’t as fun for him as it should be for kids his age. It was mostly classes, training, a bit of high school events that he attended (since he never got to attend most of it due to training). Not having many friends allowed him to stick to his schedule without worrying over his social life.

 

Approaching his debut, he was made to grow out of his shyness to allow more room for interactions with fans and the public. He grew to love the attention and therefore thrive in it, learning of his strengths and making full use of it. He still stuttered at times, especially during his early debut, but he grew out of it, flourished, and is fine-tuned in every aspect an idol should have. He has matured.

 

But he’s currently questioning this maturity as he stays still, frozen in his seat.

 

The cold is biting, but it’s not as bad as the sudden fall of atmosphere in the living area of a certain apartment unit. The ticking of the clock buzzes loud in their ears, and almost muted noises from the television dissolves into white noise, drowning the sets of rapid heartbeats neither would admit to have. 

 

The school crest on the left breast pocket of Kyungsoo’s school jacket stares back at Jongin like a ghost of the past, picturing himself wearing a similar jacket nearly eight years ago - or has it been a decade instead? What’s for certain is that, high school is old memories. Very old.

 

“Don’t kid with me.” Jongin barely speaks above his breath, above the incessant beating of his own heart. He has not lifted his gaze from the damned school crest at all. “We never met.” 

 

“You just don’t remember.” Kyungsoo’s voice is delicate, as if he is toeing the line very carefully but is also expecting this reaction out of him. His hands fidget with the sleeves of the jacket, eyeing the idol warily.

 

“You came to SM,” Jongin says, quieter. “Tell me it’s not for me.” He finally braves himself to look Kyungsoo in his eyes, and the latter quivers with realization. 

 

“It’s— It’s not like that… Jongin, it’s not like that,” He hears Kyungsoo deny, but Jongin’s tired. Tired from the day, tired from work, tired being _here_. With his forehead cradled by his palm, the sigh he releases is deep, thoroughly jaded. His mind is blank, as if all the rationale and monologues he’s had with himself are suddenly diminishing into nothing, and he’s back to square one. 

 

It comes automatically as he drags his feet towards the door, as if on pilot, that he needs to leave. Passing by the pregnant male he feels a light tug on his shirt, and he pauses.

 

“If you leave now,” There’s a hint of shivering in his voice. “Would you come back?”

 

It’s conflicting him. It’s conflicting Jongin how Kyungsoo’s pale fingers tremble as he tugs at his shirt, how he looks downcast and is ready to break, although he knows if anything when it comes to the elder male, he wouldn’t break. But Jongin… Jongin would break.

 

“I don’t know, Kyungsoo.”

 

He doesn’t wait for the other male to let him go as he pulls away and resumes to the door. Jongin hastily slips into his shoes, uncaring if the heels of his feet ruin the back of his shoes, laces untied. He helps himself with opening the door, stealing a final glance at the elder male who is still standing in the living area, the school jacket still hugging his frame, left unbuttoned due to the bump. His soft eyes are apologetic, lost, sad, but he doesn’t say anything nor does he move from his spot, letting Jongin see himself out. The shutting of the door leaves a loud reverberation in its wake.

 

-

 

The idol rids of his cigarette out the window and presses down the accelerator, the cool wind from outside brushing his cheeks and hair harshly. The roads are empty, a sleet of snow littering the tar. It’s not the best time for driving but he doesn’t care.

 

His body is made warm with the nicotine in his system as well as the heater, but contradicting the warmth is the breeze outside entering through his open window, and Jongin lets it. He needs something to mess with his senses; he needs distraction. He perhaps needs to intoxicate himself with something stronger too, but he’s a professional as much as he’s a workaholic, and he isn’t about to attend work with a crippling hangover the next day.

 

Professionalism, he scoffs. If there’s one thing he fails to do when he’s around Kyungsoo, it’s being professional. Just the sight of the man has his guard down, and things have been getting a lot personal with him lately. _Too_ personal.

 

He has long forgotten to tone down his presence, his cap and mask tucked in his coat pocket. White puffs of smoke escape his nostrils and mouth after he takes a long drag, vaporizing into the stagnant air and the coldness outside. 

 

-

 

Kyungsoo eyes the streets down below, his breath making the glass fog up. It’s cold. Is Jongin cold? He hopes the idol keeps himself warm. 

 

He is still in the old school jacket; it gives an extra layer of warmth to him, so he does not bother taking it off. The youth that lives within the material of the blazer has Kyungsoo reeling with bittersweet feelings, something you wish to remember for a long time but not wanting to go back to it at the same time. A reminiscence. It’s a funny concept humans fall in love with, because in truth there is nothing substantial about mentally reliving the past. Often times it makes you dissociate and worse, tease an old wound open - it makes daydreaming sound more plausibly acceptable. 

 

Sometimes he wonders about all the alternatives life could take him, all the possibilities had he not encounter that one trainee in the men’s washroom eight years ago. Would he have applied for that job opening at SM? Would he have worked for someone else other than Sehun? Working for Sehun was not a part of his career goal, so to speak. He had nothing long term on his mind at that time, it was all pure adrenaline rush right after graduating from the beauty academy - a rookie mindset.

 

Jongin was right about him for one thing though, and Kyungsoo can only assume the idol has the worst presumption about him right now. Maybe that’s the thing that drives him out the door. So technically, maybe Kyungsoo was the one who chased him away.

 

He makes his way to the bartop where there are still two pieces of sweet potatoes left uneaten sitting atop a plate. They’re cold now and Kyungsoo’s not hungry. He brings the plate into the fridge. He should probably heat it up for breakfast tomorrow. 

 

He soon finds himself dragging his feet into his room and turning off the lights, and without taking off the now one size too small school jacket, he curls himself on the bed, burying his face into the pillow and wishes he could cry it out, but tonight, he doesn’t.

 

-

 

Junmyeon hums to the girl group song on the radio as he takes a turn into Jongin’s residence and goes up the car park. The snow has melted a bit and it leaves behind puddles of water on the streets. The residence management allocates two parking spots for Jongin on the 3rd floor.

 

He grabs their breakfast and locks the car before going to the elevator. It’s chicken, and it will probably be Jongin’s only meal for the day since the idol usually avoids eating near his performance hours due to risks of bloating and fatigue. He has texted the idol to get ready for a last minute stage rehearsal at the venue later. 

 

Finally arriving at the doorstep, Junmyeon taps on the security keypad and it beeps upon granting him access. He pushes the door open only to pull a grimace a second later.

 

“God, I thought I told you to open the windows if you were going to smoke,“ He closes the door and takes off his shoes before placing their breakfast on the dining table. Upon the sight of the idol slumping on the couch with his gaze still trained on the television without acknowledging Junmyeon’s presence, the manager sighs. He frowns looking at the ashtray on the armrest, full of ashes and cigarette stubs.

 

“Have you washed up?” The manager asks but he doesn’t wait for Jongin to answer as he sees the idol sporting a 5 am shadow, still clad in just a pair of boxers and no top. “Obviously not. I brought breakfast so go and eat.” He makes his way to the curtains and tucks them to the side, letting light enter the apartment before opening the windows. The cold, stagnant air does little with improving the aeration, so he goes to find the switch for the ventilation fan.

 

He does all that and when he turns around, the idol hasn’t moved an inch. He isn’t smoking anymore but a pack and a lighter still sits by the side of the sofa, as if ready at his disposal. Junmyeon crosses his arms. “Are you okay, Jongin? You don’t usually smoke this much on a performing day.”

 

“I’m fine,” The idol bites out, finally getting up the couch and heads to the dining table. Junmyeon frowns at the attitude.

 

“You know you can tell me things, right?” He tries softly, approaching the idol who is now sitting and taking out the box of chicken from the plastic bag. “Why did you binge smoke? Did something happen last night with Kyungsoo?”

 

“Coz’ I can’t get drunk, Junmyeon. Nothing happened.”

 

“Then why do you look so upset?” The stench is still somewhat strong and he resists the urge to cough. “You didn’t smoke around Kyungsoo, now did you? I’m sure you know it’s not good for the babies-”

 

“Don’t mention his name.” The interruption catches Junmyeon by surprise.

 

“Are you two fighting—”

 

“He’s a stalker.”

 

Junmyeon’s eyes widen in utmost surprise at the accusation. “Now I’m sure that’s not true.”

 

“He’s a stalker, just like everyone else. He’s no different.” 

 

Junmyeon notes the grave tone in Jongin’s voice. That’s the tone of a lost man and Junmyeon thinks that _ah_ , maybe he is going through a stage of denial. Again. Just that this time, he’s less hostile about it. There’s something about the idol right now that just seems so tired. “Are you going to talk about it with me? Or do you want me to leave you alone?”

 

“It would be nice if you could leave me alone on this.” Jongin replies dully, picking on his chicken with lack of enthusiasm. “I’m not in the mood to talk.”

 

Junmyeon nods and takes a breath. “Just get ready so I can drive you to the venue later.”

 

-

 

Kyungsoo gently cards his hands through the raven locks, tucking half of them to one side and the other half to another, evaluating the length in between his fingers and ensuring it is the same. The lady hums, pleased and when he meets eyes with the client through the mirror, she smiles.

 

“That’s just the way I want it,” She says, turning her head this way and that and Kyungsoo promptly takes a hand mirror and reflects the back of her head in the vanity mirror. “Are you new? Usually that Key guy takes me.”

 

“Ah yes. I’ve only been here for two weeks,” Kyungsoo shoots her a smile, removing the cape off her. 

 

“Well I hope you can work here for a long time, Kyungsoo-sshi,” She gets up from her seat and comes closer to the mirror for some more adjustments to her look before offering the male a friendly smile and thanking him, taking her bag with her to go to the cashier. 

 

Kyungsoo manages a polite bow as much as he can with the bump in the way. A compliment from a client goes a long way, he realizes. Beauticians don’t often get praised for their work because they are expected to be good at it without being told to, but at the end of the day they’re humans too and need reassurances from time to time.

 

“That’s Chanyeol’s old friend, Yuna,” Amber half-whispers to him as she does another client’s hair beside him. “She helped him start the salon.”

 

Kyungsoo makes a non-committal hum as he cleans up the place and watches Chanyeol arrive downstairs to chat with her for a bit. She did say she knows of Chanyeol but Kyungsoo didn’t know their friendship went way back. “Do you need help with colouring?” He turns to Amber.

 

“Nah, I’m fine,” Amber grins and returns her attention on her client, her gloved hands steadily taking strands of hair and pasting it with dye. 

 

After cleaning his hands and drying them, he instinctively rests them on his belly and pats it, remembering that there is something he needs to do.

 

-

 

Amber as usual invites him for lunch together and Kyungsoo takes up the offer but saying he has to see Chanyeol for a while.

 

The office hasn’t changed much except now there is a small pot of cactuses sitting near Chanyeol’s iMac. The man asks him to come in, casually scrolling through something on his phone and Kyungsoo thinks that maybe he isn’t that busy today. Otherwise he’s always out of the office for some work outside like meeting suppliers and attending conventions. 

 

“Um, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo calls hesitatingly, unsure if he should have brought something for him because the request he has in mind is considerably heavy. “I have something to tell you.”

 

“Of course you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be here, would you now?” Chanyeol places his phone down on his desk before intertwining his fingers together, feigning professionalism until he chuckles. “Come sit.”

 

Kyungsoo awkwardly does, seating himself on the single chair before the desk. Chanyeol’s silver hair still doesn’t look like it’s been combed today, and he’s starting to think that’s the idea.

 

“How’s work so far?”

 

“It’s good,” The pregnant male nods to himself. “I think I’m doing well.”

 

“Self evaluation is nice and all, Kyungsoo, but a good client feedback is what I need,” Chanyeol grins. “It’s business after all.”

 

“Y-Yes,” Kyungsoo nods swiftly, a little flustered. 

 

“But I don’t think you have to worry about that so far coz’ like you said, you’re doing pretty well.” Chanyeol laughs by himself, and frankly Kyungsoo isn’t sure what’s so funny about that but he plays along anyway with an awkward chuckle. “You really think I’m a mean boss.”

 

“No, sir- I mean, Chanyeol.”

 

“Ease up. I like to get friendly with my employees.” He then presses the intercom, calling for Bora. 

 

“I can tell,” Kyungsoo mumbles under his breath. He listens to the call and apparently Chanyeol is asking her to get one of their assistants to come up with tea for two and Kyungsoo almost wants to decline the offer but seeing as this is his boss, he might as well be quiet about it and just take it.

 

“So what is it that you wish to tell me?” Chanyeol is now leaning back in his swivel chair, eyeing Kyungsoo expectantly. The hairstylist gulps in anxiety, fiddling with his thumbs on his lap.

 

“Um, my doctor told me to get a maternity leave, starting from the end of March.” He watches his boss nod thoughtfully, but he doesn’t say anything so Kyungsoo continues. “I can request for a doctor’s letter if you need it…”

 

“Sure, you do that, Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol reaches for the table calendar and flips a few months, making a noise to himself before he turns on his iMac to look for something. Kyungsoo waits for his answer patiently, feeling a little small even with the twins in his womb.

 

No later, there is a knock on the door and Sana comes in with her signature bright smile, carrying a tray with two cups of tea and coasters. She greets them a good afternoon and places the beverage on each side of the desk. It smells like ginger.

 

“I read that it’s good for morning sickness,” Sana smiles before her face falls. “Ah, but it’s afternoon…”

 

Kyungsoo stifles a chuckle, thanking her and she leaves with a small wave, leaving the two men in the room again. He cups his hands around the warm porcelain cup but not drinking it just yet.

 

“When are you due again?”

 

Kyungsoo looks up when Chanyeol voices again. “It should be May-ish…”

 

“Hm, Amber did tell me you’re having twins so I guess that’s understandable.” He trails off in thought, scrolling down something with the mouse. Kyungsoo assumes he’s looking at a calendar and planner. “Since I’m a good boss that cares for his employees’ well being, I’m granting you that leave. I’ll have to find a replacement in the meantime. I will still need that doctor’s letter, though, for record purposes. But you’ll be back, right?”

 

“Yeah, of course.” Kyungsoo manages a small smile, somewhat relieved now. He starts to sip on his ginger tea, wincing at the strong taste of ginger but not completely hating it. He then remembers about that ambiguous plan Jongin had for him, and he tries his best to hold back his tongue because frankly he himself doesn’t know what that plan entails. He’s not even sure anymore if Jongin will still let Kyungsoo live where he lives now after the idol left his home last night on a rather bad note. 

 

“Lovely,” Chanyeol makes a gratified noise and starts to lift his cup of tea. Kyungsoo notes that his boss likes to make those noises for some odd reason. “Pretty sure I forgot but where do you live now, Kyungsoo?”

 

Placing his cup back on its coaster, Kyungsoo rests his hands on the edge of the desk. “K Apartments. Two blocks down.”

 

“Oh. Huh, I think one of us lives there too.” Chanyeol narrows his eyes at nothing in particular before returning them to Kyungsoo, smiling. “Will you have someone to take care of you? Or did Sehun hire a maid or something? You’re gonna need someone to give you those massages. Oh hey, you can always dial us up, we have experts anyway.”

 

Kyungsoo stops listening after the mention of Sehun’s name, feeling a little awkward having to correct it but he might as well does. “They’re- They’re not his kids…”

 

Chanyeol goes silent for a while as realization hits him. “Oh. Sorry. It really just became an automatic thought since- ah, never mind. My bad.”

 

“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo smiles, obviously a little uncomfortable now. He wishes to return to Amber for their lunch together. Getting chummy with his boss isn’t his feat.

 

They drink the rest of their tea in silence since Kyungsoo doesn’t dare to excuse himself without his employer dismissing him first. 

 

“Hey,” Chanyeol begins after a rather pregnant silence, leaning his forearms on his work desk and Kyungsoo can see the phoenix tattoo. “Just letting you know that should you need any help at all, don’t hesitate to tell me.”

 

Chanyeol’s words should not mean anything more than his desire to help but Kyungsoo cannot help how he feels a little cornered, as if he’s such a fragile little thing that needs to be handled with care every single time. He doesn’t like to be seen as weak. 

 

“Do I really look that hopeless, sir?” The term slips but it doesn’t sound strained. “With all due respect, Chanyeol, I am perfectly capable of handling myself - being pregnant with two kids is not a burden to me.”

 

Kyungsoo snapping has Chanyeol widening his eyes before letting out a snort, looking not at all offended nor troubled to have caused the hairstylist to snap. “You’re not hopeless at all, Kyungsoo. I am just saying that as an employer, I look out for my employees’ well beings, especially ones that I intend to keep for a long time. Say… a favour for a favour?”

 

Kyungsoo really wants to say that getting that paycheque is enough of a favour for him, but he doesn’t want to hurt his boss’s feelings and risk getting on his bad side some more, so he merely nods and murmurs a quiet ‘thank you’.

 

-

 

That night, the year end music festival is being broadcasted live on one of the major TV channels. 

 

Kyungsoo has a bowl of dry cereal on his lap as he waits for the second half to start. He’s not even sure when Jongin and Sehun will perform or if they have already performed in the first half and he missed it, but he keeps the show on anyway since he has nothing better to watch. 

 

He checks his phone once again to see that he has no new texts or missed calls from the idol himself, so he opens up their convo and types a brief ‘ _Perform well_ ’, deleting it and retyping with ‘ _Good luck_ ’ before deleting that too and settles with a simple message. His thumb hovers over the send button as he contemplates, and when the second half commences on the TV by announcing the lineup and hyping up the audience, Kim Kai’s name happens to be there.

 

Kyungsoo taps send.

 

—And realizes too late that his thumb did that without going through his brain first and now the text has been received by the idol but not yet seen. He huffs and drops his phone on the other side of the couch, somewhat regretting having that short-lived courage last night and telling him how he really feels, nearly exposing himself bare.

 

All that talk with Baekhyun spurred him to cross that one line neither of them dared to discuss, and it felt right because Jongin has been confusing him these days so he just wanted something that would really push the idol to give an answer to him but he didn’t. It’s like you sent a message expecting an answer only to be left on read. Like right now.

 

The idol has seen the message 3 minutes ago but he didn’t give an instant reply.

 

-

 

_“Fighting”_

 

Jongin closes the convo and returns to his Spotify, shutting back his eyes as he lies on the sofa trying to get a nap before his turn. It’s made hard because someone else in the room is blasting their music on speakers for the whole room to hear and it’s downright annoying because the other team that shares the room with his just had to be _that_ team.

 

He heaves out a sigh and sits up, taking out his earphones and getting up. Sehun is seen paying attention to his phone while his new makeup artist sings along to the music while she does the idol’s hair. It seems that the music comes from the phone on the desk which does not belong to the lean idol.

 

Jongin reaches forward and grabs the phone, stopping the music and putting it back on the desk before facing the sitting male who looks up at him confusedly.

 

“It’s basic decency to be quiet when someone is trying to sleep in the same room.” Jongin bites out before shifting on his feet to go back to his sofa but is stopped by a hand. He turns back to Sehun who glares up at him. 

 

“Apologize to Sunny,” The sitting male says. “That was rude.”

 

Jongin scoffs, rolling his eyes. “It was rude of you guys first for disturbing my nap. Screw off.”

 

“Apologize to her.” Sehun presses, gesturing to the woman beside him who pauses to stare at the two of them, and the glare does nothing to scare Jongin. Sehun isn’t intimidating in the least.

 

“Protecting your new makeup artist now, huh?” Jongin bites out bitterly. “What, moved on from your previous one already?”

 

That struck a nerve and now Sehun is getting up from his seat so he can push Jongin in the chest. “What the hell is wrong with you to act like such a conceited asshole? You’re the one lacking basic decency here.”

 

Jongin looks away and scoffs. “Fuck, I know,” He mutters through his teeth, barely audible above his breath. “He should’ve known too before saying that…” He messes with his own hairdo, uncaring if he would get lectured by Minseok later for it before turning away. 

 

This has Sehun narrowing his eyes at him and he grabs hold onto Jongin’s arm to stop him from walking further. “Are you talking about Kyungsoo?”

 

“Who the fuck else?” The profanity in his words has Sehun releasing his hold on him, and Jongin calls out for Junmyeon to find him a smoking room.

 

-

 

Junmyeon found him a room and Jongin all but power walks there, immediately lighting his stick and taking a long, heavy drag of the carcinogenic smoke into his lungs before exhaling deeply. It’s thankfully empty, but it does reek.

 

He plays with the lighter, flicking it on and off, watching the flame appear and disappear as he smokes and lets his body sag on the couch. 

 

No later there is a knock on the door and Sehun peeks inside. “Do you mind?” Jongin doesn’t answer so Sehun makes his way inside and shuts the door. 

 

“My turn isn’t in another two hours.” Sehun says, taking a seat on the opposite chair, across the room. His hair is half done and a month ago Jongin would have laughed but now it only annoys him.

 

“What do you want?”

 

Sehun spares him a long contemplative stare. “Kyungsoo wouldn’t tell me things anymore. Not as much.”

 

Jongin suppresses a scoff, rolling his eyes as he lightly hits his cigarette on the ashtray. “Don’t think you’re gonna get it from me either.”

 

Sehun reaches out a hand and turning it palm upwards. Jongin regards him apprehensively before fishing out the pack from his pocket and tossing it to him with the lighter. Sehun opens it and takes a stick and lights it, taking casual light drags unlike Jongin. “That’s fine. I get updates from Baekhyun or Junmyeon. Sometimes from my own manager.”

 

“Of course you would.” Jongin mutters.

 

“And they told me you both are fine, that Kyungsoo seems happier with how you’ve been to him lately.” Sehun takes another drag before continuing, resting his arm on the back of the couch. 

 

Jongin pretends he doesn’t care, but it’s hard. It’s hard to ignore the fact that Kyungsoo likes being under his care because he can _see_ it. If Kyungsoo has been trying to hide it then he’s doing a terrible job at it, but he doesn’t think the elder male even thought of trying.

 

“Are you jealous or something?” Jongin attempts to divert the focus away from him, inhaling another drag and watching fumes escape his lips. He hears a half-hearted chuckle from the other male. 

 

“You’re dramatic sometimes,” Sehun points out. “Though it mostly shows that you care.”

 

“I’m dramatic, I’m temperamental, what else,” He rolls his eyes at him. “Keep ‘em coming.”

 

“Who called you temperamental? Kyungsoo?” Sehun asks, before letting out a loud snort. “Did he lie, though.”

 

“What do you want.” Jongin repeats himself.

 

They left themselves quite a long silence, filling the vicinity of the room with unhealthy amounts of smoke until someone decides to break that silence. “You seem scared, Jongin. You always run away if you’re scared.”

 

Sehun says it so easily, describing the chaotic waves of emotion swelling in his chest, the uncertainties he keeps to himself. A complicated little thing, his heart is.

 

Not being able to cope with the loss of fans and fame, not being able to dance anymore, potentially losing a job; those were old fears. Still there, but they’re muted. Being a shitty father of two, not treating Kyungsoo right, and most importantly, not being able to be the family Kyungsoo needs…

 

“What are you running away from this time?” Sehun asks, his tone sincere. Maybe Jongin misses this between them.

 

“It was just supposed to be me taking care of him and the twins. It wasn’t supposed to be more than that.”

 

Sehun stares long and hard until he decides to spare him a smile, knowing, but bitter. “Likeable, isn’t he? He makes it so easy to like him yet so hard for us at the same time.”

 

Jongin blinks, instantly reminded of something familiar.

 

_“Does that mean you find me likeable too?”_

 

He didn’t mean to give an answer back then, but to just chide away at the thought of being asked in the first place. Now that he thinks about it however, he has already answered him that he is indeed likeable, but it should not have meant that Jongin liked him back. Maybe Kyungsoo was waiting to hear _that_ part, so that snowy night was nothing more than a push.

 

“I don’t know what he wanted to hear,” Jongin mumbles out loud. "So, well, I ran away."

 

“Well, I'm not sure what he said to you but," Sehun says. "Instead of wanting an answer, maybe he just wanted you to stay."

 

-

 

In the end, Kyungsoo’s text message was ignored for nearly a week.

 

Tonight marks the end of the year and the beginning of a new one, and Kyungsoo spends it at home, waiting for the countdown to start as he cleans up Winter’s litter. He invited Baekhyun over but apparently Sehun has work so the stylist needs to tag along. It’s just him and Winter.

 

If he’s being truthful to himself, he is mildly upset Jongin has not contacted him this past week. Kyungsoo assumes the idol needs some space, so he is more than willing to give it, although it does make him a little sad not being visited nor receiving a text to say that he’s doing fine. The ambiguity in Jongin’s answer back when he was about to leave Kyungsoo’s place has been leaving him horribly unsettled.

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t want to admit it but he kind of misses him. When the countdown starts, he has a warm blanket around him, a thumb hesitating above the send button as he bites at his trembling lower lip, affronted at himself for feeling like crying. 

 

_“I shouldn’t have said what I said. I’m sorry.”_

 

Winter’s tail flicks curiously as she looks at the fireworks in awe through the floor to ceiling glass, colourful light bursts stream into the midnight sky as if it’s the canvas, but Kyungsoo’s eyes are blurry.

 

-

 

The night of the second day of the new year, the doorbell rings. 

 

Kyungsoo all but gets a little too giddy he rushes to open the door only for his face to fall at the sight of Junmyeon. Still, he smiles at him and hopes he did not look like his hopes were crushed in an instant, wondering why the idol’s manager is here.

 

Junmyeon hands him two paper bags to him, a warm smile intact. “How’s your new year going?”

 

“It’s great. I had work today.” Taking the bags, Kyungsoo peers inside. “What’s this?”

 

“Just some sushi for you, and other stuffs,” Junmyeon says before checking his watch. “I actually don’t plan to be long. I just wanna check up on you. I’m glad you seem well.”

 

Kyungsoo offers him a small smile, slightly bowing as a thankful gesture for the thought. “I _am_ doing well, thank you.”

 

“Lovely. I better be on the move now. See you around,” Junmyeon turns around and Kyungsoo hesitantly tells him to wait, earning a confused look. The hairstylist admittedly gulps, uncertain now if he should ask him, but he takes a breath and does anyway.

 

“How’s Jongin?”

 

The manager doesn’t seem surprised, but there’s a knowing smile playing on his lips as he answers. “He’ll live.”

 

Kyungsoo blinks as he watches him go. He’s not sure what that implies. Is Jongin sick or something? Should he be worried? But Junmyeon doesn’t look at all worried about him so maybe he shouldn’t too. 

 

He thinks of texting Jongin to personally ask him but then remembers that the idol did not even reply to his messages the past week. Not a visit, a call nor even a text from Jongin, and Kyungsoo’s left in the dark. He’s not sure if he did wrong; if that confession was a mistake and was the one thing that drove him away. Heck, he’s not even sure if the idol is still letting him live in this very apartment or if he’s about to be homeless in the busy city of Seoul with two kids to feed.

 

Jongin is so mean. He’s starting to think that maybe Baekhyun was right. 

 

-

 

Jongin waits for Junmyeon to enter the car, pretending to concentrate on the news article he’s reading about his own movie casting. Once his manager has settled in and buckled his safety belt, he eyes him quietly.

 

“He’s doing fine, in case you’re wondering,” Junmyeon says to him in a sarcastic way, obviously knowing the idol would like to know. “He asked about you.”

 

“He did?”

 

“He wouldn’t if you had kept in touch with him like I thought you would until that night happened,” Junmyeon pesters, driving out of the parking space and into the main roads. “Speaking of, you never told me what happened that night.”

 

“I don’t intend to,” Jongin goes back to his phone, unwilling to talk.

 

“Okay fine, but are you thinking of fixing this soon? You know you’re worrying him for no reason.”

 

That, Jongin knows. But he doesn’t think he’s ready yet to face him. If he needs to sort his feelings out, he would like it if the source of his scattered feelings isn’t around. He thinks he’s been made confused ever since Kyungsoo told him he liked him, like a trigger to something Jongin doesn’t dare to toe around. All of this had only been for the kids and Kyungsoo’s well being, so when emotions play into the scene, Jongin is at loss.

 

Kyungsoo’s recent text message carried a grim tone. Words can be taken back, but feelings can’t. 

 

Looking past that though, he wouldn’t have met Kyungsoo again if it weren’t for that minor encounter in high school. Because despite what he said, Jongin actually remembers. He was late at it, but he remembers now.

 

He remembers a boy; a boy who was always shoved into lockers, who was always taunted for bringing his makeup to class and showing up prettier than most of the girls, and it was a small school. Everyone remembered who came from which class, and they especially remembered a pretty boy, but that pretty boy gathered a different kind of attention than Jongin, an idol trainee.

 

He remembers his past shy self wanting to be as bold as him, uncaring in spite of what people think of him flaunting his makeup skills, and although bold, he wasn’t showy about it. He was a quiet boy just like him. 

 

He remembers feeling anxious about needing to perfect a performance all by himself as part of their weekly trainee evaluation, and not knowing someone skillful enough to do his hair and face in tandem to the concept he wanted to go with.

 

He remembers approaching that pretty boy in the men’s room wanting his help as his sixteen year old self was too shy to ask help from the girls instead, worrying they would be loud about it with their friends. 

 

Presently, they met again due to an unfortunate circumstance, and if what Jongin has been thinking was true, Kyungsoo had been pursuing his career as a beautician _because_ of the idol. Jongin believes Kyungsoo holds him in too high of a regard, too damn high it makes the idol feel inadequate about the things he already lacks at. He has one too many flaws.

 

-

 

“Did you read the news?”

 

Jongin looks up from his movie script, a pen in hand paused from writing notes on his lines. His table read is scheduled next week. “If you’re talking about Dispatch’s new year dating news, I’m not interested.”

 

“Even if your name comes up?”

 

At the hypothetical question, Jongin frowns. “What news?”

 

The manager sighs through his nose, copying the link and forwarding it to the idol’s number. It’s instantly received and soon Jongin takes out his phone from his jeans pocket, disregarding his script for the moment.

 

“You really were careless,” Is what Junmyeon says as Jongin clicks open the link. It redirects him to a news site.

 

 

 

“Kim Kai spotted walking out of an apartment residence and smoking?”

Article : [Exclusive] Recent photos leaked of Kim Kai walking out of a residence and openly smoking while driving

Source : Dispatch via Nade

 

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1\. [+2,355, -376] He’s been quite known for his bad habits outside of celebrity life. I don’t find this surprising.

2\. [+1,843, -220] The question is, whose residence is that… Fans who follow him know that he doesn’t live there. 

        - It could just be his friend’s

3\. [+1042, -102] Why is almost everyone in the comments automatically assuming he’s dating and was staying at his partner’s house?

        -His fans have never seen him going to that residence

        -Because his fans would know if it was a friend’s or a relative’s house

        -No known celebs live there. 

4\. [+750, -87] Almost all male idols smoke, stop singling him out and calling him problematic.

5\. [+423, -40] I can’t be the only one who’s reminded of that blind item about an idol knocking up a non-celeb, right?

        -Me too.

        -It’s been a while. Was it buried already?

        -Fuck, I didn’t think of this at first…

 

 

 

The photos attached, although dark and slightly blurry, are still able to outline the idol’s features and stance as well as the way he dressed. There is a conspicuous mosaic spot where he was putting the cancer stick in between his lips, his arm resting on the open window of his SUV, completely oblivious to the fact that he was being observed.

 

“I thought these things were supposed to be filtered by the agency first,” Says Jongin, reading through the comments and finding nothing much that hints at his relationship with Kyungsoo. At least these people are still clueless.

 

Junmyeon shrugs. “The current dating news this new year didn’t make much traffic, I guess. Did this happen the night you fought with Kyungsoo?”

 

“I didn’t _fight_ with him,” Jongin counters, feeling like it was too strong of a word.

 

“Well, it sure looked like you did,” Junmyeon mumbles to himself, most probably wanting to be heard by the younger idol because Jongin throws him a light glare. “Or this is just another case of you running away at the first sight of trouble.” Jongin’s too tired he doesn’t bother thinking of a retort.

 

“Will the agency do something about this?” He refers to the leaked photos.

 

“The most they would do is have it buried, just like they did to the blind item,” Junmyeon elucidates. “I doubt they would take legal action. It’s not worth it.”

 

Jongin’s eyes are fixed on the photos, considering the level of disparagement and if he should be concerned. At this point, he just doesn’t care what the journalists have on him. He’s on the verge of being jobless anyway, or maybe he’s just been feeling a little low.

 

-

 

Jongin looks outside his window, at the group of people huddled together in front of the store, with one of the staffs pulling down the shutter. They are seemingly chatting for a bit, laughing at some jokes one of them might have cracked, and he can see Kyungsoo covering his mouth as his eyes disappear, laughing along. He looks snug in his warm layers, his pale hand sitting atop his bump as they now part ways to head home.

 

Kyungsoo hugs himself as he waits for the bus to arrive, joining the line to get inside and finally settles into a seat.

 

“So like, we’re just gonna follow your ego and tail him like this?” Junmyeon asks, most probably has been watching the pregnant male with him. The idol ignores him in opt to continue looking at the male now leaning his head onto the window and closing his eyes, seemingly tired from work. The bus leaves. 

 

“Take me home.” He could’ve driven there himself but after photos of him walking out of Kyungsoo’s residence and smoking, he has to let Junmyeon restrict his movements a little.

 

“You’ve been doing this for days,” Junmyeon pulls out of the parking lot and enters the main road. “You do know he’s just one call away if you really miss him that much, don’t you?”

 

“I’m in no place to call him,” The idol says, shameful.

 

“Even if he’s waiting?”

 

Jongin doesn’t answer.

 

-

 

Clients usually pay attention to how they look in their reflections, waiting to be prettied and made up. It leaves a comfortable space for the beautician to complete their work even at the close proximity.

 

But this particular client has been staring at him like he’s a dangled piece of meat, his gaze hot on him and his every action. Kyungsoo pretends he’s not uncomfortable by it, but every time he looks in the mirror he finds himself staring right back in the client’s eyes. His attempts at friendly conversations are brushed off with curt answers too, so he simply gives up and proceeds to do his work quietly.

 

After finishing his haircut, Kyungsoo reaches for the blow dryer and is about to turn it on until the man speaks.

 

“You don’t have a ring on your finger.”

 

Kyungsoo eyes his fingers, blinking once. “We’re not allowed to wear hand accessories to work, if you’re wondering.”

 

“Do you keep one in your necklace, then?” The man questions some more, his cold gaze daunting the hairstylist. “Ah, but you’re not wearing a necklace, either.”

 

The statement has Kyungsoo automatically reaches at his collarbone, wondering how hard has the man been staring at him to notice the lack of a necklace around his neck, even when he’s wearing a collared sweater.

 

Kyungsoo feigns a chuckle. “I don’t own rings, Mr. Yoo.”

 

“You’re expecting,” The man says lowly, never breaking eye contact with the pregnant male. “But unmarried.”

 

Kyungsoo’s not sure if he should be offended at that. He knows how much the society stigmatises unwedded yet expecting parents, but being directly confronted like this is not what he expected.

 

“You were Sehun’s makeup artist, yes?” At the recognition, Kyungsoo widens his eyes, earning a rather amused laughter from the client. “You look so surprised. Having quite a number of followers on your Instagram, shouldn’t you at least expect some people to know you outside of work? You’re quite the looker, much too lovely to be under the shadow of an idol singer, shall I say?”

 

“You seem to be flattering me, Mr. Yoo.” Although Kyungsoo doubts it’s flattery. He’s a little doubtful of the man, but he’s still his client nonetheless so he keeps the professional smile on his lips as he turns on the blowdryer and starts blowing the man’s hair.

 

“Where do you live, Kyungsoo-sshi?” Mr. Yoo asks when Kyungsoo is finally done with him and is about to remove the cape from around his torso. 

 

Keeping the smile, Kyungsoo replies. “K Apartments.” In an attempt to keep the friendly mood, he asks back. “What about you?”

 

“Around.” The man only says before he gets up and checks his reflection, stealing a glance at the hairdresser who is stunned to stillness at the lack of a real answer. “Your service is much appreciated. I’ll definitely come here again.”

 

Kyungsoo feels cold at his words, and he doesn’t miss the mysterious glint in Mr. Yoo’s eyes as he smiles and walks away. Was he not supposed to have answered him truthfully?

 

-

 

Yeonseok slips some cash to the lady at the reception, keeping his wallet in his back pocket. The lady is about to recite her thank you and come again message but the man cuts in.

 

“The staff named Kyungsoo there,” He jerks his chin at the hairdresser who is cleaning up the chair for the next client. “How long has he been working here?”

 

The lady raises her brow. “Kyungsoo? He’s only been here roughly one month. What’s the matter, Mr. Yoo? Did our staff wrong you?”

 

Yeonseok hums in thought, staring at the male in question. “No. He did an excellent job.” He returns to the lady. “Has any celeb come here before in the period that he’s working?”

 

“We get celebs often around here, Mr. Yoo.”

 

“How about… celebs from SM?”

 

The lady thinks carefully and is just about to answer until she begins to narrow her eyes at the client. “Are you a journalist, Mr. Yoo?”

 

Yoonseok snorts, looking away. “Of course not. You just have a staff that is considerably well known among fans of Oh Sehun, a singer of SM. I’ve been following him on Instagram too. I didn’t know he has quit working for Sehun.”

 

“Well I guess that’s true,” The lady says, no longer that suspicious of him. “No, we don’t get clients from SM.”

 

“Then,” He leans closer on the counter, flustering the woman as she looks up at him with startled eyes. “Do you perhaps know if Kyungsoo has ever mentioned about the baby father?”

 

The woman offers him an unimpressed look. “I’m afraid we are not allowed to disclose our personnel information to the clients, Mr. Yoo. If you want to woo him, please do it outside of the salon.”

 

Smiling a wide grin, Yeonseok says his thanks and instantly removes the smile as he turns away and heads for the doors. He takes out his phone, his fingers moving furiously to type the newly found information only to find it hasn’t been all that fruitful today, although he did find out how attractive the former makeup artist was up close. 

 

He sighs through his nose, holding his phone up to snap a photo of outside of the salon. He finally turns and starts walking until he hears the slam of a car door. 

 

A man is marching towards his direction, a mouth mask and a pair of shades on, and a black cap on his head. His legs are familiarly long, and Yoonseok knows of this gait. 

 

The man passes by him, and goes straight for the salon.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo is waiting for his next client to settle into the seat when he hears a sudden commotion from the reception area. He frowns, looking over at Amber beside him whose hands are busied with blow drying her client’s hair as she returns a similar questioning face to him. When his client voices out her specific request for her hair, Kyungsoo has to pay attention to her and understands what she wants. He is set to begin work and studies the lady’s hair, but is interrupted when he hears Chanyeol’s deep voice.

 

“Kyungsoo is currently booked. Please allow us to assign you to someone else.”

 

That has him temporarily abandoning his client, and he realizes he isn’t the only person interested in what’s taking place at the other side of the salon. Hushed whispers and conversations are shared amongst the staffs, shooting unfathomable glances at him in between. Kyungsoo doesn’t understand. 

 

“Seems like he’s really adamant on being served by you,” Amber remarks, curious herself as she pauses her job to peer at the area.

 

The voices there seem to have heightened, and from where he stands, Kyungsoo can see Bora stepping up to politely turn the guest down. “Please excuse us, but you can’t—”

 

“I’ll triple the pay.”

 

That seems to urge Kyungsoo to make his way to the reception hall, stopping short at the sight of the familiar figure; long legs in blue jeans, a striped tee. The man removes his shades and pulls his mask down, earning collective gasps from a handful of people in there. 

 

“Let me see him.” 

 

“Jongin?” He blurts out, and the commotion seems to have taken a pause as the onlookers turn their heads at him, which inherently means Jongin has noticed his presence as well. 

 

The idol has a determined look set on his face, or desperate, Kyungsoo can’t tell. Otherwise, the only other thing that plagues his mind is that, it’s been a while since he last saw him. Kyungsoo’s missed him, but he’s also a little hurt. And while the pregnant male stays frozen in his spot, Jongin is walking and closing their distance until he’s completely standing before the other male. 

 

A set of clacks of shoes against the floor brings Chanyeol to the two of them, casting a worried glance at his pregnant staff before directing his words at the idol. “I can make arrangements for you to be served by someone else if you are in need of urgent assistance, Jongin-sshi—”

 

“No,” Jongin outright refuses, eyes trained solely on Kyungsoo. “I want _him_.”

 

 

 

 

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

 

 

 

“A car accident?”

 

Jongin watches his manager still in between his pacing, his stress lines prominent on the skin of his forehead as he listens intently to the person on the phone. The idol on the other hand resumes back to watching a dance video on Youtube, resting on the one couch they placed in this practice room. They’re going to be late.

 

“But we _need_ Minseok. It’s the red carpet.” Junmyeon says exasperatedly, a hand now on his hip as he hears from the other line. He releases a heavy sigh, glancing at the idol before saying something more mutedly and hanging up the phone.

 

“There’s been a car accident on the way to pick up Minseok. It’s causing a roadblock. They’re making a detour,” Junmyeon elaborates, pressing on his forehead. “We’ll have to drive there and catch up on the way. They won’t be able to make it here and arrive at the venue in time.”

 

Jongin puts his phone to sleep, sitting up. “What about Luhan?”

 

“We’ll meet him on the way.” Junmyeon gestures him to get up as he walks to the door. Jongin follows on his tail soon after. 

 

They’re in Junmyeon’s personal car now and Jongin sits back in his seat, staring at nothing. “Stop by my place. I need to grab something.”

 

Junmyeon looks at him in disbelief. “What could you possibly need at your place?”

 

“My phone charger. I left it.”

 

Junmyeon probably wanted to say ‘you can borrow mine’ before remembering they’re not even using the same phones. Jongin owns an iPhone while his manager is an Android user. The manager sighs, putting on his safety belt. “Can’t you wait until you meet the team and borrow from them?”

 

“My phone is dying.” He says as he unlocks his phone, the battery life reading 76% at the top, as he opens the navigation app.

 

-

 

“Be quick.” Junmyeon doesn’t bother going up the residence parking, only waiting at the pickup-dropoff point as he watches Jongin opening and closing the car door before rushing to the entrance doors, tapping his access card.

 

Junmyeon worries his lower lip as he checks the time on his watch, estimating the time taken to arrive there before the red carpet starts. They have less than 2 hours. It takes at least half an hour to reach there, at most 45 minutes for hair and makeup (if they can even find an immediate substitute). Junmyeon is in a mild distress. He hopes Jongin would not take too long. The idol has been fairly unpredictable these days it’s a little hard to manage him.

 

He has been texting and asking around for who might have some time in their hand to spare, even those already at the venue. Attending a red carpet event bare-faced and with disheveled hair is disrespecting the event. Losing count of how many times he has sighed that day, Junmyeon checks the time again. It’s only been 5 minutes but it feels like they’re losing precious time. 

 

Ringing Jongin up, he waits for the dial tone to end and for the idol to pick up, but after 5 rings he was hung up on. Junmyeon stares at his phone in disbelief, trying again. Pressing his phone to his ear, he looks out at the entrance doors for any signs of Jongin, and absently shifts his gaze ahead at the cars exiting the residence parking from the upper floors only for his jaw to go slack. “What in the hell…”

 

Because among the cars exiting there is a red SUV with a plate number Junmyeon so recognizes. He can already see himself in the meeting room having to answer to the higher management.

 

-

 

The shorter male looks up at Jongin with perplexity, so many questions written on his face. When Kyungsoo finally registers the muted crowd, he begins to look around and cower as he notes all eyes are on him. He doesn’t like this. He doesn’t like this one bit. 

 

In the corner of his eye he can see that Chanyeol is waiting for his say on this, to make sure Kyungsoo’s comfortable with this particular potential client arriving here out of nowhere and asking for his and his service only, but if Kyungsoo’s being honest he just doesn’t want to be here at this very moment. Jongin has him in a situation that is completely avoidable, but the idol’s selfish as much as he’s mean and now after all Kyungsoo’s effort of keeping himself on the low, he’s not sure if Jongin has thought this through to have come here. 

 

Kyungsoo looks at Chanyeol then, walking close to him and away from Jongin, speaking softly. “Chanyeol, I don’t want to take him.”

 

He suddenly feels a tug at his hand. “Kyungsoo please, we need to talk.”

 

“Can I go back to work, Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo ignores the grip on his hand as he asks for his boss’s permission. 

 

“Find us a private room, sir,” Jongin intervenes as soon as Kyungsoo finishes, this time yanking Kyungsoo closer to him, but Kyungsoo still refuses to look at him.

 

They both seem to be at a standstill, with Chanyeol in between and the crowd’s eyes on them, as the salon owner deliberates. “Shall we discuss this somewhere more private? I suppose we have gained enough attention as it is.” He urges Bora to come to him and names his instructions, including asking for her to find someone to stand in as a substitute for Kyungsoo’s previous client that has been unattended because of the situation at hand.

 

Kyungsoo sighs, yanking away from the grip to be let go as they are led into a room and Jongin does let him go. The door is closed behind them, and they both face Chanyeol.

 

“It seems that you both have an unresolved issue, and while that is none of my business, I would just like to know the level of urgency from you, Jongin-sshi, and how we can accommodate you. You’re still our potential client, after all.”

 

“I have a red carpet event in less than 2 hours,” Jongin swiftly speaks up, effectively cutting off whatever Kyungsoo decided to add. “Kyungsoo has experience and would understand what I am looking for.”

 

“Would you, Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol turns to him, expectant. Kyungsoo frowns, not looking up at either of them. He has no right to turn Jongin down if Chanyeol thinks Jongin urgently needs him, and he has no right to disobey his own boss.

 

“…Yes,” Kyungsoo whispers, submitting and pliant. 

 

Chanyeol looks at them both and sigh. “Then I shall allow this special booking for you, Jongin-sshi. I hope Kyungsoo will serve you well.” The last part is also directed to the shorter male, as if a  reminder to do his job accordingly. Kyungsoo stays quiet and slightly bows as Chanyeol exits.

 

When the door closes, they’re both alone.

 

-

 

Junmyeon parks the car right behind the idol’s SUV, sighing deeply. “What does he understand about being more careful…” He kicks his door open and jogs into the salon, searching around before going to the receptionist lady.

 

“Have you seen a tall man wearing a striped tee and—”

 

“Are you a journalist?” The lady studies him from head to toe, her eyes looking plenty bored. “Because we don’t entertain your probing here.”

 

“No.” Junmyeon denies before he starts to narrow his eyes suspiciously. “Was a journalist here before?”

 

“Are you perhaps Kim Kai’s manager?” A hushed gruff voice is heard from behind him, so Junmyeon looks back at the taller male with silver hair and some fancy looking tattooes littering his forearm. 

 

“Yeah, that’s me,” Junmyeon answers in an equally hushed tone. “Is he here?”

 

“I’m Chanyeol, the owner of this place,” The guy holds a hand out for a handshake. “Jongin booked an urgent session with one of our staffs.”

 

“Let me guess, Kyungsoo?” Junmyeon tries, and is seemingly right as he watches the taller man look at him in surprise.

 

“I assume it’s because Kyungsoo used to work for Sehun. Apparently, a red carpet event is due?”

 

“In a bit, yeah. It’s for an award show,” Junmyeon replies, looking around the salon. 

 

“We provided them a private room in case you’re wondering.” Chanyeol clears for him. “We don’t always do this.”

 

Junmyeon grows flustered and proceeds to bow. “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience. We’ll make sure to pay you well for this.”

 

“I don’t think payment is what you should be worried right now,” Chanyeol waves him off. “We had quite a number of onlookers just now.”

 

Of course, there _had_ to be witnesses. Junmyeon sighs _again_. “Is there a way to inform your customers to not speak a word about it?”

 

“I can work on that.” Chanyeol grins.

 

-

 

Jongin can _see_ the unwillingness dissipating from the pregnant male. Kyungsoo doesn’t even bother to face him at the moment.

 

“Why did you turn me down just now?” He asks, trying to look at the shorter male. He was a little offended Kyungsoo said he didn’t want to take him as a client just now, but he supposes it doesn’t compare to what Kyungsoo has been feeling all this while. “Was that you ‘protecting’ me?”

 

It’s presumptuous of Jongin to think so, he knows it. It’s just that it’s the only thing he could think of right now because he’s aware of the attention they attracted, and if what Baekhyun said was true, Kyungsoo always tries his best to do things in Jongin’s favour. 

 

The hairstylist still refuses to turn his way. Growing impatient, Jongin tugs at his hand again and spins Kyungsoo around before he realizes he’s manhandling a pregnant person, carrying his kids. 

 

“Tell me, was that you protecting me?” Jongin insists anyway, forcing Kyungsoo to look up at him.

 

“Why do you always do this?” Kyungsoo whimpers, his voice shaky and only then that Jongin realizes Kyungsoo is shaking in his hold. “Why do you always ask me things that you know you wouldn’t like the answer to?”

 

Jongin is rendered still, the grip on Kyungsoo’s wrist is yet to be let go. 

 

“I was protecting myself, if that is really what you wanted to know,” Kyungsoo says. “I was protecting myself, because the moment you walked out that door that night, I thought that, you wouldn’t do it for _me_. You wouldn’t do it for _anyone_ , and it made me think that maybe you wouldn’t do it for the kids too…” 

 

The glare that Kyungsoo offers him is hurtful, albeit a tearful one too, as if Kyungsoo is wounded to even say it. He has hurt Kyungsoo one too many times.

 

And Kyungsoo was right, about him being selfish. Jongin is being fickle for thinking he has learnt his lesson only to chicken out again at the smallest sign of trouble. But at the mention of their children, Jongin feels bad. He feels _so fucking bad_.

 

“I’m sorry,” He blurts out, his grip tightening on Kyungsoo’s wrist as he pulls him closer. “ _God_ , I’m so sorry.”

 

“Let go of me,” Kyungsoo demands softly, and hesitantly Jongin does. He balls his fists at his sides as he watches the elder male before him rubbing at his taken wrist, as if it hurts.

 

“I… I understand if you want me to leave,” Jongin informs him, not knowing if coming here has hurt Kyungsoo more than he think it does. It was obvious how conflicted the hairstylist looked when Jongin showed up at the salon just now and even turned him down at first. If it wasn’t for that salon owner, they both wouldn’t be in here. 

 

“I don’t want you to leave,” Jongin hears Kyungsoo mutter so very softly. “I would never want you to leave.”

 

Jongin’s heart clenches, painfully, out of guilt. Kyungsoo must have been hurting in his absence. Subconsciously Jongin reaches out again to touch him but the smaller male flinches and draws back, surprising the idol. Is this how it feels like to lose someone’s trust?

 

“Just- Just go and sit. You’re still my client,” The elder male instructs, not looking at him. “And I know how much your job means to you.”

 

 _Fuck my job_ , Kyungsoo’s right in front of him and that’s more important than anything else. 

 

Not wanting to offend the elder male further, he heeds to his instruction and heads for the chair, looking in the mirror at how the hairstylist rests his hand on his waist while another reaches to palm at his forehead. Jongin wonders if he’s not feeling all that good. After a couple seconds, Kyungsoo is seen sighing before he makes his way to a now seated Jongin who cannot seem to take his eyes off the round belly. It’s bigger than he last saw him.

 

“How do you want it?” Kyungsoo says, gently carding his fingers through Jongin’s hair. It feels nice.

 

“I… Frankly, I don’t know how my suit looks like.” Admits Jongin. He doesn’t know what Minseok would have in mind for his red carpet concept. Regardless, it’s red carpet and he’s bound to show up in a suit anyways, and he knows Kyungsoo would know what to do better than anyone else after years of working in the same field for Sehun. 

 

Kyungsoo seems to hesitate upon noticing Jongin’s stare through the mirror. “O-Okay. How much time do we have?”

 

“Not much. Give or take, 30 minutes? But I think I can convince Junmyeon to wait for me.” Jongin notes the way Kyungsoo seems at loss with himself, his hands just hovering in the air, shaking. “I- I didn’t mean to make you panic. Please just take your time, Kyungsoo.”

 

“I’ve only ever dreamt of this,” The shorter male confesses, balling his hands to seemingly stop the trembling. “A lot. I- I don’t want to screw this up.”

 

There he goes again putting Jongin on the pedestal. For a second, Jongin wonders if that was what prompted him to be a beautician; so that one day he could do it for Jongin, despite knowing that his chances were slim. In spite of that, the former makeup artist still worked his way into the industry and, well, actually made it. 

 

Jongin wishes he could hold those trembling hands in his. It doesn’t sit well with him to have the elder male this nervous in front of him. “Just think of me as another client.”

 

“I can’t.” Kyungsoo says, resting his hands on the back of the seat instead, his soft gaze meeting Jongin’s through the mirror. “You’ve always been my muse.”

 

-

 

“Kim Kai really came here,” A woman mutters to herself as she swipes through her photos on her phone with the freshly manicured nails. She makes her way to the reception counter, searching her handbag for her purse as she whips her hair back. She flicks a card out and places it on the countertop. Looking up, she blinks because instead of a woman there, it’s a man.

 

The man has a wide, rather wicked smile as he picks up the card, holding it in between his pointer and middle finger and looking at her pointedly. 

 

“Cyber defamation through the disclosure of a disparaging information to the public may result you in fine not exceeding 20 million won, or, imprisonment for not more than 3 years,” Chanyeol words slowly but surely, seeing his attempt in getting through her head succeeding as she gulps, cowering. He grins and points her card towards the phone in her hand. “So it would be in your best favour to delete any form of evidence containing Kim Kai's whereabouts and activities today, kind ma’am.”

 

Chanyeol smiles victoriously as he watches the woman hastily putting things back into her bag and flees the salon. He turns to Junmyeon who is waiting by the counter looking anxious. Junmyeon glances at him for one second before returning to worrying himself away.

 

“I hope you know I might have potentially lost that client and she might not want to come back after this.”

 

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. “I get it. You’re working hard at this. We’ll be sure to repay you.”

 

“You look so worried. Are you really going to get into trouble for this?”

 

“Uh, _yes_? I’m already trying to come up with answers to possible questions without risking losing my job- _I_ will be the one questioned first.”

 

Chanyeol makes a humming noise. “Is he always that reckless?”

 

Junmyeon is about to answer but he shuts his mouth back, rethinking his decision. “I’ll leave you to wonder by yourself.”

 

“Well, I’d say he’s _plenty_ careless, and demanding on top of that.” Chanyeol spares the manager a look. “You don’t look like you disagree.”

 

“He’s a hardworking kid. I’d give him credit for that.” Junmyeon says, leaning against the reception desk and crossing his arms. 

 

“Where are you headed?”

 

“Q Arena. The show is being held there.”

 

“Oh! Well, good for you. You’re in a one way route heading there. Can’t tell much about traffic but I think it shouldn’t be too bad.”

 

“Really? Then, this place should be on the same street the team will pass by to get to the venue…” Junmyeon slowly draws a conclusion. “If it’s a coincidence, it sure is a convenient one.”

 

“I don’t follow,” Chanyeol looks up with a confused face.

 

“It’s either coincidental or Jongin looked it up,” Junmyeon immediately unlocks his phone and looks through his contacts. The person picks up almost instantaneously. “Hey Luhan, I’m gonna need you to stop by LOEY. Won’t take you a detour.”

 

-

 

By the time Kyungsoo finishes his hair, the jitters still have not ceased. Jongin worries, but doesn’t utter a word. His auburn hair is now styled up, side part combed over and leaving a couple of strands loose above his forehead. He looks sleek.

 

He watches Kyungsoo exit the room for a bit and comes back with a presumably makeup bag, and unloads some of the pockets a little scatteringly on the desk. He picks up a few bottles of foundation and studies the shades before selecting the one closest to Jongin’s. The makeup doesn’t seem to belong to the pregnant male himself, for he seems to scan the products a little too long. They must have been lent to him. 

 

The idol watches him squeeze out a blob of the liquid foundation on top of his hand and when Kyungsoo moves and has to directly face Jongin to apply it, he seems to have stilled.

 

“Kyungsoo, it’s just me,” Jongin reassures. Kyungsoo appears mostly nervous as he faces the sitting male, and with him so close Jongin has to restrain himself from touching him. He wonders if the elder male missed him as much as Jongin missed Kyungsoo.

 

“It’s _because_ it's you.” Kyungsoo starts to apply the liquid foundation in big dabs across Jongin’s cheeks, nose, his forehead and chin. His actions, albeit jittery, are still swift and carry years of profession into them, and also thorough. Kyungsoo knows what he’s doing. This is why Jongin wanted him, but putting it in that way makes it seem vain of him, when all he wanted was to see Kyungsoo and the timing, where people outside would deem it unfit, seems just right to Jongin. 

 

“You seem to think so highly of me.” Jongin says. 

 

“Not always.” Taking the foundation brush, he brushes it evenly onto the idol’s facial skin. Jongin sits quietly with his neck craned up as he feels Kyungsoo gently doing his face. He knows he’s openly staring at Kyungsoo whenever he can, and he knows it probably makes the other male a little if not uncomfortable. 

 

“Would you feel better if I closed my eyes?” He stares into Kyungsoo’s eyes as he says this and it makes the pregnant male pause. 

 

“Do what you please,” Kyungsoo blurts out and continues, his cheeks gaining colour. 

 

“Can I touch you?” 

 

That seems to catch the elder male off guard, halting in the middle of putting concealer, as he offers a puzzled look at him.

 

“I want to touch you, and our kids,” Jongin says, shameless, his hand already reaching around Kyungsoo’s back to untie the work apron and set it loose to make space for his hand to slip underneath and touch the roundness of his belly. He rubs his thumb soothingly over the curve, feeling. The pregnant male may have startled, or he may have not, but whichever the case, he doesn’t recoil. 

 

-

 

“When you first found out you were pregnant,” Jongin begins, his voice hushed and private. “What did you feel?”

 

Kyungsoo eyes him for a while before checking for a suitable shadow palette. The touch has left him and while it flustered him at first, it actually helped him calm down afterwards. He then approaches Jongin and with one hand cradling the back of the idol’s head, another starts with the eye base and contour, Jongin automatically closing his own eyes. Kyungsoo’s hands are no longer trembling. “I was terrified. I didn’t know what to do, didn’t know who to tell…” 

 

Jongin doesn’t cut in, keeping still while Kyungsoo proceeds to line and fill in his eyebrows. He has a high brow arch, and expressive yet cold looking almond eyes. The charm of a cold prince that has thousands of fans swept over their feet. But Kyungsoo didn’t fall for that. He fell for the introverted trainee who shyly asked for his favor in the men’s washroom of a certain high school - a favor that is only being done now.

 

“Did you ever think of not telling me?” Jongin asks. 

 

Kyungsoo hesitates. “Many times…”

 

“To save me the hassle?” Kyungsoo nods, embarrassed. He doesn’t see any signs of Jongin snapping at him, or retaliating with something hurtful, to which he’s relieved. 

 

“Whoever convinced you to tell me, I’m glad they did.” Jongin says and Kyungsoo can only pretend there isn’t an underlying _I’m glad you looked for me, otherwise we wouldn’t have met again_.

 

Moments after, there seems to be rushed footsteps heading their room’s way, and soon enough there’s a knock. Junmyeon peeks in. He politely smiles at the sight of Kyungsoo and the latter smiles back albeit bashfully. “Luhan’s here with your suit. You’re done?” He directs it to Jongin.

 

“It’s done, right? My makeup,” Kyungsoo breaks out of his trance as Jongin studies himself in the mirror. 

 

“Just your lips,” Kyungsoo scurries, looking for a tub of lip balm in Taeyeon’s makeup bag only to find numerous lip swatches and glosses of bright colours, none of which befitting a clean look he has in mind for Jongin. He then remembers he always carries around his lip balm in the back pocket of his pants.

 

He fishes it out and hands it to Jongin who takes it and promptly uncaps it, applying it all over his lips and smacking them once before returning it to Kyungsoo.

 

“Keep it.” Kyungsoo tells him. “You might need it later.”

 

Jongin is dressed in that very room itself with Kyungsoo at the side. The hairstylist has to look away when the idol went topless for a moment before wearing the black dress shirt followed by a blazer. Luhan fusses with the bow tie as Kyungsoo touches up his hair. It’s weird doing hair and makeup for an idol other than Sehun. The strange air makes Kyungsoo nervous again.

 

In spite of it all, Jongin looks amazing in his blue black suit that resembles a starry night sky with loosely scattered glitters on it, but then again Jongin always looks amazing in whatever fits they put on him owing to his perfect proportions. With him so well groomed now, Kyungsoo somehow feels distance between them. 

 

He’s an idol, loved by many.

 

Junmyeon calls for Jongin to hurry out and into their van since they seem to be running out of time. As soon as his clothing stylist exits the room, Jongin turns to him and wordlessly reaches for Kyungsoo’s hand.

 

“I know you’re still upset with me, and I don’t think you like it too much that I’m here,” Jongin brings up the hand to his lips, earning a stuttered breath from Kyungsoo. “I don’t regret coming to see you. I just regret not doing it earlier.”

 

Kyungsoo’s heart is beating dangerously fast when those same lips ghost over his knuckles before landing a light kiss, so light it almost feels like just a brush of the lips.

 

“God knows how much you’ve been hurting because of me. I’m sorry.”

 

Jongin makes it hard for him not to cry then and there. Kyungsoo feels too much, a little choked up. He’s glad Jongin pushed his way into this session with him and he even forgot how mad he was just now. Kyungsoo has missed him too damn much. 

 

The manager came back to urgently call Jongin, and just like that Jongin lets go of him, but not without a reassuring squeeze that leaves Kyungsoo feeling empty when it’s gone. 

 

-

 

Chanyeol notes that the idol is finally walking out of the private room, groomed and looking about ready to steal the show. He hears gasps of awe in the background, most probably from their other customers, but they are already well informed that they should not in any way document Jongin’s visit at the salon, thanks to Chanyeol’s going around to have a little amicable chat with them. 

 

The manager stops by the counter first, saying his utmost thanks for accommodating them in such short notice, and will contact him for billing. Chanyeol smiles politely, eyeing the idol behind him. Just like some tabloids said, Kim Kai is cold and aloof in person, and it’s not because he hates people or anything, it’s because he mostly keeps things to himself, although he begs to differ with how the idol handled his situation today at the salon. 

 

_So, this is the father, huh._

 

It kind of makes sense, because Kyungsoo has made it clear that Sehun isn’t, and Jongdae told him that ‘it’s gotten too complicated’ for the pregnant male to work for Sehun in the industry, and with how they’re from the same agency, it’s almost impossible to avoid speculations. Chanyeol isn’t ignorant; he made a background study of Kyungsoo since he was going to have to hire him under ‘special circumstances’. He usually has no problems hiring already professionals into his salon, so frankly he isn’t much worried of having Kyungsoo and his skills around - in fact, that is pretty much welcomed. 

 

His background study consisted of him going through Oh Sehun’s idol life in relations to being Kyungsoo’s subject for almost 5 years, and that was how he chanced upon the blind items of an idol having knocked up a non-celeb working in the same agency. Lots of names popped up, and the suspicious timing of Kyungsoo opting out of working under SM because of his pregnancy just pretty much confirmed it. 

 

At first, he was so sure it was Sehun. Because Sehun’s manager himself, Jongdae, who is an old friend of his, was the one who approached him first about taking in Kyungsoo. Today, he realizes Kyungsoo has been speaking the truth all this time instead of denying for the sake of privacy protection. It’s not Sehun.

 

Jongin doesn’t smile at him, but he does thank him albeit curtly. They are immediately on their way, the idol’s aura apparently still affecting the atmosphere of the salon even when he has stepped out. 

 

“Well now, that’s a first.” Bora remarks. “Not everyday we get an artist from SM walking in without any appointment whatsoever demanding for a session with a specific staff. Kim Kai, wasn’t it? No offense but, he looks pretty crude.”

 

Chanyeol clears his throat and leaves the reception area. “Bora, I’m going back to my office. Take care of the rest.” He announces. He isn’t headed for the office straight away, though. Kyungsoo has not left the room until now.

 

When Chanyeol knocks on the door and walks in, it is to the sight of his pregnant staff crying quietly in the chair. 

 

-

 

Jongin sits back in the van, but he tries to avoid leaning his head down lest he wants his hair messed up. He hears Junmyeon step inside and close the door. Their driver immediately steps on the gas pedal and backs up. 

 

A sigh is heard from beside him. “Do you realize what you’ve done back there?”

 

“Maybe,” Jongin says, looking out the window and at the salon.

 

“If the higher management found out about this, you can bet they’re not going to like it.”

 

“Well they already don’t like the fact that I got someone pregnant and is punishing me for it by not giving me an album and a tour this year. What’s there left to lose?” He doesn’t care how Junmyeon is looking at him right now. He just wants to get to the venue and do his job, maybe snatch an award or two before going home. 

 

To Kyungsoo.

 

He hopes the elder male isn’t crying right now, but Jongin knows he probably is.

 

-

 

Minseok is said to arrive there a little late, so Jongin will have to maintain Kyungsoo’s work on him for a while until his makeup artist shows up. Minseok has to be there regardless because when it comes to Jongin’s turn for his performance, the audience will expect a different look from him, and Luhan has prepared a different outfit for it too.

 

Jongin isn’t sure if he wants Kyungsoo to watch his red carpet, but it will probably air when Kyungsoo is still working so he doesn’t really have any expectation. 

 

When the van stops, a staff opens the door for him and he steps out, unfazed by the sudden increase in amount of flashes and the ceaseless camera shutter noises. Jongin smiles, only because he is expected to smile, as he stands still for a while and lets them take a couple of shots before strutting his way along the red carpet. He waves at some of his fansites, knows some of them have been around since his debut and some are new. 

 

The MCs have been talking non-stop introducing him and reciting his achievements when Jongin finally arrives at their backdrop with sponsoring brands printed all over it. He’s made to pose in front of it, and if it’s even possible the shutter noises keep increasing, flashes almost blinding his eyes, but he needs to be the Kim Kai that the public knows, a manufactured persona he has lived with for 6 years. 

 

Screw his own agency for not giving him projects; this show is still his to steal. 

 

-

 

“Wahh, he looks so good.” Sana gushes over a certain idol in the midst of her live streaming the red carpet on her phone. Momo keeps on pushing at her arm to get a closer look, pouting.

 

“I can’t believe the moment I went to the toilet was the one moment Kim Kai was here.”

 

“Well,” Sana whispers. “I heard him coming here was rather impromptu.”

 

“No kidding.” 

 

“Did you know Kyungsoo initially rejected to take him as a client?”

 

“ _He did_?” Momo gasps before Sana urges her to quiet down, gesturing at the male who is untying his working apron and disposing it into their hamper, oblivious to the two girls gossiping about him. “So they knew each other too?”

 

“I guess it’s hard not to since he used to work for his best friend.” Sana assumes before tilting her head questioningly. “But they seemed weird.”

 

“How weird?”

 

“I don’t know. Like, ‘witnessing a lovers’ quarrel’ weird.”

 

“That’s impossible. Kim Kai isn’t dating anyone, as far as the journalists report.”

 

“Well, Kyungsoo also never told us who the father is.”

 

Momo narrows her eyes at her. “Are you… saying that he’s that non-celeb in that blind item?”

 

Shrugging, Sana shares a look with her friend and they both direct it to the one male who is seen drinking water out of his bottle. He looks a little sad.

 

“Have you finished cleaning up or are you looking to gain more demerits?” The sound of a gruff voice startles the two girls and they look behind them to find their boss grinning down at them quite frighteningly. “Pretty sure you can watch that at home, yeah?”

 

He gestures at the video streaming on Sana’s phone and she hastily closes it, shooting him a nervous smile before untucking the feather duster underneath her armpit and goes back to cleaning.

 

Chanyeol crosses his arms, watching his staffs wrap up from work and stuffs. In the corner of his eye, he sees Kyungsoo approaching him. He turns and smiles. “Hey.”

 

“Chanyeol, um,” Kyungsoo seems to be avoiding his gaze, hugging his winter coat to his chest. “I’m sorry. I- I shouldn’t be rejecting a client like that.”

 

The salon owner scrutinizes him, with no actual ill intentions. “Can’t see why you’re apologizing. You’re not supposed to take two clients at the same time, so you had all the rights to be rejecting him since you were already working on one. It’s protocol that we assign him to someone else, but obviously he didn’t want that.”

 

His staff looks up, a little relieved, but somewhat doubtful still. “Then- Then, I’m sorry if he inconvenienced you and the rest of the staffs…”

 

Oh, now Kyungsoo’s apologizing on Jongin’s behalf. “No need to be sorry. In the end, you’re getting paid and he got his service anyway.”

 

“I- I still feel bad…”

 

Chanyeol raises an eyebrow at him. “If you still feel bad, go get his autograph for us to hang at our reception backdrop. We could definitely use an SM artist there.”

 

“Um, okay—”

 

“It was a joke. Ease up. Go home and stream the award show or something,” Chanyeol chuckles before going serious again. “Don’t feel bad. A favour for a favour, remember?”

 

When Kyungsoo slowly quirks his lips, Chanyeol thinks he finally got to him. “That just means I’m more indebted to you.”

 

“It’s business. As long as you’re getting paid and the one paying received their service, then no one’s indebted to anyone,” The silver-haired male says with a reassuring grin. “How do you get home, by the way?”

 

“I take the bus.”

 

“Do you want a lif—” Chanyeol cuts himself, faintly reminded of their conversation some days ago about Kyungsoo not liking people going out of their way to help him. He shakes his head then before smiling again, not sure if it’s the pregnancy that makes him feel a tad bit attentive with Kyungsoo or if there’s something else about him that just brings about the urge to take care of him. “Never mind. Have a good rest at home.”

 

-

 

Jongin is quiet.

 

Sehun has been observing him for some time because they apparently share the same waiting room again. In fact, the organizer put them on the same table for the event, and Sehun noted how Jongin was nearly stoic the entire first half, not that he’s an animated guy in the first place. 

 

It’s intermission, a 15 minute break before the second half commences, in which their performance slots take place, like usual. Currently they are busy getting changed to a different outfit and getting touched up. 

 

Jongin, expectedly, has already snatched the Best Male Dance while Sehun has been informed that he will be getting his in the second half. He doesn’t care much for the awards as much as he cares more for preparation of his new comeback. 

 

Baekhyun gave him a black leather bomber jacket, studded across the shoulder line, with nothing underneath. It’s coupled with a pair of skinny jeans and coffee coloured combat boots. He no longer keeps his blonde and Sunny made him copper-haired for his upcoming comeback.

 

Jongin is changed to a different jacket, but his black dress shirt remains underneath. Baekhyun is arranging the chains around his neck and Sehun has to slide his jacket down a bit to assist his stylist, and it has his bare torso exposed to the cool air. When he looks back at Jongin, the tanned idol does a brief sweep over Sehun’s form and mouths a ‘show off’ at him. Sehun only snorts back.

 

After getting his chains fixed and being handed a designer cap, Sehun waltzes over to where Jongin, who is finally done with his outfit, slips a hand inside his pants to tuck in his dress shirt. Upon noticing his presence, the tanned idol gives him a curt nod.

 

“Sunny told me Minseok only arrived just now.” Sehun says, spinning the cap in his hand with his index finger. “Got into trouble?”

 

Jongin eyes him a little too warily, it feels almost foreign. Maybe he thinks Sehun is being nosey. Sehun doesn’t care that he is. “His ride was stuck in traffic coz’ of an accident.” Jongin says, fishing out something from the back of his pocket and uncaps it. It looks familiar.

 

“We use the same brand and flavour,” Sehun points at the lip balm. Jongin, after applying it on his lips, caps it back and gives it a brief look before pocketing it.

 

“It’s not mine.”

 

And just like that he walks away, leaving Sehun musing to himself.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo bites at his fingernails as he scrolls down the fan uploaded photos in his Instagram search results, most of them tagging the user with the handle @zkdlin. He made some oatmeal for himself, which has probably cooled after being abandoned for some time on the coffee table. Winter is snuggled near his socked feet, doesn’t even stir when Kyungsoo accidentally grazes her furred tummy when he brings his legs up so he can curl on the couch. He whispers a small sorry anyway.

 

During the red carpet, Jongin looks good. Actually no, he looks amazing. And no, this is not him praising his own work. It’s just that, even when he has often seen him in person, seeing him in photos like these makes it seem like he’s ethereal. Untouchable.

 

If Kyungsoo was anxious of how the idol would turn up at the red carpet and if his hair and makeup was still okay, now he just feels that familiar distance again. Like an indescribable gap, because these photos are not just witnessed by him. He notes the thousands of likes and comments under every photo of the idol. It’s just still so surreal to him that he ends up in an unexpected ballgame with this very man, and how it is still covert from the knowledge of many. 

 

Somehow, the mysterious man who came as his client just now came to mind. Mr. Yoo, he was called. Kyungsoo still frets over how he gives away his residence name. He tries not to think too much about it as he continues to scroll through Kim Kai’s pictures in the tag. 

 

There’s a video of the MC interviewing him during the red carpet, and Kyungsoo absently clicks on it. 

 

“You look gorgeous. Fans at the back there have been crying about how you look like a prince. Is there a concept for your appearance today?”

 

Jongin is seen waving at where he assumed his fans are, and the audience screamed. “Prince? I’m flattered.” He laughs his handsome laugh, earning more squeals from his fans. “And my concept today… my concept today… is to be one’s muse.”

 

The MC looks confused. “A muse?”

 

“Yes. To be someone’s muse, someone’s inspiration… that is what birthed my look today. I think my clean look today allows people who look at me now to explore their creative endeavours more freely. A good style and concept doesn’t have to be complex.”

 

Kyungsoo blushes. The idol didn’t need to quote him like that. It’s a little embarrassing, especially with how puzzled the MC looked. He could’ve just answered clean or sleek. 

 

After telling the audience to look forward to his performance tonight, he bowed and made his way out.

 

Still warm in his cheeks, Kyungsoo puts his phone on sleep and returns his attention on the TV. He hasn’t missed much. After having arrived home and washing up, they were still in their first half. Now that Kyungsoo has eaten his dinner (he made himself some bean soup, but it wasn’t as satiating as he expected) he is now sitting back with his bowl of oatmeal in his lap. It doesn’t taste as good now that it has cooled.

 

He makes it through half of the bowl before finding himself full, then places it back on the coffee table before grabbing Winter up and onto his lap. She makes a slight fuss before finding her comfortable position and resumes her napping, feeling relaxed with her owner’s ministrations on her head. It’s a little hard now to accommodate the feline on his lap with the bump in the way. 

 

-

 

“Are you okay?”

 

The voice startles the idol a little as he looks to his side. It’s Sehun. “I’m fine.”

 

“You look distracted. Or bored.” Sehun leans back. As of that moment, a girl group is seen performing on stage. “Show a little interest.” Following his words, Sehun begins to clap his hands in time to the upbeat music, sending a raised eyebrow at his friend who looks almost annoyed at him. “Or not.”

 

Jongin rolls his eyes, glancing at the girls in mini skirts and elaborate makeup, dancing and hyping up the audience. He wonders how long it is until his turn. 

 

In the corner of his eye, a female staff comes up behind them and he hears her whisper to Sehun. “Sehun-sshi, it’s time to go backstage.”

 

“Got it,” Sehun gives him a little wave before getting up and following the staff, bowing at the rest of the artists along the way and them bowing back. 

 

Jongin watches him go before leaning back in his seat lazily. He fingers at the small cylindrical tub in his pants pocket before taking it out. He hardly uses lip balms, mostly because he just doesn’t care. 

 

Kyungsoo’s… is this what they call an indirect kiss? He mildly scoffs at the innocent notion.

 

Right now, Jongin wants this show over.

 

-

 

Everything after that passes by like a blur; Sehun’s performance and his award acceptance, the rest of the lineup’s stages. Jongin’s heart wasn’t there when he performed; it was all pure muscle memory. He’s been going on autopilot. 

 

Now as the host is naming their candidates for a particular award category, he isn’t listening. He isn’t even mindful of what award it is. All he knows is that when his name is announced and the audience roars, the rest of the artists around him are all in standing ovation, Sehun’s words _“Congrats, Jongin. You deserve it”_ are the ones that pull him out of his trance. 

 

Maybe he looks confused, or surprised, at least to the eyes of them all, regardless he still stands up anyway and bows to all of them as he makes his way to the stage. It’s muted - everything is dead silence to him for some reason, and he almost loses sight of where he’s supposed to go if not for some weird TV mascot girl leading the way for him. 

 

It is when the weight of the trophy is finally nestled in his hands does he start to regain his senses. Like resurfacing from the deep waters, Jongin can finally hear everything to the point that his ears are ringing. The screen reads ‘Artist of the Year’, and the whole arena is booming with the sounds of crying fans overpowering his music being played. He is led to the mic stand, and dropping his gaze to the golden-coloured trophy in his hold, he starts with exhaling and the sound is taken up by the mic, muffled. He didn’t even rehearse any award acceptance speech. 

 

“Um, first of all, this isn’t possible without my fans, Kairoses. I see you, all of you,” He smiles, raising the trophy at the audience as they cry out in happiness. “Last year has been an amazing, and weird year. I… There were many things that I regretted and felt sorry for, but more importantly, there were more things that I felt lucky for them to have happened. I’ve worked with a lot of people, so this goes out to everyone that has helped me through my journey. As much as this award is worth, I’ll work even harder for my fans who always anticipate and support me and my works.” He pulls away from the mic, watching a large part of the crowd wave their electric blue coloured lightsticks frenziedly. If someone asked him if he is ready to leave all of this behind then the answer would be a flat no. He still loves the hype. He still loves the stage.

 

“Thank you!” Jongin doesn’t intend to drag his speech out. He makes a ninety-degree bow and stays for a few seconds before getting back up, raising his trophy to the audience as he follows the guide to backstage. 

 

Down the stairs, he sees Junmyeon clapping for him with a warm smile. “That was short and nice. Congrats, by the way.”

 

“Thanks. I’m going home.”

 

Junmyeon stops clapping. “You’re not staying for the last award?”

 

“I’m not the one receiving it.” Jongin says, his fingers still wrapped around the trophy determinedly. Junmyeon would probably go off about how rude it would be to leave the award show while it is still running, both to the audience as well as to the guest celebrities. But instead of doing that, he just sighs and catches up with the idol’s walk. 

 

“Okay. We’re doing that and I’m not gonna tell on you but make sure you go and apologize to your team members because some of them would have preferred staying for a bit, you know.” Junmyeon talks away, watching Jongin opening the door to their waiting room and nearly running into him as the idol promptly bows.

 

“I’m sorry, but I have to leave now.” 

 

-

 

“You’ve dropped too many bombs on us today.” Junmyeon says beside him. “You know that, right?”

 

They are now in their van, headed back to LOEY as per requested by the manager, since both of their cars are still parked there when the team van picked them up. 

 

“I still get my job done. That’s all that matters.” Jongin shrugs half-heartedly. 

 

“The higher management will probably want to see you about this.”

 

Jongin frowns. “But you told me you wouldn’t tell on me.”

 

“Not about leaving the show early, no. This is about you going to LOEY, and attracting unnecessary public attention. I don’t doubt they already caught wind of this through social media. They are probably working on taking them down as we speak.”

 

Leaning back in his seat and taking a deep inhale, Jongin closes his eyes. He knows the higher-ups will make a fuss about this, but he can’t bring himself to worry much over it. He does feel bad for Junmyeon though, for having to deal with the follow ups later. “If they wanna see me, then just text me when and where.”

 

“…Strange.” Junmyeon remarks.

 

“What is?”

 

“You sound like a different man.”

 

Jongin rests his head against the window, looking at the streetlights blurring as they pass. “Is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing?”

 

“I don’t know. For one, you’re not being irritable about facing the consequences of your actions, but this might also mean you’re not afraid of doing the same thing again in the nearest future. You’re being reckless, Jongin, and you don’t seem to care that you are.”

 

“Is that how you see me?” Jongin sighs. “Reckless?”

 

“Maybe impulsive.” Junmyeon shrugs.

 

Jongin snorts. 

 

“Look, if you keep this up and the higher ups found out about it, they might want you to break things off with Kyungsoo.”

 

Clenching his jaw, Jongin whips his head to face his manager. “Why would they even bring Kyungsoo into this?”

 

“ _You’re_ the one who got him into this.”

 

“Then they should only leave _me_ with the repercussions. They shouldn’t need to touch him.”

 

“Did you think he wouldn’t be affected too, Jongin? Journalists are out there sniffing around, netizens are throwing names and possibilities into the open. You already saw that fan post about him and Sehun, next time maybe it would be him and _you_.”

 

“Junmyeon,” Jongin interrupts, looking resigned. “It’s bound to happen. The company made me decide and I chose a date.”

 

At the response, Junmyeon spares him a look that almost equates shock at how composed the idol looks at the idea of him being outed, and also betrayal at the oblivion of this particular information. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

 

“Because otherwise you would take my carelessness for acceptance, like how you’re looking at me right now now that you knew. I still need someone to hold me down.”

 

“Not just because you’ve truly accepted it? Because the way I see it, your carelessness is actually the resulting fruit of your acceptance.”

 

Jongin can’t argue with him on that one.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo is roused from his tiny nap on the couch by the doorbell.

 

He blinks several times, wondering why the TV is still on. Grabbing the remote control on the coffee table, he turns it off. He doesn’t know when he fell asleep, and checking the time on his phone it’s already nearing 11.45 p.m.. The half-eaten oatmeal is still there on the table, probably gross tasting now after having been left there for some time. Winter has left him to nap someplace closer to the heater.

 

He’s startled when the doorbell rings again and it’s only then that he realizes the sound didn’t come from his dream. Hastily, he gets up and almost passes out at the blood rushing to his head. The weight of the twins also almost pulls him down again.

 

Pressing on the intercom, he waits. “Who is it?”

 

_“It’s me, Jongin.”_

 

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen and he promptly pats his cheeks to get rid of all his sleepiness and any evidence of him having slept minutes earlier. After sort of ineffectively fixing his bangs and hoping his hair isn’t too wild, he approaches the door. Are his eyes puffy…

 

He opens the door to the sight of the man dressed like how he was during his visit to the salon - blue jeans that hug his long legs, a striped tee over his large build - but his hair is still up, and makeup most probably still intact underneath the face mask he’s wearing. Kyungsoo only feels warmth, and a fuzzy little feeling that spreads through his chest like a blooming flower. He feels happy, but also overwhelmed. 

 

Jongin lowers the mouth mask, finally pulling a small, hesitant smile.  

 

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings : mentions of anal fissure lol. also, there are brief flashbacks which I have split kinda obviously….i hope you’ll figure it out lmao

 

 

 

“I’m sorry. You must have slept already.”

 

Jongin reaches out to pat at some patch of Kyungsoo’s hair that is unruly, fixing it. He doesn’t miss the way Kyungsoo blush as the elder male reaches up to touch his own hair afterwards, self-conscious.

 

“I just napped,” Kyungsoo says, proceeding to fix his bangs and rubbing at his eye with the back of his hand. “Did you come directly from the show?”

 

“Kyungsoo, I remember,” Jongin blurts out, soon after he closes the door himself. “I remember you. I remember _us_.” He watches Kyungsoo look up at him with disbelief, speechless, and maybe a little confused. Jongin chuckles bitterly. “How is it that we always had accidental meetings in public washrooms?”

 

“You remember,” Kyungsoo mumbles, wide-eyed.

 

“It’s hard not to. You left quite an impression,” Jongin grins.

 

Kyungsoo looks down. “I can’t tell if that’s a good thing or not…”

 

“Why would it be a bad thing?”

 

He guesses this is what they would call a _deja vu_. The idol can’t remember details but he’s very sure their conversation at that time went like this, yet something feels oddly reversed this time. Different. Young Jongin was shy, wanted to be as bold and daring as young Kyungsoo who expressed himself in a way he wanted to be seen by his peers, and in a way he wanted to express his very self in general. Young Jongin would have very little idea of how he would have come so far at the age of 25, grew out of his quietness and reservation, became a sensational icon to many.

 

“I wanted to be like you.”

 

Kyungsoo appears confused. “You’re lying. I was a nobody.”

 

Jongin frowns. “You really have no idea.” 

 

The elder male is most probably flustered, which leads to him moving away from the entrance walkway. “I’ll- I’ll make something warm for you—”

 

Grabbing his arm, Jongin makes him turn around to face him instead, surprising Kyungsoo who lets out a gasp.

 

“I… I just want to talk.”

 

-

 

Kyungsoo is rubbing Winter’s belly on his lap while the cat basks in the attention. Jongin’s not sure if he’s trying to ignore Jongin or if he’s trying to distract himself from feeling funny things being together with Jongin in private now. Seems like the latter.

 

Jongin notes the remote control beside the half-full bowl of rich looking oatmeal.

 

“You watched the live?”

 

Kyungsoo seems to hang his head down. “Yes…”

 

“How was it?”

 

“H-How was what?”

 

“The show. _Me_.”

 

“I liked your performance…”

 

Jongin wants to say _that’s it?_ but he figures it would be too crude. He’s not here to scare the elder male. He’s here to make things right between them, to clear the air, somewhat. “Ky—”

 

“…the most.”

 

Jongin blinks, buffering for a bit before he feels his face getting warm and, unashamedly, his ego boosted. Kyungsoo isn’t looking at him. He must have found great comfort with the cat in his hold.

 

Clearing his throat, Jongin tries again. “Kyungsoo, there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”

 

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says, still petting Winter.

 

“And um,” Jongin continues, eyeing the feline in Kyungsoo’s lap and back at the male himself. “I believe I’d relay my words better if you would actually… look at me.”

 

Kyungsoo bites at his lower lip, and soon he lifts the cat and places her on the floor for her to be on her way. When he sits back, even with his torso turned, his gaze isn’t where Jongin expects it to be.

 

“Is it stressful being around me?” Jongin enquires, wary.

 

“No, it’s not that,” Kyungsoo shakes his head, his fingers looking for something to hold onto, which for now is the stray thread of his sweater. “I’m happy.”

 

“You look quite anxious to me…”

 

“I- I just don’t know how to contain myself, that’s all,” Kyungsoo spares him a brief glance before looking back down at his lap. 

 

Jongin can’t stop staring at him. He’s fidgety… because he’s immensely happy? With a deep sigh, he lets his body go lax and lean back, closing his eyes. He turns his head in Kyungsoo’s direction who finally looks at him with question in his eyes.

 

“I thought you were still mad at me.” Jongin admits, watching the elder male fidget less.

 

“I don’t hold grudges…”

 

Jongin sits up again, inching closer to Kyungsoo’s side but not too close that it invades the latter’s personal space. “Kyungsoo, I’m sorry. I… shouldn’t have left like that.”

 

Most possibly not expecting the apology, Kyungsoo stops fidgeting entirely and eyes Jongin with apprehension. “It’s okay…”

 

“And I shouldn’t have left you in the dark, not dropping you a call nor a visit…”

 

“It’s—”

 

“Not okay. Listen, Kyungsoo,” Jongin takes a breath. “I don’t want to say me acting the way I did was because ‘that’s just how I am’ and that my actions could be excused for that sole reason, could only be attributed to how I’m _rash_ and _temperamental._ With every action I took, it could only mean I had deliberated it, and that night I left you because I _thought_ of it. These… thoughts, they crossed my mind and I… followed them, and you were hurt. That’s not okay, and for that, I’m really sorry.”

 

Kyungsoo frowns, his eyes looking sad now. “You were just overwhelmed… You needed some space.”

 

“I still think I could’ve done better, sat like this and talked it out with you and went on my way to have space to myself to think about it, without actually completely cutting you off.”

 

“You sent Junmyeon to check on me, though,” Kyungsoo says. “You didn’t completely cut me off.”

 

It takes Jongin some moments to register what Kyungsoo is actually doing. “Kyungsoo… you don’t need to do this. I’m trying to own up to my mistakes.”

 

“I want to move past it. I’m feeling happy that you’re here, and I want this to live while it can… I was upset when you were gone, and there was even a time when I thought you would never want to see me again and I lived in fear of having to move out and find another place to stay. I don’t like being reminded of it…” Kyungsoo’s voice grows quieter at the end of his sentence and Jongin can only look at him apologetically, something heavy still sitting in his chest for it.

 

As per Kyungsoo’s request, Jongin doesn’t say anything further about the small rift they had. Instead, he slides a hand into his jeans pocket to retrieve the small tube, handing it to the smaller male. “Here. I used it well. Thank you.”

 

It’s gently taken out of his palm, and when Jongin looks up he finds himself gazing into Kyungsoo’s imploring, bright eyes. It renders him speechless, the way Kyungsoo looks up at him with that interesting innocence once again, like he has little to no clue what _this_ would bring upon them. Jongin raises his hand to—

 

“Stay here.” Kyungsoo says and Jongin doesn’t get enough time to process what just happened when the other male suddenly stands up (with a little struggle due to the twins, Jongin notes with the way he has to find purchase on the armrest) and zooms into the bedroom. 

 

Alone, Jongin stares at his hand awkwardly and wonders if he would have cupped Kyungsoo’s face had the elder male not leave him in such state. Maybe he would. 

 

He isn’t left long enough to ponder further and into unknown territory when the pregnant male returns with both hands occupied. Kyungsoo sits in his previous spot and places a bottle in his lap, preparing a cotton square and moistening it with the liquid from the bottle and it takes Jongin a couple of moments to realize it’s makeup remover. 

 

Kyungsoo scoots himself closer to Jongin enough for him to be able to reach the idol’s face without straining his back, all the while the idol sits still. Perhaps he’s a little stunned, because Kyungsoo always manages to surprise him with little actions like this, and it’s… not fair. 

 

The coolness of the moistened cotton pad almost startles Jongin once it hits his cheek. He could totally offer to do it himself. This is more than doable, but he likes how Kyungsoo is so close to him like this. 

 

“You need to sleep and rest more,” Is what Kyungsoo says after wiping off the makeup from Jongin’s undereye. “You seem like you need it.”

 

The elder male resumes removing the makeup on Jongin’s forehead and finally his chin, inspecting the latter’s face for any missed spots while Jongin openly stares at him. 

 

Unfair. It’s just so unfair how much Kyungsoo is affecting him right now and he feels the need to do something to tilt the balance over; an itch, because he’s selfish like that and the way Kyungsoo looks up at him with the apparent gleam in his eyes-

 

And a smile. 

 

“Now you’re bare-faced.” An amused giggle slips out of the elder’s mouth, and his eyes form crescents like that of a gleeful child. 

 

Jongin, with a hand against the armrest on Kyungsoo’s side, dives in to finally tilt the balance over, but pauses a breath away from Kyungsoo’s lips, who’s no longer smiling. He pulls back to see a wide-eyed, confused Kyungsoo, and he’s not sure what to say. Words flit through his brain but nothing, not a word, makes sense.

 

But he guesses words aren’t necessary when he feels a hand on top of his, a quiet plea for him to continue what he initially planned to do. Yet Kyungsoo looks scared, like he’s looking at Jongin for reassurances, and maybe… maybe the hand on top of his is his beg for Jongin to _stay_ , to not leave him like that night a couple weeks back.

 

Jongin isn’t leaving him. 

 

He leans forward, and pecks at the corner of Kyungsoo’s lips lightly before pulling back again to gauge his reaction. Jongin waits for Kyungsoo to collect himself and look up at him again. The hold on his hand tightens, cheeks rosy. Pretty. So pretty, his winter sunset.

 

His free hand travels up to cup Kyungsoo’s jaw and he doesn’t miss the way the elder male eyes his lips before shutting them, but he still looks scared and Jongin isn’t sure why. Is this his excitement? Like how his restless jitters just now translated to happiness?

 

“Is this okay?” Jongin eventually asks, because the last thing he needs is forcing himself on Kyungsoo knowing the elder male would do literally _anything_ for him, and their two little growing tots.  

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t fully open his eyes- no, he’s looking downcast, flushing, and gives him the tiniest nod. So Jongin dives in again, angling his head and closing his eyes as he diminishes the distance between them, and Kyungsoo’s lips are soft, moist, as expected of someone who does his skincare and lip care religiously.

 

Jongin sucks on his upper lip, feeling the cheek he’s caressing grow warmer and warmer and Kyungsoo must be flushing down to his neck. He now feels a hand clutching onto the front of his shirt, so Jongin presses himself onto Kyungsoo, invading all his personal space as he deepens the kiss, but it doesn’t last long as Kyungsoo faces away, making the idol ghost his lips over his cheek.

 

It must have been too much, and much too soon, because Jongin gets it. It is strange between them, and Jongin is scared if he might have read things wrong, or that Kyungsoo only nodded his head in the midst of this haze around them. They’re both tired, and being tangled in this mess, it’s only fair that they feel the need to be reassured, comforted, patted on the back - and they both seem to find solace in each other’s presence. 

 

“You can hold me,” Jongin whispers against his cheek, close to the elder male’s ear, and after a while not feeling any touch on him he thinks that maybe he’s being a little too hopeful. So he pulls himself away- only to feel arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him close. Kyungsoo’s hugging him.

 

“You can hold me, too,” Kyungsoo says in a small voice, chin resting on Jongin’s shoulder. Jongin can feel the beating of someone’s heart, erratic, and he’s not sure whom it belongs to. The hug is nice, Kyungsoo smells nice. Unknowingly Jongin finds himself snaking his arms around the smaller male’s waist, locking his hands behind Kyungsoo’s back. It’s at this time he thinks the bump is being a nuisance, but knowing the babies inside belong to the both of them, Jongin feels increasingly possessive over the other male.

 

“You’re warm,” Jongin says, pulling Kyungsoo closer as much as he can as he buries his nose in the latter’s hair. It’s too soon when Kyungsoo pulls away, his gaze averted, cheeks colouring so prettily. 

 

“It’s late. Are- Are you staying?” Kyungsoo stutters. 

 

Jongin thinks it over. It _is_ late, and he’s frankly tired. “The night? Are you letting me stay?”

 

A nod, and with that the warmth before him is no more as Kyungsoo wordlessly steps away and goes back to his room. He tends to do that a lot; leaving Jongin to himself without telling him what he’s up to. He doesn’t mind being left alone, but he knows it usually means Kyungsoo is troubling himself for Jongin’s sake.

 

So he stands up too and marches over to the master bedroom. When he pushes the door open he sees the pregnant male on the floor before the wardrobe, searching through some clothes.

 

“What’re you doing?” The question startles the elder male as Kyungsoo slightly jumps and turns back. He goes back to searching a second later.

 

“You’re big.” Is what Jongin gets as his reply and he blinks. “None of my clothes can fit you but I think Baek left some of his clothes here…”

 

“Baekhyun? He slept here?”

 

“We have sleepovers sometimes.” Kyungsoo finally pulls out a black graphic T-shirt that certainly isn’t his. Along with it is a pair of old sweatpants. He places them neatly at the side before struggling to get up and Jongin almost dashes to him before the elder male turns up just fine.

 

He gets a clean towel from a different drawer and finds a new toothbrush in the bathroom and hands them all to Jongin who obediently takes them, being directed to the bathroom and he starts to wonder if he smells _that_ bad. 

 

“Um, I’ll be waiting in the living room.” Kyungsoo points outside timidly before leaving Jongin to his own again.

 

Jongin steps inside the bathroom and locks the door, lifting the front of his shirt to his nose and takes a sniff of it. He thinks he’s okay.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo has been annoying Winter the past few minutes, the feline somewhat giving up in his hold as her owner keeps squeezing her paw beans, restless. Kyungsoo thinks of texting Baekhyun but it’s probably late already and goodness are his cheeks still warm…

 

He continues pressing Winter’s paws and then strokes her head, the black furred kitty yawning. When he looks at the time it’s past 12.30 midnight, and he’s supposed to be in bed since he has work in the morning. Does Jongin have any schedule in the morning? He’ll have to ask him this. He’ll have to… He’ll have to… to know if the kiss was real.

 

Kyungsoo curls up on the couch, his two palms on his warm cheeks now as Winter flees from his hold. Jongin kissed him. Jongin… kissed him?

 

Just the other day he had been going on his daily activities without knowing if Jongin was going to make any form of contact with him, and this morning- no, yesterday, Jongin came to find _him_. And he even dropped by his apartment…

 

Kyungsoo was scared he would leave again, too scared, and many thoughts ran through his mind when Jongin hesitated before kissing him. And now that he knows Jongin is staying he feels a little too overwhelmed now, as he always does.

 

He likes Jongin. He likes him a lot, enough to overlook his past mistakes no matter how big or damaging they were, and some would say it’s a flawed trait, that it would cost you more heartbreaks than happiness, but the world is cold enough as it is and it’s a choice to grant someone second chances, because not everyone gets it.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

The sounds of sea waves whooshing and crashing were calming to the ears.

 

Kyungsoo could smell the salt, a tinge of something damp and aquatic hitting his nostrils. He was never much a fan of the sea, nor beaches. Sunlight makes him sweat, and he hated sweating. Sweating melts his makeup.

 

He had never really taken the time to admire beaches, because seeing too much skin from random strangers makes him uncomfortable. That’s the point of beaches; people dress too little and show too much, bask in the sun and play in the water. Kyungsoo didn’t like it. 

 

“Kyungsoo! Have you found it?”

 

Of course no one knew this, so he had to brave through the not so strong currents against his shins as he continued to search for something underneath the water. 

 

“Use your hands!”

 

Kyungsoo internally sighed, rolling up his sleeves and throwing his lanyard over his shoulder and hoping the sun wasn’t too harsh to his skin as he didn’t wear any sunscreen on his hands and arms. With a slight grimace, he half crouched and dipped his hands into the water, making a show of looking for something when he could care less about the treasure hunt and more about when this would all be over so he could relax in his room.

 

Hawaii was nice… only to people who likes beaches and the sun. Their Director could have just sent them to Jeju Island for the two mentioned elements. Attendance was compulsory especially if you have no pre-planned commitments. Kyungsoo already wanted to return home to Winter, hoping she’s not troubling his neighbour too much.

 

“You good there?”

 

Kyungsoo looked up to find Sehun staring back at him, not having heard him approaching him. He continued his pursue, this time _actually_ searching through the sands. “I’m okay. But aren’t you from a different team? Are you here to steal our treasure?”

 

“You looked uncomfortable.” Sehun snorted. “I could see it from afar.”

 

“I _am_ uncomfortable.” Kyungsoo groans, still looking through the sands and then moving to the other side. “I’m not even close with my teammates. Wish we both were assigned in the same team—”

 

“Hey, careful,” Sehun grabs Kyungsoo’s torso just as he was about to fall into the water and soak himself. Kyungsoo held tight to the arm around his torso as Sehun finally pulled him up and turned him around, made easier due to the elder male’s small and slim frame.

  
“I think I found the treasure,” Kyungsoo muttered, face blank.

 

“You did?”

 

“It’s there,” Kyungsoo pointed it somewhere behind him, but it was no longer there. He frowned, pretty sure he saw it sitting there—

 

“Huh. Smaller than I thought.” 

 

A voice came from behind them. Kyungsoo didn’t have to look up to know who the voice belonged to. 

 

“Hey, dude.”

 

“Jongin, hey.” Sehun greeted back. Kyungsoo immediately turned around to face Sehun, his eyes downcast as he wished to somehow camouflage himself against the bright orange T-shirt Sehun’s wearing. “That the treasure?”

 

“Dunno. Maybe,” Kyungsoo heard him reply. “Shitty game.”

 

“Yeah, man. It’s too hot out here.”

 

“I’ll see you around.”

 

Sehun waves back at him. “Guess everyone’s not feeling the game.”

 

Kyungsoo counted to three before backing away from Sehun and turned around, seeing the tanned idol in a tight fitting navy coloured T-shirt and a pair of floral patterned Hawaiian pants walking away from them and towards the beach, shouting at his teammates that he found the treasure.

 

“We better head back. No point searching here anymore,” Sehun started to walk through the water and after a couple of steps with no Kyungsoo beside him, he looked back. “Kyungsoo?”

 

Kyungsoo’s not sure if his cheeks were warm due to the sun or something else. 

 

“He stole my treasure.”

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Jongin lets out a sigh as he towel dries his hair and tries hard not to stare at the bottle of pills on the cabinet just beside the mirror on the sink. He thinks they’re just supplements. He once snooped around and he felt bad about it so he tries not to this time. 

 

Kyungsoo’s shampoo smells like peach and berries while his shower cream has a floral scent. Jongin prefers something more aqua and cooling, but it’s nice to know Kyungsoo likes sweet fragrance like this. No wonder he always smells so sweet…

 

No one is in the bedroom when he comes out of the bathroom. He drags his feet towards the living room and there he is. Curled on the couch, eyes closed. Body no longer looking tense, his hands no longer clenched. 

 

Jongin stands still in his spot, staring at the small figure on the couch and releasing a sigh through his nose. Kyungsoo looks too peaceful he doesn’t dare bother him and risk troubling him for anything else. He wants the elder male to rest, but he also wants to know if he’s sleeping on the couch or if there’s a guest bedroom prepared. He guesses that isn’t as important as making sure the elder male wouldn’t wake up with an aching back.

 

Tossing his towel over his shoulder, he approaches the sleeping male quietly, wondering how to go about this before deciding screw it and slips a hand under Kyungsoo’s knees and another on the back of his shoulder as he gently lifts him up, pressing his body against Jongin’s middle. Kyungsoo’s head comes to rest on the idol’s chest and he probably stirs because when Jongin is carrying him over to the bedroom, along the way Kyungsoo grips the front of Jongin’s shirt and nuzzles his face into his chest. Even with the twins in his womb, Kyungsoo isn’t that heavy.

 

Jongin carefully lowers him on the bed, and soon enough Kyungsoo shifts so he’s more comfortable, eyes cracking open to see Jongin about to return to standing. They both are sporting a soft blush.

 

“Sorry, you were sleeping, so…” Jongin apologizes, unsure of what to do so he turns around and is about to leave when he hears his name being faintly called. 

 

“Are you leaving?”

 

Kyungsoo sounds scared. Jongin doesn’t like it.

 

He goes to sit on the edge of the bed, staring down at the lying male. The dim lighting casts a light glow on his face, and he looks beautiful, but sad. “I’m not leaving,” Jongin says. “I’m just gonna sleep outside.”

 

Kyungsoo draws something on his sheets with his finger, avoiding the idol’s gaze. “…Stay?”

 

Jongin’s not sure if that’s the pregnancy talking, but still, it’s Kyungsoo, and tonight is the night he redeems himself, or at least, attempts to. He doesn’t want to make the elder male sadder than he probably already is. 

 

He goes back on his feet and circles the bed to the other side, hesitating for a bit before crawling on the mattress and lifting the sheets. Jongin doesn’t think too much when he pulls Kyungsoo flush to his chest, effectively spooning him from the back. His hands settle just above the bump, careful not to suffocate the elder male. He hears Kyungsoo release a contented sigh and is surprised to find that his heart rate is normal. Kyungsoo must have been so tired he feels a little bad for imposing on him at such a time.

 

“Good night.”

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

A series of applause broke through the crowd, some cahooting as the winning team made it up the stage to get their grand prize for the event. Shots were taken of them posing with the director and flaunting their victory.

 

Kyungsoo merely clapped along, stared at one of the team members on stage for a couple of seconds before going back to stare at his funny coloured drink with some flower he did not know the name of tucked at the straw. There’s another glass of orange juice beside it, to which he took and sipped from. He kind of wanted to go back to his room now. 

 

“How many treasures did your team find?” Baekhyun asked from beside him. “Mine found like four before we gave up. Too hot.”

 

Kyungsoo thought for a bit. “I think mine was six.” _Could have been seven._

 

He then feels a thumb pressing on his cheek and he flinched.

 

“The flower. It’s already smudged,” Baekhyun pointed at his right cheek. He made them both get a face painting while waiting for the dinner party to start. “Let me wipe the smudged part away.”

 

Kyungsoo obediently stayed still, letting Baekhyun press on his cheek and he hoped to God his fingers were clean. 

 

“I don’t like Hawaii.” He suddenly blurted out, surprising his friend who finally retracted his hand from him, chuckling.

 

“Well, it’s on the company. Can’t refuse sorta partially funded trips,” Baekhyun picked up his glass, taking a sip from his orange juice. He hadn’t touched the alcoholic drink yet like Kyungsoo. Baekhyun noticed the stare. “You’re not drinking?”

 

“Of course I will. Just later,” Kyungsoo eyed his two glasses. His orange juice was already half empty. His plate of food was left at the side, only leaving out some part of the sauce after finding out it tasted like coriander.

 

The host announced something but Kyungsoo didn’t catch it, and when he turned to watch the stage, the winners were already retreating back to their seats, some going to the dance floor. The music picked up, a heavy house music with bass that nearly numbed his ears, and he soon figured out it was a remix of one of their artist’s songs.

 

The alcoholic drink was then shoved in his face, and Kyungsoo blinked at Baekhyun who was taking a sip from his own flute glass. The elder male cocked an eyebrow expectantly.

 

“Unless you’re still waiting for ‘later’?”

 

Kyungsoo eyed the drink for a couple of seconds, before taking it.

 

-

 

Everything was half fuzzy.

 

He could see people dancing on the dance floor, and among them was Baekhyun who seemingly found a girl. Kyungsoo remained seated in his seat, nodding his head to the beat of the song as he didn't feel like going and joining the crowd.

 

He could not remember how many glasses he had taken, but one thing for certain was that he needed to pee. His toes are curling in his shoes, his knees knocking together in an attempt to hold it in. He dunk his head on the table, feeling a little lazy to move, but eventually he got up anyways.

 

It was a journey trying to find the washrooms, with a half full champagne glass in his hand and trudging his way through the other end of the ballroom. When he saw the two symbols, he paused, started leaning against the wall and thought it would be a waste to not finish the rest of his champagne. So he downed it and found the nearest refreshments table and placed it there without much thought before going into the corridor that led to the washrooms. 

 

The magenta lights were distracting. So were the weird floral scents that filled the entire passageway. People kept passing him and running into his shoulder to the point that he almost fell, but he found purchase in the nearest wall. He wasn't too drunk, tipsy maybe, so he could clearly make out the blue stick figure symbol overhead.

 

He could also make out the person standing outside by the washroom entrance, leaning against the wall.

 

Kyungsoo never paused in his walk. There weren't many people there. Maybe there were only two.

 

He headed straight into the washroom area, barely registering the grip on his left arm, effectively stopping him.

 

There were words. He could hear them, directed at him. But he could not understand. Fuzzy.

 

"...seen Junmyeon?"

 

Junmyeon… the name rang a bell. An acquaintance? Regardless, he shook his head lightly, feeling a bit dizzier after. The hold on his arm... it became tighter. Almost painful. Kyungsoo didn't show it. He just wanted to pee.

 

The taller male groaned, a palm meeting his forehead. He then looked at Kyungsoo, his gaze unfathomable, and Kyungsoo couldn't look away. This was as close as he had gotten to the man, it almost felt surreal. In a blur he found his own back hitting the wall, arms caging him.

 

What was distance?

 

The man kept staring at his face, and Kyungsoo felt like an object being scrutinized. Dizzy. His world was spinning. Hooded eyes then landed on his lips.

 

“You… Can we,” The man drooped his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder for one second before looking up again. “-kiss or something?”

 

This man was drunk. Kyungsoo wasn't nearly as drunk, but he might as well be because he didn't even hesitate as he nodded at him, gifting him the consent - the consent that he would have never foreseen the consequences.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Jongin can't sleep.

 

It isn't so much because he has a lot on mind more than it's for the reason that the male in his arms has been sniffling quietly, his shoulders shaking. Kyungsoo feels so small in his hold. He doesn't want to think about how many times the elder male has been like this before; curled up on bed and crying himself to sleep.

 

Jongin doesn't know how to comfort him better other than to tighten the hug and burying his nose in Kyungsoo's nape. The act, however, surprised Kyungsoo.

 

“Are you still awake?” Kyungsoo sniffles, and Jongin behind him feels how the pregnant male moves a little, probably to wipe at his eyes hastily. Jongin only responds by placing a hand on Kyungsoo's arm, rubbing a thumb over the soft skin soothingly.

 

Kyungsoo continues sniffling but he doesn’t cry anymore. Jongin can tell he's more self-aware now at the knowledge that the idol isn't asleep. Jongin sighs.

 

“I don’t feel good when you cry,” Jongin whispers against his nape.

 

It takes Kyungsoo a few moments before he shifts and turns to the other side, facing Jongin now. He haphazardly wipes the tear tracks on his cheeks and when he looks up at the idol, his whole face is flushed pink. “I’m not usually a crier… The pregnancy messes me up.”

 

Jongin stares at him some, releasing an exhale through his nose. “I find myself associating you crying is because of me. More times than not, it’s probably true.”

 

“I don’t mean to make you feel bad. I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo smiles apologetically, and later rests his hand on his belly. "Did I wake you up?"

 

Jongin shakes his head. "Are you still hurting?"

 

"No," Kyungsoo denies, sniffling. "I just keep thinking."

 

"Of what?"

 

"A lot of things.... like, if- if we're going to be okay."

 

Jongin regards him in worry. "You should get some sleep. It's late." He rubs Kyungsoo's arm in an attempt of comforting him. Kyungsoo's gaze is soft on him, rims a little swollen and red, and he looks exhausted. He nods and closes his eyes, his hands tucked together in front of his chest as he gets comfortable, and Jongin watches him slowly drift into slumber.

 

Jongin thinks- no, he hopes, that they’ll be okay.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo wakes up to an empty space beside him.

 

His panic and fear makes him spring up and rush to the living room, sighing in relief at the man sleeping on the couch instead. He holds onto the nearest wall, propping his head onto it as he now feels the sudden blood rushing to his head, making him a little nauseous. Even with the mild sickness, he steals a glimpse of the still sleeping man, his chest rising and falling at a steady pace. 

 

He goes back inside his room, getting his phone to text Junmyeon if Jongin has any schedule this morning. The idol’s manager immediately replies back with his own question if the idol is there. Kyungsoo means to text him back but instead receives a voice call from the man himself.

 

“He’s at my place. Still asleep,” Kyungsoo answers as soon as Junmyeon asks where he is. He’s boiling water in the kitchen with his phone in one hand.

 

_“Oh… Good to know. He hasn’t been answering my calls and texts.”_

 

“I’m sorry. I haven’t heard his phone ring too.”

 

_“Never mind. Probably left in the car or ran out of battery. Uh, I hope he’s not troubling you. I’ll be there shortly- you know what, just wake him up for me, please. You have work and he probably drove there.”_

 

Kyungsoo frowns, shooting a quick look at Jongin still passed out on the couch a little worryingly. “Are you sure? I can let him rest if he’s free today.”

 

_“He has a meeting at noon, and if you let him be he would probably end up waking up at four. Have him send you to work. I hope you have a great day today, Kyungsoo.”_

 

“Wait—”Kyungsoo wants to protest but the line has already gone off. He stares at his phone before eyeing Jongin hesitantly.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo made them both light breakfast, since he doesn’t have much in the kitchen for now. Also, he’s kind of running a little late for clock-in by the time Jongin finishes washing up, although he did not make this obvious. 

 

Jongin gets the hint anyways.

 

“Why did you move to the couch?” Kyungsoo asks, his tone genuinely curious, but also worried. They’re at a traffic light, the streets in the morning busy.

 

Jongin feigns cool, trying not to blush as he turns the corner, eyes on the road. He’s just about to answer when Kyungsoo interrupts him.

 

“I’m- I’m sorry. Maybe you were uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have asked…”

 

“It’s not that. I just got warmer so I moved out.”

 

“Oh,” Kyungsoo offers. “I thought it was really cold last night…”

 

It _was_ cold, but Kyungsoo doesn’t have to know that, and he especially doesn’t have to know that Jongin moved solely because their intimate hug gave him vivid memories of something that Jongin should remember, but did not prefer.

 

-

 

Once outside the salon, Kyungsoo unbuckles his seatbelt and reaches for the door. He hesitates for one second, facing Jongin but not looking at him.

 

It’s… The air is strange. Both of them are not sure what to say. They’re left in a standstill, merely looking anywhere but at each other. Jongin… is supposed to say something at this point, no? What _should_ he say…

 

“Um,” It’s Kyungsoo. It’s always Kyungsoo who takes the initiative. “Thanks for the lift.”

 

Jongin only manages a nod. Another passing silence, but soon Kyungsoo opens the door and steps out, bowing at Jongin through the partially-tinted window to express his gratitude before bashfully being on his way. 

 

Jongin has yet to drive out of the parkway, his grip tight at the steering wheel and belatedly musing to himself about the words stuck in his throat.

 

-

 

“Dropped off Kyungsoo?”

 

“I’m not in the mood,” Jongin sighs out, walking by Junmyeon’s side being led to the elevators. 

 

“When have you ever been anyways,” Junmyeon remarks off-handedly as he pushes the up button. “And please charge your damn phone. I had a passing thought that you might have gotten into a car accident last night.”

 

He hears the worry in his manager’s voice, although it’s mostly annoyance. 

 

“How’s Kyungsoo?” Junmyeon then asks.

 

“…Pregnant.”

 

“I’m nosey. Got it.”

 

“He’s fine.” Jongin bites out eventually. 

 

“I thought you went there for a brief visit.” His manager wonders out loud. “Kyungsoo made you stay?”

 

The elevator dings, doors opening and they let the occupants walk out before going inside. Jongin presses the 7th floor.

 

“I wanted to stay.”

 

-

 

The heavy atmosphere inside the meeting room used to faze Jongin. 

 

One of the senior managers slides her laptop to Jongin, prompting for his attention to what is being displayed on the screen.

 

A photo. A salon. Kyungsoo.

 

They are not scolding him, nor are they criticizing. They request for an explanation. Jongin obliges. He is then given his first warning. _Be more careful_ , they said. Apparently they have taken measures to make sure the photo and other documentations of any kind in regards to the incident be wiped off from the internet. _We did a lot for you._

 

Four years. Four years left on his contract. Until then, there’s not much he can do except to abide by his contract terms. Most of the bans had been lifted in the years that went by. Dating, cellphone possession, driving. He’s been granted more freedom to do things than in his pre-debut and rookie days. 

 

It’s not enough freedom, obviously.

 

“Do I not get a tour?” Jongin finds himself asking. “Pretty sure I can handle a tour and a movie filming.”

 

The senior managers share a look with each other, and it’s more than enough of an answer. “We’re considering a lot of things.”

 

Jongin suppresses the urge to scoff. “Of course.”

 

“And, if it’s possible, we would like you to come again to see us,” They point at a person in the given photo, still on display. “With him.”

 

Frowning, Jongin sits up. “What for?”

 

“There’s only so much we can discuss about without including the person involved.”

 

“Is it necessary? Kyungsoo- he might be busy with his own work.” Jongin doesn’t want to put more stress on the elder male. 

 

“Then have him come in the weekend. We’ll be sure to clear our schedule for him.”

 

Jongin cannot argue further, so he reluctantly agrees to bring Kyungsoo with him. 

 

The meeting doesn’t end there. They show him several magazine photoshoot proposals afterwards, and a fashion event appearance. Perhaps Jongin will not be as jobless as he thought he would be. 

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Baekhyun received a call and immediately sobered up.

 

The night was still kind of young. It made sense. It made perfect sense that people would disappear while the party was still ongoing. Baekhyun had not been paying attention, and he probably should have. He should have noticed that the table he was seated at were now void of people, and the crowd was less thicker compared to when the prize giving ceremony took place. 

 

Fuck, he really should have paid more attention.

 

There weren’t a lot of washrooms on the ground floor. It took him no more than 10 minutes to find his best friend. He was on the floor, and he had the nerve to chuckle while Baekhyun worried his ass off over him. _I can’t stand_ , Kyungsoo had said, a painful smile on his lips. _Everything kind of hurts._

 

-

 

“Man, I know sex is good and all but you gotta be careful too.”

 

Baekhyun was putting cream on some of the bruises on his knees and scratch marks on Kyungsoo’s shoulders, grimacing. Kyungsoo was quiet but he did let out a couple of grunts and gasps when Baekhyun nursed him. 

 

After bringing his friend back to their shared room, Kyungsoo protested the moment Baekhyun offered to help bathe him. It took the elder at least a whole 30 minutes in there, and by the time he came out, he still looked a little pale. They were about to sleep when Baekhyun’s knee accidentally knocked into Kyungsoo’s but instead of a getting playful slap he heard a genuine, painfully sounding whimper. Baekhyun quickly turned on the lights again and made Kyungsoo strip bare. That was when he came to know it was worse than he expected.

 

“Don’t we need to go to a hospital or something?”

 

“Don’t be silly, Baekhyun.”

 

“I’m being dead serious. What kind of asshole fuck without properly stretching you out?”

 

“He was drunk…” Kyungsoo murmurs, obviously trying to justify the person that had taken him.

 

“Are you sure it was consensual?” Kyungsoo weakly nodded his head, and Baekhyun sighed. “You know you can tell me the truth, right? You had it bad back there. I know sex injuries is a thing but this is the first time I’m seeing it.” Baekhyun says, wincing at the tear at Kyungsoo’s rim, still looking somewhat fresh. It must have bled at some point. When he returned to look at the younger male, it seems the latter was hiding his face in his pillow. 

 

Baekhyun worried, biting at his lower lip. “I’m gonna ask you again, Kyungsoo.” He tries again, his voice soft and hopefully encouraging enough. “Did this person force himself on you?”

 

Kyungsoo stayed silent for some seconds, not letting his face show. Baekhyun did not mind waiting for Kyungsoo to be ready to answer. Amidst the silence, he continued nursing his best friend, noticing how the latter trembled every time Baekhyun touched his still swollen muscles around his opening. That might take a while to completely heal. 

 

Kyungsoo sniffled. “I let him…”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“I said I let him.”

 

Baekhyun stared at him some. “Okay. I’ll take your word for it.” He got up and pulled the sheets over Kyungsoo’s body. He wasn’t crying, so Baekhyun thought that was a good sign, although he _was_ being awfully quiet.

 

“Was it a random stranger?” Baekhyun speculated otherwise, because if it was, he believed it wouldn’t have made Kyungsoo this closed off. “Or someone you know?”

 

Kyungsoo didn’t answer. Baekhyun no longer pried on him, wanting to let him rest before their flight back to Seoul in the morning later. He thought that maybe Kyungsoo had fallen asleep but that wasn’t the case when he heard a quiet mumble.

 

“Is it stealing if someone let it happen?”

 

Baekhyun frowned. “What are you talking about?”

 

“This person… I had let this person take from me, again,” Kyungsoo’s voice was small, his lithe form curling on the bed in a foetal position. “And he… he probably never realized.”

 

Baekhyun, noticing the insecurity in his voice, slipped underneath the duvet and closed in on Kyungsoo. “Do you think it’s stealing?”

 

There was a small pause before his friend shook his head. “No…”

 

“Then doesn’t that mean you’re a giver? I don’t really know the context, but I do know you’ve always been a giver.” 

 

It didn’t seem to alleviate the smaller male’s worries. So Baekhyun let out a little sigh, turned off the lights and snuggled closer, and rubbed Kyungsoo’s shoulder comfortingly. “What did this person take from you?”

 

There was no verbal answer, but the hand clutching on the left side of his chest and the pink dusting the tips of Kyungsoo’s ears gave away the fact that the person was no random stranger, and perhaps much more. 

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

 

 

 

_“When is your movie filming starting, Jongin?”_

 

The idol leaves his mother on loudspeaker while he mixes his protein milkshake in a tumbler, closing the lid tightly before shaking it well. There are audible baby voices on the other line, most probably Rahee playing near his mother.

 

“I just had my table read yesterday. If everything goes well, it should start next month.” 

 

_“Have you gotten anything for Kyungsoo’s birthday? Your sister and I made a sweater for him but we’re not sure how to get it to him on time…”_

 

Jongin pauses amidst drinking, frowning. “…Birthday?”

 

_“You forgot it, didn’t you?”_

 

“No, I…”

 

He puts down his tumbler, lost in thought. Unfortunately, Jongin did, in fact, forget about it. 

 

_“Oh! Sweetie, did you ask him yet?”_

 

Jongin returns his attention to his mother on the line. “Ask what?”

 

_“About the marriage.”_

 

“M-Mom, it’s too soon for that…”

 

_“Did you forget what I said too, now sweetie?”_

 

Of course not. That Jongin remembers. His mother made it clear she wants nothing more than for the children not to be born out of wedlock. Conventional, Jongin thinks. That’s a typical mother for you. 

 

She ends the call after asking Jongin if he’s planning on paying them a visit anytime soon, to which Jongin answers with a wavering no. His mother asking that could only mean that she wants him to bring Kyungsoo too, and the idol’s not sure if Kyungsoo’s free anytime soon. 

 

He finishes his entire protein shake before dumping the bottle in the sink to be washed by the housekeeper later. When he realizes he’s been staring at the sink for some time due to his cluttered mind, he shakes his thoughts off. Taking lazy steps into his living room, he sprawls himself on the couch, his phone in his grip and thumb tapping on the blank screen incessantly.

 

After much thought, Jongin unlocks his phone and goes to his chat messenger.

 

_“just curious, how many months r the twins now?”_

 

The reply comes a little after 20 minutes, with Jongin getting bored of waiting and tuning on to some crime reality show on the television. Accompanying the notification tone is the sender _doh k_ on the screen.

 

_“They’re almost five months along. What’s wrong, Jongin?”_

 

_“like i said, just curious”_

 

Jongin drops his phone at his side and presses on his temples. Five months means… four months left. Four months left to delivery and that is assuming Kyungsoo will have no prior health complications that could lead to premature birth. He should be fine, right? Kyungsoo seems like a health-conscious person, although clueless at some times.

 

Putting that aside, there isn’t much time left for him to fulfil his mother’s wishes, like the filial son that he is. His mother was made to believe that Jongin and Kyungsoo was in a real relationship, if only to not get on his mother’s bad side. The situation back then was different. Now… has there been any notable changes in their relationship now?

 

Nothing of the nature of their relationship was verbally spoken nor confirmed. They kissed… but that was it. Did _anything_ change? 

 

_“u dont work weekends right?”_

 

_“I work Saturdays too now, but only half day. Same like Fridays.”_

 

Friday… that’s tomorrow.

 

_“make some time for me tmrw”_

 

_“Okay, Jongin. What are we doing?”_

 

_“bringing u to meet some people”_

 

-

 

Kyungsoo is early to work.

 

He has swept the floor on the hair section, sterilized the chairs and tools and even neatly arranged the tools in the station despite it not being his duty that day. After some time fidgeting around the salon with only Bora (she’s always been an early bird) inside with him, he settles in one of the chair and brings out his makeup bag, making a mental note to clean up and sterilize it all over again before the salon opens.

 

His phone has not stopped vibrating with notifications, prompting him to turn the vibrations off. It is his Instagram, being flooded with greetings from his followers for the special occasion that day. 

 

Kyungsoo digs through his makeup bag for his lip tint, reapplying it over his lips after having breakfast just now which effectively wiped some of it off. It should be therapeutic, but he still feels somewhat nervous. 

 

“Good morning, Kyungsoo,” Amber greets her with a yawn, and Kyungsoo returns the greeting with a polite nod and a smile. Ever since the incident, Kyungsoo thought they would nose in and ask him a lot of things, but that isn’t the case, and he’s glad for it. Amber treats her all the same, taking cautions not to pry into his personal business much, although she _does_ look _knowing_. 

 

She then goes straight to the staff’s room at the back. Kyungsoo turns back to the mirror, at the frown in his reflection. He instinctively fixes his bangs, using the end of his pinky to even them across his forehead. He thinks he looks okay. 

 

“We’re opening in 5 minutes!” Bora announces through the speakers, and Kyungsoo rushes to pack up and re-sterilize the place.

 

-

 

_“Say, you still like those blueberry cheese tarts I bought you last year, right?”_

 

Kyungsoo purses his lips, his phone on his ear while he unties his work apron. “Baekhyun, I’m—”

 

_“I’m not sure if that bakery is still in business- oh. Jongdae said it is. After Sehun’s radio show, we’ll be over real quick—”_

 

“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo cuts in. “I- I have somewhere I need to be. And I um… I’m not sure what time I’ll be home.”

 

There is a slight pause on the line. _“You’re getting off work now, right? Where are you going? I thought your doctor’s appointment isn’t in another few weeks.”_

 

“I’m not going to the doctor,” Kyungsoo says, switching hands to reach for his backpack on the rack. He looks around the staff room, to some workers who have arrived for their shift in the latter half. He isn’t very close to them. “He said I’m meeting someone.”

 

_“…You mean Jongin? Meeting who?”_

 

“I uh, don’t know actually… It sounds important, though.”

 

_“Do you need me to be there with you?”_

 

“What- no no, it’s fine. I think I’ll be fine. He’s with me.”

 

_“If he ever does something funny, you know who to call.”_

 

Kyungsoo merely chuckles at that, and afterwards telling Baekhyun he’ll hang up now. His friend says to drop him a call once he’s home so they can celebrate a certain occasion together.

 

Once getting all his things, Kyungsoo says his goodbyes to his close coworkers, and smiles at the ones he doesn’t talk much to. On the way out, Chanyeol is there at the reception counter discussing things with Bora, and upon noticing Kyungsoo they both offer him a smile and a wave, to which Kyungsoo returns albeit a little shyly. 

 

Kyungsoo exits quietly, positive there are eyes on him. Jongin’s impromptu visit to the salon has definitely left a huge impression on them, especially with the involvement of Kyungsoo in it, but he thinks Chanyeol plays a pivotal role making sure nothing of it is spoken while on work grounds, or anytime at all. Although that is well appreciated, this left Kyungsoo in an awkward position sometimes to the point that he can’t even properly look his fellow coworkers in the eyes when they talk because they _know,_ and Kyungsoo’s utterly _embarrassed_ because of it. 

 

He stops just before the streets, and instead of going for the bus stop like he usually does, he scans the streets for any familiar car. Jongin has not specified if he will pick him up with his or Junmyeon’s car through his texts.

 

“Waiting for someone?”

 

Naturally, Kyungsoo startles. He looks up at the man beside him, hardly recognizing him at first. It’s the same man who asked him strange things a few days back at the salon. “H-Hello.”

 

The man, Mr. Yoo or so he is called, eyes him for a little and grins. He’s wearing a brown winter coat, and his hair swept back, looking formally dressed for some reason. “Hello to you too.”

 

Kyungsoo quickly checks his phone for any new text, disappointed to find none. He buries his face in the grey muffler around his neck, tempted to also pull up the hood of his navy coloured duffle coat. 

 

“Do you not work full day today?” Mr. Yoo looks over at the salon curiously.

 

“No,” Kyungsoo answers, a nervous smile plastered on his lips. 

 

“I see. Off to home, now? You actually just moved here recently, right?”

 

Kyungsoo almost retorts with a ‘how did you know that?’ but thinks better to bite his tongue, holding it in. Instead, he puts on a more convincing smile. “Mr. Yoo, do you live around here?”

 

The man spares him an unreadable glance and takes out his cigarette pack from his bag. “I live close.”

 

At that moment, a car pulls up on the shoulder of the road and honks, catching both of their attention to it. Kyungsoo instantly recognizes the white Prius, almost sighing in relief too. He turns to Mr. Yoo and bows curtly before making his way to the car. 

 

Junmyeon urges him to sit in front, so he does. He’s confused why Jongin isn’t there with him, but he figures it’s not the time to ask yet while that funny man is still outside eyeing the car with lazed curiosity, lighting his cigarette. Seeing the apparent discomfort from the pregnant male, Junmyeon returns to the road without uttering a word. 

 

It’s a minute into driving when Junmyeon speaks. “Saw you spoke to him. Do you know that man?”

 

Kyungsoo swallows nervously. “He was my client, is all. Kept asking weird things, though…”

 

“Probably a journalist. I think they figured out who you are.”

 

Taking a glance at the idol manager, Kyungsoo plays with his thumbs absentmindedly as if it would ease his restlessness. “Do you think it’s bad?”

 

Junmyeon snorts, but it is not out of amusement. “I suppose you’ll find out about that soon, huh?”

 

-

 

The questioned absence of Jongin in the car is answered when Junmyeon brought him to the SM building out of all places. When doubts were asked about the identity of the person or people he will be going to see in a minute, Junmyeon simply told him not to worry about it. 

 

They pass by the SUM Cafe, ever full of people swinging by for a higher chance of spotting their favourite celebrities. The place gives him memories, neither good nor bad, but ones that make him feel a little melancholic. He and Sehun’s team used to hit the cafe all the time after their schedule. Kyungsoo also met Jongin and his friends by chance, the same day after he came back from his first doctor visit, and the idol looked cold. It intimidated Kyungsoo a slight, especially when the idol texted him to come and see him at the washrooms later on. But when Jongin asked him how the appointment went, Kyungsoo all but went lax. That was old. He was not even showing at that time.

 

Now, as they wait for the elevator to arrive, Kyungsoo finds himself wandering to even older memories, particularly to the time he first found out he was carrying. He found himself reliving that fear again, and the fear of having to let his close friends know about it. It was Baekhyun who learnt of it first, having entered Kyungsoo’s bathroom when he slept over at the former makeup artist’s old rundown apartment, and it did not take a genius to know what those pile of white sticks haphazardly thrown into the bin were. There were at least a dozen. Kyungsoo was careless, but this carelessness saved him the pain from having to tell Baekhyun by himself, which he was all too scared to do so. Revelation was frightful for an already distressed Kyungsoo at that time. Baekhyun had to cuddle the sobbing male to sleep.

 

Sehun and Jongdae followed next, but it was not in person. Rousing from sleep the morning after in Kyungsoo’s bed with the male beside him, Baekhyun was the one who texted the idol of this news, and it was only because Kyungsoo did not want to personally face them when they learnt of it. It did not mean Kyungsoo was any less nervous about it.

 

Presently, he has similar feelings of unease, but it is the ambiguity of the coming event as the acting source of it. He does not know what to expect, and it isn’t the most helpful that neither the idol nor the manager is providing details to him. Kyungsoo’s scared.

 

-

 

Jongin is on his phone and the two senior managers are discussing matters with each other when there is a light knock on the door. Putting his phone down, he eyes the newcomers, expecting the very person he wants the presence of, while getting rid of his beanie and lightly pushing his hair back.

 

Junmyeon is seen urging the pregnant male to enter first, to which the latter does, his body stiff and shoulders tight. Jongin should have known this would stress him out, but he also knows this meeting cannot be proceeded without both the involving parties present. He just hopes the elder male would be able to put up with them for a bit.

 

“Good afternoon, Mr. Doh Kyungsoo.” One of the senior managers greets warmly. “A pleasure to finally meet you.”

 

Kyungsoo bows as far as he can, his nervousness apparent. “Good afternoon.” When he meets Jongin’s eyes, he seems a little freaked out. Maybe Jongin should have had Junmyeon explain to him about what this meeting would be about, for the idol thought that the lesser details would exert lesser stress on the hairstylist, but evidently it does little to him.

 

“Please, have a seat.” She pulls out a chair for him but is stopped when another chair on the opposite side of the desk scrapes the floor. It’s Jongin’s.

 

“He’ll sit with me, please,” Jongin announces, immediately going over to where Kyungsoo is standing and grabs his smaller hand, pulling him towards his previous seat. Kyungsoo’s hand feels so cold. 

 

Jongin pulls out a chair for him, barely noticing how Kyungsoo looks skeptical at the entire situation before actually sitting down. He doesn’t blame him, though. 

 

The senior managers introduce themselves first, and they immediately bring up the issue at hand, seeing no point in idle talk. Kyungsoo’s identity as someone who previously worked under the same agency must have been old knowledge to them. 

 

In brief, they are informed of the very nature of their relationship and what it means to Jongin’s career, as well as prospective events ahead of them.

 

“In light of recent event, in which it’s hard to tell if our efforts prevailed in making sure it wouldn’t spread more, we had previously discussed with Jongin if he could bring you to see us. We need your input, because this isn’t just about Jongin now. Your image itself, despite being a non public figure, _will_ be affected to some extent.”

 

Jongin sneaks a glance at the man beside him. They really are not sugarcoating anything, but he expects nothing less from businesspeople as such. Kyungsoo on the other hand, seems to be absorbing all the information with difficulty; frown on his lips, fingers fiddling on his lap. Should Jongin hold his hand again?

 

There’s nothing new for Jongin to hear. A timeframe is selected, a rough date proposed. Should things proceed without any external hindrances, then they would have no reason to push up the date. 

 

This is, of course, an unwelcomed surprise to Kyungsoo. Two months before his expected due date - March will be an eventful month.

 

-

 

They spend no more than 45 minutes inside the meeting room. The two managers excused themselves first for another commitment to attend to, while Jongin and Kyungsoo stay back.

 

In all the time during the discussion, not once did Kyungsoo turn to look Jongin’s way. Now that they’re alone Kyungsoo finally does. 

 

“You didn’t say anything.” Is what comes out of his mouth first, and it takes Jongin by surprise. “Why?”

 

“Ah… I didn’t have much to say. They already reviewed it with me before today.”

 

“No, I mean— um,” Kyungsoo falters, his cheeks gaining warmth. “They mentioned a w...w-wedding…”

 

Jongin mentally buffers, and when he finally does register that word, he rubs his palm over his face in a resigned manner. Clearly he stopped listening at some point for he was too preoccupied with Kyungsoo beside him, who must have put effort into dolling himself up because for some reason, Kyungsoo looks pretty today. Jongin isn’t sure if it’s just the makeup or if he actually missed the elder male. “I told them to leave that part out…” He mutters under his breath, into his palm. 

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing. It’s— I think you shouldn’t think too much about it.” Jongin sighs, checking the time on his phone. “You must be hungry.”

 

“Is the press conference really necessary?” Kyungsoo asks instead of responding to the statement. He looks frightened, and Jongin forgets that although all these future events came as something he knew he should face and having already accepted that fact, Kyungsoo, in turn, possibly did not foresee this. “I- I get that it probably would be announced at some point but I don’t get why… a press con.”

 

These questions are better off asked during the discussion itself, but Jongin gets why Kyungsoo expresses his doubts now. “It’s expected to be big news, and they want me to personally announce it for image reasons, and other things benefitting the company in that regards but yeah, you get me.”

 

“Will you be okay?”

 

Of all questions, Jongin was not expecting… that. “Why do you ask that?”

 

Kyungsoo looks down. “Th- They said you’ll have to show up alone, and answering the reporters… If it were for any other occasion, it wouldn’t have sounded as scary… Are you not scared?”

 

“I’m… not scared of the reporters. Standing on my own during the press con is the least of my concern. But what follows next…” He trails off, seemingly lost in the thoughts of what-ifs, because his image as an idol _will_ be dented without doubt. Although he has several projects that follow the course of the next year even with the pre-planned announcement in between, it still doesn’t warrant the fact that he will be regarded the same after the news come to light. 

 

“You were right.”

 

Jongin was too lost in thought he fails to notice the shorter male was deliberating something with himself, and has spoken up.

 

“I shouldn’t have kept them.”

 

At the spiteful words, Jongin frowns. “What are you talking about?”

 

“I… can I go home now?” Kyungsoo questions instead, refusing to look him in the eyes. “I don’t want to be here anymore.”

 

Jongin eyes him with worry, at the strange behaviour the elder male is exhibiting. Did he hear him correctly just now? “Yeah, of course.” He gets up first, helping Kyungsoo up afterwards. “But I kinda hoped you could join us for lunch? Late lunch.”

 

“Lunch?”

 

“Yeah. I’m sure you must be hungry. You came here right after clocking out, right?”

 

Kyungsoo seems to be deliberating it, staring at his hand being gently held by the taller man quietly, before he gives Jongin a small smile and a nod.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo has been staring out the window of Junmyeon’s car quietly, seated at the back while the idol in the passenger seat. Fingers softly tapping on his growing belly, he wonders to himself when will he find out about their genders. 

 

Upon arriving at their destination, which seems to be a cafe or some sort, Jongin rummages through the content of his bag and hands Kyungsoo a clean piece of mouth mask. At first, Kyungsoo reckons it strange since he isn’t a celebrity himself, but soon remembers his situation. He takes it from Jongin’s hand, fixing it on himself. 

 

Before walking up the cafe, Jongin goes over to Kyungsoo and pulls up the hood of his duffle coat, raising it over his head carefully. He himself has his own beanie and a white mask over the lower half of his face. He doesn’t say anything, and Kyungsoo finds himself staring in his eyes once he’s done with it. 

 

“Let’s go,” He hears Jongin say over the fabric of his mask, a hand resting on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

 

The cafe seems, to say the least, expensive, although frankly there are not many customers there. Kyungsoo figures that is the reason Jongin brought them here. This is the first time both of them are going out in public, yet still undercover. Kyungsoo isn’t so sure if it’s a good idea, but he trusts Jongin and wants nothing more than to obey him.

 

Junmyeon is seen speaking with the waiter who greets them, and soon they are ushered to a more secluded booth in the cafe, away from potential prying onlookers. Kyungsoo keeps fiddling with the mask around his face, his whole form remaining under Jongin’s guarding hold, as if it serves to keep any amount of attention away from him, so Kyungsoo lets him.

 

They settle into their seats, with Kyungsoo and Jongin beside each other while the manager on the opposite side. Skimming the menu briefly, Kyungsoo decides the plain water as the most economical choice.

 

“I’m not sure what to eat…” Jongin mumbles to himself, eyes scanning the menu. He has not taken off his mask yet, so Kyungsoo hasn’t too. When the idol looks up at him, Kyungsoo bashfully returns to the menu, pretending to deliberate over the food choices. 

 

“Anything you like? Or should we go someplace else?”

 

“Um, no, this place is fine…” Kyungsoo lies through his teeth, hiding his face behind the menu. 

 

“It’s on me. Choose anything you like.”

 

Kyungsoo frowns. “Jongin, do you not remember that I make my own money too…?”

 

“It’s your birthday, isn’t it? Let me treat you.”

 

The idol blurts it out so casually it stumps Kyungsoo for a moment. “How did you know?”

 

“You told me once,” Jongin says, this time sounding less assertive. “And uh, I kinda forgot about it until my mom reminded me about it… Sorry, I didn’t really have a chance to prepare anything.”

 

Kyungsoo blinks, finds himself flushing, and goes back to the menu. “Th- That’s fine. Um, this is more than fine.”

 

“Yeah,” Jongin responds meekly.

 

“Wow, I really shouldn’t be here, huh.”

 

They both are startled at Junmyeon’s voice from across of them. The manager is resting his chin on his palm, looking utterly bored - or plain amused - or both. He points to the waiter at the side, seemingly waiting and probably has been for a while. Kyungsoo’s blush deepens.

 

In the end, Kyungsoo chooses some steamed whole fish with lemon butter sauce, seeing as that seems the less oily. He could have chosen some steak but decided to lay off of it while he’s still carrying, at least. He is most definitely indulgent in his beverage choice, though.

 

“Speaking of my mom,” Jongin takes off his mask and stuffs it in the pocket of his sweater. “She would love to see you again.”

 

Kyungsoo mimics Jongin’s action, removing his mask too and he lets the hood stay around his head. He flushes at the thought of meeting Jongin’s mom again, remembering the warmth feeling she gave and how she made him feel so welcomed despite the circumstances. “Really?”

 

“She, um, told me to give you her contact number in case you want to ask her anything about, uh, being pregnant and all,” Jongin takes out his phone, not waiting for Kyungsoo to respond, and soon enough Kyungsoo’s phone pings with a notification. “But like, no pressure, though.” Jongin immediately adds.

 

“When is your next doctor appointment?” Junmyeon interrupts, sending an expectant look to Jongin, but this exchange goes unnoticed by the pregnant male who is focused on trying to recall his next date.

 

“Sometime around the end of January… I need to check again.” 

 

“I think you should already be able to tell their genders, shouldn’t you?” Junmyeon asks out of curiosity. 

 

“It should have happened on my recent visit, but apparently none of them were visible enough so the doctor couldn’t tell…”

 

Junmyeon hums. “Jongin likes sons, by the way.”

 

The idol sputters, mostly out of embarrassment as he gives a pointed look at his manager. “Junmyeon, what the hell.”

 

“You do?” Kyungsoo turns to ask, resting his hand on his round belly instinctively. “I- I’m sorry in advance if they’re not boys, though…” If he could manually assign genders to the children, he probably would have done it for Jongin… but in the end, it all depends on the strength of the two sperms…

 

The waitress arrives at such a convenient time to place their drinks, making the three of them go quiet for a bit. Once she’s gone, Jongin grabs his iced latte and plays with the straw, grumbling. “I really don’t mind… It’s not like we have control over it.”

 

Kyungsoo seems to be transfixed with how Jongin looks a little acquiescent, his thumb caressing the side of his bump in a form of habit. Pulling his glass of chocolate and caramel milkshake towards him, he starts with small sips of the cool beverage, quietly thinking to himself how he hopes the twins would be boys too.

 

-

 

They eat in relative silence, with Junmyeon asking how things at work are for Kyungsoo, and the latter answering back. Otherwise, Jongin doesn’t really talk much, opts to just listen to the male beside him speak. Kyungsoo is so soft-spoken, it isn’t the first time he notices this trait of course, but without having to pay attention to the context as he usually does when _he’s_ the one talking to him, he can’t help but to find it lovely.

 

Jongin obviously chickened out from mentioning marriage. He cannot believe the agency had to bring that up as if anything about that was confirmed yet from his side. Marriage is a _huge_ deal, and they’re not even dating so honestly he doesn’t see himself approaching _that_ stage of their whatever sort of relationship they’re having not anytime soon. 

 

But he gets it, though. To expect kids when they’re not even wedded is still heavily stigmatized here, and he also knows it’s worse for the one who’s carrying - that being Kyungsoo. Jongin expected a more frightened reaction out of him after that brief meeting back at the SM headquarters, but the hairstylist was frightened for _Jongin_ instead.

 

Did he not hear that part where the senior manager mentioned about how Kyungsoo’s very own image would be affected too? Or is he just not bothered by it? And what did Kyungsoo mean when he said he shouldn’t have kept ‘them’? Jongin would have asked all these if his manager wasn’t here. 

 

Too caught up with his train of thoughts, he barely notices Kyungsoo has gone from his side, his plate of some fish menu already swept clean. When he looks at Junmyeon puzzled, his manager just says he went to the lavatory. 

 

“You know how they say pregnancy makes you frequent the toilet more?” Junmyeon asks, forking the carrot chunk on his plate and stuffing it into his mouth. 

 

“I know,” Jongin claims, more appalled at the fact that Kyungsoo didn’t say anything to him when he’s _right beside him_. “My sister said something about the pressure of the growing womb against the bladder.”

 

He misses the part where Junmyeon regards him with a knowing gaze. “You’re doing well.”

 

“What?”

 

“I said you’re doing well,” Junmyeon repeats, and Jongin looks at him weird.

 

“The hell do you mean by that…” Jongin murmurs, finally hearing someone approaching and taking a seat beside him. He turns to find Kyungsoo resuming his drink, a somewhat breezy mood around him, and upon noticing the sudden silence the pregnant male looks up at a staring Jongin.

 

“Is something wrong?” He asks, a little self-conscious now with the way he suddenly fidgets with the hood of his coat. “Are there journalists…?” He starts to peek at the interior of the restaurant, and that piques Jongin’s attention.

 

“Journalists? Shouldn’t I be the one worried about that?”

 

When Kyungsoo turns back, he seems a little hesitant. Thankfully, Junmyeon speaks up for him.

 

“Kyungsoo said he had a client who asked him weird things. I saw him talking to him when I picked him up just now.”

 

That’s… worrying. “What did he say to you?” He directs the question at Kyungsoo.

 

“Just things… like asking where I live… and some stuff about knowing me as Sehun’s ex-makeup artist? I’m not sure why he mentioned that…”

 

“He was obviously fishing for info,” Jongin infers, his brows furrowing in growing concern, vexed that someone would even _bother_ a _heavily pregnant person_ just for some gossip. “Don’t talk to him if he shows up again.”

 

“He came as a client, Jongin. I can’t make him go away if he shows up as a client again,” Kyungsoo reasons. “Also, I wasn’t really sure if he _was_ a journalist…”

 

“He is. He probably thought you were gullible since you’re not a celeb yourself,” Jongin scratches underneath his chin, thinking. “You should be more careful.”

 

Junmyeon snorts. “Says the one who was caught smok—”

 

Kyungsoo looks mildly startled at how the manager hisses in pain and bends down to rub somewhere at his lower half with a glare set on Jongin, while Jongin remains undisturbed. Junmyeon’s shin is literally just bone. 

 

He calmly turns to Kyungsoo as if nothing happened. “Do you want cake?”

 

-

 

At the news that a weird journalist started tailing on Kyungsoo, Jongin offers to walk him up all the way to his unit, actually forgetting that by doing that itself is an invitation towards more gossip materials if they were to be caught…

 

“You don’t have to!” Kyungsoo covers his mouth, and continues but softer. “I- I have plans with Baekhyun later so I don’t think I’ll be going up anyways…”

 

Jongin furrows his brows, looking at the digital clock on Junmyeon’s car audio system. “Isn’t it kinda late? Where is Baekhyun taking you to?”

 

“Outside?” Kyungsoo sounds unsure. “He didn’t say, but he did just text me he’s already waiting.”

 

Jongin crosses his arms, looking out the window with a fixed glare. He _certainly_ doesn’t care much. It’s not like he _wanted_ to spend more time with Kyungsoo in his apartment _and_ perhaps stay overnight like some nights ago anyways. He’s not bitter at _all_.

 

“Sehun will be there too, won't he?” He asks.

 

“How did you know?” Kyungsoo asks back, sounding genuinely surprised and not realizing that by that manner itself is an answer enough. 

 

Of course he’s going to be there, too. Kyungsoo doesn’t have a lot of close friends so it’s positive to say Jongin already _knows_ who they all are. Given their long standing relationships and years of working together, it shouldn’t be a surprise his close friends wanted to celebrate his birthday with him too. Jongin isn’t special.

 

“Text me once you know where you’re headed,” Jongin grumbles. “Actually, text me when you get home too. Or if you have troubles getting home.”

 

When Jongin hears a soft chuckle instead of getting a simple ‘okay’, he turns back to see. “What’s funny?”

 

Kyungsoo seems amused, his eyes forming crescents and lips parted to make way for a lovely gummy smile. “Nothing. It’s just funny how you sounded like Baekhyun when I talked to him just now.”

 

Jongin doesn’t particularly find that humorous, and so turns back to the front. What he deduced from that is that Baekhyun still does not seem to have complete trust in him when it comes to Kyungsoo, but this detail is not worth of his concern. He doesn’t really care about getting to Kyungsoo’s friends’ good side, especially _not_ when one of them used to be his own best friend _and_ tried to hit on Kyungsoo, which apparently was unsuccessful. Good.

 

When they arrive in front of Kyungsoo’s residence, Jongin tries to single out any familiar van or car, and finding none, he assumes they’re taking Jongdae’s car since he’s never seen his car before. 

 

“Oh, that’s them—”

 

Not waiting for Kyungsoo to finish, Jongin is already out of the car.

 

-

 

Sehun is chatting with his dancer friend when Jongdae suddenly exclaims: “Ah, that’s Junmyeon’s car.”

 

“Our birthday boy is finally here. Took them long enough.” Baekhyun runs off his mouth as he looks out the window, and Sehun follows. A white Prius seems to have parked itself on the other side of the road. They probably didn’t recognize Jongdae’s car.

 

Sehun only had a radio show appearance today, and he is free for the rest of the evening. That is when Baekhyun told him they should celebrate Kyungsoo’s birthday together. Sehun, after having promised both Kyungsoo and Jongin that he wouldn’t meet Kyungsoo alone anymore, saw this as a good excuse to see him again. 

 

“I thought they weren’t dating.” Says Jongdae.

 

“Kyungsoo never told me anything about them being exclusive so no, I don’t think they’re dating,” Baekhyun adds. “Besides, Jongin is still kind of a dick.”

 

“Should I bring my car over there?” Jongdae asks, his hand ready to switch gears. “Oh wait, never mind. Seems like they’re coming here instead.”

 

Sehun watches how, instead of his ex-makeup artist coming out of the car, it is his arch nemesis cum ex-best friend which is odd considering he isn’t here for a joint celebration. 

 

“Why is Jongin out instead?” Baekhyun vocalizes the question which was on Sehun’s mind too. “ _Oh_. I never took him for a gentleman.” He says, as Jongin opens the door for Kyungsoo. “I should probably—”

 

Baekhyun never finishes his sentence, and the three of the them go wide-eyed as they witness the scene unfolding before them, because not only did Jongin open the car door for him - he also dips down to _kiss Kyungsoo’s cheek_.

 

“You just said they weren’t dating!” Jongdae exclaims.

 

“Hell if I know! Kyungsoo never said anything!” Baekhyun says, hysterical. “He did _not_ need to flex on us like that. That was a prick move!”

 

Sehun merely scoffs. When Baekhyun announces he’s going to go out to “ _snatch Kyungsoo out of that dick_ ”, Sehun hushes him, unbuckling his seatbelt and steps out instead. 

 

He exhales, seeing his breath fog up a slight, and with hands in the pockets of his down jacket, Sehun leans against Jongdae’s car. 

 

Jongin has brought Kyungsoo out, and the latter looks dazed, with his palm on his cheek that was pecked just now. If it wasn’t for the makeup Kyungsoo would have spotted pinking cheeks. Sehun puts up a smile once Jongin sees him, but as expected the other idol doesn’t smile back. Sehun should have known it would be hard to mend their friendship anymore, but it’s also entertaining to poke fun at him. 

 

“Good evening,” Sehun greets once they’re close enough, not missing out how they are holding hands. This warning, not very discreetly masked as a possessive behaviour, is definitely a Jongin thing to do. “Time to switch?”

 

“Hi Sehun,” Kyungsoo says, actually looking pleased (and also unsurprisingly nervous) to see Sehun. It _has_ been a while, frankly. When Sehun holds out an inviting hand, he sees the way Kyungsoo reach out, only for Jongin to pull him back. Sehun raises an eyebrow at him. 

 

Without saying anything, Jongin marches forward to open the door to the backseat, which startles the crap out of Baekhyun who is seated there. He gently pulls Kyungsoo and urges him to step in. 

 

Sehun scoffs again, perhaps a little annoyed now at the behaviour and he runs his hand through his now black locks to suppress his itch. At this point, it’s frivolous.

 

“Now that you guys are dating, you should be more careful,” Sehun pats his cheek once, referring to the sudden PDA Jongin decided to pull just now. 

 

“Look after yourself,” Jongin shoots back with a disinterested face, walking back to his manager’s car. 

 

Chuckling to himself Sehun goes back inside, hearing Baekhyun asking Kyungsoo where Jongin took him to. Apparently the senior management was consulting him about Jongin’s situation. Sehun figures it was about time anyways.

 

Sehun doesn’t really mean to listen in; it’s just that they’re confined within the vehicle as Jongdae begins entering the main roads and towards their destination and there isn’t really space for private conversation. He remains in the front passenger seat, pretending to look out the window and at the evening traffic, while Baekhyun like the nosey friend that he is, tries to pry any and everything from Kyungsoo, especially relating to Jongin.

 

“What do you mean you guys aren’t actually dating?” Baekhyun asks, and Sehun can hear the pregnant male laughing nervously. 

 

“We’re really not,” He says. “I mean, I don’t think we are…”

 

“Did you guys kiss?” 

 

“…I’m almost 5 months pregnant with his kids and you’re asking me if we kissed?”

 

“We saw him kissing your cheek and you’re telling me you guys aren’t dating?”

 

This is a painful conversation to unintentionally eavesdrop on, Sehun mentally decides as he scratches his head. Since Baekhyun has no knowledge of Sehun’s harbored feelings for Kyungsoo, the former is not holding himself back at all, but Sehun still prefers it this way, although he does realize he’s not the only one uncomfortable about the topic at hand.

 

“If we really were together, I wouldn’t be this confused either…” Sehun hears Kyungsoo say in defeat, and it has him thinking if Jongin actually took him up on his advice - on staying by Kyungsoo’s side without giving Kyungsoo a solid answer.

 

That stubborn coward.

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

“[PANN] Sehun spotted hanging out with his friends?”

 

OP was eating at a sushi restaurant when she spotted Sehun and his friends walking in and headed to the VIP area. OP asked for his autograph, and Sehun obliged. OP said it looked like they were celebrating something because she saw a waiter bringing cake with lit candles to the VIP area.

 

[.JPEG]

OP said she couldn’t take a clearer picture because Sehun and his friends rushed inside. 

 

[.JPEG]

Sehun’s autograph that OP received.

 

Pann : Oh Sehun spotted celebrating an occasion with friends

 

1\. [+437, -288] His “friend” looks very pregnant

2\. [+430, -189] It’s definitely him, isn’t it?

      - but if it really was him, he wouldn’t have been that careless about being seen spending time with his alleged boyfriend…

3\. [+359, -90] So it really wasn’t just empty rumor…

      - sorry but what rumor? 

      - remember that blind item from months ago? About an idol having knocked up a non-celeb who worked from the same agency

4\. [+211, -87] His makeup artist wasn’t really subtle about it. Heard he resigned as soon as the blind item broke

5\. [+210, -243] And here I really thought it was Kim Kai. Remember that leaked photos of him smoking and coming out of some residence? He also just recently bought an SUV…

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
